Disclaimer: Yes, I own Naruto. ……
Yami PK: She's in denial.
*breaks down crying* It's mine! It's mine!
Yami PK: ….no, it's not, do you want to be sued by lawyers?
*stops crying, grumbles* Naruto…. is not mine. Okay, happy now?
Yami PK: Yes. Very.
Ahem. Anyway, this is a short humor fic that I wrote around midnight last night…. surprisingly, no sugar was involved, but still, read at your own risk…
~~~~~
"I'm hungry." Naruto decided one day, so he headed down to the ramen shop-thingy, only to discover, it was closed! Horrors of Horrors! "Nooooooooo!" cried Naruto. "What shall I do without RAMEN?!??!"
Just then, Sasuke popped in wearing a sparkly yellow bikini. "There are other foods besides Ramen, dobe." He said. Naruto's eyes widened in disbelief. Then, completely ignoring the fact that Sasuke was in a bikini, he asked,
"Really? Like what?"
"Like Malted Milk Balls." Sasuke told him. He then proceeded to describe their chocolate malty-goodness to Naruto. Naruto started drooling.
"And where can I get these? Where where where?" Naruto started jumping up and down.
"Only one person has them: Gaara of the Dessert. We will go and visit him now." Sasuke explained.
"Okay! But…where does he live?" Naruto asked.
"Over the rainbow." Sasuke said, and then flicked his wrist and a very pretty rainbow appeared. Sasuke took Naruto's hand and the pair skipped happily along the rainbow.
Once in Magic-Rainbow land, Sasuke and Naruto encountered their good friend, Sakura. Sakura was bent over like an old hag and carrying a basket.
"Lemming…. Lemmings for sale! Cheap! Won't you buy a lemming?" she cried. Then, seeing Sasuke, she ran over. "The usual, Sasuke?" She said while taking a lemming out of her basket and handing it to Sasuke.
"Actually, we are looking for Gaara of the Dessert." Sasuke told her at the same time putting the rodent away somewhere. "We want to get us some Malted Milk Balls."
Sakura looked up for a while, deep in thought. Then she said, "I don't know where this Gaara is, but I really love Malted Milk Balls. Maybe I can come with you to find him?"
"Okay." Sasuke said, then the trio walked along the path. Naruto was beginning to suspect something was out of place. Just then, Shino pranced in front of them, singing a happy song of joy. He twirled a few times, and then pranced into the bushes from where he came.
"Um….guys?" Naruto said after a few minutes of silence. "Was Shino just…prancing?"
"…" Sasuke stared. "This moment never happened. Let's continue." Sakura nodded in agreement and they walked on. They walked for quite a while with nothing happening at all, and just as Naruto was beginning to feel tired, Kiba, running as if being chased, ran in front of them. Hinata followed him shortly after, except she looked extremely angry with Kiba, and was wielding a chainsaw, screaming obscenities.
"DAMN YOU KIBA! COME BACK HERE, YOU DAMN MUTHA******! IM GONNA KIIIIL YOU! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
"H-hinata, please, t-think about w-w-what you're doing! NOOOOOO!" and then they both ran back into the forest, their voices growing quieter as they ran farther away.
"I- guys, did that just happen? That couldn't have been Hinata, could it?" Naruto asked, now a bit distressed at the goings-on.
"Hinata? I didn't see Hinata anywhere. You must be seeing things, Naruto." Sakura scolded, and Sasuke nodded in agreement.
"What? How could you not see here? She was screaming in your face! She-"
"Monkey." Sasuke cut him off.
"Huh?"
"Let's move on." Sakura said. The trio then linked arms and started skipping. Sakura led them in an enthusiastic rendition of the 'Yellow Brick Road' song, and Naruto was too frightened to tell her that the road they were walking on was neither yellow nor brick.
"Here we are!" Sasuke suddenly said, still bikini-clad, and they stopped in front of a large, brown, sphere-shaped house. It was the location of Gaara of the Dessert! Standing at the door were Naruto's teachers, Iruka and Kakashi.
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, and ran towards him. "Is this where we can get Malted Milk Balls?" Kakashi then held out his hand motioning Naruto to stop.
"If it is Malted Milk Balls that you seek, you must first answer 5 questions." He said in a lifeless tone of voice.
"Okay. Ask away."
"Question one. Why was the ramen shop closed suddenly?"
"Um, I don't know. Restaurants close sometimes, I guess."
"Incorrect. Question two. Why was Sasuke wearing a bikini?"
"Well….maybe he has some hobbies that we don't know about." Naruto answered, earning a glare from Sasuke.
"Incorrect. Question three. Why was Sakura selling lemmings?"
"…really, I have no clue…"
"Incorrect. Question four. Why was Shino prancing?"
"Maybe they finally let him have his Prozac."
"Incorrect. Question five. Why was Hinata on a murderous rampage?"
"Um.well, I'm not sure, why don't you ask Kiba that?"
"Incorrect. Umazaki Naruto, you have failed."
Naruto's face fell. "Does this mean no Malted Milk Balls?" Iruka and Kakashi both nodded. Just then Sasuke stepped forth.
"I know the answers to all of those questions, Naruto." He said.
"What what what?" Naruto asked. Sasuke bonked Naruto on the head.
"It's because you're dreaming, dobe!" and then Naruto awoke.
"What a weird dream…." He said, clutching his stomach. "And I'm still hungry…" Then, getting an idea, he headed for Sasuke's house. And so, Sasuke was awakened that morning by Naruto clawing at his window, yelling something about Malted Milk Balls. Sasuke groaned and opened his window.
"If you're so hungry, why don't you just go to the Ramen place? It's always open!"
"Oh yeah!" Naruto said, and ran off.
"Stupid…" Sasuke said, and then opened his dresser to get clothes to wear. He pulled out a yellow bikini, and, making sure no one was around, began to get dressed.
~OWARI~
O_o that's all, folks…Just a stupid little story written out of boredom. Comments, Criticisms, and Flames are welcome. Ta!