Honesty: I didn't enjoy writing this chapter. I was mostly going through the motions to finish it. I hope you can enjoy reading it, though. I hope that hasn't changed.
After When Fangirls Attack is finished, I'm gone. Love you all. No own. Peace.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were a lot of odd sorts that ate at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Couples who'd fused themselves to each other's bodies for the weekend. Large, purple executives and Disaster Area tax philosophers. Then of course, there was the occasional crowd of demons from the Beezlemorf planet. All in all, a pair of humans, two Invaders and their SIRs, odd combination they may be, don't automatically draw much attention. This was good for them, as they had entered the parking garage to steal a ship, and didn't wish to be noticed.
Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones in the area with that intention, not by a long shot. As a matter of fact, the parking garage was full of aspiring shipjackers. The lax security and size of the garage had drawn them like flies. This resulted in most patrons of Miliways hiring armed guards and installing complex alarm systems, which was certainly bad for our heroes. Many of the beings there who came to pick up someone else's transport were experienced hijackers, who at least had half a chance getting past the systems. However, the familiar sixsome were having trouble with that feat.
Worse still, although they didn't stand out much physically, their behavior was beginning to attract considerable attention. GIR was leaping from ship to ship, singing jump rope songs very poorly. SIR glared after him, shoulders slumped, occasionally casting passers by a glance of infinite loathing. Zim was ordering Skoodge around while Dib admired every ship with wonder. They were all making quite a lot of noise and essentially doing exactly what you don't want to do when you're about to steal a spaceship.
"I think we've been noticed..." Dib knew he was stating the obvious, but he only did it for effect. Several people had paused in their activities to stare at the six, and Zim had clearly noticed.
"That ship doesn't have any guards around it..." whispered Skoodge.
"And that doesn't seem suspicious to you?" muttered SIR. If anyone had heard him, they ignored him.
Zim gestured. "Let's go." He walked inside, followed by Skoodge, Dib, SIR and GIR. His eyes bulged in surprise to see Gaz already there.
She shrugged. "Took you long enough."
"How do we even start this thing?" Dib asked. Almost as if to answer him, the control panel lit up and the machine came to life. It immediately began it's journey through time and space, to an unknown destination...
It is common knowledge among fans of Disaster Area that it's trademark stunt craft, the Black Ship, has been imitated, duplicated, and generally ripped off by dozens of Insanely Heavy Metal bands over the years. In fact, before Disaster Area's breakup, most art critics had already discounted the idea of flying a black ship into a nearby sun as cliché and dated. Still, the lure and the spectacle made the gimmick die hard, and many bands still use the campy craft. Of course, it's such a trademark by now that no one would ever be stupid enough to try and walk off with it. This is why owners of Black Ships rarely put any security devices around it. After all, even if someone did try to take it, well, they'd soon be brought to justice, wouldn't they...?
"Why aren't the controls responding!?" Zim raged, in a voice that seemed to blame anyone within earshot for his problems.
"Maybe you aren't *yelling* at them loud enough." Gaz gritted her teeth.
Dib was examining some of the signs and labels. "How can you even tell what controls what? It's written black on black!"
"That is the standard design for Black Stunt Ships, isn't it?"
All eyes turned to SIR. Skoodge bulged one eye out slightly further than the other. "SIR..." Skoodge said as politely as he could, "Why... how did you know this was a Black Ship?"
"How did I know it was a Black Ship?" SIR's voice filled to the brim with self-pity "He wants to know how I knew this was a Black Ship. Pardon me, I could have sworn I mentioned that I have a brain the size of-"
"What's a Black Ship?" Dib asked.
"Not good!" Screamed Zim.
"What?!" Dib was now alarmed.
"Shiny!" Cried GIR.
"Somebody tell me what a Black Ship is!" Dib demanded, as the two irkens began freaking out.
"Shiny teleporter!" This time it was GIR who attracted everyone's eyes. Sure enough, the piece of machinery he was currently clinging too was an activation panel for a previously hidden teleporter.
Gaz walked up and examined it. "The guidance system is wrecked. But everything else seems to be working..." She took in the looks the other gave her. "I *do* know *some* things about machines, you know." She returned her attentions to the blinking lights on her GameSlave.
"If the guidance system is jammed, someone would have to stay behind and work the controls... but..." Skoodge trailed off. A dark silence enveloped the ship...
"And I suppose you expect *me* to be the one to do it, yes?" SIR broke the solemnity with his weary tone.
"That, uh, hadn't occurred to me..." Skoodge was indignant, "But since you brought it up..."
SIR gave him a stare that was calculated to communicate his loathing for all things Skoodgey, before answering in a martyr's tone that was closer to appropriate than usual. "...All right."
Half of them thanked him profusely and they all loaded into the teleporter. Skoodge watched SIR send them off with a note of regret. He'd always liked him, though he'd never admit it. But he liked being alive just slightly more, so that was that. SIR watched them disappear, to destinations unknown. Five more beings he didn't have to be around, he supposed. He stood at the front of the ship, facing the viewscreen. He watched as the all-consuming orb of the star filled the screen, radiation from solar flares breaking down the life support systems. SIR could survive without them, but he didn't stand a chance against the mind warping heat that was already fusing his circuits together. As his planet-sized brain slowly shut down, he murmured a few amazed words.
"I think... I feel good about it."
...While somewhere out in space, a ship sailed quietly towards it's goal...
...Zim and Dib rematerialized inches away from each other, wearing each other's clothes. Such an occurrence was common among anyone who used a long-range matter transmitter, but it probably couldn't have picked two worse people to happen to. Before they could argue over who would have to give his clothes back first, however, they froze at the sound of voices coming down the hall.
"Don't try to take that apart!"
"Why not?"
"I told you, it's the main guidance system!"
"No it isn't! You just pointed to some random piece of machinery and said it was the main guidance system! You don't even know what the main guidance system looks like!"
"Well, it *could* be the main guidance system, you know! Anything's possible!"
Two oddly shaped aliens had entered the hallway where Zim and Dib were standing. Both of them were immediately recognized as belonging to the same species as the pair Zim and Dib had both encountered a few months ago. (A/N: In "Abducted") Neither of them was pleased with this knowledge. And the aliens didn't seem pleased to see them, either.
"Aiiiiie! We've got intruders, Larry!"
"I told you my name wasn't Larry!"
"Where and when are we?" Dib asked, not really expecting much response.
"Silence, alien! You are our prisoners now!"
"How do you figure that?" Dib asked.
"Silence! This is the Golgafrinchian B Ark, and you are a prisoner on it! You will act accordingly!"
"Look, will you just take us to the captain of this vessel so that we can work a way out of here?" Zim was impatient.
"You are in no place to make demands! Now, you *will* follow us to the captain or be destroyed!"
To say Zim and Dib didn't get along well would be a gross understatement. But despite their differences, they shared a moment of mutual disgust at that time, before following the two aliens to the Command Bridge...
...On said Command Bridge, the captain was fiddling with some tubes of undetermined origin, when the four of them entered.
"Sir, we've found some trespassers luuuuurking around the halls..." it stood there, dragging out every syllable and staring blankly at the captain.
"Good! Drinks all around."
"Listen, we don't want to be here..." Dib said. "If you could just take us someplace where there's oxygen..."
"Silence, prisoners!"
"What is this ship, and what is it's destination?" Zim said in his commanding tone. The captain couldn't help but respond.
"We're going to a far off planet to colonize. You see, our planet was doomed. Very doomed. Doomed like some big doomed thing that's all doomed. So we're going to this other little planet for colonization, mmm..."
"Well, before you get there, would you loan us one of your escape pods?"
"Oh, we aren't equipped with escape pods."
"WHAT?!" Cried Zim.
"Oh yes. They explained it all to us beforehand. We were the planet's elite, you see. And they had to make sure we all got safely to our destination, so they took out the escape pods to make sure no one accidentally left in them. That way, we'll all be in the ship when it crashes on the planet we're going to colonize."
"Crashes!?" Dib screamed. He may not have known much about space travel, but he was fairly sure crashing was a *very* bad thing.
"Yes. But I'm sure it's safe..." he paused. "It would have to be, wouldn't it? After all, why would anyone want to put us, the elite, in danger?"
Dib looked around at the aliens, poking each other with various objects, and other equally moronic things. He couldn't hold it in. He screamed, "You're all a bunch of IDIOTS!"
The captain paused. "Good reason..."
And the ship was hurled into the atmosphere of a little blue planet located on the slightly more unfashionable western spiral arm of the galaxy...
----------------------------------------------Epilogue----------------------------------------------
...Dib glanced around the primitive landscape and sighed. It had been eight months since he, Zim, and the Golgafrinchian idiots had landed on what he later learned was prehistoric Earth. Since then, Zim had managed to command some degree of obedience from the Golgafrinchians. His objective in this was unknown, but hey... it *was* Zim. Maybe all he wanted to do was rule over the pathetic bunch. They were reasonably productive, easily influenced, and too stupid to know when they were being manipulated. They were perfect for Zim, and in their own way, they probably reminded him of GIR. Meanwhile, Dib had befriended some of the local cavemen, and was doing his best to educate and evolve them. It was slow, hard work. But they were ignorant, curious and unquestioning. Essentially, perfect for Dib.
There was still an air of hostility between the old rivals, but it was a cold, apathetic one. Both of them were kept pretty busy with their respective tribes, and very little outright conflict had occurred. The two beings that had never commanded respect in their lives had found their respective niches.
And the centuries ticked by, as they always have, and always will...
After When Fangirls Attack is finished, I'm gone. Love you all. No own. Peace.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were a lot of odd sorts that ate at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Couples who'd fused themselves to each other's bodies for the weekend. Large, purple executives and Disaster Area tax philosophers. Then of course, there was the occasional crowd of demons from the Beezlemorf planet. All in all, a pair of humans, two Invaders and their SIRs, odd combination they may be, don't automatically draw much attention. This was good for them, as they had entered the parking garage to steal a ship, and didn't wish to be noticed.
Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones in the area with that intention, not by a long shot. As a matter of fact, the parking garage was full of aspiring shipjackers. The lax security and size of the garage had drawn them like flies. This resulted in most patrons of Miliways hiring armed guards and installing complex alarm systems, which was certainly bad for our heroes. Many of the beings there who came to pick up someone else's transport were experienced hijackers, who at least had half a chance getting past the systems. However, the familiar sixsome were having trouble with that feat.
Worse still, although they didn't stand out much physically, their behavior was beginning to attract considerable attention. GIR was leaping from ship to ship, singing jump rope songs very poorly. SIR glared after him, shoulders slumped, occasionally casting passers by a glance of infinite loathing. Zim was ordering Skoodge around while Dib admired every ship with wonder. They were all making quite a lot of noise and essentially doing exactly what you don't want to do when you're about to steal a spaceship.
"I think we've been noticed..." Dib knew he was stating the obvious, but he only did it for effect. Several people had paused in their activities to stare at the six, and Zim had clearly noticed.
"That ship doesn't have any guards around it..." whispered Skoodge.
"And that doesn't seem suspicious to you?" muttered SIR. If anyone had heard him, they ignored him.
Zim gestured. "Let's go." He walked inside, followed by Skoodge, Dib, SIR and GIR. His eyes bulged in surprise to see Gaz already there.
She shrugged. "Took you long enough."
"How do we even start this thing?" Dib asked. Almost as if to answer him, the control panel lit up and the machine came to life. It immediately began it's journey through time and space, to an unknown destination...
It is common knowledge among fans of Disaster Area that it's trademark stunt craft, the Black Ship, has been imitated, duplicated, and generally ripped off by dozens of Insanely Heavy Metal bands over the years. In fact, before Disaster Area's breakup, most art critics had already discounted the idea of flying a black ship into a nearby sun as cliché and dated. Still, the lure and the spectacle made the gimmick die hard, and many bands still use the campy craft. Of course, it's such a trademark by now that no one would ever be stupid enough to try and walk off with it. This is why owners of Black Ships rarely put any security devices around it. After all, even if someone did try to take it, well, they'd soon be brought to justice, wouldn't they...?
"Why aren't the controls responding!?" Zim raged, in a voice that seemed to blame anyone within earshot for his problems.
"Maybe you aren't *yelling* at them loud enough." Gaz gritted her teeth.
Dib was examining some of the signs and labels. "How can you even tell what controls what? It's written black on black!"
"That is the standard design for Black Stunt Ships, isn't it?"
All eyes turned to SIR. Skoodge bulged one eye out slightly further than the other. "SIR..." Skoodge said as politely as he could, "Why... how did you know this was a Black Ship?"
"How did I know it was a Black Ship?" SIR's voice filled to the brim with self-pity "He wants to know how I knew this was a Black Ship. Pardon me, I could have sworn I mentioned that I have a brain the size of-"
"What's a Black Ship?" Dib asked.
"Not good!" Screamed Zim.
"What?!" Dib was now alarmed.
"Shiny!" Cried GIR.
"Somebody tell me what a Black Ship is!" Dib demanded, as the two irkens began freaking out.
"Shiny teleporter!" This time it was GIR who attracted everyone's eyes. Sure enough, the piece of machinery he was currently clinging too was an activation panel for a previously hidden teleporter.
Gaz walked up and examined it. "The guidance system is wrecked. But everything else seems to be working..." She took in the looks the other gave her. "I *do* know *some* things about machines, you know." She returned her attentions to the blinking lights on her GameSlave.
"If the guidance system is jammed, someone would have to stay behind and work the controls... but..." Skoodge trailed off. A dark silence enveloped the ship...
"And I suppose you expect *me* to be the one to do it, yes?" SIR broke the solemnity with his weary tone.
"That, uh, hadn't occurred to me..." Skoodge was indignant, "But since you brought it up..."
SIR gave him a stare that was calculated to communicate his loathing for all things Skoodgey, before answering in a martyr's tone that was closer to appropriate than usual. "...All right."
Half of them thanked him profusely and they all loaded into the teleporter. Skoodge watched SIR send them off with a note of regret. He'd always liked him, though he'd never admit it. But he liked being alive just slightly more, so that was that. SIR watched them disappear, to destinations unknown. Five more beings he didn't have to be around, he supposed. He stood at the front of the ship, facing the viewscreen. He watched as the all-consuming orb of the star filled the screen, radiation from solar flares breaking down the life support systems. SIR could survive without them, but he didn't stand a chance against the mind warping heat that was already fusing his circuits together. As his planet-sized brain slowly shut down, he murmured a few amazed words.
"I think... I feel good about it."
...While somewhere out in space, a ship sailed quietly towards it's goal...
...Zim and Dib rematerialized inches away from each other, wearing each other's clothes. Such an occurrence was common among anyone who used a long-range matter transmitter, but it probably couldn't have picked two worse people to happen to. Before they could argue over who would have to give his clothes back first, however, they froze at the sound of voices coming down the hall.
"Don't try to take that apart!"
"Why not?"
"I told you, it's the main guidance system!"
"No it isn't! You just pointed to some random piece of machinery and said it was the main guidance system! You don't even know what the main guidance system looks like!"
"Well, it *could* be the main guidance system, you know! Anything's possible!"
Two oddly shaped aliens had entered the hallway where Zim and Dib were standing. Both of them were immediately recognized as belonging to the same species as the pair Zim and Dib had both encountered a few months ago. (A/N: In "Abducted") Neither of them was pleased with this knowledge. And the aliens didn't seem pleased to see them, either.
"Aiiiiie! We've got intruders, Larry!"
"I told you my name wasn't Larry!"
"Where and when are we?" Dib asked, not really expecting much response.
"Silence, alien! You are our prisoners now!"
"How do you figure that?" Dib asked.
"Silence! This is the Golgafrinchian B Ark, and you are a prisoner on it! You will act accordingly!"
"Look, will you just take us to the captain of this vessel so that we can work a way out of here?" Zim was impatient.
"You are in no place to make demands! Now, you *will* follow us to the captain or be destroyed!"
To say Zim and Dib didn't get along well would be a gross understatement. But despite their differences, they shared a moment of mutual disgust at that time, before following the two aliens to the Command Bridge...
...On said Command Bridge, the captain was fiddling with some tubes of undetermined origin, when the four of them entered.
"Sir, we've found some trespassers luuuuurking around the halls..." it stood there, dragging out every syllable and staring blankly at the captain.
"Good! Drinks all around."
"Listen, we don't want to be here..." Dib said. "If you could just take us someplace where there's oxygen..."
"Silence, prisoners!"
"What is this ship, and what is it's destination?" Zim said in his commanding tone. The captain couldn't help but respond.
"We're going to a far off planet to colonize. You see, our planet was doomed. Very doomed. Doomed like some big doomed thing that's all doomed. So we're going to this other little planet for colonization, mmm..."
"Well, before you get there, would you loan us one of your escape pods?"
"Oh, we aren't equipped with escape pods."
"WHAT?!" Cried Zim.
"Oh yes. They explained it all to us beforehand. We were the planet's elite, you see. And they had to make sure we all got safely to our destination, so they took out the escape pods to make sure no one accidentally left in them. That way, we'll all be in the ship when it crashes on the planet we're going to colonize."
"Crashes!?" Dib screamed. He may not have known much about space travel, but he was fairly sure crashing was a *very* bad thing.
"Yes. But I'm sure it's safe..." he paused. "It would have to be, wouldn't it? After all, why would anyone want to put us, the elite, in danger?"
Dib looked around at the aliens, poking each other with various objects, and other equally moronic things. He couldn't hold it in. He screamed, "You're all a bunch of IDIOTS!"
The captain paused. "Good reason..."
And the ship was hurled into the atmosphere of a little blue planet located on the slightly more unfashionable western spiral arm of the galaxy...
----------------------------------------------Epilogue----------------------------------------------
...Dib glanced around the primitive landscape and sighed. It had been eight months since he, Zim, and the Golgafrinchian idiots had landed on what he later learned was prehistoric Earth. Since then, Zim had managed to command some degree of obedience from the Golgafrinchians. His objective in this was unknown, but hey... it *was* Zim. Maybe all he wanted to do was rule over the pathetic bunch. They were reasonably productive, easily influenced, and too stupid to know when they were being manipulated. They were perfect for Zim, and in their own way, they probably reminded him of GIR. Meanwhile, Dib had befriended some of the local cavemen, and was doing his best to educate and evolve them. It was slow, hard work. But they were ignorant, curious and unquestioning. Essentially, perfect for Dib.
There was still an air of hostility between the old rivals, but it was a cold, apathetic one. Both of them were kept pretty busy with their respective tribes, and very little outright conflict had occurred. The two beings that had never commanded respect in their lives had found their respective niches.
And the centuries ticked by, as they always have, and always will...