Chapter Five
Memories of the Pain
The whole way home, the thought of my death scared me. It chilled me right down to the bone! I couldn't stand breaking Shin's heart again! He hadn't taken their deaths well, but now he would be happier without me around to just cause trouble for him. And right now, as I stare at the window, I see my reflection. Well, I see half of it, because the rest is cast into the shadows. I knew that I would be like my reflection, cast into the shadows. I could only hope that Shin could brace his heart for the waves of sadness then the realization of me no longer being there would fill him with joy, because then he'd never be at risk of heartbreak. And even as my mind dawned upon the realization of him being happy once again, my heart mourned, for the picture that my mind conjured had no traces of me in it.
Katarel was home now, where we could be together for the remaining few weeks of her life. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone. I try not to think of it, but Katarel kind of just jokes about it. Today we were talking about what we were going to do about her ship, which she had worked on ever since she got home. She only has about two weeks left. Her heart breaks every time we talk about our plans for what was going to be our future, because she knew she wouldn't be a part of it. Right now, I hold her in my arms as we rock in a hammock placed in the garden. We can't find any words to say it, but we both know that there's only one way to say it. Katarel will never live to see her next birthday. She will never get to see me again. And I will be left here alone again.
Some of her first thoughts were like "Why can't you just wish me back?" And "Won't I go to otherworld?" Well as I thought about this, I realized that I couldn't wish her back. She had already been wished back to life. And I wasn't at all positive about the Other World thing. She hadn't really saved a whole planet from being destroyed. Well, she probably had, but it was for what anyone might call selfish reasons. Katarel didn't take this too well. She went into a mad rage and wouldn't stop working on her ship until it was done, and then gave it several new coats of paint. Even now she didn't want to accept the fact that she would die. She didn't feel relieved that now Buu wouldn't bother the universe. She just wanted to watch me. I wanted to see her happy like she once was, without a scowl or frown on her face. I wanted to see her bounding around everywhere, playing jokes on everyone with West. I wanted her to see that she was the great person that I saw. But I couldn't get her relaxed enough. She was always on edge and always pushed away from my embrace. Only when she slept did she seem peaceful. She never slept voluntarily in the same room as me; she only fell asleep when she was alone. I was so tempted to take a picture of her just lying there, fast asleep at her desk when she learned things about the universe, or when she stayed up late training herself, pushing her body beyond its limits, or even as she meditated in the very tops of the trees. But now, she admitted defeat. She didn't want to see me hurt any more than I was. She just stayed right where she was, and although she didn't speak, it was hurting me that she didn't just use her last little bit of time left wisely. In the end, I would be left to carry on again. Never did I feel the urge to fight for the right to never let her go. Never had I felt the need to just take her by the hand and live reckless for one day. I had thought about it. The idea definitely appealed to me. I could stay with her, and she would get to have fun, and smile for once, instead of frowning or moping around. So I took it to Kibito. You can just guess how well that went over.
"Absolutely! It sounds like a wonderful idea." I was shocked. Kibito was saying that something fun to do was a great idea"? That wasn't Kibito talking. Something didn't quite fit right. "You're serious? You'd let me go?" "Absolutely!" He put on a grin, but I could see that something was behind it. "Do you mean it?" "Sir. Of course...NOT!" I knew it. There was always a punch line. "It's reckless endangerment! What if you get seriously hurt! What if you get killed! It's preposterous!" "What happened to the 'it's a wonderful idea'?!" "Sir, you really must get out more often. It's this handy thing called sarcasm." I glared at him. I knew he hated my idea, but he would have to live with it! "I'm going anyway!" "No, you are not!" "Oh, yes I am!" "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES, AND THAT'S FINAL!" There were rare occasions where I yelled, and this was one of them. I was going to take that day off, with or without Kibito.
A few days later, Shin spoke to me. He told me that he had a surprise for me. He wanted me to wear my baggy blue-jeans, white tank top, and a red bandana. When I did as he asked, I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like a normal human staring back at me. My tail was hidden in the leg of my baggy jeans, and my ears were hidden in the bandana. When I was going to question him about this, he just grabbed me by the hand, made me wait outside his door until he came out in similar clothes and teleported us to a strange place with a lot of people. Looking around at all the people, I began to wonder what was exactly going on in that little head of his...
The whole way home, the thought of my death scared me. It chilled me right down to the bone! I couldn't stand breaking Shin's heart again! He hadn't taken their deaths well, but now he would be happier without me around to just cause trouble for him. And right now, as I stare at the window, I see my reflection. Well, I see half of it, because the rest is cast into the shadows. I knew that I would be like my reflection, cast into the shadows. I could only hope that Shin could brace his heart for the waves of sadness then the realization of me no longer being there would fill him with joy, because then he'd never be at risk of heartbreak. And even as my mind dawned upon the realization of him being happy once again, my heart mourned, for the picture that my mind conjured had no traces of me in it.
Katarel was home now, where we could be together for the remaining few weeks of her life. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone. I try not to think of it, but Katarel kind of just jokes about it. Today we were talking about what we were going to do about her ship, which she had worked on ever since she got home. She only has about two weeks left. Her heart breaks every time we talk about our plans for what was going to be our future, because she knew she wouldn't be a part of it. Right now, I hold her in my arms as we rock in a hammock placed in the garden. We can't find any words to say it, but we both know that there's only one way to say it. Katarel will never live to see her next birthday. She will never get to see me again. And I will be left here alone again.
Some of her first thoughts were like "Why can't you just wish me back?" And "Won't I go to otherworld?" Well as I thought about this, I realized that I couldn't wish her back. She had already been wished back to life. And I wasn't at all positive about the Other World thing. She hadn't really saved a whole planet from being destroyed. Well, she probably had, but it was for what anyone might call selfish reasons. Katarel didn't take this too well. She went into a mad rage and wouldn't stop working on her ship until it was done, and then gave it several new coats of paint. Even now she didn't want to accept the fact that she would die. She didn't feel relieved that now Buu wouldn't bother the universe. She just wanted to watch me. I wanted to see her happy like she once was, without a scowl or frown on her face. I wanted to see her bounding around everywhere, playing jokes on everyone with West. I wanted her to see that she was the great person that I saw. But I couldn't get her relaxed enough. She was always on edge and always pushed away from my embrace. Only when she slept did she seem peaceful. She never slept voluntarily in the same room as me; she only fell asleep when she was alone. I was so tempted to take a picture of her just lying there, fast asleep at her desk when she learned things about the universe, or when she stayed up late training herself, pushing her body beyond its limits, or even as she meditated in the very tops of the trees. But now, she admitted defeat. She didn't want to see me hurt any more than I was. She just stayed right where she was, and although she didn't speak, it was hurting me that she didn't just use her last little bit of time left wisely. In the end, I would be left to carry on again. Never did I feel the urge to fight for the right to never let her go. Never had I felt the need to just take her by the hand and live reckless for one day. I had thought about it. The idea definitely appealed to me. I could stay with her, and she would get to have fun, and smile for once, instead of frowning or moping around. So I took it to Kibito. You can just guess how well that went over.
"Absolutely! It sounds like a wonderful idea." I was shocked. Kibito was saying that something fun to do was a great idea"? That wasn't Kibito talking. Something didn't quite fit right. "You're serious? You'd let me go?" "Absolutely!" He put on a grin, but I could see that something was behind it. "Do you mean it?" "Sir. Of course...NOT!" I knew it. There was always a punch line. "It's reckless endangerment! What if you get seriously hurt! What if you get killed! It's preposterous!" "What happened to the 'it's a wonderful idea'?!" "Sir, you really must get out more often. It's this handy thing called sarcasm." I glared at him. I knew he hated my idea, but he would have to live with it! "I'm going anyway!" "No, you are not!" "Oh, yes I am!" "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES, AND THAT'S FINAL!" There were rare occasions where I yelled, and this was one of them. I was going to take that day off, with or without Kibito.
A few days later, Shin spoke to me. He told me that he had a surprise for me. He wanted me to wear my baggy blue-jeans, white tank top, and a red bandana. When I did as he asked, I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like a normal human staring back at me. My tail was hidden in the leg of my baggy jeans, and my ears were hidden in the bandana. When I was going to question him about this, he just grabbed me by the hand, made me wait outside his door until he came out in similar clothes and teleported us to a strange place with a lot of people. Looking around at all the people, I began to wonder what was exactly going on in that little head of his...
