Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop or any of its characters. Lyrics from "Sleep to Dream" by Fiona Apple have been used.
Sleep To Dream
Her face was pressed up against the curve of his neck and shoulder. He felt wonderfully warm to the touch. His scent was intoxicating, sending her mind into a tumultuous whirlwind of bliss and languor. Long, strong arms held her close to him. Tightly. Completely.
"Faye?"
She suddenly realized that Spike had been calling her name. As if it caused her great pain to do so, Faye took a step back from him to look up at his face.
"I'm sorry," he began, "but I'm just not ready for this."
Her heart stopped beating.
"I don't think I'm what you need right now."
What?!
"Faye?"
She was staring at his chin, her arms felt heavy and her feet impanted to the ground
"Faye," he said, hesitantly, "do you remember what I told you when I left? I meant what I said that day."
You bastard. You fucking bastard.
Her face was turned away from him, but he could only imagine she was embarrassed and didn't want him to see her blush. Spike kept his tone light, but serious.
"Turns out this is all still a dream to me. I'm sorry-"
Her head snapped up and Spike almost stepped back from the look on her face. Fiery emerald eyes mocked him, a smirk playing on her pretty lips. Faye rested a hand on her hip and shrugged.
She laughed.
He frowned.
"Spike, you really need to just relax," she said, "I was just doing you a favor. You looked like you needed a good lay."
He searched her face for something, not really sure of what it was he wanted to find. But her cool expression didn't waver for a second. Her eyes were unreadable.
"Is that so?" he asked nonchalantly, recovering quickly from his surprise, but relieved to see the old Faye again. The Faye he knew how to handle.
She yawned and stretched her arms over her head as she started to walk away.
"Well, I'm going to get some beauty rest now. Sweet dreams, Spike."
She stopped in her tracks, looking back at him.
"Oh wait, I guess 'sweet dreams' wouldn't apply to someone like you, right?"
He was lighting another cigarette. The flame from his lighter caused shadows to dance across his face.
"Whatever, Faye."
She was up the stairs when he called her name, but she only stopped walking, not turning around to face him as he spoke.
"Hey Faye, offering to sleep with me was really generous of you. I didn't know you cared so much."
The sarcasm was not missed. Silence ruled the room for the slightest of moments.
"Well, it was a one-time offer."
And then she was out of sight.
________________________
Faye was angry.
No, she was seething.
Blood boiling-seeing red-shaky breath angry.
I'll kill him.
She couldn't believe that she had allowed this to happen. Her insides screamed as her mind yelled at herself for being so vulnerable. And in front of him of all people.
Arrongant, egotistical, cocky, good for nothing-
Her ego had not just been bruised, but beaten into a bloody pulp with a metal bat. Sitting in the dark on her bed, Faye struggled to breathe.
You will not allow him to do this to you. You will breathe slowly. In and out. Deep, slow breaths.
Her heart started to beat to a calm pace and her vision cleared as her breaths became more controlled. Her head felt lighter and the raging heat left her body slowly.
It was a momentary lapse of judgement. I wasn't thinking.
Laying back on the bed, Faye stared at the ceiling, her hands over her stomach.
This doesn't change anything. I am still in control. I am not the rash, hotheaded Faye Valentine he wants me to be.
Her heartbeat was completely normal now. A calmness took over her from head to toe.
He thinks he knows me, but he doesn't realize how wrong he is, but he'll know.
She smiled, her eyes closing and welcoming sleep.
He'll know soon enough.
________________________
The smell of breakfast crept its way around the ship, awakening everything in its path. Or at least, it woke up a disgruntled Spike.
Ugh, morning already?
He groaned as he got up. Ignoring the urge to jump at the feel of the icy cold floor, he quickly headed towards the bathroom. The promise of a nice, hot shower was more than enough to get him out of bed. He should have known what would happen.
As he was about to push the door open, a cloud of steam hit him in the face.
"Did you use up all the hot water?!" he demanded as Faye walked past him, toweling her hair.
"I don't think so, but if I did I'm sorry."
Her reply threw him off. He looked suspisciously at her, but she genuinely looked apologetic. Spike scratched his head.
"Uh, that's all right."
She smiled sweetly and had him even more confused. Spike was annoyed at himself for not knowing how to act around her. He had never been this uncomfortable around her before, but now...
"Faye, about last night-"
"It was all just a dream, right?"
Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive
We're not playing a game anymore; you don't have to be so defensive
She gave him a wink before walking off,
Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame
leaving him with his mouth open.
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you,
don't come around,
I got my own hell to raise
________________________
It was a wonderful feeling, leaving Spike Spiegel with his mouth hanging open as she had the last laugh. Pulling her shirt over her head, Faye laughed silently to herself.
Lunkhead.
She stopped, frowning.
No. Lunkhead is what I used to call him. He doesn't even deserve a nickname from me, anymore.
She stepped into her boots, ran a brush through her hair, and took a deep breath. Her plans had been put aside yesterday because of a certain dead man's return, but today she would not allow anything to distract her.
Sell the Redtail. Buy groceries. Look for a job. Cook dinner.
Making a mental list always made the day easier. It kept her from making last minute decisions; decisions that usually ended up being horribly bad ones.
Like last night.
Shaking her head to clear the thoughts, she left her room and headed towards the kitchen. Jet was scrambling eggs and peppers. She smiled at the sight.
"Why is it always peppers?"
Looking incredibly insulted by her question, Jet scowled at her as she stood next to him.
Spike entered.
You say love is a hell you cannot bear
And I say gimme mine back and then go there for all I care
Dressed in his blue training pants, drops of water still clung to his back and chest. She cursed herself for noticing this. He didn't even look at her as he passed by.
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem
She stood firmly, remembering her vow of indifference. If he thought he was in a dream, then she wouldn't give him a reason to think otherwise. Idiot.
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise
She wondered just what the hell was wrong with him. How could anyone not realize that they were alive? She had better things to do then care about his fucking "rebel without a cause" bullshit.
He looked up at her from the table and raised his eyebrows. Daring her to speak first.
I have never been so insulted in all my life
Faye remembered the way he had been last night. Looking at her with pity, apologizing to her.
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride
Now she met his gaze straight on, challenging him. She was not one to be reckoned with. Not today.
First you run like a fool just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide, and I can't abide
She smirked when he looked away first, amused at how he pretended to be suddenly interested in Jet's cooking.
"I think I'll skip breakfast. I've got things to do," she said to Jet.
"You really going to sell the Redtail, Faye?" Jet frowned, immediately knowing what she was planning on doing. She nodded, fully aware that someone else was hanging onto every word.
"What? You're getting rid of your ship?!" Spike said incredulously.
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem
"What's it to you?"
It was a fair question, but barely. And she knew it.
"Nothing," he answered smoothly, looking away from her again.
"All right, then. Good-bye."
So don't forget what I told you,
don't come around,
I got my own hell to raise
________________________
He couldn't help it.
Walking around restlessly, he awaited her return.
If we're going to live on this ship together, we need to straighten things out, he told himself.
He couldn't understand what was going on. Faye Valentine was supposed to yell and get emotional and kick and scream. She was not supposed to be composed and stoically controlled. That was his job, dammit.
And she was most definitely not supposed to be invading his thoughts.
Her skin was so soft, and her scent unmistakably feminine. The way it felt when she had pressed her lips against his throat...
Fuck.
He was lonely and confused he told himself repeatedly. After all, Spike had been nervous before returning to the Bebop. He wasn't sure how he would be received.
No, that was untrue.
He knew, or at least thought he did, how they would react to seeing him again. Jet would gruffly welcome him back, but not without scolding him. And Faye would scream and then yell at him for being so stupid, maybe even hit him.
But she had surprised him.
She had been so...calm about it.
She made me pancakes and then left.
As if she could have cared less about his return. Like it didn't matter.
What the hell was that last night?
She had said something about his smell, saying it was like cigarettes and heaven. And that he made her feel weird.
What the hell is she on about?
He laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling fan, trying to imagine the way heaven smelled.
________________________
It was dark by the time she returned to the ship. Warm and cool at the same time, a chilly breeze disturbed the mild weather.
Her hands were empty. Faye had lost track of time again and accomplished only one of her goals for the day. The Redtail was gone. She'd been able to get a good price for it, too. She could always buy the groceries tomorrow, and it was too late for dinner.
One accomplishment is better than none.
She sighed, stopping in front of the entrance of the Bebop.
Faye had spent almost the entire day walking around, thinking to herself. That crazy part threatening to leak out and have its way. It kept telling her to do things. Crazy things.
Get drunk and see if he'll take advantage of you.
And that was stupid, because he never would. Ever.
Go in that dark alleyway and let some bum rough you up. He'll be sorry about the way he acted when he sees you with a black eye.
The sad part was that she wasn't even sure he would even care. Spike was always too caught up in everything else to really see her.
He saw you last night. You can make him see you again.
It was difficult for her to silence her thoughts, but she did as she entered the ship. Not wanting to wake anyone up, she took off her shoes so she could walk around quietly.
You want him. Don't deny yourself.
"Shut up," she whispered.
"I didn't even get to say anything yet," said a voice from behind. She jumped and then silently berated herself for being caught off guard so easily.
He was leaning against the wall, hidden by the shadows. Faye stood facing him, resting against the opposite wall.
Touch me.
She hated herself for it, but it could not be helped. Something was happening to her, and it had everything to do with him. The part of her that had come out when he had left had crept up slowly, but she had been able to control it well. Until now.
Now that craziness reared its ugly head out, refusing to be ignored. The part of her that lusted, wanted, needed, hated.
Kiss me. Hit me. Push me. Just touch me.
"What are you doing?" she asked him, her voice strangely hollow.
He only shrugged, then lit a cigarette. She could feel his eyes on her.
You can have me any way you-
No. No. NO.
"I'm going to bed," she said abruptly, "have fun doing whatever you're doing."
But her legs wouldn't move.
The dark, that's what it is. It was dark last night, too.
She watched in horror as he put out the cigarette and stepped out, coming towards her.
If he gets too close I won't be able to stop myself.
"Faye."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"They must have really fucked with your head, Spike. You've been acting really weird." Faye thanked the gods for her detached tone.
He stopped, looking at her curiously.
"Where's your yellow outfit?"
"I burned it."
And that was the truth.
He nodded, a grin spreading on his face.
Put your hands on me. All over me.
Spike vaguely remembered having to tell her something, but at that moment, he couldn't remember for his life what it had been. He stepped closer.
"Stop."
Now she sounded shaky and wanted to kill herself for it. He shook his head.
"No."
Oh, God.
Faye wondered if she was having an anxiety attack. Her heart seemed to want to jump out of her and her lungs were failing miserably. Her brain also seemed to have ceased functioning, as well. Everything was numb, but painfully sensitive.
He didn't know what he was doing, but he knew he had to keep on doing it. The wide-eyed look on her face only encouraged him.
"Spike."
She said his name as a warning. He was so close she could reach out and touch him if she wanted. And she wanted to so badly.
"Am I making you feel weird again?" he asked, his voice teasing and caressing.
A nod.
"Good," he said, his face only inches away from hers.
"You're a cocky son of a bitch." Faye whispered, surprising herself by speaking. She moved towards him and their bodies were touching.
He looked down at her, she up at him, their arms by their sides. Their faces were so close they could feel each other's breath. Faye stared at his parted lips, her own did the same unconsciously.
She was getting dizzy. He was so close. Too close, but not close enough.
The front of her thighs brushed against his, their hips aligned, and her chest was so close to his they coudln't tell whose heartbeat was whose.
Arms still at their sides, their heads moved in just until their lips were scarcely touching. It was the shyest of touches, not even really a kiss. Mouths slightly opened, they breathed each others' breaths in.
Slowly.
Deeply.
It was the most intimate experience of her life.
In and out.
In
Out
Just breathe.
Sleep To Dream
Her face was pressed up against the curve of his neck and shoulder. He felt wonderfully warm to the touch. His scent was intoxicating, sending her mind into a tumultuous whirlwind of bliss and languor. Long, strong arms held her close to him. Tightly. Completely.
"Faye?"
She suddenly realized that Spike had been calling her name. As if it caused her great pain to do so, Faye took a step back from him to look up at his face.
"I'm sorry," he began, "but I'm just not ready for this."
Her heart stopped beating.
"I don't think I'm what you need right now."
What?!
"Faye?"
She was staring at his chin, her arms felt heavy and her feet impanted to the ground
"Faye," he said, hesitantly, "do you remember what I told you when I left? I meant what I said that day."
You bastard. You fucking bastard.
Her face was turned away from him, but he could only imagine she was embarrassed and didn't want him to see her blush. Spike kept his tone light, but serious.
"Turns out this is all still a dream to me. I'm sorry-"
Her head snapped up and Spike almost stepped back from the look on her face. Fiery emerald eyes mocked him, a smirk playing on her pretty lips. Faye rested a hand on her hip and shrugged.
She laughed.
He frowned.
"Spike, you really need to just relax," she said, "I was just doing you a favor. You looked like you needed a good lay."
He searched her face for something, not really sure of what it was he wanted to find. But her cool expression didn't waver for a second. Her eyes were unreadable.
"Is that so?" he asked nonchalantly, recovering quickly from his surprise, but relieved to see the old Faye again. The Faye he knew how to handle.
She yawned and stretched her arms over her head as she started to walk away.
"Well, I'm going to get some beauty rest now. Sweet dreams, Spike."
She stopped in her tracks, looking back at him.
"Oh wait, I guess 'sweet dreams' wouldn't apply to someone like you, right?"
He was lighting another cigarette. The flame from his lighter caused shadows to dance across his face.
"Whatever, Faye."
She was up the stairs when he called her name, but she only stopped walking, not turning around to face him as he spoke.
"Hey Faye, offering to sleep with me was really generous of you. I didn't know you cared so much."
The sarcasm was not missed. Silence ruled the room for the slightest of moments.
"Well, it was a one-time offer."
And then she was out of sight.
________________________
Faye was angry.
No, she was seething.
Blood boiling-seeing red-shaky breath angry.
I'll kill him.
She couldn't believe that she had allowed this to happen. Her insides screamed as her mind yelled at herself for being so vulnerable. And in front of him of all people.
Arrongant, egotistical, cocky, good for nothing-
Her ego had not just been bruised, but beaten into a bloody pulp with a metal bat. Sitting in the dark on her bed, Faye struggled to breathe.
You will not allow him to do this to you. You will breathe slowly. In and out. Deep, slow breaths.
Her heart started to beat to a calm pace and her vision cleared as her breaths became more controlled. Her head felt lighter and the raging heat left her body slowly.
It was a momentary lapse of judgement. I wasn't thinking.
Laying back on the bed, Faye stared at the ceiling, her hands over her stomach.
This doesn't change anything. I am still in control. I am not the rash, hotheaded Faye Valentine he wants me to be.
Her heartbeat was completely normal now. A calmness took over her from head to toe.
He thinks he knows me, but he doesn't realize how wrong he is, but he'll know.
She smiled, her eyes closing and welcoming sleep.
He'll know soon enough.
________________________
The smell of breakfast crept its way around the ship, awakening everything in its path. Or at least, it woke up a disgruntled Spike.
Ugh, morning already?
He groaned as he got up. Ignoring the urge to jump at the feel of the icy cold floor, he quickly headed towards the bathroom. The promise of a nice, hot shower was more than enough to get him out of bed. He should have known what would happen.
As he was about to push the door open, a cloud of steam hit him in the face.
"Did you use up all the hot water?!" he demanded as Faye walked past him, toweling her hair.
"I don't think so, but if I did I'm sorry."
Her reply threw him off. He looked suspisciously at her, but she genuinely looked apologetic. Spike scratched his head.
"Uh, that's all right."
She smiled sweetly and had him even more confused. Spike was annoyed at himself for not knowing how to act around her. He had never been this uncomfortable around her before, but now...
"Faye, about last night-"
"It was all just a dream, right?"
Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive
We're not playing a game anymore; you don't have to be so defensive
She gave him a wink before walking off,
Don't you plead me your case, don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face, 'cuz it's a crying shame
leaving him with his mouth open.
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you,
don't come around,
I got my own hell to raise
________________________
It was a wonderful feeling, leaving Spike Spiegel with his mouth hanging open as she had the last laugh. Pulling her shirt over her head, Faye laughed silently to herself.
Lunkhead.
She stopped, frowning.
No. Lunkhead is what I used to call him. He doesn't even deserve a nickname from me, anymore.
She stepped into her boots, ran a brush through her hair, and took a deep breath. Her plans had been put aside yesterday because of a certain dead man's return, but today she would not allow anything to distract her.
Sell the Redtail. Buy groceries. Look for a job. Cook dinner.
Making a mental list always made the day easier. It kept her from making last minute decisions; decisions that usually ended up being horribly bad ones.
Like last night.
Shaking her head to clear the thoughts, she left her room and headed towards the kitchen. Jet was scrambling eggs and peppers. She smiled at the sight.
"Why is it always peppers?"
Looking incredibly insulted by her question, Jet scowled at her as she stood next to him.
Spike entered.
You say love is a hell you cannot bear
And I say gimme mine back and then go there for all I care
Dressed in his blue training pants, drops of water still clung to his back and chest. She cursed herself for noticing this. He didn't even look at her as he passed by.
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem
She stood firmly, remembering her vow of indifference. If he thought he was in a dream, then she wouldn't give him a reason to think otherwise. Idiot.
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise
She wondered just what the hell was wrong with him. How could anyone not realize that they were alive? She had better things to do then care about his fucking "rebel without a cause" bullshit.
He looked up at her from the table and raised his eyebrows. Daring her to speak first.
I have never been so insulted in all my life
Faye remembered the way he had been last night. Looking at her with pity, apologizing to her.
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride
Now she met his gaze straight on, challenging him. She was not one to be reckoned with. Not today.
First you run like a fool just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide, and I can't abide
She smirked when he looked away first, amused at how he pretended to be suddenly interested in Jet's cooking.
"I think I'll skip breakfast. I've got things to do," she said to Jet.
"You really going to sell the Redtail, Faye?" Jet frowned, immediately knowing what she was planning on doing. She nodded, fully aware that someone else was hanging onto every word.
"What? You're getting rid of your ship?!" Spike said incredulously.
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem
"What's it to you?"
It was a fair question, but barely. And she knew it.
"Nothing," he answered smoothly, looking away from her again.
"All right, then. Good-bye."
So don't forget what I told you,
don't come around,
I got my own hell to raise
________________________
He couldn't help it.
Walking around restlessly, he awaited her return.
If we're going to live on this ship together, we need to straighten things out, he told himself.
He couldn't understand what was going on. Faye Valentine was supposed to yell and get emotional and kick and scream. She was not supposed to be composed and stoically controlled. That was his job, dammit.
And she was most definitely not supposed to be invading his thoughts.
Her skin was so soft, and her scent unmistakably feminine. The way it felt when she had pressed her lips against his throat...
Fuck.
He was lonely and confused he told himself repeatedly. After all, Spike had been nervous before returning to the Bebop. He wasn't sure how he would be received.
No, that was untrue.
He knew, or at least thought he did, how they would react to seeing him again. Jet would gruffly welcome him back, but not without scolding him. And Faye would scream and then yell at him for being so stupid, maybe even hit him.
But she had surprised him.
She had been so...calm about it.
She made me pancakes and then left.
As if she could have cared less about his return. Like it didn't matter.
What the hell was that last night?
She had said something about his smell, saying it was like cigarettes and heaven. And that he made her feel weird.
What the hell is she on about?
He laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling fan, trying to imagine the way heaven smelled.
________________________
It was dark by the time she returned to the ship. Warm and cool at the same time, a chilly breeze disturbed the mild weather.
Her hands were empty. Faye had lost track of time again and accomplished only one of her goals for the day. The Redtail was gone. She'd been able to get a good price for it, too. She could always buy the groceries tomorrow, and it was too late for dinner.
One accomplishment is better than none.
She sighed, stopping in front of the entrance of the Bebop.
Faye had spent almost the entire day walking around, thinking to herself. That crazy part threatening to leak out and have its way. It kept telling her to do things. Crazy things.
Get drunk and see if he'll take advantage of you.
And that was stupid, because he never would. Ever.
Go in that dark alleyway and let some bum rough you up. He'll be sorry about the way he acted when he sees you with a black eye.
The sad part was that she wasn't even sure he would even care. Spike was always too caught up in everything else to really see her.
He saw you last night. You can make him see you again.
It was difficult for her to silence her thoughts, but she did as she entered the ship. Not wanting to wake anyone up, she took off her shoes so she could walk around quietly.
You want him. Don't deny yourself.
"Shut up," she whispered.
"I didn't even get to say anything yet," said a voice from behind. She jumped and then silently berated herself for being caught off guard so easily.
He was leaning against the wall, hidden by the shadows. Faye stood facing him, resting against the opposite wall.
Touch me.
She hated herself for it, but it could not be helped. Something was happening to her, and it had everything to do with him. The part of her that had come out when he had left had crept up slowly, but she had been able to control it well. Until now.
Now that craziness reared its ugly head out, refusing to be ignored. The part of her that lusted, wanted, needed, hated.
Kiss me. Hit me. Push me. Just touch me.
"What are you doing?" she asked him, her voice strangely hollow.
He only shrugged, then lit a cigarette. She could feel his eyes on her.
You can have me any way you-
No. No. NO.
"I'm going to bed," she said abruptly, "have fun doing whatever you're doing."
But her legs wouldn't move.
The dark, that's what it is. It was dark last night, too.
She watched in horror as he put out the cigarette and stepped out, coming towards her.
If he gets too close I won't be able to stop myself.
"Faye."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"They must have really fucked with your head, Spike. You've been acting really weird." Faye thanked the gods for her detached tone.
He stopped, looking at her curiously.
"Where's your yellow outfit?"
"I burned it."
And that was the truth.
He nodded, a grin spreading on his face.
Put your hands on me. All over me.
Spike vaguely remembered having to tell her something, but at that moment, he couldn't remember for his life what it had been. He stepped closer.
"Stop."
Now she sounded shaky and wanted to kill herself for it. He shook his head.
"No."
Oh, God.
Faye wondered if she was having an anxiety attack. Her heart seemed to want to jump out of her and her lungs were failing miserably. Her brain also seemed to have ceased functioning, as well. Everything was numb, but painfully sensitive.
He didn't know what he was doing, but he knew he had to keep on doing it. The wide-eyed look on her face only encouraged him.
"Spike."
She said his name as a warning. He was so close she could reach out and touch him if she wanted. And she wanted to so badly.
"Am I making you feel weird again?" he asked, his voice teasing and caressing.
A nod.
"Good," he said, his face only inches away from hers.
"You're a cocky son of a bitch." Faye whispered, surprising herself by speaking. She moved towards him and their bodies were touching.
He looked down at her, she up at him, their arms by their sides. Their faces were so close they could feel each other's breath. Faye stared at his parted lips, her own did the same unconsciously.
She was getting dizzy. He was so close. Too close, but not close enough.
The front of her thighs brushed against his, their hips aligned, and her chest was so close to his they coudln't tell whose heartbeat was whose.
Arms still at their sides, their heads moved in just until their lips were scarcely touching. It was the shyest of touches, not even really a kiss. Mouths slightly opened, they breathed each others' breaths in.
Slowly.
Deeply.
It was the most intimate experience of her life.
In and out.
In
Out
Just breathe.