Sirius Black: *perky gameshow voice* Welcome to this weeks episode of bliiiiiiind date!! I'm Sirius Black, and I'll be your host today. Last week we sent a lovely match made in heaven off to sunny Romania, and today will we not only be making another match; but we will see how the couple got on!! So, welcome the three blind dates, and out new cooooontestant after the break!!

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Director: PLACES!! Siruis stop eating those rats!! That's not a rat? Well - put that damn blind date down!! NOW!!

Sirius Black: *grumbles*

Director: And we're on in five... four... three... two... one... uh... seven... seventy nine.... we're on!!

Sirius Black: and welcome!! Please say hello to our new contestant!! Welcome!

*enter greasy haired contestant*

Sirius Black: Would you like to tell us a bit about yourself, lucky contestant?

Contestant: bite me

Indignant, anonymous audience member: I resent that!

Guest star!: *floats on* Loopy Loony Lupin!!

Indignant, anymous audience member: WADDI WASSI!! BWUHAHAH!!

Guest star!: AAAARRRGGHHH!!!

Indignant, anymous audience member: *chases the Guest Star! off the stage*

Audience: *blinks*

Contestant: Security!!

Indignant, anonymous audience member: Oof!!

Sirius Black: *angry* I. TOLD. EVERYONE. LAST. WEEK. ONLY. I. AM. ALLOWED. TO. DO. THAT!!

Contestant: bite me.

Sirius Black: Lupin! Here! Now!

Contestant: *barks* he's out cold idiot.

Sirius Black: eh?

Contestant: he tried to chase peeves through the wall.

Sirius Black: ah.

Contestant: hexes Black.

Director: *runs over from the other side of the room* Oi! *whacks Black* Get up!! *runs away*

Contestant: *undo's curse* *mutters* filthy lay about.

Sirius Black: *grumbles* if that horse hadn't eaten my wand...

Anonymous twin audience member: he is not a HORSE!!

Bushy haired audience member: Sit down Patil - he's not a centaur either! I would know.

Blind date: security!!

Sirius Black: I WOULD KNOW!! I STOLE THE DAMN THING!!

Audience: *exaggerated gasps*

Sirius Black: er... well... that is to say... ahem...

Director: *runs over to them* hurry up!! *runs back*

Sirius Black: ahem... yes... erm *coughs* first question then... *cough*

Contestant: Bite me.

Sirius Black: don't make me.

Contestant: *ruffled* Three qualities I like in a... erm, person - is the fact that they are not called Potter. Do not have red hair. And not called Potter.

Sirius Black: *clears throat* you said Potter twice.

Contestant: I know.

Sirius Black: *hugs him* you really, really like me then!!

Contestant: *tries to hex Black*

contestant: I hate dogs, too.

Sirius Black: um... me too!! *passionately* Say, how about we ditch this popsickle stand and take the holiday together?!

contestant: I don't thinks so.

Sirius Black: nah, me neither.

Audience: Awwwww...

Sirius: *clears throat* so, ah, erm. On with the show! we meet our threeeeeeee loooooooovely blind dates! Welcome! What are your answers - that question was to number one!!

Contestant: Oi!!

Sirius: *sigh* what now?

Contestant: If you get to call for security - which might I point our are still not here - I get to say the questions!!

Sirius: but! but!

Contestant: you let Harry do it!

Sirius: *sniffs*

Contestant: answer me now, number one!!

Sirius: Oh - but - but -

Contestant: enough.

Sirius: but please! I never get to do it!!

Contestant: No!

Sirius: *opens mouth*

Contestant: *opens mouth*

Sirius: you didn't even know what I had to say!!

Contestant: and, Black, I intend to keep it that way.

Sirius: *sivells*

Contestant: answer me now one!

Sirius: *mutters* snivellus

Contestant: WHAT WAS THAT?!!

Sirius: *wimpers* nothing - number one! Answer him NOW! um... please?

blind date #1: *sob*

Contestant: *opens mouth*

Sirius: number two!! *cackles and does his little dance* HA! Got there before you!

Contestant: *pokes black in the eye with his wand*

blind date #2: *huffy* why are we always classed as one person?!

Sirius: *gasps* number... three!

Contestant: GRRR!

blind date #3: *dark utterings* I hate you... evil... evil people... blood traitors... unatural beings!!! *cackles!!!*

Contestant: *withering look* I should have let Lupin eat me when I had the chance

Contestant: who's playing this game show, me or YOU??!!

Sirius: *casts eyes down and wimpers*

Audience: Awwww.

Contestant: Ohhhh... how could I ever stay made at you? Do you want to read the next question, snuffles?

Sirius: no... no, that's ok. You go ahead.

Blind date: *back to evil voice* What food best represents you?

Sirius: I believe that is the wrong *sniff* question

Contestant: IF I SAY IT IS THE QUESTION - IT'S THE QUESTION!!

Sirius: *mutters* Snivellus

Contestant: WOULD YOU STOP THAT?! NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION NUMBER TWO!!

#2: We would prefer to be known as number twos.

Contestant: *sneers* that's endearing, they let schitzo's [sp?] on the show.

Sirius: I believe honey, you meant they are really one person?

Contestant: WHAT OF IT??!!

Sirius: well, then you should refer to them as 'not another schitzo on the show. Not schitzo's

Contestant: *whacks him* I'LL SAY WHATEVER I WANT!!

#2: personally, I like the fact he considors we're two people. It gives us personality

Sirius: you own a god damned joke shop! You ARE real people.

#2: TELL IT TO THE JUDGE!!

Sirus: the what?

Audience: the what?

Bushy haired audience member: oh really!

Thinning red haired audience member: Ooh! I know this once...

#2: BACK TO OUR QUESTION!!

Contestant: ONLY I CAN SHOUT!!

Sirius: YEAH!!

Audience: YEAH!!

Contestant: oh Jesus...

Sirius: don't worry, snuffles. We'll make you all better.

Contestant: I thought your was snuffles?

Sirius: *shruggs* I'm flexible.

Contestant: *wiggles eyebrows*

#2: We're skiving snack boxes.

Contestant: *breaks soul wrenching stare with Black* oh, and why are you *skiving snackboxes*

#2: *sniggers* George dropped a finger nail in one.

#2: shut up!!

#2: that's the key ingredient for the vomit ones!!

#2: is not!!

#2: is too!

Contestant: number three!!

#3: evil... evil... dark traitor... vampire... dogs... werewolves... Kreacher has not been fed in YEARS!! HA HA HA!! *cackles*

Contestant: Number two!!

Sirius: you've just done them, snuffles.

Contestant: Number one!

#1: *sob*

Contestant: ten points from Gryffindor!!

#2: you can't do that!!

Contestant: *blankly* why not?

Sirius: *stares for a moment* Say, how about we ditch this popsickle stand and take the holiday together?!

Contestant: I don't think so...

Sirius: Nah, me neither.

Contestant: Ten points to Slytherin.

Sirius: last question, snuffles.

Contestant: I've always preffered Snivellus.

Sirius: yeah, I know what you mean. No one ever called me that, though.

Contestant: that's because its MY name!!

Sirius: Name-Hogger!!

Contestant: Snuffles!!

Sirius: *covers ears and sinks to the ground*

Contestant: Snuffles!!

Sirius: *moans* nooooooo.... please... no...

Contestant: Snuffles Snuffles Snuffles! SNUFFLES!!!

Sirius: MONSTER!!

Contestant: I think your melting.

Sirius: Shit! Nooooo... Melting.... no..... oh, wait I'm fine. Carry on.

Contestant: thank god, number three, if you were a house elf, what would you be called?

#3: *silence*

Sirius: *blank*

Audience: *blank*

Contestant: *blank*

Director: *whispers in #3 ear*

#3: DOBBY! DOBBY! I AM A DOBBY! DOBBY TO THE RESCUE!! DUN DA DA DA!!

Dobby: you called, sir?

Director: *whacks Dobby* unfaithful elf!!

Harry: *runs on* I'll save you Dobby!!

Everyone: *ignores the scene*

Contestant: What would you be called!!

Sirius: *whispers* you need to say a number

Contestant: *defiantly* all of you!!

Everyone: ...Winky! ...Puffskein! ...Not enough rights! ...Trevor! Ooh, I know what they are now...! ...*sob*!

Sirius: oooooook then! So, contestant, will it be me? Or them

Director: *throws Harry at Sirius*

Sirius: ahem... I mean... will it be... - Harry get off my shoe - no, I am not melting - myseterious number one! Schitzo number two! Or talkative number three! Join us after the break for the verdict!! And see how last weeks couple got on!!

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Thanks people for reading and reviewing if you have or going to!