Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine.  If you sue, you will probably get Life money.  Or "auschimarks," the currency used in Germany just before WWII, and which was pretty much useless because you could spend it only in Germany.  [cough] Sorry, random historical fact from my West Civ class…anyway…

CHAPTER 4: In Which They Encounter Several Trees

Captain's Log, Supplemental: We were slowly learning more about this strange land we'd arrived in.  Little did we know the things we would soon encounter.  Unusual people, and even more unusual trees.

Several looks went around.  (Feel free to guess the precise number yourself.)

"So…you think we should ask the…'Good Magician' how to get back to our ship?" Kirk asked.

Sandra nodded.  "Any time anyone has a major problem, affecting the rest of their lives, they go to ask Good Magician Humfrey about it."

"Shouldn't it be Humphrey?" Spock commented.

"No, it's Humfrey."

No one knew how they could all tell the difference, and no one asked.

"So what makes you think the, uh, Good Magician can help us?" Kirk asked.  "We can't be much like his usual customers."

"Shouldn't matter," Sandra said blithely.  "He's the Magician of Information.  He knows everything."

McCoy nodded.  "I know a few people like that.  Or who at least think that way."  He shot a glance at Spock.

"Are you implying something, Doctor?" Spock said mildly.

"Me?  Imply something?" McCoy said innocently.  "Would I imply something?"  He appealed to Kirk.  "Jim, would I imply something?"

"You?  Imply something?  About Spock?  No.  Not very often anyway.  Only two or three times an hour."

McCoy started to protest, thought better of it, and let the issue go.

"Seems to me we might as well go ask the Good Magician," Kirk decided.  "After all, we don't have any better ideas.  I assume."  Such was the case.  "All right.  Which way to the Good Magician's castle?"

"That way," Sandra said, indicating left.

"Okay, that way we go."

"Actually, you want to go that way," Sandra corrected, indicating right.

The cloud of confusion swooped in and descended on Kirk.  "But if the castle's that way…"

"Right.  But North Village is that way.  And before you go wandering through the jungle for a couple days to see the Good Magician, you need to go to North Village, for information and supplies."

"That is logical," Spock acknowledged.

So that's what they did.

As she'd said, North Village was about fifteen minutes' walk away.  It was a small village, medieval-era in technology.  Rather quaint.  Not too different from a historical village on earth.  Except for a lot of pie trees, a few pan-trees, and several other things the Starfleet officers didn't even try to identify.

They didn't see many people.  Only two or three.  Sandra seemed to be leading them through a portion of the village that was fairly empty this time of the day.  Which was fortunate, since the few people they did see looked at them (appearing disturbed), glanced at Sandra (appearing marginally reassured), and then continued looking at them oddly.

Eventually they went through a large square, dominated by an impressively sized tree.  Simmons and Jones chanced to have fallen slightly behind the rest of the group when a voice addressed them.

"Hello.  Are you new to this section of Xanth?"

Jones and Simmons looked around.  No one was in sight.  The confusion cloud, which had lifted but trailed along in the hopes that it would be useful again, saw its opportunity and swooped back in.

The originator of the voice saw their confusion, and went on.  "Over here."  There was a ripple of laughter.  "The one with all the branches."

They finally realized where the voice was coming from.

Jones blinked, stared, and poked Simmons in the shoulder.  "Did the tree just…"

Simmons nodded.  "Yes."

"Oh."  Jones considered.  "Well, if I have to go insane, at least I'm not the only one.  That's something."

"Not much of something."

"No.  But if it counts for anything," Jones continued pleasantly, "I can think of many worse people to go insane with."

"I'm touched," Simmons said sarcastically.

"We both are," Jones reminded him.

Sandra had by now realized that she was missing two members of the party.  "Is there a problem?"

"The tree's talking to us," Jones said simply.

Kirk and McCoy exchanged looks.  (That's only two.)  Spock's eyebrow rose.  The cloud of confusion started to head for Spock but decided that wasn't a wise move, and went towards Kirk and McCoy instead.

Sandra, by contrast, took the entire thing in stride.  "Well of course.  That's Justin Tree."

"Justin Tree?" Jones repeated.

"The tree has a name," Simmons murmured.  "Figures."

"They somehow arrived at the impression they were going insane."  The voice was back.  "I doubted that further explanation on my part would help matters."

"Probably true," Sandra agreed.  "Justin was once a man, but he was transformed into a tree by Evil Magician Trent a long time ago, when he was fighting the Storm King.  Magician Trent's talent is transformation.  He lost the war though, and was exiled to drear Mundania.  He came back after twenty years or so though.  By then the Storm King was old and dying, so the Council of Elders appointed Magician Trent king.  He was one of the greatest kings we ever had," she concluded thoughtfully.

The cloud of confusion was having a very busy day.  Having withdrawn in the middle of the explanation, it now swooped back down on Kirk.

"Wait, Evil Magician Trent was appointed king?  And made a really good one?"

"Well of course he wasn't evil anymore," Sandra said matter-of-factly.  "He was only evil because he was opposing the standing order.  Once he was legally appointed king he was no longer considered evil, and he successfully brought Xanth into a new Golden Age."

"There is a certain logic in that," Spock acknowledged.

"I knew there was a reason I wasn't following it."  That was McCoy, of course.

"Anyway, we should get going.  See you later, Justin."

"I'll be here," Justin promised.

They continued on, and soon arrived at Sandra's house.  Her mother reacted quite well to the idea that Sandra had brought home five Mundanes she found wandering in the woods.  She also agreed that their only reasonable option was to go to the Good Magician.  And she even knew how they could get there (because of course five Mundanes couldn't be turned loose in Xanth and be expected to survive).  It seemed they had relatives living in a village near the Good Magician's Castle, who Sandra had been meaning to visit.  It would be simple enough for Sandra to show them most of the way.

They located some Xanth-normal clothes, a few supplies (including blankets off the blanket-tree), and then they set off.

*  *  *

The trip went without trouble for most of the day.  Well, Jones and Simons had a few problems, mostly involving rocks they swore jumped onto the path and tripped them.  Sandra did not find this nearly as odd as Kirk, Spock, and McCoy did.

But aside from that they didn't encounter any dangerous or even annoying denizens of Xanth.  Sandra explained that that was the nature of the enchantment on the enchanted path: nothing harmful could come on it.  The problem was when you left the path.

The problem arrived late that afternoon.

The path split, and Sandra looked at it with a frown.  The main path bent off to the right, a smaller path meandering roughly in the original direction.

"I forgot about this bend in the path.  It turns back towards the Good Magician's castle eventually, of course.  Seems a pity to have to walk in the wrong direction for who knows how long though."

"Why not take this way?" McCoy asked, wandering down the smaller path.  Sandra, facing towards the main path, didn't notice.  "This one looks just as nice.  Nicer even."

"Right.  That's the problem," Sandra said.

"That makes very little sense," McCoy said dismissively.  "And this one goes the right way."  He walked a little farther.  "Until that big tree with the weird branches, anyway.  I can't really see past there…"

He kept walking.  Sandra finally noticed.

Her eyes widened into something resembling just this side of panic.  "Don't walk down there."

"Why?  There's nothing but a tree."

"Exactly!" Sandra snapped.  "That tree happens to be dangerous!"

McCoy laughed.  "What's it going to do?  Eat me?"

"YES!"

The rest of the landing party shot her some very strange looks.

McCoy turned, with a similarly puzzled expression.  His back was to the tree, which is why he wasn't the first to realize what was happening.  That was either Kirk or Sandra, with Spock as a very close third.  Jones and Simmons were relatively slow.

The weird branches, you see, resembled nothing so much as tentacles.  And they were moving.  And they had noticed McCoy.

"Bones!  Behind you!"  Kirk snapped.  He started forward at a run, aware that Spock was at his heels and that neither one of them would be in time to do anything.

A huge tentacle was whipping out.  McCoy realized a second and a half too late, and only got about three steps in before the tentacle plucked him up.

And the bulge on the tree trunk that had opened up into a gaping maw was not reassuring.  Sandra hadn't been kidding about the tree eating him.

Kirk skidded to a halt, and stared up at the writhing tentacles of the tree, wondering what on Earth—or rather, in Xanth—one did when one's friend was being carried off by a tree.

[A/N: Aren't you glad I didn't stop the chapter here?]

And then an unanticipated variable stepped in.

McCoy was something of a creature of habit, even when being borne to a grisly death.  Which is why, struggling against the tentacle, he shouted, "Put me down, damn it, I'm a doctor, not plant food!"

And the truly amazing thing is, the tree put him down.  It froze for a moment, then lowered him down and retreated its tentacle, leaving McCoy sprawled on the path.

McCoy sat up, blinked, and asked, "What just happened?"

"We'll figure it out later," Kirk said, "Let's get out of here!"

While the tree may have put McCoy down, it did not seem uninclined to go after all three of them again.  Kirk hauled McCoy to his feet, and the three of them beat a hasty retreat back to the enchanted path and out of range of the whipping tangle of tentacles.  Its victims gone, the tree settled back into sullen quiet. 

It took a moment for everyone to catch their breaths.

"What was that thing?" Kirk demanded.

"That's a tangle tree," Sandra said, somewhat shaken.  "Tangle trees are big, and bad.  They create nice paths to lure in the unwary.  Nobody who know better messes with tangle trees.  Except maybe ogres, who aren't too bright but amazingly strong.  The tangle trees are just about as powerful as they come in Xanth."

"Then why am I alive?" McCoy asked.

Spock had been thinking about that.  "I suspect that that was the work of your 'talent.'"

"Say, that could be true," Sandra said, pleased with the thought.  She hadn't thought of it herself, but now that the idea had been raised she thoroughly agreed.

"My talent's surviving tangle trees?" McCoy asked dubiously.

Sandra shook her head.  "Of course not.  Remember what I said?  The Negative Profession, with an invocation."

A light bulb appeared over Kirk, and shed some light on the matter.  "I think I get it.  An invocation."

It began to dawn on McCoy.  "Wait.  You mean the invocation is…"

"'I'm a doctor, not a…'" Kirk filled in, grinning.

"Well, that about fits in with the absurdity of this entire place," McCoy muttered.

Sandra continued oblivious.  "The explanation is fairly obvious now.  Once you tell someone, or something, that you're not whatever, then they don't view you as that."

"That you should make you happy," Kirk commented.

"Yeah, it's not like people listen normally," McCoy returned.  There was no doubt who he meant by "people."

"He's implying things again," Kirk commented to Spock.

McCoy rolled his eyes.  "Anyway, should we keep going?"

Sandra nodded.  "We probably have a couple hours before dark."

You will notice that our brave heroes were recovering from a very trying experience with remarkable ease and speed.  Long practice gets you used to that sort of thing.

This, however, did not apply very well for Jones and Simmons, who you will have noticed were being rather quiet.  They were quickly coming to the conclusion that a place with carnivorous trees (and ones who dared to carry off even senior officers) was no place for them.

The group continued down the enchanted path.  Three were in good spirits, one was impassive, and two were nervous.

"So where do people camp in this place?" Kirk asked.

"There's an umbrella tree grove that would be perfect, an hour or two ahead if I remember right," Sandra answered.

"An umbrella tree?"  McCoy grinned.  "Wait, don't tell me.  It's a tree that grows umbrellas, right?"

Sandra laughed.  "No, of course not.  That would be silly!"

McCoy shrugged.  "Well, you win some, you lose some.  What is an umbrella tree like?"

"A tree shaped like an umbrella," Sandra said blithely.

"Oh yes, I can see how that's not silly at all," McCoy murmured.

Wedge Antilles:  Are you still confused?  Because if you don't tell me what you're confused about, I can't really help…

Taskemus: Yeah, it's a looong series.  The original trilogy ended up as nine books.  That's how Piers Anthony explains it anyway.

Alania: Yeah, I know…pointless rambling is rather fun…And I don't actually recall wisps of curiosity in Xanth.  But so long as I had a cloud of confusion, which seemed very Xanthish, I might as well have wisps of curiosity too.

PearlGirl: Glad you liked the talents.  They'll be back…well, they've already been back, this is the end of the chapter, but they'll be back again.

Whatshername: [sigh] The name is still throwing me off.  But more to the point: Centaur Aisle's pretty good.  Funny, I just reread that one.  And algebra is so easy to put off.

Okay, I think that's everyone.  Will be posting again as soon as possible which won't be as soon as it would normally, as I leave on vacation in, let's see, roughly an hour.  See you all in a week!