Letters from Erik to Allegra and vise versa 1850 - 1855
March 1850
Dearest sister,
I have done something terribly wrong. In a moment of intense fury and angst I did the unthinkable. I have murdered a priest, but for some reason I do not care anymore. He took my mask and I panicked, you know that I cannot take it off for fear of what people may think.
I have left the Vatican so you cannot send anymore letters there. I will find a place to stay in a matter of days and will send you the address of correspondents so that you may start writing to me again.
You will have to answer my questions though. First of all, how do you fancy my piece; does it suit you? Does Maman like it? When are you going to boarding school and what is the address? If you are going to school in Paris I may go there, although I may find adventures else where.
Your loving brother,
Erik
******************************************************
March 1850
Salutations!
I've figure out where I am going. I want to travel to Melbourne. It is a new colony on what they call the "Island country." There seems to have been some sort of gold rush and I would like to see what all the hubbub is about.
After consulting some travelers the journey will take about 5 ½ months to 6 months depending on the condition of the sea. I will write you of everything but you will not receive my letter for many months. I must be going now; I have a boat to catch.
As always,
Erik
**************************************************
March through September 1850
Allegra,
First week on the ship - I have just boarded the ship. It is very quaint and almost no privacy. Thank goodness I packed lightly. I share a room with an elderly man who has surely seen better days. The little boat rocks and quivers with the motion of the swells.
I find it very hard to write, even more so than before. My hands ache because of the long hours of composing I do at night. My roommate doesn't mind so I keep doing it. The sky is amazing tonight. There's not a cloud in the navy blue sky. The stars are amazing, even if each one is millions of miles away. I wish I had a telescope at this time. It would be amazing to look at the stars.
You would like it here. There's not much going on and it is as peaceful as ever. Although, we do suffer from the occasional sickening lurch of the boat. The sailors use me as a cabin boy. It is my duty to go around to the cabins and make sure everyone is safe and doesn't need anything. I like being needed, there's a certain thing about it which I enjoy profusely. There's no need to worry about me so far, I am fine and wouldn't wish to be any where but here.
One month on the ship - There has been a strange breakout of illness on the ship. I have not contracted it yet, but many of the other passengers would like to say the same thing. I suppose it is from the slop they call food on this vessel.
Luckily, I do not need so much food, so I survive fairly well on tea biscuits. Sometimes the sailors will eat tea biscuits with me; they prefer it to the cabin food too. Thankfully, I bought about 45 boxes of them before leaving the Vatican City. It's quite funny actually, while London is known for their food, Italy provides a much better quality. Some may accuse me of being an epicurean, but that is entirely false. I do not think that life is too short to drink cheap wine, or eat, drink, and be merry. The only time I find joy is writing to you and helping others, even though other people think of me as a monster or a freak.
I found an interesting substance in my cabin last night. It was a liquid, but in a syringe. When I inquired about it no one could tell me what it was so I decided to try it on a rat. When I picked up the rodent it squirmed in my fingers but my tight grasp held onto it. I poked the needle into the scruff of its neck and waited for a reaction. When I put the rat down it started walk in a staggered pattern and soon enough it fell asleep. When the old man came back into the room he looked at me with the strangest face, I guess you could say testing what I know now, was morphine, on a rat was a bit ridiculous anyhow.
He explained to me how it worked and what it did to the body. It was ingenious without a question. This morphine would attack the nervous system and make you go numb and forget your pain, physical OR mental pain. I was tempted to try it, but I decided it wouldn't be wise to use the same syringe as a disease infested rat.
Days wore on without an easy flow. There were two very treacherous storms in which the ship almost capsized. It was frightening beyond all belief; I was sure during the first storm that we would die. But, the small liner held strong in the harsh wind, rain, and currents. There seemed to be no way of getting out of it so I fell asleep thinking about the comfort of my old home in Rome with Giuseppe.
I think of you every day. I can't take it anymore. I seem to miss you more the farther we get. I don't understand it either. I know you are probably home with Maman, and your Papa, but I fret about your safety. Are you okay? Do you need anything, money for instance? I have enough of it, trust me.
Second month on the ship - It's cold all the time now. I need to wear my jacket and cape all the time. I have come to like this hat, it's a pompadour and they fit excellently. All of the passengers on the ship think that my formal wear is unnecessary, to them it is, "funeral wear, not appropriate for starting a new life." I don't fully agree with them, it is entirely necessary in my eyes. I do try to look my best at all times.
Do you suppose that when I get to Melbourne and give you my address you could send me a few books? I left all of mine at the Vatican when I was hurrying to get out because I couldn't take it there, always as they said, "under the watchful eye of vengeful God." They told me that God was forgiving and kind, yet when I was in the Church or at a sermon he was unyielding and cantankerous. What do you suppose they do, make children fear Him so that they behave? I know Maman used to do that to me, "Be pleasant and kind, God is always watching you." It makes me sick to think that people think children are so gullible. If God really did create the Earth did he not make a race of life that uses weapons and hateful mean to get their way? I really have no idea what it all means, and I must have read the Bible more times than any member of that Church.
I am so sorry I am rambling on about this, but I have had a lot of time to think and this is the only paper I have. I suppose that it would be okay to ramble sometimes, and I know that you like to read about my theories, so I will ramble only when writing to my favorite little sister. Oh, and another thing, are you still the only child of the household? It has been plaguing my mind for a while now, not because of my fear for you, but because I want to know if I have any other little brothers or sisters. Oh, by the way, I am quite interested in knowing more about this Papa you write about. Is he both of our father?
Third and Fourth months on board - It has become very dull and morbid. There are many deaths on the ship; I now have my own room, which is a good thing because I can pocket anything worth while from the old man. I know it sounds horrible, but I don't think he needs anything where he's going.
There's another boy on the ship around my age. His name is Jonathan Carver. He was born into a poor family and he is going to Melbourne to make some money. I told him the same, although I am really only going for the adventure. I have enough money so that I never have to work again. I do have my suspicions about him, but I suppose that's because I am paranoid and trust no one . except you. Jonathan wants to know more of you, but I will leave it up to you to tell him anything, but I will not receive your letter for many weeks after my arrival. All I can do is pray my letters reach you and your letters reach me.
I have been raising suspicion on the ship. Some of the sailors accuse me of being bad luck because if some one gets on my darker more sadistic self they end up with a fever and eventually die. I cannot help the fact that I scare people to deathe death. Sorry about the cross out, I was just chuckling to myself as I wrote that. It is strangely ironic that when people get mad at me, or I at them they die, but I promise to you I have nothing to do with the deaths.
Also, I would like to add that when I get to Melbourne I will send you some gold in the envelope so that you can get to Paris. I know how you want to go to school there so I will start your funds for the trip. Do not let Maman or your papa get into the funds though, I want you to get the best education you can.
The end of my travel is coming soon we have two more months at sea and then we are going to pull into Melbourne.
The crew is running out of food. I now have to hide my crackers because if they are found I am sure that I will not have any left for the last month and a half of the journey.
Fifth month and the half of the sixth - There was rough sailing for the most part. I don't think there is anything worse than what I went through the last month of my journey. The sea was rough and would not stop throwing it's flailing waves at our ship.
The sailors have resorted to eating rats and I still have my crackers. I brought plenty of packages for myself and I share with Jonathan, but he is a bit of a pig.
The last half of a month was filled with tension and anticipation. When we were nearing the coast I was amazed at the crystallized water. It was so blue, you could see through it. Many of the fish were bright yellows, greens, and oranges. The sailors called the orange ones clown fishes.
When we saw shore there was a feeling of immeasurable joy. We were finally getting off of the boat and setting foot n land. When I stepped off the boat I fell about four times, sea legs do not leave easily, let me tell you.
I am now residing in a small house on the coast line. There is another family here, but I will tell you more about them when you're first letter arrive; I want to send this one as soon as possible.
Your loving brother,
Erik
**********************************************
March 1851
My Angel of music,
I just received your letter. I thought you may have died on your trip because it took so long for you to write back. I missed your letters. But, I see that you are doing exceptionally well.
To answer your questions, yes, I love your piece. Maman does not understand it, and they have decided that since I suddenly got money I will go to boarding school in Paris. I will be attending Miss Marie's school for young ladies. It resides on 455 Trouvdale Boulevard in Paris, France.
Tell Jonathan that it is none of his business about me. I do not wish to have any suitors, considering I am still only a child. Maman is befuddled by the large letter I was sent. She cannot conceive who it is from, but I told her it was none of her business.
I want to hear about this family you are living with. Do they harbor your talents? Are they treating you well? Do you get enough to eat? Answer any question that you would think that I would ask as your loving sister.
I am so excited about going to school. I shall tell everyone I have the most amazing big brother in the entire world. I will not tell them about your accident or anything of that sort, but I would like to know if you would like me to show the music teacher your composition. It is entirely up to you.
I am sorry my letter is so choppy, but I need to quickly skip from one topic to the next. Maman told me to go to bed 30 minutes ago and I am writing by candle light, rather than a lamp. I love you.
Your Little Angel,
Allegra
***********************************************
September 1851
My little Angel,
I am enthralled by the new nickname you have given me. It is quite fitting, I suppose. But about the composition, I do not mind if you show your music teacher. Don't tell anyone about my misfortune. But, I permit them to know that I am, Erik. Nothing more, nothing less.
But, my "new" family is amazing. They accept me for who I am, and don't stifle my creativity. There is Mrs. Thompson, Mr. Thompson, Melissa, and Marcus. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are very nice people; they do not put limits or boundaries on what I do. I have come to respect them as parents, but not enough to consider them a real family.
Marcus is a nine-year-old who is anything but an angel. I wanted to kill him when he happened to rip up my original score of "The Point of No Return." He had no business being in my room any how, but since Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are such good people I could only forget about it and right it again.
Where do I start with Melissa? She is a wonderful girl and so smart. Her age is about sixteen, a year younger than me. She has an impeccable singing voice and the façade to match it. Her raven hair flows down her back in a cascade of spiral curls and her emerald eyes sparkle like the sun itself. I know that if you were here you would enjoy the company of Melissa. Although, I have observed jealousy runs deep in Australia.
I must tell you that young ladies here are anything but discreet. If they want something they let you know, I've had personal touches with this so I know. I must have had a dozen young women who wanted me as a tutor, or something more, I wasn't quite sure. I suggest you never come here, it is dreadfully hot and above all, it seems very uncivilized.
I must be going.
Goodbye Angel,
Erik
***********************************************************
March 1852
My Angel of Music,
I am so happy here at boarding school. I wanted to get away from the parents. Would you believe that when I asked about you they said that I was hallucinating and never had a brother? I know it must hurt coming from your little sister, but I dare say it would be terribly horrible coming up to the door and your parents not even acknowledging your existence.
Onto something more important, it seems as though my older brother is growing up. You seem infatuated with this Melissa far more than just a confidant. Could it be a tinge of love in this newly developed friendship?
In other news, my music teacher was impressed with, as she said, "a work of such magnitude." She made me sing it in front of my class and they were all very impressed. I have met many young Mademoiselles who would die to meet the composer of such a magnificently put together piece. My new friend, Sarah, has asked about you many times. I always say, "He's tall, thin, has gray eyes, and too old for you." She laughs at my response, but I think it is completely fair, don't you?
I am in such a hurry. I want to write so much more, but time is running short and it is almost time for class. I will tell you about my classes in the next letter I write. Right now Madame Devoir is yelling at us to hurry.
Your little Angel,
Allegra
******************************************************
September 1852
Little Angel,
I am still laughing at your quick wit. Although I do think you should say something like, "He's the true Don Juan, a master musician, painter, architect, and lastly, my accomplished older brother." It leaves room for mystery and enticement.
By the way, how could you even assume I have feelings for Melissa? She is my friend and it would be treacherous to develop feelings for one's own friend, and student. I have taken her under my wing as a singer and she has decided that she would like to learn piano too. She has managed to retain some English qualities while being on the barren continent.
I have given up on gold. It is of no importance to me, but I did start a fairly new service to these people. I am a mathematics, piano, violin, and voice tutor. I make more money that way than any one in the whole colony in a week. I have fourteen pupils, Melissa, Irene, Helen, Martha, and various others. My most promising student is by far Melissa. She is a true Prima Donna.
I wrote another piece for you. It is an arrangement of other operatic pieces so that they fit together in a way that makes sense. I must say it is quite the piece of work. I must be going it is supper time and Mrs. Thompson would be furious if I was late.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
*******************************************
March 1853
Angel of Music,
I love this new piece, so does my teacher, and every other girl in the school. Miss Morganstein, the music teacher, had me sing it in front of the entire school. I was so nervous but then I thought of you and realized how proud you would be of me, so I did it.
I know that it must severely bore you to hear about my doings but I feel I am obliged to tell you. Miss Devoir is my sewing teacher, she hates me. I am dreadful at sewing, but she shouldn't bring it up to the whole class. You would think she would be more polite about it, but she's rude. Madame Frasier could care less about me. I am an average student in her fields, but other than that Miss Morganstein is the only teacher impressed with my work. She thinks that I could very well be an opera singer when I get older.
I do beg your pardon when I mistook your professional relationship with Melissa as something different. You seemed to talk about her with such reverence it seemed as though you would make it more at the first chance it could. She seems as though she compliments your personality though. Just think, if you two were to ever fall in love you would be so happy.
I must be going now. I am tired and the wick on my candle has grown wickedly short.
Your Little Angel,
Allegra
************************************************
September 1853
Little Angel,
You are so naïve little sister. I keep Melissa's relationship with myself on a professional level is because no one could ever love a face as wretched as mine. For eighteen years I have dealt with people and their comments. People are as shallow a puddle on a sunny afternoon. Just to let you know, that sentence was designed to make absolutely no sense.
I don't think that your daily life is tedious. I am totally against that idea. You know as well as I do that all I do all day and night is compose, teach, invent, and read. I have no life of my own to dwell on, so I must use yours.
I'm glad you think you would make me proud. I must say, I am a very hard critic. I have sent many young ladies home in tears as they have no fit my standards. Were you well received at the performance? I am so curious about your operatic career. I want you to succeed and by God, if I have to do something so drastic it's not believable I will.
I must tell you I have begun to play my violin again. Instead of just writing piano music I have extended my field to composing violin music too. Since you don't know how to play I can't send you any, but if you have any friends who would like to play some morbid requiems then I will send you my pieces.
I got a wonderful surprise. For my eighteenth birthday Mr. and Mrs. Thompson have imported a piano for me and I am so thrilled with it. I now have another way to help my students learn their music. The ivory keys are so delicate and the bronze pedals shine like the sun. I don't know why I am excited about it to this level but it could possibly be that I haven't played in three years.
I must be going now. I miss and love you.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
********************************************************
March 1854
Angel of Music,
How dare you say I am naïve? I think that if this Melissa was truly a good person then she would see the man behind the scar. No one that superficial is worthy of your love. Like maman or papa, they do not appreciate what you really are, a fallen angel, and a gift strait from the Holy Father himself. All I am saying is that if Melissa cannot see the person behind the scar then she is no better than any person in our small village.
But in other news we went to the opera the other night and I have fallen even more deeply in love with the music. We saw "La Triviatra" and my peers and I were impressed. I have no intention of ever trying to sing that opera, I fear I would butcher it, but you would have to be the judge of that.
I am glad that you have a piano. Is it in your quarters? Are you working on your own opera? Do you have any other new pieces? I am sorry I ask so many questions, but as you know in French society inquisitiveness is not the ideal feminine quality so I do not ask any questions in class. I cannot stress how badly I am doing in my sewing. I hate her. In fact, the other day in class I decided to give her a piece of my mind. I must say I have gotten a new reputation.
I must go. I am in detention for my actions as of the other day. I love you and miss you.
Your little Angel,
Allegra
******************************************************
September 1854
My little angel,
I don't see the problem with being inquisitive. I rather like the quality. But I must tell you of something so amazing; it boggled my mind and made me rethink who I am. I don't know why I am telling you this but I think I needed to tell someone.
It all started when I was giving Melissa her lesson. She was delivering an outstanding aria when she started to cough and she became very weak. I rushed from my piano to her side. She was still breathing so I lifted her onto my bed and checked her heart rate. It was fairly normal.
After about twenty minutes of stress on my part she woke up. As she sat up her long eyelashes fluttered and she felt her forehead.
"What's wrong?" I asked her rubbing her silky hands.
"I don't know. I was at the peak of that aria when I suddenly got dizzy. Did you lift me onto your bed?" She said to me.
"Of course I did. You needed to be cared for and I am the person to do it," I said as I laughed.
She leaned forward and hugged me tightly. Then, she sat back and sighed. She looked into my eyes and we leaned in towards each other. She closed her eyes and I happened to do it too. A moment later her velvet lips touched mine and I felt a connection that I never had before. I was stunned so I opened my eyes widely and stood up. She walked to me and embraced me again, "Why must you wear that mask? You are so very handsome," she said playing with my shoulder length hair.
"I can't tell you why I wear it, but I have to tell you that you don't want to know," I said backing up until I hit the wall. She then cornered me and pulled the mask right off my face. She let out a scream that you probably heard in Paris, but I just don't know.
She ran out of my room and pretended to be sick for most of the next three months of her lessons. I was torn into pieces, what is wrong with being ugly? Is it not the person on the inside that counts? I wish more people were like you Allegra, kind and loving and can look beyond the deformity.
I am deciding wither or not to leave here or not. I don't think I could torture myself with seeing her everyday and knowing that she sees me as a beast, not a person. My best wishes to you and good luck.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
*********************************************
March 1855
Angel of Music,
My heart weeps for you brother. I cannot believe she only sees you as a monster. Don't believe what she thinks. You are a genius, a rose in a thorn patch. Any girl who was pure of heart would love you for who you are, not your appearance. She is no better than our parents. Now remember what I told you, you are not a monster, God does everything for a reason and he gave you your face for a reason.
On another note, oh never mind. All I can think about is you and Melissa. She seemed so kind and a good person. It makes me fume to even think about her letting herself kiss your talented lips and then shunning you. I wish I was there so I could have told her what I thought, but I guess you can't change the past.
Oh to hell with it. I can't write under this stress. I have final exams and then I hear about what that common street whore did to you and I don't know what to do. I must be going. I have studying to do.
I love and miss you.
Your little Angel,
Allegra
*************************************************************
September 1855
Little Angel,
I am sorry to burden you with such problems at that time in school, but I must ask you to meet me in Paris on the 16th of March. I will be returning to France on the next boat, which leaves in two days. I cannot stay here any longer. I look at Melissa and know what she is thinking, "He's a monster. How could I have ever thought of him as anything else?"
I did take offense to calling her a "common street whore," but it is a fitting title. Pardon my rudeness, but I think it is an appropriate title for her. I miss thinking that we could've been happy, but now, how do you say, my bubble has burst.
Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are sad to see me go, but it is for the best. I couldn't live so close to her with a relationship so far away. I think I may have loved her, but I don't know now. Thinking about what I just said, I couldn't have loved her; she was never a woman, only a girl, a silly girl. I must send this before I go.
I am anticipating our meeting in France. I can't wait to see what the little seven year old I met nine years ago looks like as a woman. I love and miss you.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
March 1850
Dearest sister,
I have done something terribly wrong. In a moment of intense fury and angst I did the unthinkable. I have murdered a priest, but for some reason I do not care anymore. He took my mask and I panicked, you know that I cannot take it off for fear of what people may think.
I have left the Vatican so you cannot send anymore letters there. I will find a place to stay in a matter of days and will send you the address of correspondents so that you may start writing to me again.
You will have to answer my questions though. First of all, how do you fancy my piece; does it suit you? Does Maman like it? When are you going to boarding school and what is the address? If you are going to school in Paris I may go there, although I may find adventures else where.
Your loving brother,
Erik
******************************************************
March 1850
Salutations!
I've figure out where I am going. I want to travel to Melbourne. It is a new colony on what they call the "Island country." There seems to have been some sort of gold rush and I would like to see what all the hubbub is about.
After consulting some travelers the journey will take about 5 ½ months to 6 months depending on the condition of the sea. I will write you of everything but you will not receive my letter for many months. I must be going now; I have a boat to catch.
As always,
Erik
**************************************************
March through September 1850
Allegra,
First week on the ship - I have just boarded the ship. It is very quaint and almost no privacy. Thank goodness I packed lightly. I share a room with an elderly man who has surely seen better days. The little boat rocks and quivers with the motion of the swells.
I find it very hard to write, even more so than before. My hands ache because of the long hours of composing I do at night. My roommate doesn't mind so I keep doing it. The sky is amazing tonight. There's not a cloud in the navy blue sky. The stars are amazing, even if each one is millions of miles away. I wish I had a telescope at this time. It would be amazing to look at the stars.
You would like it here. There's not much going on and it is as peaceful as ever. Although, we do suffer from the occasional sickening lurch of the boat. The sailors use me as a cabin boy. It is my duty to go around to the cabins and make sure everyone is safe and doesn't need anything. I like being needed, there's a certain thing about it which I enjoy profusely. There's no need to worry about me so far, I am fine and wouldn't wish to be any where but here.
One month on the ship - There has been a strange breakout of illness on the ship. I have not contracted it yet, but many of the other passengers would like to say the same thing. I suppose it is from the slop they call food on this vessel.
Luckily, I do not need so much food, so I survive fairly well on tea biscuits. Sometimes the sailors will eat tea biscuits with me; they prefer it to the cabin food too. Thankfully, I bought about 45 boxes of them before leaving the Vatican City. It's quite funny actually, while London is known for their food, Italy provides a much better quality. Some may accuse me of being an epicurean, but that is entirely false. I do not think that life is too short to drink cheap wine, or eat, drink, and be merry. The only time I find joy is writing to you and helping others, even though other people think of me as a monster or a freak.
I found an interesting substance in my cabin last night. It was a liquid, but in a syringe. When I inquired about it no one could tell me what it was so I decided to try it on a rat. When I picked up the rodent it squirmed in my fingers but my tight grasp held onto it. I poked the needle into the scruff of its neck and waited for a reaction. When I put the rat down it started walk in a staggered pattern and soon enough it fell asleep. When the old man came back into the room he looked at me with the strangest face, I guess you could say testing what I know now, was morphine, on a rat was a bit ridiculous anyhow.
He explained to me how it worked and what it did to the body. It was ingenious without a question. This morphine would attack the nervous system and make you go numb and forget your pain, physical OR mental pain. I was tempted to try it, but I decided it wouldn't be wise to use the same syringe as a disease infested rat.
Days wore on without an easy flow. There were two very treacherous storms in which the ship almost capsized. It was frightening beyond all belief; I was sure during the first storm that we would die. But, the small liner held strong in the harsh wind, rain, and currents. There seemed to be no way of getting out of it so I fell asleep thinking about the comfort of my old home in Rome with Giuseppe.
I think of you every day. I can't take it anymore. I seem to miss you more the farther we get. I don't understand it either. I know you are probably home with Maman, and your Papa, but I fret about your safety. Are you okay? Do you need anything, money for instance? I have enough of it, trust me.
Second month on the ship - It's cold all the time now. I need to wear my jacket and cape all the time. I have come to like this hat, it's a pompadour and they fit excellently. All of the passengers on the ship think that my formal wear is unnecessary, to them it is, "funeral wear, not appropriate for starting a new life." I don't fully agree with them, it is entirely necessary in my eyes. I do try to look my best at all times.
Do you suppose that when I get to Melbourne and give you my address you could send me a few books? I left all of mine at the Vatican when I was hurrying to get out because I couldn't take it there, always as they said, "under the watchful eye of vengeful God." They told me that God was forgiving and kind, yet when I was in the Church or at a sermon he was unyielding and cantankerous. What do you suppose they do, make children fear Him so that they behave? I know Maman used to do that to me, "Be pleasant and kind, God is always watching you." It makes me sick to think that people think children are so gullible. If God really did create the Earth did he not make a race of life that uses weapons and hateful mean to get their way? I really have no idea what it all means, and I must have read the Bible more times than any member of that Church.
I am so sorry I am rambling on about this, but I have had a lot of time to think and this is the only paper I have. I suppose that it would be okay to ramble sometimes, and I know that you like to read about my theories, so I will ramble only when writing to my favorite little sister. Oh, and another thing, are you still the only child of the household? It has been plaguing my mind for a while now, not because of my fear for you, but because I want to know if I have any other little brothers or sisters. Oh, by the way, I am quite interested in knowing more about this Papa you write about. Is he both of our father?
Third and Fourth months on board - It has become very dull and morbid. There are many deaths on the ship; I now have my own room, which is a good thing because I can pocket anything worth while from the old man. I know it sounds horrible, but I don't think he needs anything where he's going.
There's another boy on the ship around my age. His name is Jonathan Carver. He was born into a poor family and he is going to Melbourne to make some money. I told him the same, although I am really only going for the adventure. I have enough money so that I never have to work again. I do have my suspicions about him, but I suppose that's because I am paranoid and trust no one . except you. Jonathan wants to know more of you, but I will leave it up to you to tell him anything, but I will not receive your letter for many weeks after my arrival. All I can do is pray my letters reach you and your letters reach me.
I have been raising suspicion on the ship. Some of the sailors accuse me of being bad luck because if some one gets on my darker more sadistic self they end up with a fever and eventually die. I cannot help the fact that I scare people to deathe death. Sorry about the cross out, I was just chuckling to myself as I wrote that. It is strangely ironic that when people get mad at me, or I at them they die, but I promise to you I have nothing to do with the deaths.
Also, I would like to add that when I get to Melbourne I will send you some gold in the envelope so that you can get to Paris. I know how you want to go to school there so I will start your funds for the trip. Do not let Maman or your papa get into the funds though, I want you to get the best education you can.
The end of my travel is coming soon we have two more months at sea and then we are going to pull into Melbourne.
The crew is running out of food. I now have to hide my crackers because if they are found I am sure that I will not have any left for the last month and a half of the journey.
Fifth month and the half of the sixth - There was rough sailing for the most part. I don't think there is anything worse than what I went through the last month of my journey. The sea was rough and would not stop throwing it's flailing waves at our ship.
The sailors have resorted to eating rats and I still have my crackers. I brought plenty of packages for myself and I share with Jonathan, but he is a bit of a pig.
The last half of a month was filled with tension and anticipation. When we were nearing the coast I was amazed at the crystallized water. It was so blue, you could see through it. Many of the fish were bright yellows, greens, and oranges. The sailors called the orange ones clown fishes.
When we saw shore there was a feeling of immeasurable joy. We were finally getting off of the boat and setting foot n land. When I stepped off the boat I fell about four times, sea legs do not leave easily, let me tell you.
I am now residing in a small house on the coast line. There is another family here, but I will tell you more about them when you're first letter arrive; I want to send this one as soon as possible.
Your loving brother,
Erik
**********************************************
March 1851
My Angel of music,
I just received your letter. I thought you may have died on your trip because it took so long for you to write back. I missed your letters. But, I see that you are doing exceptionally well.
To answer your questions, yes, I love your piece. Maman does not understand it, and they have decided that since I suddenly got money I will go to boarding school in Paris. I will be attending Miss Marie's school for young ladies. It resides on 455 Trouvdale Boulevard in Paris, France.
Tell Jonathan that it is none of his business about me. I do not wish to have any suitors, considering I am still only a child. Maman is befuddled by the large letter I was sent. She cannot conceive who it is from, but I told her it was none of her business.
I want to hear about this family you are living with. Do they harbor your talents? Are they treating you well? Do you get enough to eat? Answer any question that you would think that I would ask as your loving sister.
I am so excited about going to school. I shall tell everyone I have the most amazing big brother in the entire world. I will not tell them about your accident or anything of that sort, but I would like to know if you would like me to show the music teacher your composition. It is entirely up to you.
I am sorry my letter is so choppy, but I need to quickly skip from one topic to the next. Maman told me to go to bed 30 minutes ago and I am writing by candle light, rather than a lamp. I love you.
Your Little Angel,
Allegra
***********************************************
September 1851
My little Angel,
I am enthralled by the new nickname you have given me. It is quite fitting, I suppose. But about the composition, I do not mind if you show your music teacher. Don't tell anyone about my misfortune. But, I permit them to know that I am, Erik. Nothing more, nothing less.
But, my "new" family is amazing. They accept me for who I am, and don't stifle my creativity. There is Mrs. Thompson, Mr. Thompson, Melissa, and Marcus. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are very nice people; they do not put limits or boundaries on what I do. I have come to respect them as parents, but not enough to consider them a real family.
Marcus is a nine-year-old who is anything but an angel. I wanted to kill him when he happened to rip up my original score of "The Point of No Return." He had no business being in my room any how, but since Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are such good people I could only forget about it and right it again.
Where do I start with Melissa? She is a wonderful girl and so smart. Her age is about sixteen, a year younger than me. She has an impeccable singing voice and the façade to match it. Her raven hair flows down her back in a cascade of spiral curls and her emerald eyes sparkle like the sun itself. I know that if you were here you would enjoy the company of Melissa. Although, I have observed jealousy runs deep in Australia.
I must tell you that young ladies here are anything but discreet. If they want something they let you know, I've had personal touches with this so I know. I must have had a dozen young women who wanted me as a tutor, or something more, I wasn't quite sure. I suggest you never come here, it is dreadfully hot and above all, it seems very uncivilized.
I must be going.
Goodbye Angel,
Erik
***********************************************************
March 1852
My Angel of Music,
I am so happy here at boarding school. I wanted to get away from the parents. Would you believe that when I asked about you they said that I was hallucinating and never had a brother? I know it must hurt coming from your little sister, but I dare say it would be terribly horrible coming up to the door and your parents not even acknowledging your existence.
Onto something more important, it seems as though my older brother is growing up. You seem infatuated with this Melissa far more than just a confidant. Could it be a tinge of love in this newly developed friendship?
In other news, my music teacher was impressed with, as she said, "a work of such magnitude." She made me sing it in front of my class and they were all very impressed. I have met many young Mademoiselles who would die to meet the composer of such a magnificently put together piece. My new friend, Sarah, has asked about you many times. I always say, "He's tall, thin, has gray eyes, and too old for you." She laughs at my response, but I think it is completely fair, don't you?
I am in such a hurry. I want to write so much more, but time is running short and it is almost time for class. I will tell you about my classes in the next letter I write. Right now Madame Devoir is yelling at us to hurry.
Your little Angel,
Allegra
******************************************************
September 1852
Little Angel,
I am still laughing at your quick wit. Although I do think you should say something like, "He's the true Don Juan, a master musician, painter, architect, and lastly, my accomplished older brother." It leaves room for mystery and enticement.
By the way, how could you even assume I have feelings for Melissa? She is my friend and it would be treacherous to develop feelings for one's own friend, and student. I have taken her under my wing as a singer and she has decided that she would like to learn piano too. She has managed to retain some English qualities while being on the barren continent.
I have given up on gold. It is of no importance to me, but I did start a fairly new service to these people. I am a mathematics, piano, violin, and voice tutor. I make more money that way than any one in the whole colony in a week. I have fourteen pupils, Melissa, Irene, Helen, Martha, and various others. My most promising student is by far Melissa. She is a true Prima Donna.
I wrote another piece for you. It is an arrangement of other operatic pieces so that they fit together in a way that makes sense. I must say it is quite the piece of work. I must be going it is supper time and Mrs. Thompson would be furious if I was late.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
*******************************************
March 1853
Angel of Music,
I love this new piece, so does my teacher, and every other girl in the school. Miss Morganstein, the music teacher, had me sing it in front of the entire school. I was so nervous but then I thought of you and realized how proud you would be of me, so I did it.
I know that it must severely bore you to hear about my doings but I feel I am obliged to tell you. Miss Devoir is my sewing teacher, she hates me. I am dreadful at sewing, but she shouldn't bring it up to the whole class. You would think she would be more polite about it, but she's rude. Madame Frasier could care less about me. I am an average student in her fields, but other than that Miss Morganstein is the only teacher impressed with my work. She thinks that I could very well be an opera singer when I get older.
I do beg your pardon when I mistook your professional relationship with Melissa as something different. You seemed to talk about her with such reverence it seemed as though you would make it more at the first chance it could. She seems as though she compliments your personality though. Just think, if you two were to ever fall in love you would be so happy.
I must be going now. I am tired and the wick on my candle has grown wickedly short.
Your Little Angel,
Allegra
************************************************
September 1853
Little Angel,
You are so naïve little sister. I keep Melissa's relationship with myself on a professional level is because no one could ever love a face as wretched as mine. For eighteen years I have dealt with people and their comments. People are as shallow a puddle on a sunny afternoon. Just to let you know, that sentence was designed to make absolutely no sense.
I don't think that your daily life is tedious. I am totally against that idea. You know as well as I do that all I do all day and night is compose, teach, invent, and read. I have no life of my own to dwell on, so I must use yours.
I'm glad you think you would make me proud. I must say, I am a very hard critic. I have sent many young ladies home in tears as they have no fit my standards. Were you well received at the performance? I am so curious about your operatic career. I want you to succeed and by God, if I have to do something so drastic it's not believable I will.
I must tell you I have begun to play my violin again. Instead of just writing piano music I have extended my field to composing violin music too. Since you don't know how to play I can't send you any, but if you have any friends who would like to play some morbid requiems then I will send you my pieces.
I got a wonderful surprise. For my eighteenth birthday Mr. and Mrs. Thompson have imported a piano for me and I am so thrilled with it. I now have another way to help my students learn their music. The ivory keys are so delicate and the bronze pedals shine like the sun. I don't know why I am excited about it to this level but it could possibly be that I haven't played in three years.
I must be going now. I miss and love you.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
********************************************************
March 1854
Angel of Music,
How dare you say I am naïve? I think that if this Melissa was truly a good person then she would see the man behind the scar. No one that superficial is worthy of your love. Like maman or papa, they do not appreciate what you really are, a fallen angel, and a gift strait from the Holy Father himself. All I am saying is that if Melissa cannot see the person behind the scar then she is no better than any person in our small village.
But in other news we went to the opera the other night and I have fallen even more deeply in love with the music. We saw "La Triviatra" and my peers and I were impressed. I have no intention of ever trying to sing that opera, I fear I would butcher it, but you would have to be the judge of that.
I am glad that you have a piano. Is it in your quarters? Are you working on your own opera? Do you have any other new pieces? I am sorry I ask so many questions, but as you know in French society inquisitiveness is not the ideal feminine quality so I do not ask any questions in class. I cannot stress how badly I am doing in my sewing. I hate her. In fact, the other day in class I decided to give her a piece of my mind. I must say I have gotten a new reputation.
I must go. I am in detention for my actions as of the other day. I love you and miss you.
Your little Angel,
Allegra
******************************************************
September 1854
My little angel,
I don't see the problem with being inquisitive. I rather like the quality. But I must tell you of something so amazing; it boggled my mind and made me rethink who I am. I don't know why I am telling you this but I think I needed to tell someone.
It all started when I was giving Melissa her lesson. She was delivering an outstanding aria when she started to cough and she became very weak. I rushed from my piano to her side. She was still breathing so I lifted her onto my bed and checked her heart rate. It was fairly normal.
After about twenty minutes of stress on my part she woke up. As she sat up her long eyelashes fluttered and she felt her forehead.
"What's wrong?" I asked her rubbing her silky hands.
"I don't know. I was at the peak of that aria when I suddenly got dizzy. Did you lift me onto your bed?" She said to me.
"Of course I did. You needed to be cared for and I am the person to do it," I said as I laughed.
She leaned forward and hugged me tightly. Then, she sat back and sighed. She looked into my eyes and we leaned in towards each other. She closed her eyes and I happened to do it too. A moment later her velvet lips touched mine and I felt a connection that I never had before. I was stunned so I opened my eyes widely and stood up. She walked to me and embraced me again, "Why must you wear that mask? You are so very handsome," she said playing with my shoulder length hair.
"I can't tell you why I wear it, but I have to tell you that you don't want to know," I said backing up until I hit the wall. She then cornered me and pulled the mask right off my face. She let out a scream that you probably heard in Paris, but I just don't know.
She ran out of my room and pretended to be sick for most of the next three months of her lessons. I was torn into pieces, what is wrong with being ugly? Is it not the person on the inside that counts? I wish more people were like you Allegra, kind and loving and can look beyond the deformity.
I am deciding wither or not to leave here or not. I don't think I could torture myself with seeing her everyday and knowing that she sees me as a beast, not a person. My best wishes to you and good luck.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
*********************************************
March 1855
Angel of Music,
My heart weeps for you brother. I cannot believe she only sees you as a monster. Don't believe what she thinks. You are a genius, a rose in a thorn patch. Any girl who was pure of heart would love you for who you are, not your appearance. She is no better than our parents. Now remember what I told you, you are not a monster, God does everything for a reason and he gave you your face for a reason.
On another note, oh never mind. All I can think about is you and Melissa. She seemed so kind and a good person. It makes me fume to even think about her letting herself kiss your talented lips and then shunning you. I wish I was there so I could have told her what I thought, but I guess you can't change the past.
Oh to hell with it. I can't write under this stress. I have final exams and then I hear about what that common street whore did to you and I don't know what to do. I must be going. I have studying to do.
I love and miss you.
Your little Angel,
Allegra
*************************************************************
September 1855
Little Angel,
I am sorry to burden you with such problems at that time in school, but I must ask you to meet me in Paris on the 16th of March. I will be returning to France on the next boat, which leaves in two days. I cannot stay here any longer. I look at Melissa and know what she is thinking, "He's a monster. How could I have ever thought of him as anything else?"
I did take offense to calling her a "common street whore," but it is a fitting title. Pardon my rudeness, but I think it is an appropriate title for her. I miss thinking that we could've been happy, but now, how do you say, my bubble has burst.
Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are sad to see me go, but it is for the best. I couldn't live so close to her with a relationship so far away. I think I may have loved her, but I don't know now. Thinking about what I just said, I couldn't have loved her; she was never a woman, only a girl, a silly girl. I must send this before I go.
I am anticipating our meeting in France. I can't wait to see what the little seven year old I met nine years ago looks like as a woman. I love and miss you.
Your Angel of Music,
Erik
