Thirty Second Romances

Part Eight: Snape/Hermione


Notes: Got this one cranked out on the final evening of spring break in between watching the Oscars. This is a S/Hr fic...the pairing? Well, let's just say I cringe at the thought!

*****

"I'm in LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!"

"Um, Professor Snape? Those are your thoughts on my potions paper?" asked a thorough frightened Draco Malfoy.

Snape cleared his throat. "Er, sorry about that. The paper is fine. Yeah, fine. Now go away."

Draco stood up. "Sure professor, but you're acting a bit odd. Are you spying on me or something."

"NO!" Snape cried. "I'm just madly in love with a student of mine," he murmured. "It makes me act strangely."

"Whoah, are you TRYING to get me out of here!?" Draco screamed, running out of the room. "I hope you were kidding. You in love? Man prof, that's giving me bad mental images!"

Snape just grinned stupidly, not caring what his favorite pupil thought. After all, his lovely lady was an enemy of Draco. Yes, despite her greasy, busy hair and rodent teeth (the makeover fourth year had only been temporary), Snape loved his Smart Gryffindor Babe, HERMIONE GRANGER!

Still singing to himself, Snape walked up to Dumbledore's room. In his lovesick stupor, he forgot the password. "Bertie Bots! Carmel Canes! Sugar Domes! Animal Quackers! Damn, I give up. I think I'll just go watch Girls Gone Wild..."

The door opened.

"Yo dude!" cried Snape, walking in. "I guess Dumbledore's secretly into porn, too!"

"Ya man, I have 500 hot videos. I'm about to watch 'Throbbing Threesomes.' Would you like to watch with me?"

"Okay!" Snape paused. "Wait a minute, I can't cheat on my lover?"

Dumbledore coughed. "You're in love! Eww, that's disturbing!"

"Oh, shut up," Snape grumbled. "So, anyway, I came in here to get your permission to SEXILY ROMANCE Hermione Granger!"

Dumbledore paused. "Miss Granger. An ugly one, isn't she? How old is she?"

"17."

"Underage sex with a butt ugly student of yours?" Dumbledore mused. "Well, I am drunk, stoned, and about to watch porn. Have fun Severus!"

"YAY!" Snape cried, giggling as he left the office. After he calmed down, he wrote Hermione a note:

Dear Miss Hermi Granger:
You've been a very naughty girl in my potion's class. I think you need a spanking just so you know what a bad bad girl you've been. Come to my dungeon for detention tonight, and I shall "punish" you.
- SS


Snape GRINNED as he sent the letter.

*****

Hungry for sex, Snape ran to the potions dungeon as daintily as a princess about to enter a major ball. He shut the door.

"You're late."

Snape turned around and gasped at what he saw. "Hermione, you're dressed in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit, just like that hot Britney Spears porn...err, I mean music video."

Hermione moaned at Snape. "Oh yes, Severus, I did this little get-up thing just for you."

"B-but how did you know?" Snape stammered. "And how did you manage to make yourself go from ugly to...hot!?"

Hermione smirked. "As you know Severus, I'm a very smart girl. I knew way back as an 11-year-old that you fancied me! Now I've just been waiting for the chance to have that piece of meat! Oh, and the look- it was your love for me that made me HOT!"

"Oh Mio! I never knew I have such an effect on you!" Snape sighed.

"Oh look! Now your love for me is turning you handsome, far nicer, and completely on the side of Harry!" Hermione held out a mirror for Snape.

"I'M A HUNK!" Snape exclaimed in tears, hugging Hermione. The teary scene continued for a minute, until Snape snapped out of his trance.

"Now Hermione, you realize you have only a 99% average in my class. You're good enough for a perfect 100%. You been NAUGHTY!"

Hermione whimpered. "I have been Snape! I have!"

"Now, let's lift up that skirt and give you a little spanking! Be good to teacher, and I'll give you an 100%!"

"YES PROF SEVERUS YES!"

And so a night of hot S&M bonding continued, and Hermione, with her new naughty image, got her average up to not only a 100%, but a 102%, Snape's hot look allowed him to score with everyone he wanted to (although Hermione stayed his true love), and Dumbledore found watching their porno videos must exhilarating.

END OF PART 8

Not sure which pairing I'll do next, but sit tight!