Chapter 6 – A Broken Man

"Governor, Governor, SNAPE!" an insistent voice interrupted the flow of emotions flooding through his head. "SNAPE if you don't snap out of this now I'm contacting Dumbledore and the whole deal is off! Do you hear me?"

Snape looked down, not far, as he realised that the Guild Master was a very tall woman, she must be at least 6 foot he observed with irrelevant detachment. She looked into his eyes with fire in her own and some part of his brain registered that now they were in good light he could see that her eyes were khaki. That's why they changed colour, what a plain sounding name for such a versatile colour he thought absently. He realised that she was pulling him into what looked like a sitting room and sitting him on deep leather couch.

Now he was out of the cauldron of atmosphere and emotions raised in the prison yard he became aware of his surroundings and realised just what had happened. Merlins Balls! he thought I must look like a complete idiot to her. No wonder she is threatening to speak to Dumbledore.

"Snape" her voice started to register and he realised that she had dropped the formal Governor. "Snape, are you OK now?" she questioned.

He nodded numbly and she sat in a nearby armchair whilst he gathered his thoughts and composure.

After a few minutes he looked at her and she was startled at the look of pain and defeat in his eyes. At first she had thought those black eyes of his reflected no emotions only sucked them out of the air around him. Now she realised that they were truly windows on the soul if you knew what to look for and she did. What she saw before her was a man on the edge a small push would be all that was needed to crumble his psyche completely. Her professional mind was diagnosing him as a soldier who had been at war too long without respite and his return to Azkaban was triggering a severe episode of Post Traumatic Stress. In muggle terms he was a mess and she cursed Dumbledore for a fool not to have realised his mental state.

Breaking the silence that had been gathering between them she tried to help him confront his reactions. "I know you were an inmate here Snape, and with Dementors in control I cannot begin to understand how that felt. I also know that you are acquainted with a fair few of the current inmates, some of whom are under sentence of death, again I cannot know how that feels. But you have to deal with those feelings or you will cease to function and if that is the case you had better return to London. Now will you let me help you deal with this?"

He registered her genuine concern for his feelings. She was not just paying lip-service to duty with her words, but he had no reply. Why did Dumbledore send him here? He must have known how it would affect him, now more than ever. He realised that for some time he had been at the end of his tether and that his feelings of dissatisfaction and irritation at the Ministry were just one more sign of his fragile state of mind. He was a creature made for intrigue and conflict and now that the war had ended he felt he no longer had a purpose, a role, perhaps he was better off dead.

The Guild Master watched the play of emotions in his eyes. He showed no facial signs of his distress. Years of playing the double agent served him well there, but his eyes did not lie and the tenor of his thoughts if not the detail could be seen.

"I'm sorry", he said sincerely. "I truly did not think I would react this way. After all the years of Crucio and torture I thought it would be easy to hide what I felt, ignore what was happening and get on with the job as normal."

"This is not a normal job Governor", she replied. "You need to face up to the fact that what you felt today, the sick feelings, screams and shouts of those you know, the faces of those you may send for execution will always be there, just as your other bad memories haunt you. Face up to your ghosts old and new or check out now! Believe me when I say I speak from experience."

She got up from her chair and sat next to him on the couch she grasped his stiff and unresponsive hand, tentatively at first, trying to provide a few moments human comfort in a harsh and unforgiving world. Eventually releasing it she looked into his eyes and said, "Think on what I've said and rest. Your room is the first on the right up the stairs. I'll see you in the morning and we'll talk some more."

***

Later Snape was surprised at how extraordinarily lax he had become when for the first time in 25 years he had not cast silencing and security charms on his bedroom. His lapse went unrecognised until the morning after his nightmare cries had roused the only other occupant of the Governor's House. The Guild Master watched helplessly as his body writhed at the mercy of his tortured dreams. Finally unable to stand back any longer she joined him on the bed and cradled his shivering body, soothing and comforting him from his nightmares until he quieted into exhausted sleep.

***

Severus Snape woke feeling anything but relaxed and rested. The vicious dreams that were his frequent nighttime companions had left his body feeling pummelled and drained. Unusually though the bedcovers were not wrapped tightly around his body or cast onto the floor in disarray and as he registered the unfamiliar surroundings of the room he saw the dark figure curled in the chaise at the foot of his bed. What on earth was the Guild Master doing in his room seemingly watching over him as he slept?

Realising he was awake Alexandra raised her head sleepily and looked into Snape's black eyes. "Good Morning Governor. Are you feeling better today?" she asked.

"Yes", he snapped in reply before drawing breath in preparation of a demand for her immediate departure from his quarters.

"Really", she commented before he could continue. "I'm surprised you feel so rested, considering you managed to wake up most of the prison with your nightmares last night."

"You asked if I felt better not rested" he fired back coldly. Snape was unprepared for this sort of discussion and attempted to deflect her obvious concern using his usual sarcasm and hostility. "I am well used to my nightmares they are old companions. I am sorry you were disturbed and will ensure that it does not happen again. Now if you will excuse me I would like to rise and get ready for what will no doubt be a very busy day." He threw the covers back and completely disregarding his total nudity grabbed the silk robe draped at the end of the bed and strode towards the adjacent bathroom.

Alexandra bit her lip to stop a most unprofessional retort from springing out at his blatant rudeness. Snape's reaction was a typical defensive ploy and if she were to help them both out of this increasingly difficult situation she would need to remain calm and gain his trust.

"Fine, well I'll leave you to get ready then. Breakfast will be served at 8.30 and then before I give you the Grand Tour I believe we need to have that talk we discussed last night."

Snape whirled at her composed reply and pinned her with a look as she reached for the doorknob.

"I think not", he almost snarled. "There is no requirement for any further discussion of a personal nature. I can assure you that the events of yesterday will not be repeated. I am here to do a job as are you so I suggest we both get on with it."

"Yes", she retorted, "But part of my job is to support you and if the events of last night are anything to go by you need every bit of that support or you are going to leave Azkaban in a worse condition than those poor sods who spent years with Dementors." She paused before continuing hoping Snape would listen and accept her offer. "Let me help."

Snape glared at her then quietly hissed, "Get out! This subject is closed!"

Alexandra shook her head sadly as she left the room. She could not help Snape if he was unwilling to help himself.

Each endured the next weeks in lonely self imposed isolation ….until……