Miyumi
One Last Time
A/N: SPOILERS FOR ORDER OF THE PHOENIX!
Disclaimer: The goddess J.K. owns everything, except the plot for this fic. All I know is that I wish Sirius didn't die.
~*~
- One Last Time -
By: Miyumi
~*~
I wish I could touch your face one last time.
Dumbledore, Harry, even Snape were all right about me. I am reckless, I am stupid, and I was irresponsible. I knew when Bellatrix's second jinx hit me, I was gone.
Don't try to defend me, Moony. I know you'd try to come after me if you could. If only you could know.
How many times I've dreamt about you, dreamed things I only wanted of you.
I loved you, damn it.
And I'll never be able to tell you.
I was going to say it tonight, as a matter of fact, after everything was over. But it doesn't matter any more. It really doesn't. Knowing that I fell to save you and Harry is enough.
All that time in my mother's home did drive me crazy, but what really drove me insane was you. All that time we spent together and I couldn't say one word. It hurt that you and I couldn't be closer than best friends, closer than brothers, closer than wolves in their pack. We were living together, and I still couldn't have you.
All those times that James and I tortured Snape, he wanted to impress Lily, get her attention, even at the cost of being seen as arrogant and cruel. Everyone thought I wanted to impress any girl I wanted. I knew I could have any girl in the entire school. At one point, I wanted any girl I could get my hands on. That all changed because of you.
I'm insane, mad, crazy, even fanatical now, over thoughts of you.
And I can no longer see you.
I can't see your prematurely lined face, worn and tired like an old man's. I wanted to see you old, I wanted to see us gray and grow old together.
I can't see your amber eyes, which shone like slow-moving honey. Honey that I would save every precious drop of.
I won't see your smile anymore. That toothy, half-wolfish grin that you gave me so often, just out of friendship, nothing more.
I won't see any part of you anymore.
Behind the veil is cold, Moony. No, not Moony. We're not kids anymore. The game is over, the dream is done. Reality's set in too fast for us, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. We're adults and not kids. We can't pretend like there's never going to be anything between us. You're not Moony, and I'm not Padfoot. You're Remus, and I'm Sirius. I needed to grow up, and I couldn't.
There are voices behind the veil, and they tell me that I can still watch over those I love. That means you, Harry, even his screwball little friends. Even Arthur, Dung, Molly, Moody, and my little cousin Tonks.
I'm in limbo, neither dead nor alive. I can't be a spirit or ghost, but I can still watch over you all. But if I could see your face one more time, I'd gladly die and go to hell for loving you.
There are some things I never said in my life, but there's one I have to say now, before I'm gone.
I wish I could touch your face one last time.
One Last Time
A/N: SPOILERS FOR ORDER OF THE PHOENIX!
Disclaimer: The goddess J.K. owns everything, except the plot for this fic. All I know is that I wish Sirius didn't die.
~*~
- One Last Time -
By: Miyumi
~*~
I wish I could touch your face one last time.
Dumbledore, Harry, even Snape were all right about me. I am reckless, I am stupid, and I was irresponsible. I knew when Bellatrix's second jinx hit me, I was gone.
Don't try to defend me, Moony. I know you'd try to come after me if you could. If only you could know.
How many times I've dreamt about you, dreamed things I only wanted of you.
I loved you, damn it.
And I'll never be able to tell you.
I was going to say it tonight, as a matter of fact, after everything was over. But it doesn't matter any more. It really doesn't. Knowing that I fell to save you and Harry is enough.
All that time in my mother's home did drive me crazy, but what really drove me insane was you. All that time we spent together and I couldn't say one word. It hurt that you and I couldn't be closer than best friends, closer than brothers, closer than wolves in their pack. We were living together, and I still couldn't have you.
All those times that James and I tortured Snape, he wanted to impress Lily, get her attention, even at the cost of being seen as arrogant and cruel. Everyone thought I wanted to impress any girl I wanted. I knew I could have any girl in the entire school. At one point, I wanted any girl I could get my hands on. That all changed because of you.
I'm insane, mad, crazy, even fanatical now, over thoughts of you.
And I can no longer see you.
I can't see your prematurely lined face, worn and tired like an old man's. I wanted to see you old, I wanted to see us gray and grow old together.
I can't see your amber eyes, which shone like slow-moving honey. Honey that I would save every precious drop of.
I won't see your smile anymore. That toothy, half-wolfish grin that you gave me so often, just out of friendship, nothing more.
I won't see any part of you anymore.
Behind the veil is cold, Moony. No, not Moony. We're not kids anymore. The game is over, the dream is done. Reality's set in too fast for us, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. We're adults and not kids. We can't pretend like there's never going to be anything between us. You're not Moony, and I'm not Padfoot. You're Remus, and I'm Sirius. I needed to grow up, and I couldn't.
There are voices behind the veil, and they tell me that I can still watch over those I love. That means you, Harry, even his screwball little friends. Even Arthur, Dung, Molly, Moody, and my little cousin Tonks.
I'm in limbo, neither dead nor alive. I can't be a spirit or ghost, but I can still watch over you all. But if I could see your face one more time, I'd gladly die and go to hell for loving you.
There are some things I never said in my life, but there's one I have to say now, before I'm gone.
I wish I could touch your face one last time.