Thirty Second Romances


Part Seven: Draco/Harry

Watch Harry and Draco get together in a potions class gone wacky! Anyone else hate majorly OOC Slytherins?

General notes: I'm sort of on hiatus for now; read my author profile to see why (it's nothing too exciting though). However, I'm going to try and update this series when I can because I love it and it has a big following.

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Harry walked into potions class with Ron and Hermione, unhappy as usual that he had to partake in such means of human torture. Well, at least Ron's letting me sit with Hermione today! He thought, glad Neville wouldn't have the chance to let him blow up his cauldron today.

"Hey Harry, wanna go out with me? I love you!" Hermione randomly announced as they sat down.

Harry looked at her strangely for a minute. "Um, Hermione are you feeling okay? You know you aren't my type, platonic friend!"

"You're right!" Hermione gasped. "I don't know what got into me. Besides, everyone knows I'd rather hook up with Professor Lupin. Or Fleur."

Meanwhile, Harry was thinking. Oh, woe is me! I'm madly in love with my worst enemy instead of liking smart intelligent girls who like me back like Hermione or Ginny or my crush Cho! No, I'm suddenly in love with DRACO MALFOY! Every time he insults me he turns me on! But alas, he will never love me back!

"TIME FOR CLASS!" Professor Snape yelled at the top of his lungs. "Okay for fun you guys I've decided to pair everyone up with a random Slytherin while we make our potion!"

"But Snape!" called out random Slytherin #1, "You'd never torture Slytherins by making them work with Gryffindors!"

"Yeah!" said random Slytherin #2.

"FOR THE SAKE OF PLOT, SHUT UP!" screamed Snape. Everyone did.

"Oooookay...how about Weasel with androgynous Blaise, Granger with Goyle, and POTTER with MALFOY!"

"Hey, what about the rest of us!" cried the other Slytherins and Gryffindors.

"Um, whatever," mumbled Snape.

Ohmigawd I have to work with Draco! My secret love! How can I work with him without telling him it's him I truly love and not Cho Chang?

Ohno, I'm working with Potter! Why is my heart beating so badly at the mere thought of him? Has he figured out that my incredibly mean insults are truly homoerotic visions and not my secret plan to kill him off? Oh, sigh, I can't like a good guy this way. Help me!

"I hate you Potter!"

"I have you too, Malfoy!" they yelled at each other as they sat down.

"Five Gazillion points from Slytherin, Malfoy," Professor Snape sneered.

"But you never, like, like totally, take like points from us!" cried Pansy Parkinson.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Snape snickered. "Okay, so we're going to make a HEARTTHROB POTION today! You take it and it tell you who your heartthrob is!"

The class ran to the bathroom and puked.

"Okay, here's the list of directions. Start!"

"Malfoy, you get the ingredients."

"No, you Potter!"

"You Malfoy!"

"You Potter!"

Somehow, in their midst of arguing, true sexual desire came through and they managed to get the ingredients. In the midst of the following arguments, the potion assembled itself.

"Why do you always yell at me Draco?" Harry whimpered softly.

"I hate you Harry," he whispered back.

"OHMIGAWD!" Harry yelled. "YOU CALLED ME HARRY?"

"So?"

"THIS MEANS YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME!" Harry cried so loudly everyone heard him.

"Err..."

"Ya, you got dat! Tru dat!" Harry said with a huge grin.

Ron and Hermione telepathically whispered to each other from across the room. "Could they be true?" they asked each other.

"We dunno," came out the clueless response, just happy they'd avoided the H/D slash cliche of being the R/Hr subpairing.

"Oh look, our potion is done!" said Harry. "We both have to take it and see who our true heartthrobs are!"

"YEAH!" cried the class.

So they both took their potions, and lo and behold, a picture of Draco cropped up on Harry's desk, and a picture of Harry on Draco's!

Draco pouted. "It's true, I'm in love with you Harry Potter and I have been ever since I insulted you on the train as a first year! Forgive my misplaced feelings!"

"Okay but only cause I love you too!" said Harry.

So then they leaned in and started making out, and the rest of the class, being voyeurs, decided to watch. But suddenly, Harry stopped. "How will this work out?" he wailed. "You're bad and I'm good?"

"Ah, who cares? Let's just have a secret sex life. In fact, let's have sex now!" said Draco.

"Okay!"

So they started stripping in front of everyone, and Dumbledore randomly popped his head in.

"Ah, two lovers having sex in the middle of class," he sighed. "I knew this would happen. They're destined for each other!"

"YAY!" cried the class of Gryffindors, Slytherins, and Snape.

"A bigillion points to Gryffindor and Slytherin!" Snape cried excitedly.

"Man, Crabbe is looking hot suddenly!" Hermione cried, rushing over to her new Slytherin true love.

"Millicent, come to me baby!" Ron cried.

And soon the room had enveloped itself into a massive Slytherin/Gryffindor orgy, including Snape and Dumbledore. Everyone fell in love with everyone else.

In the meantime, Harry and Draco managed to save the world with their extra-special mutated large genitals, but that's another tale for another time, my friends.

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End of Part 7

Next up: Snape/Hermione!