"Oh. My. God," repeated Mel, eyes widening in shock. A large, surprised,*male* was staring back at her. His long, twilight-coloured hair was slightly tousled, and his clothing...his red velvet *robes* was rumpled and one of the long sleeves was hiked up on his arm, showing fair skin and a considerable amount of muscles.

"Oh. My. ...Okay, no more saying that. You will...like, jinx...something," muttered Mel, then yelped as the man in the mirror's mouth moved too and...she was pretty sure that *he* had been the one to speak.

"Oh. My. ...Arg! I'm a guy!" she wailed, her voice becoming shrill...er...the man's voice...which sounded strange, she had to note. She snorted. Men...wailing shrilly. That was, like, for *girls* only. Duh.

The door opened suddenly, slowly, as if in hesitation. Glorfy-indel's head poked inside, and he peered at her, concerned. "Elrond..." he said uncertainly. "Are you all right?"

"Dude, what are you *doing*?" asked Mel, quirking an eyebrow. She struck a pose that consisted of one of her hips going out, then placing both of her hands on her hips. It distinctly said "Ex-cuuuse me?"

Glorfy-indel's eyebrows nearly went up nearly to his hairline. "Pardon me?" he asked, scrutinizing his former-lord's pose and his strange choice in words with concern.

"Like, what the *heck* are you doing? Just...standing there? Not cool, dude."

Glorfy-indel's eyebrows went up higher.

"Are you, like, *spying* on me?" asked Mel shrilly. Excitement lit her eyes. "COOL!"

"Nay..." replied Glorfy-indel uncertainly. "Nay, I was just standing outside the door... Are you all right, Elrond? You seem...different."

"He-ll-o-o-o-o-o!" said Mel in her best "Duh" voice. "I'm a *guy*! And that is...like, *really* different than my normal afternoons, 'kay? I'm a *guy*. A *guyyyyyyy*. And I'm hot...but you seem hotter, Glorfy-indel," finished Mel with a slight pout, crossing her arms across her chest. Her flat chest.

'Ohhh...' Mel's brow furrowed, but she tried not to give it much thought. She really wasn't...very...big... She felt a great warmth come to her cheeks at that.

"Yes...you are male," said Glorfy-indel. "You always have been. ...Elrond, have you, perhaps, consumed a large amount of wine this past hour without my knowing? And my name is *Glorfindel*. *Glorfindel*.

Mel gasped. "I'm *underage*, you ninny!" she cried, then laughed. Ninny was a funny word... And Glorfindel was sooo much better a name than "Glorfy-indel".

Glorfy---*Glorfindel* frowned. "...You are six millennia old, Elrond."

"...Dude...wait, Elrond? Like, as in: THE HOTNESS?! THE hotness?! OHMIGOD. OH MY GOD. Wait...*I'M* THE HOTNESS?! OHHHHHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOD!"

Glorfindel's hands flew to his pointed ears, a pained look forming on his face. "Peredhil..." he murmured. Actually it was more of a whimper.

And suddenly Mel started laughing. Her voice sounded sooo weird! Like, her voice didn't *sound* like Elrond--not at all, really and she did not look like Elrond either, very much--but it sounded weird when she screamed like that! It was sooo funny! ...Suddenly Mel became disturbed by the way her mind was thinking. Had her happy sugar-high energy returned? "Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please..." she whispered, jumping up and down, forgetting about her funny screaming voice. "OH, PLEASE! I WANT MY HAPPY SUGAR-HIGH ENERGY!"

Glorfindel pressed his hands harder against his ears. "*Elrond*," he ground out, narrowing his eyes in pain. "Please...stop...*screaming*."

"So, I am, like, the *Lord of Rivendell*?" asked Mel abruptly.

Glorfindel slowly lowered his hands from his ears after he had blinked slowly in shock. How his lord had been able to reach a voice-level such as that...would remain a mystery. He regarded the strange peredhel in front of him. "Yes. Yes, you are, Elrond. Lord of Imladris."

"Rivendell," corrected Mel matter-of-factly. "So...I'M THE LORD OF RIVENDELL?!"

Hands flying to ears, Glorfindel moaned and started edging to the door. Oh, the pain...arg, Elrond...horrible peredhel...torture. Torture! Was this to get him back for locking the half-elf in the cellar once? *On accident*? It had been an accident, and his lord *knew it*. He knew it! Arg...torture...horrible peredhel, horrible...

"OH MY GOD! WAIT 'TIL KATE HEARS ABOUT THIS!" Mel stopped, dead-cold. Oh... Kate. But...if *she* was in Elrond's body, then... Mel gulped in horror and in fear of her impending doom. ...Kate must be Haldir's. Meh. At least Haldir was *kind* of cute...in a haughty, snobby, jerky, nasty, butthead-ish, moronic, dork-brain...sort of way... Eh. Maybe not. Elrond...and Glorfindel were, like, sooo much better. Sucks for Kate.

~*~

"I am a female..." whispered Elrond in disbelief.

"You are a female," confirmed the other woman. "...*I* am a female..." she whispered then to herself.

"You are a female," confirmed Elrond. He broke the hypnotic power that the mirror seemed to be using on him, and turned, curiously, to the female standing beside him. "Yes...you are. But, tell me, fellow...eh...you are an Elf, correct?" he asked.

The other woman nodded her head, somewhat peeved. "Yes. I am Haldir of Lothlórien," replied the woman.

Elrond's eyebrows raised. "Pity," he murmured after a moment. "I had dearly hoped it would be Lord Celeborn."

"And why would you wish that?" asked Haldir, irritated.

"Because, Guardian, it would be *amusing*," replied Elrond with a small smile.

"You find this amusing?" cried Haldir in disbelief. "We are *women*! And who, pray tell, are you, to be so mad like this?"

"Lord Elrond of Imladris," replied Elrond lightly, giving the Marchwarden a cool stare. Haldir seemed to lose his haughty tone and glanced at Elrond in mild surprise, then sighed. "Ai, what are we going to do?"

"We...are..." Elrond stopped, bowing his head. The female's head. The...ohhh...how he hated this! This...stupid...woman...that...*horrible*...cinnamon smell! He gave a vicious snort, trying to clear his nasal passages of that odor.

"Well, I am glad the female human was not ill with a cold," remarked Haldir dryly, his own nose inclining a bit in a haughty manner.

"Oh, *do* be quiet," growled Elrond. He turned to look at Haldir, but met with his female body's chest. Sighing in frustration and embarrassment, he took a step back and looked up. Ohhh...he was so *short*! And Haldir was now so tall! It was not fair. When he had his own body, he nearly towered over the Marchwarden. Which brought him back to the crisis at hand.

"It *appears*..." started Elrond, turning his back to Haldir, "that we are woman."

Haldir snorted, rolling his eyes, but Elrond ignored him and continued. "Young girls in fact. Of the race of Men."

"Great," muttered Haldir, leaning against one of the flower-decorated walls. "Not only am I a female, I am a human. Perfect. Ai, Elbereth, why me?"

"Because you are haughty and the Valar wished to teach you a lesson," replied Elrond with a sigh.

Haldir glared. "And why are *you* here?" he asked.

"To guide you, pen-neth," replied Elrond simply, evenly. "Little haughty elfling, they sent me to guide you." He sighed. "Curse them."

~*~

"What is a dude?" piped Orophin.

Kate looked up, fire in her eyes. His perky voice was so... "A *dude*," she said, her voice dangerously soft, "is slang for male."

"Oh..." replied Orophin, oblivious to his impending doom, smiling. "Thanks Haldir."

"My name," she hissed, "is Kate." She reached for him, hands flexing like claws. After a moment of this, Orophin still smiling like an idiot, she reluctantly lowered her hands back to her sides. Haldir's sides. Oh, holy... She was in Haldir's body. A...prissy...jerky...haughty...*Elf*. And it was *Haldir*. The haughtiest Elf *ever*! He was so haughty that...

"You are a swine."

"You are a snake."

"You are a dirty pair of boots that someone kicks away."

"You are an old dog that a farmer takes out into the woods and shoots it to put it out of its misery."

"You...are a dirt clod."

Silence.

"A dirt clod, Rùmil? Surely you can do better than that..."

"Erm..."

"You are *both* little elflings that run to their mothers when they get see something scary. Like each other's faces," said Kate flatly.

Rùmil and Orophin stared at her, shocked. After a moment, twin grins of pleasure formed on their faces.

"Very good!" said Orophin, patting Kate and the back. "Very good, brother!"

"Oh, how I wish I had thought of that," said Rùmil, still grinning. "You won that one, Hal...Kate."

Kate smiled despite herself. She kind of like these two... A little. Well, once you got past the fact that they were seemingly *perfect*, prissy, haughty...oh, what the heck. They were kind of...nice. They reminded her of her sister, Mel. Which then brought her back to the fact that she hated Mel.

Her smile faded into a scowl. Horrible, horrible Mel... "*She* turned me into Haldir," murmured Kate softly. "Horrible, horrible..."

"What are you muttering about, Haldir?" asked Orophin.

"Kate," corrected Rùmil hurriedly, casting his brother an irritated look.

"Mel," hissed Kate. "*Mel*."

"What...*who* is Mel?" asked Rùmil.

"She is the essence of *evil*," said Kate, eyes narrowing into little slits. "She...is bouncy...giddy...*annoying*. She has never read the books, she is enraptured with Lord Elrond--who is *actually* Hugo Weaving, but does she take the time to look it up? Nooooo. And..." She grit her teeth. "*And* she has turned me into Haldir."

All was silent for a moment.

Finally, Rùmil spoke. "Ha...Kate, what do you mean?"

"Or...no...was it the Twinkies that did it?" murmured Kate. "Darn. Stupid creme-puff things...what *are* Twinkies?"

"Haldir?" said Orophin again, placing a hand on his "brother's" shoulder. "Haldir, I have tried to ignore it for the past...ten minutes, but...something is wrong. You...are you all right? Have I done something...again...?"

Kate looked up at him, a small smile gracing her lips. "Nah, O'phin," she sighed. "It's not your fault. It's just...no...you would laugh if I told you."

"What?" asked Rùmil, somewhat eagerly.

"Well, you see..." started Kate hesitantly. "There was this...Twinkie box..."

"Twinkie box?" repeated Orophin and Rùmil simultaneously.

"It's...bread with custard in the middle...or something."

"Ohhhh..." they replied, total incomprehension on their faces.

"Well, there was a Twinkie box...and it had an 'instant winner' piece of paper in it."

"What?"

"We won a contest instantly. Instant winner," replied Kate with annoyance.

"We?"

"MY SISTER AND I!"

"...Er...sister?"

"Shut up and let me finish."

The two bimbo-Elves nodded slowly, frightened. "Oookay..."

"So we won this contest that said we could got to Middle-earth or something like that. I didn't exactly read it, but I saw questions like 'If you went to Middle-earth, who would you want to be?' or something stupid like that. Mel just happens to be an idiot, so she believed it even *after* I told it was a fake.

"So she filled the stupid thing out and burned it in the kitchen sink, thus bringing me *here*. And...her too, I believe..."

Orophin opened his mouth to say something, but immediately closed it at seeing the glare that came from Kate.

"She *could* be...no. No...she wouldn't! Would she? ...She did! I bet she did! Ooo..." growled Kate, her previous fiery anger coming back into her eyes. "That stupid little girl! She did! She brought me here into Haldir's body and her into Lord Elrond's! I *hate* her! I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I..."

"Lord Elrond?" asked Orophin.

Kate looked at him, startled. "Oh... Oh, oh. Oh, yes. Mel has this 'thing' for the Lord of Imladris, who is *actually* Hugo Weaving, as I have said before. The 'Mr. ANDERSON!' guy. God, he's ugly. He's going BALD. And yet Mel LOVES him. Er...Elrond. She hasn't seen the Matrix yet. I have somehow kept that out of her evil claws."

Orophin and Rùmil were looking distressed at this point. They did not have the slightest idea what the 'Matrix' was. Or who 'Mr. Anderson' was. Or Hugo Weaving. And they *still* really did not know who Mel was.

"I have to go there," said Kate suddenly.

"Pardon me?" asked Rùmil.

"I have to go to Rivendell, you idiot!" she screamed. "I don't *want* to be an Elf for longer than I have to be! And Mel is the *only* way out of here. And she's in Rivendell. So...I HAVE TO GO THERE!"

~*~

Haldir glared at Elrond, though the peredhel-lord paid no attention to him. Annoying, the Noldo was. Very annoying.

"What are we going to do?" asked Haldir again, crossing his arms and quirking an eyebrow. He smirked slightly at Elrond's near-lost expression.

"Well...I do...not know...but..." He paused and looked around at the small room. "This...does not appear to be...anything that I have seen before," he said softly, eyes widening. Attentively, he reached out with one hand, his fingers brushing against the long curtain that hung from a pole above a...well, Haldir was not sure it was exactly. It was...white. Big. Strange.

Elrond pushed the curtain back, revealing the rest of the...thing. He stepped over the edge, into it. It appeared to be hollowed out enough for someone to sit down in. Which he did. Much to the amusement of Haldir. Elrond settled himself down, looking at it silently. He laughed suddenly.

"It is a bathtub!" he chortled merrily. "Strange, but it is a bathtub! And...it is attached to the wall..."

"A...bathtub?" repeated Haldir. "But...where is the water? Where are the towels...and the soap?" A silver...thing...jutting out of the wall, slightly above the tub's rim caught his eye. "What is that?" he asked, pointing.

"Mmm...I do not know," replied Elrond absently. He had picked up a colourful sort of container and was now studying it with a sort of fascination.

Haldir took the one step toward the tub and studied the silver object incredulously. There was a sort of...pin that was on the silver object, which Haldir cautiously pulled up. It stayed. Nothing happened. Casting a glance at Elrond who was still studying the container, Haldir moved both of his hands to the two strange-shaped silver handles on either side of the...object. With a quick jerk, he twisted the handles until they could go no further.

The noise startled Elrond and he looked to Haldir. "What did you do?" he demanded with an accusatory tone. Haldir had no time to respond, however, as a strange gurgling and spluttering sound turned their eyes up to look at another silver object that hung near the ceiling.

"Oh, dear..." whispered Elrond with a stricken expression.

"Oops..." murmured Haldir.

~*~

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All right, for you patient readers I have written the next chapter quickly. ...This story seems mediocre to the author so I'm not going to weep if you say you hate it or if it's stupid. Just review. ...PLEASE. I THRIVE on them. They are FOOD for an author. Ugh. Please.