Zowies, I'm on an uploading ROLL! And yes, by the way, I saw BOTP, I know-- Well, for the sake of not spoiling it for those of you who HAVEN'T seen it, I know some stuff that would make future chapters impossible. But I got this idea BEFORE seeing BOTP, so suspend disbelief, k? No own.
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Dib woke up to total darkness, and extreme pain. He felt dizzy and nauseous, and had a throbbing headache.
"Where is it???" he heard an unmistakable voice mutter irritably. There were some crashing sounds, and he heard the voice say "Finally."
Light flooded the room, and, half-stunned, Dib surveyed the squalid surroundings. Squishy, grayish mattresses, unwashed cups, and alien underwear littered the cramped, dingy cabin, which was also grey. In fact, besides himself, there was only one non-grey thing he noticed, it was green, and it was looking very unhappy at this moment.
"You!" Zim shouted.
Dib's shock dissolved into familiar anger. "Where have you taken me Zim??" he demanded.
Zim glared even harder. "I didn't take you here! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead!" This did nothing to calm Dib.
"Ha!" he said, "Well then looks like I've foiled yet another of you stupid plans, Zim!" /Without even realizing it./ he added silently.
Zim couldn't help but grin, not that he was trying not to. "Pretty small victory, human. I hate to tell you this- well, actually, no I don't, but your stinking planet has been demolished." Zim threw back his head and laughed. GIR, who until now was quietly sucking on his 'lollipop' joined in.
Dib looked shocked, then angry. "Another trick, Zim! And I'm not falling for it! You couldn't blow up the earth if you had a big... blowing up.... thing!"
Zim frowned angrily. "Yes I could! But in this case it wasn't me, it was-" Zim was cut off by a series of howling, gurgling sounds coming from a loudspeaker.
"What's that noise?!?" Dib cried, alarmed.
"Hello Mr. Noise!" said GIR.
"Silence!" Zim yelled, "The captain of this disgusting vessel must be making an announcement, I need to hear this."
"Vessel?!?" Dib cried, "You mean we're on a- a-..." he paused, then screamed.
Zim growled at Dib, then, without explanation, pulled a small jar out of his backpod and clamped it firmly on Dib's ear. This caused Dib to scream even louder, and claw at his head in a panic. He punched and kicked in Zim's general direction, but the Invader stayed firm. Finally, Zim withdrew, and after another few seconds of scrabbling, Dib realized he could now understand the strange noises coming from the speaker. Calming slightly, he listened.
"Finally..." muttered Zim. (A/N: Didn't read HHG2G and wondering what's in Dib's ear? Scroll down until you see this: *****)
What Dib heard was this:
"Message repeats. This is your captain speaking, so stop whatever you're doing and pay attention. First of all, I see from our instruments that we have a couple of hitchhikers aboard. Hello, wherever you are. I just want to make it totally clear that you are not at all welcome. I worked hard to get where I am today, and I didn't become captain of a Vogon constructor ship simply so I could turn it into a taxi service for a load of degenerate freeloaders. I have sent out a search party, and as soon as they find you I will put you off the ship. If you're very lucky, I might read you some of my poetry first."
"Yaaaaay!" GIR squealed. Zim sighed and shook his head.
"What was THAT?" Dib asked quietly. Faintly, the stamp of heavy boots was audible behind the door. Quickly, it began to get louder and louder. Zim unfolded his metal legs. Dib suddenly wished he could do that, he didn't exactly feel secure at the moment. The door burst open and Zim sent himself hurling over two of the most ugly creatures in the Galaxy, while GIR ran headfirst into one, knocking him over. In the few seconds in which they were distracted, Dib took the opportunity to go darting through thier legs. Zim retracted his legs and hit the ground running, and Dib kept pace just a few steps behind him.
Frantically, they raced randomly through the maze of corridors, equally unfamiliar to both, GIR giggling happily behind them. Alarms went off and more and more Vogon guards joined the chase. The trio darted away from them easily, being much more agile than any Vogon, but they were beginning to swarm. As the mob of guards began to close the distance, Dib spotted an open door in an otherwise dead end. He veered towards it, and Zim, with no other place to go, followed, with GIR behind. They leapt in and the door closed behind him. Over the loud noise of the door clicking into place, Dib thought he heard the laughter of the strange aliens outside. The room was small, and totally dark, and it didn't take long for Zim to figure out why.
"Dib, you moron. That was the airlock."
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*****(The thing in Dib's ear is called a Babel Fish. According to the HHG2G, "The Babel Fish is small, yellow and leechlike, and probably the oldest thing in the universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from it's own carrier, but from those around it. It absorbs all the unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of it's carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining councious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is if you stick a Babel Fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any language." )
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Dib woke up to total darkness, and extreme pain. He felt dizzy and nauseous, and had a throbbing headache.
"Where is it???" he heard an unmistakable voice mutter irritably. There were some crashing sounds, and he heard the voice say "Finally."
Light flooded the room, and, half-stunned, Dib surveyed the squalid surroundings. Squishy, grayish mattresses, unwashed cups, and alien underwear littered the cramped, dingy cabin, which was also grey. In fact, besides himself, there was only one non-grey thing he noticed, it was green, and it was looking very unhappy at this moment.
"You!" Zim shouted.
Dib's shock dissolved into familiar anger. "Where have you taken me Zim??" he demanded.
Zim glared even harder. "I didn't take you here! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead!" This did nothing to calm Dib.
"Ha!" he said, "Well then looks like I've foiled yet another of you stupid plans, Zim!" /Without even realizing it./ he added silently.
Zim couldn't help but grin, not that he was trying not to. "Pretty small victory, human. I hate to tell you this- well, actually, no I don't, but your stinking planet has been demolished." Zim threw back his head and laughed. GIR, who until now was quietly sucking on his 'lollipop' joined in.
Dib looked shocked, then angry. "Another trick, Zim! And I'm not falling for it! You couldn't blow up the earth if you had a big... blowing up.... thing!"
Zim frowned angrily. "Yes I could! But in this case it wasn't me, it was-" Zim was cut off by a series of howling, gurgling sounds coming from a loudspeaker.
"What's that noise?!?" Dib cried, alarmed.
"Hello Mr. Noise!" said GIR.
"Silence!" Zim yelled, "The captain of this disgusting vessel must be making an announcement, I need to hear this."
"Vessel?!?" Dib cried, "You mean we're on a- a-..." he paused, then screamed.
Zim growled at Dib, then, without explanation, pulled a small jar out of his backpod and clamped it firmly on Dib's ear. This caused Dib to scream even louder, and claw at his head in a panic. He punched and kicked in Zim's general direction, but the Invader stayed firm. Finally, Zim withdrew, and after another few seconds of scrabbling, Dib realized he could now understand the strange noises coming from the speaker. Calming slightly, he listened.
"Finally..." muttered Zim. (A/N: Didn't read HHG2G and wondering what's in Dib's ear? Scroll down until you see this: *****)
What Dib heard was this:
"Message repeats. This is your captain speaking, so stop whatever you're doing and pay attention. First of all, I see from our instruments that we have a couple of hitchhikers aboard. Hello, wherever you are. I just want to make it totally clear that you are not at all welcome. I worked hard to get where I am today, and I didn't become captain of a Vogon constructor ship simply so I could turn it into a taxi service for a load of degenerate freeloaders. I have sent out a search party, and as soon as they find you I will put you off the ship. If you're very lucky, I might read you some of my poetry first."
"Yaaaaay!" GIR squealed. Zim sighed and shook his head.
"What was THAT?" Dib asked quietly. Faintly, the stamp of heavy boots was audible behind the door. Quickly, it began to get louder and louder. Zim unfolded his metal legs. Dib suddenly wished he could do that, he didn't exactly feel secure at the moment. The door burst open and Zim sent himself hurling over two of the most ugly creatures in the Galaxy, while GIR ran headfirst into one, knocking him over. In the few seconds in which they were distracted, Dib took the opportunity to go darting through thier legs. Zim retracted his legs and hit the ground running, and Dib kept pace just a few steps behind him.
Frantically, they raced randomly through the maze of corridors, equally unfamiliar to both, GIR giggling happily behind them. Alarms went off and more and more Vogon guards joined the chase. The trio darted away from them easily, being much more agile than any Vogon, but they were beginning to swarm. As the mob of guards began to close the distance, Dib spotted an open door in an otherwise dead end. He veered towards it, and Zim, with no other place to go, followed, with GIR behind. They leapt in and the door closed behind him. Over the loud noise of the door clicking into place, Dib thought he heard the laughter of the strange aliens outside. The room was small, and totally dark, and it didn't take long for Zim to figure out why.
"Dib, you moron. That was the airlock."
------
*****(The thing in Dib's ear is called a Babel Fish. According to the HHG2G, "The Babel Fish is small, yellow and leechlike, and probably the oldest thing in the universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from it's own carrier, but from those around it. It absorbs all the unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of it's carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining councious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is if you stick a Babel Fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any language." )