"This is Wolf Blitzen reporting live from Elwood City. I have with me three local kids who are making a statement about the rhino crisis in this city. Their names are Alan Powers, Francine Frensky, and Arthur Read."

Next to the news reporter stood Brain, Francine, and Arthur, all dressed in shirts with the slogan HUMANS GOOD, RHINOS BAD.

"I understand that these shirts were your idea, Alan," said Wolf, pointing the microphone at Brain.

"That's right, sir," said Brain.

As Wolf interviewed Brain, three rhino kids raced carelessly down the street in the background. There was the sound of a cat screaming, followed by a woman crying out, "My kitty!"

"'Humans good, rhinos bad' is a short, succinct message," Wolf continued, "but I'm sure there's more to it than that. For the benefit of our viewing audience, would you mind expanding a little on what you're trying to get across?"

"The way we see it," said Brain, "humans represent civilization, culture, and reason, while rhinos represent..."

"Thank you very much, Alan," said Wolf, pulling the microphone away from him. "We appear to be out of time. Next up, Kennedy and Holmes will debate the situation in Elwood City. Don't go away."

The scene on the TV screen shifted to two men on opposite ends of a table.

"Welcome to Kennedy and Holmes," said the man on the left. "I'm Kennedy, and this is Holmes. Tonight's topic: Where have all the children gone? They've turned into rhinos, everyone. Holmes, why don't you get us started?"

"Glad to," said Holmes. "First off, as the audience is certainly aware by now, I'm a firm believer in the right of every individual to choose his or her lifestyle without coercion. And that right extends to choosing one's own species as well. If the kids in Elwood City choose to be rhinos instead of humans, then that's their right, and we should respect that."

"You said 'choose'," Kennedy responded. "But it's not a choice. Kids are turning into rhinos against their will."

"You make it sound like some kind of alien invasion plot," said Holmes. "And I admit, it may look that way, but remember, the phenomenon is still in its first day. As it progresses, we may find that the kids do have a choice after all."

"Even assuming they do have a choice," said Kennedy, "we can't expect eight- and nine-year-old kids to make such a choice responsibly. Think about it. If you're my kid, and I ask you if you'd rather stay the way you are, with school and homework and all that, or become a rhino, and do nothing all day but run around smashing things and eating grass, what's your answer gonna be?"

"You talk about smashing things and eating grass like it's something bad," Holmes retorted. "That's what rhinos do in the wild. It's not evil, it's just their nature. And who are we to say our nature is better than theirs?"

"We're humans," Kennedy answered.

"And what exactly does that imply?" Holmes shot back.

"I'll tell you," said Kennedy, "right after this commercial break."

A pitchman wearing a rhinoceros mask appeared on the TV screen.

"Attention, kids of Elwood City!" he announced. "All your friends have turned into rhinos. And that can only mean one thing. You have to turn into a rhino, too! And after you do, charge on down to the Rhino Emporium's grand opening! We've got the latest fashions...actually, the only fashions...designed with your new body in mind. Shirts, jeans, blouses, shoes, all guaranteed to bring out the beast in you. So what are you waiting for? Join the stampede today!"

Not long after the airing of this commercial, a line of dozens, if not hundreds, of rhino kids formed outside of the Mall-In-One. Many of them wore ripped clothing or no clothing at all, and they spoke as if under a hypnotic influence.

"Must...buy...rhino...clothes," droned Rhino Sue Ellen.

"Too...stupid...to...resist," said Rhino Prunella, who stood behind her.

Inside the Rhino Emporium store, an unruly mob tore open and overturned boxes of clothing until the floor was blanketed with garments. Two rhino boys dueled with their horns over a pair of extra-large jeans.

A rhino girl walked up to the store clerk and placed a large red blouse on the counter. The clerk ran his scanner over it. "That'll be one hundred dollars."

"Do you take Visa?" asked the rhino girl, pulling out her credit card.

"I certainly do," said the clerk as he snatched her card away. "Have a nice day."

As the rhino girl slung her new blouse over her shoulder and turned to leave the store, two more rhinos appeared in the entrance, paying no attention to the queue. One was Binky, and the other was the towering uber-rhino, George.

"Listen up, everybody!" Binky cried out. "My friend George here wants to buy some clothes, and he likes his space. So clear the heck out!"

The rhinos in the store sized up George with trepidation, then all at once began to stampede their way past him and Binky.

Now unhindered, George lumbered over to the checkout counter. "Got anything in my size?" he bellowed.

The clerk gazed up at George's immense frame. "Uh...we'll have to special order."

Rhino George stared down at the clerk, who stared up at him wordlessly. The mutual staring continued for several seconds.

"I'm waiting," boomed George.

Meanwhile, Arthur, Brain, Muffy, and Francine were strolling past the shops, clad in their HUMANS GOOD, RHINOS BAD T-shirts.

"I can't believe you got me into one of these shirts," Muffy grumbled. "They're soooo tacky."

"We've got to get our message to the people somehow," said Brain, "and if the news media won't give us more than a few seconds..."

"You know," said Muffy, "I could just rent a few billboards."

As they passed by the Rhino Emporium, they were shocked to see a vast number of rhino kids entering, leaving, and loitering outside the store.

"Omigosh! Look at them!" Francine marveled. "It's worse than I imagined!"

"What if they see our shirts?" said Muffy anxiously.

"I'll bet they can't read anymore," said Arthur.

One of the girl rhinos approached them; they were surprised to observe that she was wearing a rhino-sized shirt with the message, HUMANS GOOD, RHINOS BETTER.

"Hi, Francine," she said in a vaguely familiar voice.

Francine's eyes widened. "J-Jenna?"

"Yeah," said Rhino Jenna. "What do you think?"

"Er...ah..." Francine stammered.

"The nose is a definite improvement," said Muffy.

"Thanks," said Jenna, patting her two-horned nose. "Hey, some of us are going to trash the sports store. Wanna come?"

"Uh...no, thanks," said Francine.

"You don't have to break anything," said Jenna. "You can just watch. It'll be fun. Besides, there's nothing on TV tonight."

Francine became thoughtful. "Uh...well..."

Brain grabbed her by the arm. "Come on, Francine. They're not your people."

Francine yanked her arm away. "Hey, what's wrong with a little entertainment?"

Brain suddenly stepped forward and slapped Francine resoundingly on the cheek. Arthur, Muffy, and Jenna gaped with surprise.

Francine glared angrily at Brain, who looked down at his hand, shocked and ashamed at what he had done.

Moments later, Francine calmed down and lowered her head. "Thanks, Brain. I really needed that."

"Well, have fun anyway," said Jenna as she walked away from the group.

"I'm sorry for slapping you," Brain said to Francine. "I thought for a second that you were starting to...well...go over."

"Maybe I was," said Francine nervously. "Come on, let's get away from all these rhinos."

As the four kids accelerated their pace through the mall, Brain's voice took on a serious tone.

"If we want to win this battle, we've got to stick together. No one sleeps alone tonight!"

(to be continued)