Enterprise
"Nemaiyo"
By Kathrin Mueller
Pairing: Archer / T'Pol
Rating: G
Summary: T'Pol wants to find peace the Vulcan way. Sequel to Stroke of
Faith, you don't necessarily have to read it though.
Disclaimer: Star Trek and all that belong to Paramount, not to me. I am
just playing around.
Heat.
Breathing, calm, steady.
No wind, no sounds, no company.
She was sitting on the ground, the sand tickled between her toes. She didn't allow herself to laugh although no one would see it. She was here for a reason. She was not to occupy her mind with anything else but that.
Sun.
Shining, warm, unweary.
No fear, no sorrows, no significance.
She opened her eyes, glancing over the desert that saw so many before her. The sand didn't care what she did. It didn't matter. It was older than her, older than the seas, and older than the stars. She was here to find peace.
Logic.
Justifying, true, eternally.
No thought, no feelings, no past.
There was a word for what she planned. It existed before it was spoken, it was in peoples minds before they knew that they thought about it. It has helped before. Those, who were like her. Those who couldn't forget.
Kohlinar.
She closed her eyes again. She had to do this, had to walk this way that brought her a life of pure logic, that would dismiss her from any kind of emotion. She couldn't take it anymore. He was with her all the time. In her thoughts, in her mind, in her dreams.
'Jonathan..'
Her people had made it clear to her that she would never be able to return to Vulcan if she stayed with him. She would live in exile for the rest of her life with no chance to see her family again, maybe start her own one day. It was a difficult choice to make. She wanted to forget. She didn't want to know what it felt like being in his arms or tasting his lips anymore. She was a Vulcan and this was where she belonged.
'I am sorry..'
She didn't know if he would hear her, but this would be the last time they would be in contact. Although he was light-years away, he was inside her as well. This had to stop, and there was only one way to do it.
'.. my love.' The air was hot and stinging in her chest. She concentrated on the pain. She saw it, saw an image of it, sitting right there in her lungs. A mental picture of her fist grabbed it and pulled it out. Control of herself was not only control of the mind but of the body as well. It didn't hurt anymore. Control was the power she needed now.
She got up, preparing to walk the path that many had walked before. After this she would be. free. Her eyes wide-open despite the blinding light she slowly advanced toward the priestess, step by step, leaving her past behind. Her face was blank, her eyes without words. She looked out of place with her white robe, but then again seemed to fit right in.
She lost track of time, she couldn't tell how long the walk took. When she finally reached the priestess she got down on her knees and bowed her head. It would be over soon.
"Kurioka!"
The voice was loud and cut through the silence. T'Pol looked up to the priestess. She had said the Vulcan word for stop. The priestess had stopped the ceremony. T'Pol was confused, but couldn't speak. Her eyes asked the question that her voice couldn't.
The priestess put forth her hand and pressed a finger against T'Pols breast.
"Aisha."
Aisha. Love. T'Pol stared at her, afraid.
"Konusha moichino."
To understand the truth. That was why T'Pol was here. She wanted to achieve the Kohlinar to understand the truth, to be free of emotions and to live a life of logic.
"Aiya-wasu esha. Atako akaxo tesha."
The message was clear. Go to the starship, the outworlder is waiting there. T'Pol got up, looking into the priestess' eyes. She understood now. She could never achieve the Kohlinar, no matter how hard she tried. She could never concentrate on logic. She could never forget him. She belonged with him, he was the reason that she failed the trial. T'Pol allowed herself a smile. She whispered one word before she turned around to leave.
"Nemaiyo." Thank you.
Heat.
Breathing, calm, steady.
No wind, no sounds, no company.
She was sitting on the ground, the sand tickled between her toes. She didn't allow herself to laugh although no one would see it. She was here for a reason. She was not to occupy her mind with anything else but that.
Sun.
Shining, warm, unweary.
No fear, no sorrows, no significance.
She opened her eyes, glancing over the desert that saw so many before her. The sand didn't care what she did. It didn't matter. It was older than her, older than the seas, and older than the stars. She was here to find peace.
Logic.
Justifying, true, eternally.
No thought, no feelings, no past.
There was a word for what she planned. It existed before it was spoken, it was in peoples minds before they knew that they thought about it. It has helped before. Those, who were like her. Those who couldn't forget.
Kohlinar.
She closed her eyes again. She had to do this, had to walk this way that brought her a life of pure logic, that would dismiss her from any kind of emotion. She couldn't take it anymore. He was with her all the time. In her thoughts, in her mind, in her dreams.
'Jonathan..'
Her people had made it clear to her that she would never be able to return to Vulcan if she stayed with him. She would live in exile for the rest of her life with no chance to see her family again, maybe start her own one day. It was a difficult choice to make. She wanted to forget. She didn't want to know what it felt like being in his arms or tasting his lips anymore. She was a Vulcan and this was where she belonged.
'I am sorry..'
She didn't know if he would hear her, but this would be the last time they would be in contact. Although he was light-years away, he was inside her as well. This had to stop, and there was only one way to do it.
'.. my love.' The air was hot and stinging in her chest. She concentrated on the pain. She saw it, saw an image of it, sitting right there in her lungs. A mental picture of her fist grabbed it and pulled it out. Control of herself was not only control of the mind but of the body as well. It didn't hurt anymore. Control was the power she needed now.
She got up, preparing to walk the path that many had walked before. After this she would be. free. Her eyes wide-open despite the blinding light she slowly advanced toward the priestess, step by step, leaving her past behind. Her face was blank, her eyes without words. She looked out of place with her white robe, but then again seemed to fit right in.
She lost track of time, she couldn't tell how long the walk took. When she finally reached the priestess she got down on her knees and bowed her head. It would be over soon.
"Kurioka!"
The voice was loud and cut through the silence. T'Pol looked up to the priestess. She had said the Vulcan word for stop. The priestess had stopped the ceremony. T'Pol was confused, but couldn't speak. Her eyes asked the question that her voice couldn't.
The priestess put forth her hand and pressed a finger against T'Pols breast.
"Aisha."
Aisha. Love. T'Pol stared at her, afraid.
"Konusha moichino."
To understand the truth. That was why T'Pol was here. She wanted to achieve the Kohlinar to understand the truth, to be free of emotions and to live a life of logic.
"Aiya-wasu esha. Atako akaxo tesha."
The message was clear. Go to the starship, the outworlder is waiting there. T'Pol got up, looking into the priestess' eyes. She understood now. She could never achieve the Kohlinar, no matter how hard she tried. She could never concentrate on logic. She could never forget him. She belonged with him, he was the reason that she failed the trial. T'Pol allowed herself a smile. She whispered one word before she turned around to leave.
"Nemaiyo." Thank you.