Asazi
Chapter 18
The storm left Miami in less than an hour after we had turned on the radio. I was glad. There was something about that storm and the dreams I had that…maybe it was my imagination…no…yes…maybe…who could tell?
Nemesis. What was he, other than…what I don't want him to be? Was he my imagination…that's I want but in the past few weeks, I haven't gotten anything that I've wanted… Nemesis. He had to be…I heard the whispers before, it's just that they never have shown themselves…or a part of them or an image or…what is he?
The question clouded my thoughts and confused me. Nemesis is my enemy…or at least that's what he said. And I…perhaps Mr. Renton might know…he might…you never know…
I was sitting in the living room on a sofa with my back to the wall. Kiara and Jake were playing on the floor a few feet from me and Mr. Renton was outside, telling some guy with a chainsaw how to cut the tree down without it hitting the house…where was Mrs. Renton? I got up and left the living room, searching for her.
I found her in the kitchen, making sandwiches. She noticed my entrance and my blank face and asked, "You okay?"
I shook my head no and said, "Mrs. Renton…have you ever heard…um…whispers that come from your own head? They seem to echo in your own head. They don't come from your ears…dammit, I can't describe what I mean!"
Her eyes widened on a certain word that had gotten into my vocabulary but she, when she talked, didn't say anything about it. "Yes, Asazi, I have had those…um…how to put it…experiences. Did you hear a voice or a whisper sometime?"
Should I tell her? Why not? I nodded yes and said, "I had a dream…and in that dream it was raining—I was in the hurricane and…there was a face that was made out of rain and I would see it and it would say something and then the rain would become rain again." Mrs. Renton nodded and I continued, "It said that it was my nemesis…I think it also meant that that was it's name but…it said it was my enemy and that it was coming to get me on my seventh birthday."
Mrs. Renton's eyes widened for a few seconds and she said, "Asazi…have you ever gone to church?"
I thought for a second and said, "Yes, a few times…my Daddy was a…a…a Christian but my Mommy wasn't so every time my Daddy was home we would go to church…but he wasn't home all the time. He was a truck driver."
Mrs. Renton nodded and then continued making sandwiches as she spoke. "Asazi, I know you're young to know about these things but I know some children that have encountered demons before too. Umm…let's just say that this 'Nemesis' is…not good for you. He's evil and he does want to hurt you. But there is also someone that can protect from, uh, 'Nemesis'."
"Who?"
"God."
I stopped. God. The person that took my parents, that took Xynan, that took Asazi, that will probably take Atone…God. Supposedly one of the good guys…supposedly…but then again, I know that Nemesis is evil…
My hands came up to my head and I grabbed some of my hair and pulled. WHY ME? Why does Nemesis have to haunt me, why does God have to take my parents and my life away from me…?
My whole life has come down to that one, single question: why?
Mrs. Renton gently pulled my hands away from my head and said, "Perhaps we should forget about that thing. Nemesis. We should forget about him…okay?"
Forget about him?
I nodded. I could forget about him. He was my imagination, just like the whispers I heard at the beach at Xynan's house. They were all my imagination. My own imagination. Despite how I felt I laughed. I was deceiving myself. My own mind was tricking my mind…huh?
"The strangest thing is…those dreams seemed so real. The pain, the mud, the rain, the storm itself…the faces…it all seemed so real," I said, voicing more of my thoughts.
Mrs. Renton bent down on her knees and hugged me, comforted me. "It was all fantasy," she said. "It was all a dream, your imagination…" She let go and stood up and continued making sandwiches. But I could see it on her face that she was disturbed about something. Disturbed about me? Probably…if that was true then I probably wouldn't be able to stay here very long…
Forgotten. I closed my eyes and banished Nemesis from my thoughts…it didn't work but I knew it would after awhile…he was forgotten…hopefully…
I left the kitchen and went back to the sofa. I heard the chainsaw outside, cutting through the tree. I felt alone again. I felt alone and confused and…I just wish that I could enjoy my life like so many other people appear to. Then it occurred to me that some people aren't happy, they just appear to be. They appear to be.
Perhaps Mrs. Renton wasn't a happy person. No, she was. She was a Christian. She knew God much better than I did or probably ever would…I was godless. How could I become friends with God? With all my troubles and all my sorrows and all my hate…how could I? Or maybe the question should be, do I want to be happy? Do I want to live?
I sat back on the couch in the living room with no one to really talk to but my own head. My own mind. The bruise on my head hadn't swelled up too bad. I could feel the knot but it didn't really hurt anymore.
I pondered the thoughts of my own life. My existence…what am I here for? How did I even get here?
Mrs. Renton interrupted my thoughts by coming into the living room with a tray of sandwiches and saying, "Lunchtime!" Kiara and Jake jumped with smiling faces and ran for the food while I stayed where I was. I wasn't really hungry…well, I was but…hell, why not eat when there's food in front of you waiting to be eaten?
I got up, walked over to Mrs. Renton and took a sandwich. They were turkey sandwiches with the white ketchup (my mommy called it Mayo) and lettuce. A few had tomatoes but I didn't like tomatoes. I took a bite and, after tasting it, took another one. They were good…very good…
"Asazi," Mrs. Renton called. I turned to look at her and she said with a smile, "After lunch…I'm gonna give you a tour of our home, okay?"
"Uh…no thank you Mrs. Renton; I've already had one."
She opened her mouth, then stopped for a few seconds…then said, "That's true…well then I guess you already know where the bathtub is, right?"
I nodded and she smiled. "Good because you look like you could use a bath."
At first I thought she was making fun of me but then it occurred to me that I hadn't had a bath for at least two weeks. "Sounds good," I said, trying to smile but smiles are hard to come by for me.
I quickly finished the sandwich, motivated by the thoughts of a warm bath. I asked Mrs. Renton where it was and she took me to it. She showed me how to work the hot and cold water and soon I was in the bathtub, warm water all around me, relaxing my sore muscles and confused thoughts.
Mrs. Renton had taken my clothes and said that she was going to wash them.
I didn't care. At this moment I was relaxed for the first time in a long time…
And as if that wasn't enough, I no longer felt unneeded. I felt…kindness.
But that had a bad side to it. That meant that I would get weak, that when one of Miami's gangs did find me I would be weak and they would either kill me or take me without a problem…but no matter what, I'll never go down without a fight…never.
I lied there in the bathtub, thinking about Brink and Xynan. Two people that had the same job but different hearts…how could Xynan have been so compassionate towards me but then be coldly bitter toward Brink? It didn't make any sense. But life doesn't make sense either.
Not even aware of it, sleep had creeped up on me and took me over…
-_-
"Asazi?"
I awoke to a woman's voice. I looked over and saw Mrs. Renton placing some clothes on the floor. They weren't mine but they looked like they would fit. "You weren't making any noise so I thought I better come check on you…you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I just fell asleep." I rubbed my eyes and noticed that my fingers were now pink raisins. 'Wrinkled and chewy' I liked to call them.
"Looks like you're all cleaned up," Mrs. Renton said. "Let me fix your hair and you'll look great."
I'll look…great? No I won't; I'm a killer, a murderer, a guilty six-year-old girl…I'm not beautiful in any way. "Thanks but no thanks. I don't think…I don't think that I'll look much better."
Her eyes got so wide they looked like you could tap them and they'd fall out. "Asazi, you're a good-looking girl; if you take care of your hair, you might be a model," she said.
Or an assassin.
It's amazing to me. I was so small yet I somehow knew what I would become…a monster. I would become a monster, if I hadn't already. An assassin…isn't it ironic?
I denied Mrs. Renton until she gave up left me alone. I put on Kiara's old clothes and left the bathroom, searching for Mrs. Renton. I was glad I hadn't found her because when I heard her voice, I heard other's…
"Mrs. Renton, we know that you're a good family and all but we need that little girl that you took in during the hurricane. She belongs to the orphanage and we absolutely must return her to her rightful place." The voice belonged to someone in his mid-twenties. I couldn't see him but I was just around the corner.
They were in the living room and judging by the shadows of Mrs. Renton and the two other figures, Mrs. Renton was cornered. The gang's had already found me, even though it had only been a few hours since I had gotten rid of them. A day at the most…why don't they just leave me alone?!
"A little girl," Mrs. Renton asked. "We saw one on the streets but she was gone before we could get outside to get her."
"Bullshit. We saw her go into her house and we haven't seen her come back out. Where the hell is she?"
Mrs. Renton's reply sounded surprised but I could detect the fakeness in her voice. "How dare you say that in here! Get out of our house!"
The two gang members laughed and said, "We've tried the easy way…now we get to do the hard way!"
I knew what they were going to do. Mr. Renton was outside assisting the chainsaw guy…the kids had disappeared and Mrs. Renton was basically alone…I knew what they were going to do…
Mrs. Renton had showed so much kindness to me that I had to return it…
I stepped into the living room, unarmed and not read for a fight and said, "I'm right here. You leave her alone and I'll go with you."
Author's Note
Sorry that this chapters isn't that good. I'm having a little writer's block but chapter 19 should be a lot better! There's also going to be some ACTION in the next chapter so don't give out on me now.