CHAPTER 2: In Which Things Begin to Seem Odd
Captain's Log, Supplemental: When we beamed down, things at first stayed ordinary. At first. For about five minutes. And then, things began to seem…odd.
They beamed into a small clearing in a wooded area. Which, of course, is the only area you'd find a clearing in, as you can't have an absence of trees without trees to begin with…I'll move on. A small clearing in a wooded area. It looked a pleasant enough place, very Earth-like. As Spock had predicted, of course.
McCoy inhaled. "Ah, fresh air!"
"An interesting term," Spock commented, "as all air molecules have in fact been circulating for millennia, and therefore can hardly be considered fresh."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "Oh honestly! How such literal-minded people ever…"
Kirk grinned, listening. It was kind of impressive how quickly they could get into a row when they tried. He shook his head ruefully, and turned towards the two red-shirts, who were milling around with nothing in particular to do. "How about you scout around a little?" He figured he'd better stay, just in case a referee was needed.
Jones and Simmons looked at each other, and shrugged. "All right, Captain," Jones said. The quiet peacefulness of the forest was lulling even them into complacency.
This exchange took one minute. Jones and Simmons trooped off, and returned three minutes later. Spock and McCoy were working themselves up into a substantial debate. Kirk had lost track of the issue already, but was keeping a close eye on them nevertheless. He did not turn towards the red-shirts as they reentered the clearing, and so things stayed normal, for him, for an extra minute.
"That was fast," Kirk commented.
"That's because we found something kind of odd just a little ways off, Captain," Simmons explained.
"What's that?"
"Well, it was a couple of weird trees, sir."
"Trees?" And now Kirk did turn around. [A/N: Correction. This is the last sane line.] And now he noticed that each red-shirt was eating what appeared to be a slice of apple pie. Kirk blinked. "Where did you find pie?"
"Off of one of the trees."
"You found an apple pie sitting on a tree?"
"No, sir," Jones said. "It was growing on the tree."
This startling statement successfully attracted even Spock and McCoy's attention.
Kirk blinked again. "The tree was growing pies?"
"Yes, sir. It was an odd tree."
Kirk exchanged looks with Spock and McCoy, who exchanged looks with each other (six looks total, you can do the math), and every look said virtually the same thing (though Spock's didn't say it as vehemently). In short, they all said that this was very odd, and perhaps, just perhaps, they should investigate.
So they did.
* * *
"That's a tree growing pies all right," Kirk said numbly.
"Can't argue there," McCoy said, staring.
"Most inexplicable," Spock said, eyebrow raised. That about summed up the feelings of them all.
It was a tree. It looked like a fairly ordinary apple or lemon or cherry tree. Except that instead of doing the sensible thing and growing apples or lemons or cherries, it was insisting on growing apple pies, and lemon meringue, and cherry pies. And that wasn't all. There were also chocolate cream, and coconut meringue, and key lime, and pumpkin, and strawberry rhubarb, and even a bird that Spock said was a magpie. (I don't know how he knew that either. He's Spock. He's like that.)
A tree growing pies was pretty strange. But then they looked at the next tree, and that was even stranger. It too looked like a fairly ordinary tree. Except that it was growing shining aluminum pans of all shapes and sizes.
"I wonder where the source of its metal is," Spock mused, eyeing the tree with the pans. His tricorder was not giving any logical readings.
"Never mind that, where'd the pie tree learn to make pies?" McCoy asked. "That requires sugar, and flour, and butter, and a certain amount of expertise, and…"
"Stop," Kirk ordered, "we're just going to give ourselves headaches."
It was at this opportune moment that a native arrived. She was a very pretty native, with curling brown hair and blue eyes, perhaps twenty years old. Her dress matched her eyes, and was of a medieval style. Or perhaps early Renaissance. Think fairy tale, and you'll have it.
Kirk decided it might be a good idea to ask her about the trees. It is possible he had an ulterior motive, but we wouldn't dream of suggesting such a thing.
"Excuse me," Kirk said politely, "we were just looking at these trees. Could you explain to us what makes them grow like…this?"
She looked at them, and looked at the trees, and looked back at them. It was very clear she viewed them as the odd ones. "You're not from around here, are you?"
"Not exactly," Kirk agreed. And then, as he often did at completely random occurrences, he threw caution and the Prime Directive to the winds. "We're from Earth."
Her confusion lifted, and floated up in a small cloud. "Ohhh." She nodded knowingly. "You're Mundanes."
The confusion drifted over and settled on Kirk, small dollops fissioning off to hover around the rest of the landing party. Kirk shook his head. "No. We're humans. Four and a half of us anyway."
"Of course. But if you're from E(A/R)th you must be from Mundania, and therefore are Mundanes."
Kirk blinked. "Mundania?"
"All of Earth except Xanth is Mundania, and horribly dull."
Kirk blinked again. "Xanth?"
"This peninsula. The portion of Earth controlled by Demon X(A/N)th." The confusion wasn't leaving. In fact, it was thickening. "Haven't you at least heard of the Demons?" the girl asked.
"Can't say that we have," McCoy admitted.
"Demons?" Jones squeaked, and shivered.
"The Demons are the great forces of the universe, and each one regulates one planet, except for X(A/N)th who only has this peninsula," the girl explained patiently. "For example, Demon Earth controls Earth, and has complete control over things like weather. Demon Xanth controls Xanth, and his incidental leakage creates all the magic in Xanth."
Would quandaries never cease? Everyone looked at everyone else. This was certainly not the first time they'd encountered primitive natives clinging to the concept of magic. But they'd never had such substantial proof of the existence of this supposed magic.
"So…the trees are based in magic?" Kirk asked, seeking more information and hoping to come across something that would explain all of this. Figuring out the local explanation was generally a good step towards figuring out the actual explanation, and you never knew when a local might know something useful or important.
"Exactly," she confirmed. "This is a pie-tree, obviously, and that's a pan-tree."
"A pan-tree?" Jones repeated, and snickered.
"Yes. A pan-tree," she repeated with absolute seriousness. "Housewives find it useful to have one near their kitchens."
Jones and Simmons were both smirking now, and Kirk and McCoy were trying not to do the same. Spock did not have this problem.
"Well. This is all…a little confusing for us," Kirk said.
The native girl nodded sympathetically. "I've heard that Mundanes usually find Xanth a bit much to take."
"Yeah. If you'd excuse us for just a minute, I think we need to talk…"
They moved off a few yards, and formed something resembling a huddle.
"So what do you think?" Kirk asked in general.
"Either she's crazy or we're crazy," McCoy volunteered.
"Is that your medical opinion?" Kirk asked.
"No, that's my opinion as a normal person who's just seen a tree growing pies and a girl who thinks magic controls the world," McCoy retorted.
"Okay. Insanity is a possibility. Other opinions?"
"I am inclined to think there is a certain amount of truth in this young woman's statements."
Spock found himself the recipient of four very strange looks.
"Spock…don't tell me you think there's really a Demon around here who's leaking magic."
"No, Doctor. I think there may be some unknown force at work. Not a Demon, but perhaps an element we are not familiar with which is causing odd effects."
"Sounds reasonable," Kirk acknowledged. "Let's see what else we can find out."
Are we confused yet? Let me know if so.
And what will they discover next in this strange country? Tune in next chapter!
