Thirty Second Romances
Part Three: Ron/Hermione
Notes: Ah, another thirty second romance, this one featuring the ever-popular-for-reasons-I'm-missing R/Hr 'ship. Remember, these ficlets are all in good fun and not meant to offend!
Shameless Plug: If you dislike R/Hr (or just hate cliche R/Hr fics), and you find this series somewhat funny, read my longer, funnier R/Hr romance parody, entitled: "Oh No! Not Another Bad R/Hr Romance!" You can access it by clicking on my user name.
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Harry, Ron, and Hermione were randomly walking around the Hogwarts grounds, doing nothing important for no apparent reason. Harry stood in-between Ron and Hermione, trying to protect them from killing each other as they had a fight over whether Britney Spears or Avril Lavigne was cooler.
Of course, Ron knew nothing about muggle singers, and the year was 1996, so no one had heard of these pop stars, but that didn't seem to matter.
"Britney has the more danceable songs!" Ron said.
"But Avril and more original and pseudo-punk just ROCKS!" Hermione retorted.
"Britney is hotter and has bigger boobs!" Ron said angrily.
"What! How DARE you be so superficial, Ron!" Hermione yelled and, in a fury of rage, leaned past Harry to slap Ron.
"Well, you just have no taste, pseudo-punk girl!" Ron screamed back, hitting Hermione on the head.
"Asshole!"
"Bitch!"
Harry, at this point, decided to clear his throat. "That's it! I've had it with both of you! I won't be your peacemaker anymore because I'm tired of your stupid little fights! In face, I'm so mad that I'm going to run away with a Hufflepuff named Sally right- oooooow!"
Ron, in an attempt to hit Hermione again, accidentally made contact with Harry's head. Harry fainted on the spot and was knocked out cold.
Instead of doing the smart thing and taking Harry to the infirmary, Ron and Hermione completely ignored his predicament. They kept on fighting, their bodies suddenly pressed firmly together without Harry to separate them.
"You're soooo MEAN, Hermione!" said Ron, their fight taking a more personal turn.
"Well, you're meaner!"
"Why, you good for nothing little-"
"Dumb bitch!" Ron yelled, grabbing Hermione and shaking her, full throttle.
"Hey, women's rights! This is RAPE!" Hermione cried emphatically, socking Ron in the stomach. Ron fell to the floor.
Seeing Ron on the ground made Hermione admittedly easily changeable heart melt. Wow, he looked so beautiful when he was crippled, that poor bastard! Unfortunately, she lost the thought when he stood up.
"You hit like a girl," Ron grumbled, sticking out his tongue at Hermione.
Suddenly, Ron and Hermione noticed they had somehow, in the middle of their fight, they had entered the Gryffindor common room. Even though it was class time, every single Gryffindor had randomly decided to cut class that day, and they were all sitting in the common room, except for Harry.
Yep, it had been a Gryffindor GOSSIP TIME, and only Ron and Hermione's dramatic entrance could stop the talking! Then, it started up again, this time featuring Ron and Hermione's relationship!
"My brother has the biggest crush on Hermione!" Ginny whispered to Colin Creevy as Ron tackled Hermione.
"Yeah, it's so obvious! I mean, why else would people be fighting other than unresolved sexual feelings?" Colin replied.
"Beats me! Here, have some popcorn."
Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione were fighting, tearing and beating each other up, while all the Gryffindors watched and ate popcorn, none of them bothering to stop them, despite bruises galore on their skulls!
Finally, Ron, being the male "stronger sex," pushed Hermione down onto the floor. A-ha! He had done it! He had defeated Hermione! Yeah, baby, he was gooood....
The whole Gryffindor house sat there in suspense, waiting for what was coming next.
It just then, with Hermione below him on the floor, that Ron realized how hot her body felt. How beautiful her AMAZING BOOBIES WERE! And that his crush on her had NEVER GONE AWAY!
Hermione, at the same moment, looked at Ron, eyes wide. He was HOT! He was HANDSOME! How could she have not noticed the HOT SEXUAL TENSION beneath the surface of their fights?
Ron couldn't take it any more. He learned down into the floor and gave Hermione a hot, sexy kiss.
Hermione kissed back. "Wow, Ron! That was awesome! Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend! All these fights have led up to this hot release of the feelings we've hidden for so long in our arguing!"
Everyone in the Gryffindor common room clapped as Ron and Hermione kissed again as they panted from hotttt sexual passion. This time, Ron and Hermione didn't stop and kept on kissing! Within ten minutes, the whole school somehow found out about their AMAZING LOVE!
A few minutes later, a mysteriously revived Harry walked casually into the common room. "Um, hey all guys," he said. "Erm, ah, what's going on? Did Hermione get hurt? Is Ron giving her mouth to mouth?"
Some random Gryffindors walked up to Harry. "Ah, Harry, it looks like we have A LOT of explaining to do. When a man loves a woman..."
"...They give each other mouth-to-mouth?" Harry asked innocently.
The entire Gryffindor house groaned at his inherent cluelessness.
In the meantime, Ron and Hermione had fainted. See, they'd been kissing for a long, long time, and they were so passionate they forgot to breathe. Oops.
But that, I suppose, is the price you pay for love!
*****
End of part 3
