Title: Blood of the Spirit Animal
Disclaimer: I am not using this for profit, so don't sue me.
Summary: Not everyone is who they seem; Sometimes, people don't even know themselves. Both Draco, Harry, and the rest of their counterparts can learn a valuable lesson from their spirit animals. If only they learned to truly listen. ((Pairings: Harry/Draco, Pansy/The-Hamster)) (^The Pansy thing is supposed to be a joke, by the way.)
Thanks goes to::::
Ice Lupus-- Thank you =) You're so gracious.
juxtaposed--I totally agree with you about the 'not to drag it out' thing. The monkey IS a sod, isn't he? =D
stargirl2004--Thanks! Here ya go ^_^
The Phantom Typewriter--Thanks so much for the comments =D
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"Be careful, Ayala! You're going to hurt yourself if you keep prancing around like that," Draco warned softly, making the excited animal slow down just a bit. "I said, be careful!" Draco had a resentful frown on his face, not a smile peaking through his cold exterior.
"I told you already, I can't calm down! It feels so *nice* out here! Why, I haven't been outside in *such* a long time!" came the enthusiastic reply of the doe. "Then again, I've never been out here in my life." She giggled a little like Pansy did when amused by modern school gossip; It made Draco feel slightly sick to his stomach. Draco grimaced, and crossed him arms. The doe had gotten more annoying my the minutes. She was a little too uppity for his tastes.
"You know, Draco, you could be like me, but you choose not to. Why is that?" Ayala asked, suddenly stopping. Her long, slender face tilting to the side in curiosity.
"Maybe it's because you're annoying. Ever though of that?" Draco spat, narrowing his eyes.
"I'm not annoying! I'm as much a part of you as you are, me. So, don't go denying that you have other things more to worry about then yourself. I know how vain you can be, Draco. I've lived with--I mean, *in* you your whole life." The deer leaned its head down and nibbled thoughtfully on a few loose pieces of grass. Draco snorted doubtfully at the doe's comment; Surely there could be a way he could get away from all her cheerfulness. At first, it had been O.K. She had seemed well brought-together, and calm about everything. She had defended him from his enemy; That bloody Potter.
Draco had, afterwards, started daydreaming about what it would be like without Harry on the Earth, when 'Surprise, surprise,' Golden boy himself shows up with his stupid panther strapped right behind him.
'Oh, how grand this is going to be.' Mischief was seizing hold of Draco so fast, it was pointless to even pinpoint the exact millisecond it had started.
Ayala knew it was time to talk; to the panther, that is. They had only gotten chances to silently communicate when their two hosts would look at each other in the eyes, and even then, it was still hard to talk, as they only had a few seconds to discuss anything. Ayala knew how much Tarak had despised the monkey possessed redhead his 'host' was hanging around all the time.
Ayala had been confused the whole night while trying to go to sleep. Since she was now physical, hunger felt odd and sleeping was the most freakish thing she had ever experienced in her existence, which had been for quite a long time. She knew in her gut that she had been Draco's spirit animal for this life and past lives including, but Draco obviously hadn't the knowledge, or the resources, to attain such knowledge in general.
She felt comfortable talking to Draco; Especially in private. He was the nicest, then. In public, he was always mean and had that stupid sneer on his face.
'It would make him so much prettier if he smiled once in a while. Especially around people. He would have more friends. And so would I!' Ayala thought in joy, dazing off into the mischievous eyes of Draco, recognizing how his grin took on a menacing threat. Ayala labored a deep breath and breathed outward; Maybe she could talk some sense into Draco before he goes about again doing something foolish. Oh, no, it wouldn't do him good to get hurt like he did in third year when insulting that Hippogriff; She had warned him repeatedly, but he kept pushing her to the back of his mind, ignoring her 'weak', as he termed it, comments. At the end of fourth year, she had also told him not to mess with Potter and his friends. But what did he do? He told her that he had more pride than to let Potter's precious abilities go to waste. Ayala had never fully figured out what he had meant by that, but she didn't entirely want to know; Draco's mind was complex. Tarak thought that he *was* a mean git at first, until he saw the 'nice' side of him. The 'Ayala' side.
Actually, Ayala and Tarak had become friends over the years. She usually sent comfort when the black panther was angry; It had to be when their two 'hosts' were in a fight, or *atleast* staring at each other; Unfortunately for Ayala's sake, it was always in utter loathing. Ayala had always despised it when her master looked at anyone; It was never in kindness or love. Always in loathing, or suspicion, or deception. He was a trickster; He knew how to get anything he wanted. Many times, Ayala had persuaded Draco not to bother Harry and his friends. It was hard, but it was worth it. She knew Tarak had a hard time when they both fought; It made their communicating the more difficult. After all, they *were* connected to their masters. It was hard to disconnect their feelings from their hosts and talk regularly.
Ayala sighed thoughtfully, when a voice broke her thoughts.
"Potter. What the hell are you doing out here?" Draco sneered. In Ayala's opinion, he looked really ugly when he did that.
"Feeding Tarak; Get out of my way, or I'll make him eat you!" Harry threatened. It sounded slightly funny coming from him, and Harry slightly flushed in a second of embarrassment, before letting the anger swell in his chest to make him forget about the stupid slip-up.
"Tarak? So, is that his name?" Draco looked at Tarak in accusation. "Well, he looks dumb. Does he ever talk?! I bet not. You know what he looks like? A big, stupid piece of charcoal. Yes, you heard me Potter," As Draco increased the insult, Harry, Tarak, *and* Ayala all started to well with anger. "What you get when Santa thinks you've been bad; Charcoal!" Draco finished with a smirk tugging at his still grimaced lips.
Harry charged at Draco, but halted when he was an inch away from Draco's nose. His green eyes were glaring with ferocity and Draco's eyes were just inherently challenging.
"Dont--Ever--Insult--Him!" Harry spat, making Draco wince slightly, before regaining his composure.
"I wasn't; I was merely stating a fact." Draco smirked at the use of wit, making Harry sputter in dispute.
Suddenly, Draco charged forward, a look of complete shock and surprise on his face; Ayala stood in his place, as Draco fell to the ground with a thud. Harry dodged the falling body of his enemy, and looked at the doe in surprise.
"Draco, I've told you many a-times before *not* to go around making rude and inconsiderate comments like that to Potter!" Ayala yelled in disappointment. She had to have done something, and talking would only make things worse; Draco would only yell at her, and she knew; He yelled in his head!
Tarak was just leisurely standing beside Harry, watching in amusement. Somebody had to stop the fight! So, in her opinion, she was the one to go for it!
Draco just groaned in reply, and rolled over, holding his stomach. "My stomach hurts..." he moaned, making pitiful attempts at trying to stand up.
"Oh, that's ridiculous, Draco! I know you better than that! Stop playing like you did when you were a child, and become a man!" This boy needed some mothering, all right; All his human mother ever did was buy him gifts and spoil him rotten! His father hardly pays attention to him; 'Someone has to teach him!' Ayala thought, fully up to the one-week job.
Tarak looked like he had a hint of a smile on his face, and Harry, after shutting his gaping mouth, burst out in an appreciative laugh; For Draco, it was only the more humiliating. He flushed, and tore his eyes away from the laughing Potter. He hated being humiliated; This incident reminded him of the beating he got when he was turned into a white ferret in fourth year. The result was far from good, afterwards. He had had many bruises under his eye, and on his ribs especially. He had even more on his back, and a few large ones on his then-fragile arms and legs. His mother had wrote him saying how horrifying an experience that must have been, and that she would get him a lot of goodies to make up the harm done to him.
He didn't want the things she got for him, anyway; Draco knew his mother only wanted him to be happy, but... There were those times when Draco just wished he could be beside someone that he could claim as *his*. As his *lover*. Ayala had seen him in that mood just the night before; She knew exactly what was bothering him, as she had that link with him. She told him that someone would come along someday, and that the fates had a really weird way of working things out for people.
Ayala had, just the night before, become his comfort source; But now... He didn't know what to think. Was this treason? Was there a spirit animal guide book he could read to accuse her of? Nevertheless, Draco was highly upset at her sudden action of pinning him down with her hooves. She seemed so kind and trustworthy! How did *he* know she would be willing to go so low as to defend Potter and his stupid panther?!
Draco was outraged; So instead of yelling, barking, or talking back, he rushed past Harry and Tarak, while Ayala stared in concern at his disappearing, sulking figure.
It was then that Ayala realized that she could feel that Draco was fixing to cry... He tried so hard not to cry; Even when news got really bad about family business, like when his African-American nanny, Patricia, had come down with cancer. No potion could cure it and no spell could revive her. She had died about two months later; Draco was devastated. She had been like a mother to him. She wasn't one that taught him moral lessons, but one to play with him when he was bored. They would play chess, or go on a stroll through the gardens, laughing at innocent jokes they both knew. Once, she had took him to a muggle zoo, and to Draco's own surprise, he had enjoyed it very much. Even the rock concert that they held over at a muggle festival suited his interests. It had later became his favorite music to listen to. But when that day came...Her last words had been, "Good-bye, Draco. I hope your mother," She coughed, and wheezed a little. "gets that trip to China that she's been dying to go on. Tell your daddy to be good. And Draco, hunny, let it be known that I'll always be watchin' ya, lovin' ya. Don't *ever* let no one bring you down, ya hear? Make Patty proud," She had another coughing fit, but forced herself to calm down. "and be sure to grow up healthy, and with someone you love. Remember, hunny. Love is what we shared. Pass it on, darlin'. The lord'll reward you." She sighed as she closed her eyes wistfully. Draco had bit his lip, not believing it at first. Then he pressed his fingers to her throat...
He hadn't shed a single tear; Not one, single tear. Although Ayala had felt it when his throat choked up, and he tried his hardest at the funeral to show that weakness wasn't an issue with him. His father was making it all the harder; His face was set in a stone of cold rock, only relenting to move when someone would weep, and he would move his head to see whom it was. Throughout the whole funeral, Narcissa had not hesitated to cry; She had even cried when on the way to the Manor, and when she was in bed with Lucius.
Draco, however, never cried over that. Although her words spun around in his head a lot during his free thinking hours. Like right now; Did Ayala have a hidden intention to the things she was doing? Was she trying to humiliate him to make him 'obey' her stupid, 'kindy' commands? Well, he wouldn't stand for it.
But then his nanny's words spun in his head over and over like a chant. Especially the last thing she had said...
Love is what we shared. Pass it on, darlin'. The lord'll reward you...
That didn't make sense! He had loved Patty so much, but the 'Lord' hadn't done a single thing about Patty's disease! He had killed her!
In a rampage, Draco tore through the Hogwarts doors and ran down to the dungeons. He tried to keep his face set as stone as he made his way ferociously to his dorm. No one could see him like this. No one!
He slammed the dorm door and threw himself onto the four poster bed. At first, he was too hollow to let any feelings course through him, but Patty's words struck again, and he found himself let out a strangled sob.
"Why, God, why her?" He moaned. His pillow was getting damp with the burst of emotion. "Why, why, why, why, why?!" He asked angrily, looking upwards. "No one will ever love me, like she did, God. No one! I know they won't. Everyone hates me! My parents, they don't..." He struggled to let out the last few words, but the weeping consumed him, and a flood of more tears coursed from his eyes to the soft pillow. He sniffed, but found his nose was stuffed up. "Why can't it just be a year before now, again, and I could spend every," A sob escaped his parched lips. "day with her like I used to? Why did she say you'd reward me if I loved someone else? Why couldn't I have loved her, and still be rewarded with her life? Why, God?"
His red-rimmed eyes stopped their flow long enough for Draco to actually feel numb; But as soon as Draco started thinking about what Ayala had done to him, and how Patty had died, and those awful nightmares...
His tears released themselves again, and he curled himself into a tight ball, pretending that he was hugging Patty around her full waistline. "Oh, God, why?!"
Usually, Draco didn't talk to a 'God'. Ever since that day, he hadn't believed in one. He hadn't known he had, until he started speaking out to him just now. Unfortunately, the deep questions he had asked were soaked up by the silence that clouded the air.
~*~
Ayala had stood there for quite a few minutes, before sighing. She knew, know, that he was crying over Patty. Had she somehow caused this when she pushed the limits of his pride by knocking him over? Did he trust her so much as to start thinking about the confession at Patty's death...?
Ayala shook her head. "He's crying..." She said, confirming it for herself. Little did she know, she was being closely observed by Harry, and he had heard the confession.
"What?!" Harry asked in shock. His eyes widened. "But what did I do? I mean, Malfoy never cries! Well, except that time when he was turned into..."
"Shut up!" Tarak growled toward Harry. Harry looked toward Tarak in utter shock.
"What did you say?" Harry asked quietly, wondering if he had heard right.
"I said. Shut. Up. You heard me, didn't you?" Tarak answered innocently, tilting his angular head to the side. "So, Ayala, what's this about?" He asked, turning his golden-specked eyes toward her.
"Patty...And I think it's also about me. He's upset that I hurt him." Ayala confessed. It was nice talking to Tarak without the interruptions, for once.
"Yes, I see how he would be upset about that. I remember that incident with his father--"
"Shut up--Don't talk about it," Ayala snapped, clearing her throat. She then gestured her head in Harry's direction. Tarak then nodded as if common sense had just struck a cord in him after many years.
"What? What is it I don't know about his father?!" Harry pleaded. "Please! I *need* that information! It might help The Order!" Harry confessed, dropping to his knees to get on the animal's levels.
"It's nothing for you to know." Ayala answered shrewdly. Tarak had better not spill his guts.
Instead, Tarak kept utterly silent. He didn't want to anger Harry nor the doe friend by his side.
After a long silence, Harry hissed, "Tell me, now. I mean it. It *will* be important! It might be the exact location of the Death Eater meetings, or maybe even where the Dark Arts equipment is held--"
"Harry, listen to me," Ayala addressed, standing up, making her taller than Harry, who was crouched beside Tarak. "This thing is personal; Draco would *never* trust me again if I told. Do you understand?"
Harry nodded slowly, expecting an answer. He doubted he would get it, but he still nevertheless, acted like he expected one, just in case.
"He's been--Oh my, how can I say this without putting him in a pity-pool? He hates those..." Ayala trailed from the subject, looking dazed. Finally Tarak growled a little, and set her straight back on her story. "Well, one night, during one of Narcissa's big dinner parties, a bunch of Death Eater's were attending--Nothing much special. There was a lot of alcohol served there, though.
"Well, when a group of about four Death Eater's got drunk enough, they--" Ayala choked on this, but kept her eyes steady on Harry's. "They did terrible things to him. Horrible things, no child should see. That no *person* should see!" Ayala had raised her voice two full octaves. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes to calm herself.
"I'll just say it like it happened," She paused here. Harry's anticipation was getting higher with ever second that passed. "He was raped, after being tortured. The four Death Eater's forgot about it, but one of them, one who had been sober who had been watching the scene, had cast a memory charm on him. Lucius was somewhere around, talking to his wife about the party decorations. He never saw them go up to his room, and..." Ayala didn't finish. Her eyes looked lost through the soft, earthy ground. She had felt the pain that Draco had had to go through that night. That awful night.
Harry's eyes were full of horror. When had this happened? When he was younger? Just recently? Did this happen all the time? Was it true that the spoiled brat actually *did* have worse days than being turned into a ferret?
This was just too much for Harry to take in. "Well," He cleared his throat after the shock. "Shouldn't he be sent to--say--St. Mungo's? I'm pretty sure the side-effects are bad--"
He was cut off quickly. "Oh, they quite were. He still has nightmares about it a lot, but he only *thinks* they're nightmares. Little does he know that it really happened to him. I haven't the heart to tell him they are real," A guilty look crossed Ayala's caramel-colored face, before adding, "You mustn't tell a single soul! You mustn't! Tarak, keep watch for this boy! Make sure he tells not one living soul, not even those people who host the monkey and bear!"
Harry didn't bother correcting Ayala on his best friend's names; He was too busy thinking about what happened to Draco. Why hadn't he cracked? Why hadn't he told the Infirmary about his nightmares? Did his father even care as much as to check up on his son's emotional health?
Harry looked to his shoes in shame. And all these years...
But he didn't finish the thought. The doe had sighed, and said she had to go comfort and apologize for what she had done. Harry nodded, and Tarak growled in acceptance, before they were both alone.
"Tarak--Can I ask you something?" Harry asked quizzically.
"Yes?" He muttered quickly.
"How long have you known about this?" Harry asked, ready to blow up. Why hadn't Tarak told him sooner?!
"Um--quite a long time. But you didn't need to know. It would have disrupted your life. Look at the way you're acting, now! I can sense that you're mad at me. Don't be foolish, boy, you know how much that would plague you!"
Harry had to admit, Tarak had a point.
Because now, all Harry could ever come back to, in his mind reeled with thoughts, was what Ayala had told him. About Draco, and how the Death Eaters had hurt him.
Maybe if Draco knew about that, he would join the light side...? No, but that was nonsense talk. Wasn't it?
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Chapter Notes:::: Um....Wow....More angst than I intended. Crud. Well, dunno why. I guess I'm just one to write angsty stuff. *Shrugs*. I've tried writing all the happy, cheery stuff. It doesn't work for me. Well, besides that, reviews appreciated! Especially if there is anything wrong with the fic that you can see. Love you all! I hope to have to next chapter ready in a few days, at the least! ^_^
Disclaimer: I am not using this for profit, so don't sue me.
Summary: Not everyone is who they seem; Sometimes, people don't even know themselves. Both Draco, Harry, and the rest of their counterparts can learn a valuable lesson from their spirit animals. If only they learned to truly listen. ((Pairings: Harry/Draco, Pansy/The-Hamster)) (^The Pansy thing is supposed to be a joke, by the way.)
Thanks goes to::::
Ice Lupus-- Thank you =) You're so gracious.
juxtaposed--I totally agree with you about the 'not to drag it out' thing. The monkey IS a sod, isn't he? =D
stargirl2004--Thanks! Here ya go ^_^
The Phantom Typewriter--Thanks so much for the comments =D
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"Be careful, Ayala! You're going to hurt yourself if you keep prancing around like that," Draco warned softly, making the excited animal slow down just a bit. "I said, be careful!" Draco had a resentful frown on his face, not a smile peaking through his cold exterior.
"I told you already, I can't calm down! It feels so *nice* out here! Why, I haven't been outside in *such* a long time!" came the enthusiastic reply of the doe. "Then again, I've never been out here in my life." She giggled a little like Pansy did when amused by modern school gossip; It made Draco feel slightly sick to his stomach. Draco grimaced, and crossed him arms. The doe had gotten more annoying my the minutes. She was a little too uppity for his tastes.
"You know, Draco, you could be like me, but you choose not to. Why is that?" Ayala asked, suddenly stopping. Her long, slender face tilting to the side in curiosity.
"Maybe it's because you're annoying. Ever though of that?" Draco spat, narrowing his eyes.
"I'm not annoying! I'm as much a part of you as you are, me. So, don't go denying that you have other things more to worry about then yourself. I know how vain you can be, Draco. I've lived with--I mean, *in* you your whole life." The deer leaned its head down and nibbled thoughtfully on a few loose pieces of grass. Draco snorted doubtfully at the doe's comment; Surely there could be a way he could get away from all her cheerfulness. At first, it had been O.K. She had seemed well brought-together, and calm about everything. She had defended him from his enemy; That bloody Potter.
Draco had, afterwards, started daydreaming about what it would be like without Harry on the Earth, when 'Surprise, surprise,' Golden boy himself shows up with his stupid panther strapped right behind him.
'Oh, how grand this is going to be.' Mischief was seizing hold of Draco so fast, it was pointless to even pinpoint the exact millisecond it had started.
Ayala knew it was time to talk; to the panther, that is. They had only gotten chances to silently communicate when their two hosts would look at each other in the eyes, and even then, it was still hard to talk, as they only had a few seconds to discuss anything. Ayala knew how much Tarak had despised the monkey possessed redhead his 'host' was hanging around all the time.
Ayala had been confused the whole night while trying to go to sleep. Since she was now physical, hunger felt odd and sleeping was the most freakish thing she had ever experienced in her existence, which had been for quite a long time. She knew in her gut that she had been Draco's spirit animal for this life and past lives including, but Draco obviously hadn't the knowledge, or the resources, to attain such knowledge in general.
She felt comfortable talking to Draco; Especially in private. He was the nicest, then. In public, he was always mean and had that stupid sneer on his face.
'It would make him so much prettier if he smiled once in a while. Especially around people. He would have more friends. And so would I!' Ayala thought in joy, dazing off into the mischievous eyes of Draco, recognizing how his grin took on a menacing threat. Ayala labored a deep breath and breathed outward; Maybe she could talk some sense into Draco before he goes about again doing something foolish. Oh, no, it wouldn't do him good to get hurt like he did in third year when insulting that Hippogriff; She had warned him repeatedly, but he kept pushing her to the back of his mind, ignoring her 'weak', as he termed it, comments. At the end of fourth year, she had also told him not to mess with Potter and his friends. But what did he do? He told her that he had more pride than to let Potter's precious abilities go to waste. Ayala had never fully figured out what he had meant by that, but she didn't entirely want to know; Draco's mind was complex. Tarak thought that he *was* a mean git at first, until he saw the 'nice' side of him. The 'Ayala' side.
Actually, Ayala and Tarak had become friends over the years. She usually sent comfort when the black panther was angry; It had to be when their two 'hosts' were in a fight, or *atleast* staring at each other; Unfortunately for Ayala's sake, it was always in utter loathing. Ayala had always despised it when her master looked at anyone; It was never in kindness or love. Always in loathing, or suspicion, or deception. He was a trickster; He knew how to get anything he wanted. Many times, Ayala had persuaded Draco not to bother Harry and his friends. It was hard, but it was worth it. She knew Tarak had a hard time when they both fought; It made their communicating the more difficult. After all, they *were* connected to their masters. It was hard to disconnect their feelings from their hosts and talk regularly.
Ayala sighed thoughtfully, when a voice broke her thoughts.
"Potter. What the hell are you doing out here?" Draco sneered. In Ayala's opinion, he looked really ugly when he did that.
"Feeding Tarak; Get out of my way, or I'll make him eat you!" Harry threatened. It sounded slightly funny coming from him, and Harry slightly flushed in a second of embarrassment, before letting the anger swell in his chest to make him forget about the stupid slip-up.
"Tarak? So, is that his name?" Draco looked at Tarak in accusation. "Well, he looks dumb. Does he ever talk?! I bet not. You know what he looks like? A big, stupid piece of charcoal. Yes, you heard me Potter," As Draco increased the insult, Harry, Tarak, *and* Ayala all started to well with anger. "What you get when Santa thinks you've been bad; Charcoal!" Draco finished with a smirk tugging at his still grimaced lips.
Harry charged at Draco, but halted when he was an inch away from Draco's nose. His green eyes were glaring with ferocity and Draco's eyes were just inherently challenging.
"Dont--Ever--Insult--Him!" Harry spat, making Draco wince slightly, before regaining his composure.
"I wasn't; I was merely stating a fact." Draco smirked at the use of wit, making Harry sputter in dispute.
Suddenly, Draco charged forward, a look of complete shock and surprise on his face; Ayala stood in his place, as Draco fell to the ground with a thud. Harry dodged the falling body of his enemy, and looked at the doe in surprise.
"Draco, I've told you many a-times before *not* to go around making rude and inconsiderate comments like that to Potter!" Ayala yelled in disappointment. She had to have done something, and talking would only make things worse; Draco would only yell at her, and she knew; He yelled in his head!
Tarak was just leisurely standing beside Harry, watching in amusement. Somebody had to stop the fight! So, in her opinion, she was the one to go for it!
Draco just groaned in reply, and rolled over, holding his stomach. "My stomach hurts..." he moaned, making pitiful attempts at trying to stand up.
"Oh, that's ridiculous, Draco! I know you better than that! Stop playing like you did when you were a child, and become a man!" This boy needed some mothering, all right; All his human mother ever did was buy him gifts and spoil him rotten! His father hardly pays attention to him; 'Someone has to teach him!' Ayala thought, fully up to the one-week job.
Tarak looked like he had a hint of a smile on his face, and Harry, after shutting his gaping mouth, burst out in an appreciative laugh; For Draco, it was only the more humiliating. He flushed, and tore his eyes away from the laughing Potter. He hated being humiliated; This incident reminded him of the beating he got when he was turned into a white ferret in fourth year. The result was far from good, afterwards. He had had many bruises under his eye, and on his ribs especially. He had even more on his back, and a few large ones on his then-fragile arms and legs. His mother had wrote him saying how horrifying an experience that must have been, and that she would get him a lot of goodies to make up the harm done to him.
He didn't want the things she got for him, anyway; Draco knew his mother only wanted him to be happy, but... There were those times when Draco just wished he could be beside someone that he could claim as *his*. As his *lover*. Ayala had seen him in that mood just the night before; She knew exactly what was bothering him, as she had that link with him. She told him that someone would come along someday, and that the fates had a really weird way of working things out for people.
Ayala had, just the night before, become his comfort source; But now... He didn't know what to think. Was this treason? Was there a spirit animal guide book he could read to accuse her of? Nevertheless, Draco was highly upset at her sudden action of pinning him down with her hooves. She seemed so kind and trustworthy! How did *he* know she would be willing to go so low as to defend Potter and his stupid panther?!
Draco was outraged; So instead of yelling, barking, or talking back, he rushed past Harry and Tarak, while Ayala stared in concern at his disappearing, sulking figure.
It was then that Ayala realized that she could feel that Draco was fixing to cry... He tried so hard not to cry; Even when news got really bad about family business, like when his African-American nanny, Patricia, had come down with cancer. No potion could cure it and no spell could revive her. She had died about two months later; Draco was devastated. She had been like a mother to him. She wasn't one that taught him moral lessons, but one to play with him when he was bored. They would play chess, or go on a stroll through the gardens, laughing at innocent jokes they both knew. Once, she had took him to a muggle zoo, and to Draco's own surprise, he had enjoyed it very much. Even the rock concert that they held over at a muggle festival suited his interests. It had later became his favorite music to listen to. But when that day came...Her last words had been, "Good-bye, Draco. I hope your mother," She coughed, and wheezed a little. "gets that trip to China that she's been dying to go on. Tell your daddy to be good. And Draco, hunny, let it be known that I'll always be watchin' ya, lovin' ya. Don't *ever* let no one bring you down, ya hear? Make Patty proud," She had another coughing fit, but forced herself to calm down. "and be sure to grow up healthy, and with someone you love. Remember, hunny. Love is what we shared. Pass it on, darlin'. The lord'll reward you." She sighed as she closed her eyes wistfully. Draco had bit his lip, not believing it at first. Then he pressed his fingers to her throat...
He hadn't shed a single tear; Not one, single tear. Although Ayala had felt it when his throat choked up, and he tried his hardest at the funeral to show that weakness wasn't an issue with him. His father was making it all the harder; His face was set in a stone of cold rock, only relenting to move when someone would weep, and he would move his head to see whom it was. Throughout the whole funeral, Narcissa had not hesitated to cry; She had even cried when on the way to the Manor, and when she was in bed with Lucius.
Draco, however, never cried over that. Although her words spun around in his head a lot during his free thinking hours. Like right now; Did Ayala have a hidden intention to the things she was doing? Was she trying to humiliate him to make him 'obey' her stupid, 'kindy' commands? Well, he wouldn't stand for it.
But then his nanny's words spun in his head over and over like a chant. Especially the last thing she had said...
Love is what we shared. Pass it on, darlin'. The lord'll reward you...
That didn't make sense! He had loved Patty so much, but the 'Lord' hadn't done a single thing about Patty's disease! He had killed her!
In a rampage, Draco tore through the Hogwarts doors and ran down to the dungeons. He tried to keep his face set as stone as he made his way ferociously to his dorm. No one could see him like this. No one!
He slammed the dorm door and threw himself onto the four poster bed. At first, he was too hollow to let any feelings course through him, but Patty's words struck again, and he found himself let out a strangled sob.
"Why, God, why her?" He moaned. His pillow was getting damp with the burst of emotion. "Why, why, why, why, why?!" He asked angrily, looking upwards. "No one will ever love me, like she did, God. No one! I know they won't. Everyone hates me! My parents, they don't..." He struggled to let out the last few words, but the weeping consumed him, and a flood of more tears coursed from his eyes to the soft pillow. He sniffed, but found his nose was stuffed up. "Why can't it just be a year before now, again, and I could spend every," A sob escaped his parched lips. "day with her like I used to? Why did she say you'd reward me if I loved someone else? Why couldn't I have loved her, and still be rewarded with her life? Why, God?"
His red-rimmed eyes stopped their flow long enough for Draco to actually feel numb; But as soon as Draco started thinking about what Ayala had done to him, and how Patty had died, and those awful nightmares...
His tears released themselves again, and he curled himself into a tight ball, pretending that he was hugging Patty around her full waistline. "Oh, God, why?!"
Usually, Draco didn't talk to a 'God'. Ever since that day, he hadn't believed in one. He hadn't known he had, until he started speaking out to him just now. Unfortunately, the deep questions he had asked were soaked up by the silence that clouded the air.
~*~
Ayala had stood there for quite a few minutes, before sighing. She knew, know, that he was crying over Patty. Had she somehow caused this when she pushed the limits of his pride by knocking him over? Did he trust her so much as to start thinking about the confession at Patty's death...?
Ayala shook her head. "He's crying..." She said, confirming it for herself. Little did she know, she was being closely observed by Harry, and he had heard the confession.
"What?!" Harry asked in shock. His eyes widened. "But what did I do? I mean, Malfoy never cries! Well, except that time when he was turned into..."
"Shut up!" Tarak growled toward Harry. Harry looked toward Tarak in utter shock.
"What did you say?" Harry asked quietly, wondering if he had heard right.
"I said. Shut. Up. You heard me, didn't you?" Tarak answered innocently, tilting his angular head to the side. "So, Ayala, what's this about?" He asked, turning his golden-specked eyes toward her.
"Patty...And I think it's also about me. He's upset that I hurt him." Ayala confessed. It was nice talking to Tarak without the interruptions, for once.
"Yes, I see how he would be upset about that. I remember that incident with his father--"
"Shut up--Don't talk about it," Ayala snapped, clearing her throat. She then gestured her head in Harry's direction. Tarak then nodded as if common sense had just struck a cord in him after many years.
"What? What is it I don't know about his father?!" Harry pleaded. "Please! I *need* that information! It might help The Order!" Harry confessed, dropping to his knees to get on the animal's levels.
"It's nothing for you to know." Ayala answered shrewdly. Tarak had better not spill his guts.
Instead, Tarak kept utterly silent. He didn't want to anger Harry nor the doe friend by his side.
After a long silence, Harry hissed, "Tell me, now. I mean it. It *will* be important! It might be the exact location of the Death Eater meetings, or maybe even where the Dark Arts equipment is held--"
"Harry, listen to me," Ayala addressed, standing up, making her taller than Harry, who was crouched beside Tarak. "This thing is personal; Draco would *never* trust me again if I told. Do you understand?"
Harry nodded slowly, expecting an answer. He doubted he would get it, but he still nevertheless, acted like he expected one, just in case.
"He's been--Oh my, how can I say this without putting him in a pity-pool? He hates those..." Ayala trailed from the subject, looking dazed. Finally Tarak growled a little, and set her straight back on her story. "Well, one night, during one of Narcissa's big dinner parties, a bunch of Death Eater's were attending--Nothing much special. There was a lot of alcohol served there, though.
"Well, when a group of about four Death Eater's got drunk enough, they--" Ayala choked on this, but kept her eyes steady on Harry's. "They did terrible things to him. Horrible things, no child should see. That no *person* should see!" Ayala had raised her voice two full octaves. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes to calm herself.
"I'll just say it like it happened," She paused here. Harry's anticipation was getting higher with ever second that passed. "He was raped, after being tortured. The four Death Eater's forgot about it, but one of them, one who had been sober who had been watching the scene, had cast a memory charm on him. Lucius was somewhere around, talking to his wife about the party decorations. He never saw them go up to his room, and..." Ayala didn't finish. Her eyes looked lost through the soft, earthy ground. She had felt the pain that Draco had had to go through that night. That awful night.
Harry's eyes were full of horror. When had this happened? When he was younger? Just recently? Did this happen all the time? Was it true that the spoiled brat actually *did* have worse days than being turned into a ferret?
This was just too much for Harry to take in. "Well," He cleared his throat after the shock. "Shouldn't he be sent to--say--St. Mungo's? I'm pretty sure the side-effects are bad--"
He was cut off quickly. "Oh, they quite were. He still has nightmares about it a lot, but he only *thinks* they're nightmares. Little does he know that it really happened to him. I haven't the heart to tell him they are real," A guilty look crossed Ayala's caramel-colored face, before adding, "You mustn't tell a single soul! You mustn't! Tarak, keep watch for this boy! Make sure he tells not one living soul, not even those people who host the monkey and bear!"
Harry didn't bother correcting Ayala on his best friend's names; He was too busy thinking about what happened to Draco. Why hadn't he cracked? Why hadn't he told the Infirmary about his nightmares? Did his father even care as much as to check up on his son's emotional health?
Harry looked to his shoes in shame. And all these years...
But he didn't finish the thought. The doe had sighed, and said she had to go comfort and apologize for what she had done. Harry nodded, and Tarak growled in acceptance, before they were both alone.
"Tarak--Can I ask you something?" Harry asked quizzically.
"Yes?" He muttered quickly.
"How long have you known about this?" Harry asked, ready to blow up. Why hadn't Tarak told him sooner?!
"Um--quite a long time. But you didn't need to know. It would have disrupted your life. Look at the way you're acting, now! I can sense that you're mad at me. Don't be foolish, boy, you know how much that would plague you!"
Harry had to admit, Tarak had a point.
Because now, all Harry could ever come back to, in his mind reeled with thoughts, was what Ayala had told him. About Draco, and how the Death Eaters had hurt him.
Maybe if Draco knew about that, he would join the light side...? No, but that was nonsense talk. Wasn't it?
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Chapter Notes:::: Um....Wow....More angst than I intended. Crud. Well, dunno why. I guess I'm just one to write angsty stuff. *Shrugs*. I've tried writing all the happy, cheery stuff. It doesn't work for me. Well, besides that, reviews appreciated! Especially if there is anything wrong with the fic that you can see. Love you all! I hope to have to next chapter ready in a few days, at the least! ^_^