I have an excuse for this chapter taking so long, I've been away the last week or so. Now, for this chapter to make sense, we'll have to assume a coupla things:
1. Although BOTP showed us that all Irkens are aware of the truth about Zim's mission, it's still possible that someone like Invader Skoodge would be in the dark about that, among other things.
2. BOTP *also* showed us that there are things *besides* height that determine Irken rank, because there were Irkens who were clearly either soldiers or civilians that were taller than some Invaders. Keep that in mind for later in the fic.
3. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume Skoodge is just as naive about his mission as Zim is, do you?
Okay? Okay, good. Incidently, I recently found a tape with all the original HHG2G radio broadcasts, and let me just say, you have not LIVED until you've heard Marvin's adorably depressing voice!
---
A few moments later, SIR led Zim, Dib and GIR onto the bridge, muttered something darkly, then sat in a corner and turned himself off. Three sets of eyes were wide enough that they looked as if they might burst, though Dib's eyes had been that way for quite a while already...
There are many people in this universe that believe there are no such things as coincidences. There are many others who believe there are no such things as socks, though their theories are less respected in other parts of the Galaxy. These people usually reside on Zirtius Twelve, and curiously enough, all wear socks. They never mention the fact that they wear socks, of course, and if you inquire about it they'll chuckle a little, and shake their heads-or some other upper protrusion-sadly, pitying what they see as a sign of massive insanity.
But back to coincidences. There are many mind-boggilingly absurd coincidences in the universe, even more than ever since the development of the infinite improbability drive. For example, it is a well-known fact nowadays that when Zaphoid Bebblebrox was running for president of the Galaxy, his opponent mysteriously disappeared, presumed murdered. Far from this event lowering his popularity, it skyrocketed, seeing as there were no other candidates to direct it to. Well, it turns out his opponent had mearly slipped into a freak wormhole, the sort of which is everywhere these days, and came out just in time to take over the presidency, just as Zaphiod dropped out.
But forget about Zaphiod, he's perfectly safe now and isn't important to this story, except for the mention that he stole the Heart of Gold, the first ever ship to run on an infinite improbability drive, and put it through excitement and adventure and really wild things. And like all things do eventually, particularly things that have been put though excitement and adventure and really wild things, it broke up and became almost useless and dangerous to run, eventually settling to what it thought would be rest on a planet somewhere obscure.
This planet was soon taken over by the Irken empire, and that persistent ship was put in an Irken storage locker for ships that are to dilapidated, or just to temperamental, to be piloted without resulting in highly probable death for the pilot. Therefore, it was instantly thought of as a way of ensuring the death of Invader Skoodge, thought to be an embarrassment to the Almighty Tallest. What the Tallests didn't realize at the time, is when dealing with a ship with the infinite improbability drive, if it is highly probable that the pilot will die, then it is highly probable that the improbable situation of the pilot surviving will happen. And if you don't believe in coincidences, wait'll you see what transpires next:
"Skooge!" Zim said awkwardly, "I um, didn't expect this." Zim was bewildered. Sure, he didn't know Skooge *well,* but still, the odds of meeting another Invader in a universe the size of... well, a universe, were literally thirty to infinity, which was practically nothing anyway.
"Er, hi." said Skooge, equally awkward. Desperately he tried to change the subject. It wasn't hard. "What's that?" he asked, pointing to Dib, who was currently gaping. GIR began chewing on Dib's foot, who didn't seem to notice.
"Oh him," Zim said contemptuously, "Can't we just shove him out the airlock, or something?"
"What!??" Dib cried. And at the sound of her brother's voice, Gaz entered through an automatic door, holding a handheld version of the complex system in the other room, which had an Irken logo on the back. If Dib's eyes looked like they might burst before, now it seemed that if they did, they would take everyone in the room with them.
"Oh. Hey Dib." Gaz said apathetically. Dib gaped. Zim looked shocked as well, he turned to Skooge for an explanation, who turned to Gaz.
"What?" Gaz asked. Then turning back to Zim and Dib, who were both gaping at this point, she added, "Oh." she paused her game, and continued. "Okay fine, being you, I'm sure you want to know how I got here, and you'll just bug me until I tell you anyway." she took a deep breath. "About two months ago, I was at the Video Funpit looking for Punch, Kick Owies III, when I noticed him-" she gestured to Skooge, "-carrying the most amazing game system. When I asked him where he got it, he said, 'Certainly somewhere that isn't on another planet' Then he stared laughing nervously. So I started asking about how it worked, thinking maybe I could force you to build me one. We started talking, and after a while he told me the-" at this point her voice took on a note of exaggerated sarcasm, "-*big* secret. Two hours later I was here." she finished simply, unpausing her game and punching the buttons furiously.
This, if anything, seemed to confuse Dib further. "But- I just saw you this morning!" he cried.
"That was an android." Gaz said, not looking up "You didn't think I'd just leave the *planet* without leaving something like that behind."
"You'd leave everything on earth, just so you could play more advanced videogames??" Dib practically screamed. Gaz shrugged.
As Dib continued to scream in Gaz's general direction, Zim glared at Skooge. "Hey!" Skooge said innocently, "How was I supposed to know you were on earth? Your mission was top secret, remember?"
"Yes, of course." Zim said, blinking, "Of course, how were you to know about my well-deserved mission of importantness? Well, I don't suppose Gaz would go along with throwing Dib out the airlock. So let's throw her out too!"
Skooge shook his head firmly. "No, I've become very much... accustomed to her being around." he said.
There was something about the low tone of his voice, and the gooey-eyed glance, (returned with a glare) so similar to GIR's expression upon seeing burritos, that made Zim think of a possibility that prompted him to say: "You know what? I really don't want to know. Fine then, where to we go from here?"
"Well, I just heard about the bypass on the sub-etha radio, so both our planets have been demolished, and I figure-"
"Wait, wait, *both* our planets?"
Skoodge grinned sheepishly. "Demolished, turned into a banana fruitcake as a result of using the infinite improbability drive, then eaten by a giant mutant star goat, same difference."
"I... see..." Zim said. And the two Invaders continued their discussion, mentioning several things that Dib would have found fascinating, if he was listening. At the moment, he was far too busy doing this:
"I can't believe you Gaz! You abandoned all of mankind!! You left us all in the clutches of menacing alien forces! You- uf!" Dib was cut off by a forceful kick in the shins. "How could you side with the aliens Gaz?" he continued, standing while rubbing his shin. "How? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?? My own sister! How could you Gaz?? HOW?"
"Dib?" Gaz muttered.
"Yes?"
"Go stick your head in a pig."
As Dib prepared another string of accusations, Zim and Skoodge finished. GIR stopped chewing on Dib's foot, and looked up to see Zim walking purposefully up to them. A hard look on his face, he made the big annoucment. "We're going to Magrathia."
"Yaaaaay!" GIR cried.
Zim raised an eyebrow. "You know what Magrathia is?" he asked skeptically.
"No!" said GIR, happily.
Zim's eyes narrowed, as he went into back-story mode. (A/N: Y'know, like in Planet Jackers?) "Long ago, when the Galaxy was new, a planet was created for the sheer purpose of manufacturing other planets for the wealthy elite. But the pitiful economic structure of the Galaxy couldn't handle such an industry, and it soon collapsed in a ball of collapse-y doom. The inhabitants of Magrathia went into suspended animation, for as long as it took until the Galaxy's economy was up to the point where they could continue their business... and that's where we're going. To have a new Earth, and a new Blortch made." That said, he spun around and walked out of the room, dragging GIR behind.
Dib, still half-stunned, didn't absorb any of this. "What's going on??" he cried, "Where are we going? Why are we listening to *him*?!?"
Gaz's eyes bulged as she gritted her teeth. "Shut up, Dib." she said. When he didn't she sighed, "We're going" she said simply, "to save the Earth."
"Right, good..." Dib said shakily, "To save the Earth..." he continued muttering that under his breath, over and over again.
While Dib clung to his sanity, Skoodge walked, (*ahem*) smoothly over to Gaz, and whispered something in her ear. She kicked him very hard in the shins and walked out. "Okay," he called, his voice pained, "let me know if you change your mind. SIR, ca- *will* you escort the Earthanoid to his quarters?"
SIR's eyes blinked to life and he turned in Skoodge's direction. "I have a terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side, but do you replace them?" Skoodge didn't see what this had to do with anything, and after saying so, limped out of the room. SIR heaved a sigh that would make lesser beings weep, and all but dragged Dib, still muttering, out the door.
"It's not as if I expect him to, I'm quite used to being neglected. I think if some extremly vital part of my system were failing he wouldn't lift a finger to do anything about, not that I'd want him to." SIR droned, as he led Dib down a hall, and into an unremarkable room furnished for living. As the door closed behind Dib with a whisper of "Glad to be of service," Dib's eyes opened wider still.
"Hey!" he cried to nobody, "What's this thing doing in my ear?!?!"
-------
Next chapter: Dib tries to cope, GIR and SIR interact, and they FINALLY reach Magrathia!
1. Although BOTP showed us that all Irkens are aware of the truth about Zim's mission, it's still possible that someone like Invader Skoodge would be in the dark about that, among other things.
2. BOTP *also* showed us that there are things *besides* height that determine Irken rank, because there were Irkens who were clearly either soldiers or civilians that were taller than some Invaders. Keep that in mind for later in the fic.
3. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume Skoodge is just as naive about his mission as Zim is, do you?
Okay? Okay, good. Incidently, I recently found a tape with all the original HHG2G radio broadcasts, and let me just say, you have not LIVED until you've heard Marvin's adorably depressing voice!
---
A few moments later, SIR led Zim, Dib and GIR onto the bridge, muttered something darkly, then sat in a corner and turned himself off. Three sets of eyes were wide enough that they looked as if they might burst, though Dib's eyes had been that way for quite a while already...
There are many people in this universe that believe there are no such things as coincidences. There are many others who believe there are no such things as socks, though their theories are less respected in other parts of the Galaxy. These people usually reside on Zirtius Twelve, and curiously enough, all wear socks. They never mention the fact that they wear socks, of course, and if you inquire about it they'll chuckle a little, and shake their heads-or some other upper protrusion-sadly, pitying what they see as a sign of massive insanity.
But back to coincidences. There are many mind-boggilingly absurd coincidences in the universe, even more than ever since the development of the infinite improbability drive. For example, it is a well-known fact nowadays that when Zaphoid Bebblebrox was running for president of the Galaxy, his opponent mysteriously disappeared, presumed murdered. Far from this event lowering his popularity, it skyrocketed, seeing as there were no other candidates to direct it to. Well, it turns out his opponent had mearly slipped into a freak wormhole, the sort of which is everywhere these days, and came out just in time to take over the presidency, just as Zaphiod dropped out.
But forget about Zaphiod, he's perfectly safe now and isn't important to this story, except for the mention that he stole the Heart of Gold, the first ever ship to run on an infinite improbability drive, and put it through excitement and adventure and really wild things. And like all things do eventually, particularly things that have been put though excitement and adventure and really wild things, it broke up and became almost useless and dangerous to run, eventually settling to what it thought would be rest on a planet somewhere obscure.
This planet was soon taken over by the Irken empire, and that persistent ship was put in an Irken storage locker for ships that are to dilapidated, or just to temperamental, to be piloted without resulting in highly probable death for the pilot. Therefore, it was instantly thought of as a way of ensuring the death of Invader Skoodge, thought to be an embarrassment to the Almighty Tallest. What the Tallests didn't realize at the time, is when dealing with a ship with the infinite improbability drive, if it is highly probable that the pilot will die, then it is highly probable that the improbable situation of the pilot surviving will happen. And if you don't believe in coincidences, wait'll you see what transpires next:
"Skooge!" Zim said awkwardly, "I um, didn't expect this." Zim was bewildered. Sure, he didn't know Skooge *well,* but still, the odds of meeting another Invader in a universe the size of... well, a universe, were literally thirty to infinity, which was practically nothing anyway.
"Er, hi." said Skooge, equally awkward. Desperately he tried to change the subject. It wasn't hard. "What's that?" he asked, pointing to Dib, who was currently gaping. GIR began chewing on Dib's foot, who didn't seem to notice.
"Oh him," Zim said contemptuously, "Can't we just shove him out the airlock, or something?"
"What!??" Dib cried. And at the sound of her brother's voice, Gaz entered through an automatic door, holding a handheld version of the complex system in the other room, which had an Irken logo on the back. If Dib's eyes looked like they might burst before, now it seemed that if they did, they would take everyone in the room with them.
"Oh. Hey Dib." Gaz said apathetically. Dib gaped. Zim looked shocked as well, he turned to Skooge for an explanation, who turned to Gaz.
"What?" Gaz asked. Then turning back to Zim and Dib, who were both gaping at this point, she added, "Oh." she paused her game, and continued. "Okay fine, being you, I'm sure you want to know how I got here, and you'll just bug me until I tell you anyway." she took a deep breath. "About two months ago, I was at the Video Funpit looking for Punch, Kick Owies III, when I noticed him-" she gestured to Skooge, "-carrying the most amazing game system. When I asked him where he got it, he said, 'Certainly somewhere that isn't on another planet' Then he stared laughing nervously. So I started asking about how it worked, thinking maybe I could force you to build me one. We started talking, and after a while he told me the-" at this point her voice took on a note of exaggerated sarcasm, "-*big* secret. Two hours later I was here." she finished simply, unpausing her game and punching the buttons furiously.
This, if anything, seemed to confuse Dib further. "But- I just saw you this morning!" he cried.
"That was an android." Gaz said, not looking up "You didn't think I'd just leave the *planet* without leaving something like that behind."
"You'd leave everything on earth, just so you could play more advanced videogames??" Dib practically screamed. Gaz shrugged.
As Dib continued to scream in Gaz's general direction, Zim glared at Skooge. "Hey!" Skooge said innocently, "How was I supposed to know you were on earth? Your mission was top secret, remember?"
"Yes, of course." Zim said, blinking, "Of course, how were you to know about my well-deserved mission of importantness? Well, I don't suppose Gaz would go along with throwing Dib out the airlock. So let's throw her out too!"
Skooge shook his head firmly. "No, I've become very much... accustomed to her being around." he said.
There was something about the low tone of his voice, and the gooey-eyed glance, (returned with a glare) so similar to GIR's expression upon seeing burritos, that made Zim think of a possibility that prompted him to say: "You know what? I really don't want to know. Fine then, where to we go from here?"
"Well, I just heard about the bypass on the sub-etha radio, so both our planets have been demolished, and I figure-"
"Wait, wait, *both* our planets?"
Skoodge grinned sheepishly. "Demolished, turned into a banana fruitcake as a result of using the infinite improbability drive, then eaten by a giant mutant star goat, same difference."
"I... see..." Zim said. And the two Invaders continued their discussion, mentioning several things that Dib would have found fascinating, if he was listening. At the moment, he was far too busy doing this:
"I can't believe you Gaz! You abandoned all of mankind!! You left us all in the clutches of menacing alien forces! You- uf!" Dib was cut off by a forceful kick in the shins. "How could you side with the aliens Gaz?" he continued, standing while rubbing his shin. "How? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?? My own sister! How could you Gaz?? HOW?"
"Dib?" Gaz muttered.
"Yes?"
"Go stick your head in a pig."
As Dib prepared another string of accusations, Zim and Skoodge finished. GIR stopped chewing on Dib's foot, and looked up to see Zim walking purposefully up to them. A hard look on his face, he made the big annoucment. "We're going to Magrathia."
"Yaaaaay!" GIR cried.
Zim raised an eyebrow. "You know what Magrathia is?" he asked skeptically.
"No!" said GIR, happily.
Zim's eyes narrowed, as he went into back-story mode. (A/N: Y'know, like in Planet Jackers?) "Long ago, when the Galaxy was new, a planet was created for the sheer purpose of manufacturing other planets for the wealthy elite. But the pitiful economic structure of the Galaxy couldn't handle such an industry, and it soon collapsed in a ball of collapse-y doom. The inhabitants of Magrathia went into suspended animation, for as long as it took until the Galaxy's economy was up to the point where they could continue their business... and that's where we're going. To have a new Earth, and a new Blortch made." That said, he spun around and walked out of the room, dragging GIR behind.
Dib, still half-stunned, didn't absorb any of this. "What's going on??" he cried, "Where are we going? Why are we listening to *him*?!?"
Gaz's eyes bulged as she gritted her teeth. "Shut up, Dib." she said. When he didn't she sighed, "We're going" she said simply, "to save the Earth."
"Right, good..." Dib said shakily, "To save the Earth..." he continued muttering that under his breath, over and over again.
While Dib clung to his sanity, Skoodge walked, (*ahem*) smoothly over to Gaz, and whispered something in her ear. She kicked him very hard in the shins and walked out. "Okay," he called, his voice pained, "let me know if you change your mind. SIR, ca- *will* you escort the Earthanoid to his quarters?"
SIR's eyes blinked to life and he turned in Skoodge's direction. "I have a terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side, but do you replace them?" Skoodge didn't see what this had to do with anything, and after saying so, limped out of the room. SIR heaved a sigh that would make lesser beings weep, and all but dragged Dib, still muttering, out the door.
"It's not as if I expect him to, I'm quite used to being neglected. I think if some extremly vital part of my system were failing he wouldn't lift a finger to do anything about, not that I'd want him to." SIR droned, as he led Dib down a hall, and into an unremarkable room furnished for living. As the door closed behind Dib with a whisper of "Glad to be of service," Dib's eyes opened wider still.
"Hey!" he cried to nobody, "What's this thing doing in my ear?!?!"
-------
Next chapter: Dib tries to cope, GIR and SIR interact, and they FINALLY reach Magrathia!