Disclaimer; hey, I got some new knickers! Er...I mean I own nothing… Nothing… Really.
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The next morning was just as cold as the last, if not more. Harry told Ron how worried he was getting about Hermione. Her marks had begun to slip.
Ron and Harry where sitting in the Gryffindor common room, with the rest of the Gryffindors. Manny classes had been canceled due to the blizzard that had broken through many of the classroom windows. Very few classes where smart enough to put a charm on the window before they where totally snowed in. Then there were the classes that had now windows. Harry and Ron regretted to inform everyone that Potions was one of them.
"Today," said a dark, low voice of the potions teacher, Professor Snape. Professor Snape was tall, and pail, with greasy hair, and a bit of an attitude. Or at least that's what all of Hogwarts thought. "We will be making the ever so popular truth serum. The directions are again on the black board. You must read them carefully. If not, your partner, after the trial consumption, will inflate six times their normal size, and turn a lovely shade of purple from head to toe. Now, unless you want this school to look like 'The Telletubbies Training Camp' then I suggest that you read, and reread the directions very carefully." Professor Snape gave Neville and Harry an insulting stare. "You may begin"
All at once everyone reached for his or her ingredients, holding them for a time until they where absolutely positive they knew what to do with the contents of the jars. Everyone worked hastily in silence. Harry found it easier to concentrate without Voldemort on his mind.
After adding, measuring, and mixing several different kinds of ingredients, Harry glanced at Ron's potion. The directions said that it was supposed to release a slight purple mist. Harry's was a tint of pink, and Ron's cauldron was billowing thick black smoke, and bubbling over.
Harry turned to Hermione to compare her perfect potion to his almost perfect one. He turned away from Ron's black smoke, and waved it away from his eyes. He held his breath; afraid the fumes could possibly be poisonous, because of the strangely drunken look on Ron's face.
Harry looked at Hermione's cauldron expecting Snape to give her top marks. But when he looked he saw a mess closely resembling the one of Neville's melted cauldron.
"Hermione, are you okay?" asked Harry, looking into her face. She looked dazed. Ron was almost on the floor laughing when he realized he had done better than Hermione in his worst subject.
When Ron bumped his head on the leg of Hermione's chair, he realized he was over reacting a little bit, and stopped laughing. He went back to his chair next to Harry. The bump from Ron's head seemed to take her out of her trance. She realized what she was doing and quickly struggled to keep the rest of her dried toe jam beads from falling into her half melted cauldron.
"Well now," said the dark voice of Professor Snape, "isn't this the surprise of the year? Miss Granger, did you make this potion with your eyes closed?
Or did Potter find you a blind fold?" Harry heard all the Slytherin howl with laughter. "I would have expected better of you." Snape lifted his wand, no doubt to get rid of the potion, but to Harry's surprise, he didn't.
The second his wand dropped, parchment landed neatly on each desk. On it, a list of questions and a short space to fill in a 'yes' or 'no', to test the effectiveness of the serum.
"All I can say, Miss Granger," said Professor Snape, to Hermione's red face, "is I pity your partner." Snape shot an eye at Harry, who in turn gave him a dirty look. "Or not," he said coldly. "Miss Granger, your partnered with Potter here. Everyone else, I do hope you know left from right. Every other person, take the witch or wizard to the left of you. Now, fill your vile and give it to your partner. Ask them the questions I have prepared for you. You all have fifteen minutes. Ask quickly, and don't procrastinate. Go."
Everyone took the small vile and filled them with their attempted potions. They all handed them to tier partner.
"Do be cautioned. Do not drink your Potions at the same time. Take turns. Continue on class," said Snape. He glided over to his desk and sat in his chair. He seemed to keep an eye on Harry, or at least that's what he thought.
Harry had to stop Hermione from over flowing the vile and spilling the potion onto the desk. Harry made Hermione go first in fear that after he drank hers he would not have the ability to talk. Hermione took the potion as a shot. She winced a bit, and then relaxed. Harry thought it appropriate to ask her the questions, as she did not turn huge and purple.
"Okay, Hermione. 1. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Harry read the question and looked at Ron, who's facial expression looked just as baffled and disgusted.
"No," said Hermione's voice. It sounded like she did not hear the contents of the question. Harry turned back and lifted his quill, and wrote "no" under the first question.
"Er…Right…Erm… 2. Do you find the potions Teacher at all attractive or sexy?" Harry found it hard to finish the sentence. He looked at Snape who, surprisingly enough, was beaming with delight. Harry was disgusted. He looked back at Hermione, and his jaw dropped. She looked as though she was seriously contemplating the question!
"Hmm..." she said thoughtfully. Ron began to listen over his shoulder. "Well his voice is sexy, but that hair is such a turn off!" Ron almost fell over his desk, and Harry almost passed out. He heard Malfoy from across the room say, "Look who's talking, fluff head!" while Crabbe and Goyle, Malfoy's relatively large comrades, laughed. Harry had to kick Ron to get him to stay at his desk.
Harry continued asking the questions;
"Should Professor Snape get a haircut?"
"Yes."
"Does Professor Snape at all remind you of a goat?"
"Yes."
"Do you talk to yourself while you are alone?"
"No."
"Do you have a crush on anyone here at Hogwarts?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
"You. I-- I mean Ron."
"Oh, erm," Harry looked at Ron, who was beaming with happiness.
"Next question. Do you like creamed corn?"
"Yes."
"Is your British accent fake?"
"Yes."
"Do you hear voices no one else can hear?"
"Yes." Harry looked quickly at Ron. Ron didn't seem to hear. He was behind on the questionnaire.
"Who? Who are they?"
"Herbert. My friend. He tells me things. He's a clown. He's everywhere. He's here right now, watching me. He's always watching me...always..."
Harry shook his head, and looked down at the parchment, "Have you ever run around..." Harry sighed, and kept reading. "Run around naked wearing a tea cozy?"
"Yes."
"Do you have Professor Snape's Cell Phone number?"
"Yes."
"Do you..." Harry stared at the paper, and showed it to Ron, who shrugged. "Do you ever fantasize about yourself and Harry Potter in a Furniture store with buckets full of cement on your feet holding Orange Police cones while eating ice cream?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to see Professor McGonagall in Compromising positions?"
"N-- Yes."
"Would you ever..." he sighed again, "Would you ever Spank Professor Snape while the both of you where topless in thongs?"
"hmm..." Hermione looked over at Snape, who winked. She sighed. "Yeah."
Harry turned to Ron, "I hope I get the privilege to turn into a telletubby, as long as I can go to the hospital wing without Hermione asking me questions, or Snape winking at me!" Ron nodded in agreement.
Harry turned back to Hermione.
"Well, last question. Then I can go skip and romp on a cheap, low budget set in the middle of the London slums with a Television on my belly, and the size of a blimp, where the sun is a large overfed baby, and the director smokes weed, while I have friends that are every color of the rainbow. And not to mention as gay as one! Okay, Do you believe... in...God??" Harry wasn't even sure about that himself.
"Who?"
"Well, heh, my turn…here I come weed smoking director..." Harry put the potion to his lips...
"Time! Everyone stop, Mr. Longbottom, get to the hospital wing with Miss Brown! Well, everyone hand in their parchment with their partner's name on it. Everyone who did not get time to fill it out fully will get a zero for today. And for those of you who are still under the serum, it will take a few hours to ware off. You are all dismissed." At that everyone flooded out of the room, many off to the hospital wing. Some being taunted from Malfoy about the truth about any question he decided.
Harry turned to Ron, and told her about what Hermione said to Harry when he had asked her about the voices. Ron looked worried.
"She hears voices? What was its name again? Hilbert?"
"Herbert. We'll have to question her more. I read that they wont remember what we ask," said Harry. He looked at Ron, who looked as though he would have a lot of fun with what time he had left of the serum.
"How will we know that the serum has worn off though?" asked Harry.
"She'll be slapping you when you ask her a question. that's how."
They all walked back to the cold dormitory, a bit behind the crowd.