Heh... I'm still here. My apologies for the freakishly-long wait...

Roy: You BETTER apologize...

Well... this chapter is titled "What if... the author got stuck in writer's block... and ripped off one of her own stories" BECAUSE this chapter really is a rip-off of a fic I wrote sometime last year, and some of the dialogue and such will be taken DIRECTLY from the other fic. That's why it's not really as funny... Rhonda and Steph are the only two who ever read the original; it was never posted. So my apologies to those two. Here goes...

Disclaimer: I own SSBM. Yeah right.

What if... the author got stuck in writer's block... and ripped off one of her own stories?



I sighed and flopped on the bed. Writer's block was so evil...

I grabbed a pencil and wrote "What if: ch. 5" at the top of my piece of notebook paper. I tried brainstorming and managed to narrow my choices to the following:

turn smashers to mice

karaoke

finish news

"Come on..." said Peach, "you can't make me sit through the news again..." She glanced at Link, who was frantically searching for donuts.

"Um... Ok, scratch that. Karaoke?"

Peach glanced significantly at Link again.

"Alright, if not karaoke, then mice."

"EXCUSE ME!?!?!?" cried Link.

"You're excused," I muttered, "but that's what you're stuck with."

"Not if we can help it!" cried Link. "We're rebelling!"

"That's not possible!" I said, "I am the all-powerful authoress!" (A/N: btw, today, November 1, is National Author's Day so I salute all of you fellow authors! Then again, now it's three days later. Heh.)

"Yes it is possible..." said Link in a singsong kinda voice.

"Told ya he couldn't sing," muttered Peach.

"Anyway..." said Link, "Linzy, look at your pencil."

"And...?"

"Darth Vader's taken over it."

"So he has!" I cried, realizing this was my Darth Vader pencil. "Crap; I knew I didn't pay the guy enough..."

"Now here's how WE like it!"

~~Link's version:

Link got out of bed, put on his PANTS, and got some donuts. Then he murdered some fairies. ~~

"Uh..." I said, "you actually LIKE wearing pants?"

"Yes, I find it quite-"

"OK!" I interrupted, "Don't wanna know. Now let me go write chapter 5..." I tried to get up, but Link had tied me to a chair and we weren't in my room anymore. "LINK!" I cried, "Where are we?"

"We're... um... I dunno. But there is a lot of sitting room. And a very nice stereo. And..." he gasped, "DONUTS!!!!!!"

So he ran off to eat all the donuts and may or may not return to this fic.

"Yes, that is my decision," said Darth Vader.

I rolled my eyes and tried to free myself. I couldn't, of course, because Link was just barely smart enough to use duct tape. So I just watched helpless as the other 24 smashers filed in and sat down. They looked about as confused as I did.

"Alrighty then," said Darth Vader, "I called you all here today for a reason. The authoress..." he motioned to me, "is temporarily... incapacitated... so you guys get to write chapter five."

"About ANYTHING we want?" asked Ness. "Like I don't have to speak Latin anymore?"

"Yes, you still have to speak some random language."

Ness sighed. "Quid Pokémon faciunt?"

"We're speaking English," said Pikachu. "Or we at least get subtitles or something."

Ness sighed again. "Je ne comprends pas."

"Too bad," said Darth Vader, "Get over it. In fact, you can go next."

~~Ness's version:

Euh... bonjourno. Mihi nomen est Ness. J'aime cette montre verte. Mihi dormire placet. Je voudrais acheter l'hamburger. (A/N: This would be so much easier if I had my textbook...) Euh... j'ai fini. Je suis le grand fromage! Mangez plus de poulet!~~

"Uh..." said Samus, "That would be a lot easier to understand if Ness spoke English. The only word I understood was hamburger."

Darth Vader sighed. "I suppose you're right..." He turned to our good buddy Pete the camera guy. "Pete, can you do subtitles or something?"

"Nope," said Pete, "but I bet the authoress would translate; she's the freaky language major..."

"Fine," said Darth Vader, "Linzy, translate."

"Um..." I said, attempting a negotiation, "Perhaps you could untie me..."

Darth Vader reached for his lightsaber, and NOT to cut me loose...

"Alrighty then, I guess I'll just translate."

~~Ness's version, TRANSLATED:

Um... good day. My name is Ness. I like this green watch. I like to sleep. I would like to buy a hamburger. Um... I'm finished. I am the big cheese! Eat more chicken!~~

"Ness... you are one strange, lost little child," Fox said solemnly.

The other smashers nodded in agreement.

"Statua in piscinam cadit," answered Ness with a smirk.

"OOH!" cried Darth Vader, "RETALIATION!"

The smashers backed a step away from Darth Vader.

Dr. Mario gave Ness a questioning look. "You know," he said, "nearly all doctors learn Latin so they can do medicine and stuff."

"AND...???" questioned the rest of the smashers.

"I didn't. I'm not really a doctor. I just work for the little green people." He motioned toward the sky. "They have lasers. And lots of shiny things."

The smashers backed a step away from Dr. Mario.

I sighed. "'Statua in piscinam cadit,' means, 'The statue is falling into the fishpond.'"

The smashers backed a step away from Ness.

"CAN I BE UNTIED NOW?!?!" I cried.

"No..." said Darth Vader, "but someone else gets to do a version of a fic."

"A fic?" I cried. "I thought it was this fic!"

"It is."

I decided not to put in too many more comments.

~~Captain Falcon's version:

"Hello!" cried Captain Falcon (hereby known as CF).

"Hello!" came an echo.

CF giggled. "I am a moron!"

"You are a moron!"

"Drat," said CF, "That never works."

"I'm looking for a moose!" he cried again.

"I'm looking for a moose!"

"Great! Have you found one yet?"

"Great! Have you found one yet?"

"You're gonna TAKE em all!" CF accused.

"SQUIRREL!" replied the echo, and that was all.

Then CF saw the squirrel, screamed like a baby, and grabbed a passing moose. The moose kept running, dragging CF with it.

"HEY!" cried CF, "SLOW DOWN!"

The moose stopped.

"Show me a moose," CF told the moose.

The moose blinked and made a moose sound.

"Wow," said CF, whose hand was still on the moose's back, "I'M NEVER GONNA WASH THIS HAND AGAIN!"

And he didn't.~~

"Eww..." said basically everybody.

"How I miss you, moose," said CF.

"SPLENDID!" cried Darth Vader, throwing him out the window.

Everyone cheered.

Link jumped after him.

Everyone shrugged.

"Now let me have a turn!" cried Peach.

"PIGEONS!" yelled Darth Vader.

~~Peach's version:

Peach sat down and watched the opera.~~

"Peach, you moron!" cried Falco. "You could've been rich, famous..."

Peach shrugged. "I already am rich and famous, and I like opera. I'd like to see you try it..."

"OOOH!" cried Darth Vader, "Yes, that would be absolutely spiffy! For I too am an aficionado of the opera!"

~~Falco's version:

"WAIT A MINUTE!" cried Falco, "you're forcing me into singing opera?"

Peach and Darth Vader nodded.

"WELL!" cried Falco, "you can't make me!" and in a FURIOUS RAGE he pulled out his blaster and shot a MILLION IN ONE kinda shot that bounced off a plate, a spoon, a bowl, Darth Vader's helmet, another spoon, my car, a can of beans, a third spoon, and a giant pink flamingo-before hitting the camera, ricocheting off, and KILLING PETE THE CAMERA GUY!!!!!~~

"Hey," cried Falco, "I wasn't finished!"

Darth Vader lit into him. "Falco, you killed the camera guy and messed up the camera. That is not good. Those things aren't cheap, you know!"

"Hey!" protested Pete the now dead camera guy, "I'm not a thing!"

"No..." said Darth Vader, "but you *were* killed to death."

"Oops, sorry, my bad..." he said and fell over.

~~Pete the dead camera guy's version:

He got his job back.~~

And he did. Pete the dead camera guy was officially re-hired because nobody else wanted his job.

And I can't say I blame them.

Meanwhile...

ZELDA was faced with a decision. Since Link was now... gone... she had to find some new guy to fall madly in love with. So she decided to take a poll...



A/N: *stretches* Darth Vader untied me for a minute to do this A/N, so this chappy really will be 2Bcontd... I need ideas, a guy for Zel (as odd as you can throw), whether or not I should continue, etc. SO REVIEW!

Darth Vader: OR ELSE!