Tegan kept her eyes shut even after she heard the familiar metallic swish of the TARDIS doors closing. It wasn't until she heard her son quietly ask: "Doctor, is this your house?" that she remembered that they were closed.
She opened her eyes to see her son squinting up at the Doctor in the dimness of the TARDIS. The dark of the TARDIS surprised her. She turned her head to look around the dark rose colored walls in the console room. "You've turned the power off."
"I've taken out the main time element," he quietly replied. "To leave the TARDIS for this long with it in without traveling would cause serious side effects on the old girl."
"You've grounded her?"
He gave her a slow nod, but answered Michael first. "Yes, Michael, this is my house. Quite nice isn't it? There's a chair in the corner over there, Mike. How about you help with the cushions for your Momma?"
As the Doctor made his way over to the chair with Tegan, he whispered the answer to her that clearly shocked her. "I had to ground her, Tegan, if I was going to stay with you."
As he sat her on the chair and let Michael happily adjust her cushions, she frowned up at him and squinted in confusion. He gave her a weak smile. "Stay here, Tegan, while I get your method of transportation."
He rose to continue out of the room; Michael bounced over to him and held up his arms. "Go with you?"
The Doctor gave Tegan a glance and then answered the little boy by scooping him up in his arms. "Just a small jaunt. We'll be right back."
**
When they appeared twenty minutes later, Tegan was in tears. He had only seen her cry five in his time with her. Usually she had a very good reason for crying, and usually he knew the reasons. The first time, her aunt had been killed. The second time was during Adric's death. The third time, the Mara. The fourth time stemmed from when she left him. And the fifth was her mild emotional cleansing when they had met once more. They were reactions to emotional stressors were logical. But this time, upon seeing tears in her eyes that she didn't hide from him, he was confused.
"Tegan?" he asked quietly, while leaving Michael to calmly play with two puzzles he had picked up in Adric's old room. "Pain?"
"No," she said with gentle force. "No, no, not pain. I'm fine."
"Tears are not indicative of fine," he pressed.
"Rabbits, you won't leave it alone until I tell you, I suppose," she complained, but with a small quiet hiccup. "You grounded her, Doc" she accused.
He was taken aback. He had expected shock or upset at being back in the TARDIS. He had not expected her to be emotional about the removal of the time element.
"What about your link?" she bit out quietly, her eyes traveling to her son. "What about getting out of here, if you need to? What happened to not wanting"
"Tegan, I'm here because I want to help you. We discussed that," he responded, his tone caught half way between caring and agitated. "And my link still exists. She's still sentient, just grounded. And I don't see any need to leave THAT quickly"
"You don't understand," she frowned. "Why does that not surprise me?"
The Doctor rolled his eyes and bent to lift her into the wheelchair. Michael clambered up onto her lap and they slowly wheeled out of the TARDIS and back into the early autumn sunlight of London.
**
The afternoon was spent tooling around London with Tegan in her wheelchair and Michael alternating between balancing on the arm of the chair and walking along side the Doctor with a death grip on the Time Lord's trousers. They visited as many stores as the Doctor could stomach and then visited a small nature museum near Tegan's flat. They were in no rush to go home as it was the weekend and Tegan's mother was coming and would be there for Amy. As they left the museum and rambled home, and Michael quietly napped propped with care on Tegan's lap, the Doctor quietly revisited the conversation they had been having in the TARDIS.
He walked slowly, pushing the chair carefully. "What didn't I understand in the TARDIS, Tegan?"
Tegan sighed and gently brushed the hair back from Michael's brow. Looking down, the Doctor could see the area of her head that had been shaved. It was growing back slowly. "Doc" she sighed.
He slowed the chair even more and looked down at Tegan's hand slowly stroking Michael's brow. "Hmm?"
"You remember the time we left Little Hobcolm?" she started, quiet. "Do you remember the talk we had in the console room?"
He nodded slightly. "We discussed you staying."
"But why did we discuss me staying on Earth?" she pressed, looking up at him. "You were worried that I would stay with you past what I should. You thought I was giving up something I shouldn't have: continuing my life then."
He nodded more forcefully. "Well, I was right, Tegan. You probably should have stayed with your grandfather. We would have left on better terms."
"The point is," she continued, lowering her eyes to Michael. "I think you've given up something that you shouldn't have. I think you're staying beyond what you should. And I knowshe means to youthe TARDIS. I was upset, I suppose" she sighed and he could see some of her steel coming back. "Because you grounded her, Doc. You took out what makes her go. To stay here. I don't take well to guilt."
"There is nothing to be guilty about," he reassured and then sighed agitatedly. "Tegan, the TARDIS still means as much to me as she ever did."
"You hate to stay anywhere, for any time, Doc. I know you well enough"
"I'm here, Tegan."
"It's like clipping your wings, you always said"
"Tegan-"
"And I feel like somehow I held the scissors."
He stopped the chair by a cement planter in the sidewalk and walked around the sit down and talk to her face to face. With a glance down at Michael, he met, and held her gaze. "I haven't complained, Tegan."
"But would you? Really? With what's been going on? Michael gets his cast off next week. I'm still grounded for another month. I have my final neural test on Monday. You haven't had time to complain. I've seen you looking out the window at night. I've seen that gleam in my own eyes when I was nineteen and moved to England. It's called wanderlust. You want to go. I know you do. You removed the time element so you wouldn't, didn't you?"
He sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck. "You always knew me too well, Tegan."
"I've guessed it."
"You've guessed it," he confirmed. "But"
"Then go," she said quietly. "I'd really you'd rather go if you want to than stay. You'll hate us if you stay beyond what you want. And I would really like to maintain some resemblance of a friendship with you." She shrugged, but the motion was stopped with his hand gently touching her cheek. The tenderness shocked her into silence.
"You're trying to shove me out the door, Tegan. And for a woman with two broken legs, that's a tad bit impossible," he joked. "Quiet for a moment and listen. I want to stay, Tegan. For now. You need me. Amy needs someone in one piece in the house and Michael needs me. I removed the time element to take away unnecessary temptation. It might have slipped your attention, brave heart, but I do rather like to be needed. Call it a personality weakness or strength; however you want to look at it. What's the use of running about the Universe saving planets, if you can't help a friend? Hmm?"
She frowned. His hand remained on her cheek and his thumb was gently stroking its contours. "You've thought about this."
"Yes. A great deal. And most of it while you were in your day coma. You asked it of me. And I agreed."
Tegan's frown deepened. "I asked it of you?"
"On the pavement, after the accident. You asked me to take care of Amy and Michael."
Her eyes opened wide. "And you agreed to it?"
"You don't"
"No," she raised her hand to stop him from continuing on that line of thinking. "No. I do. I just never put it in to words like that before. You are the only man I trust with them like that. You know that, Doc. And with eight more lives to goyou definitely have longevity on your side."
"Hmm, well," he smiled at her attempt at a joke. "It feels like a home, Tegan. Your flat, that is. And it has been a great long spell since I've been anywhere that feels like a home. Do you understand? Hmm? Let me deal with the staying part. And rest assured I will let you know when it's been too long."
She sighed and managed a smile. His hand stopped its gentle stroking of her cheek and fell to rub at Michael's head. "Let's get him back to the flat."
With a nod, she agreed. And his eyes searched hers for a moment, looking for the something that he couldn't place, but found anyway. Then he strode around the wheelchair and began to push her and her sleeping son back towards their flat.
**
Tegan glanced guiltily towards the door to the kitchen and continued to pull herself with her arms onto the wheelchair. The past three weeks of moving about under her own power of her arms had strengthened them. She smiled triumphantly when she settled her hips in the chair. "Of course," she muttered. "I'm finally able to handle this when I'm to get these casts off"
Michael skittered through the room and ran for the kitchen. Tegan immediately reprimanded him. "Walk, Michael. You just got that arm mended."
Her son slowed and the Doctor stuck his head around the corner from the kitchen to glance at the boy and then Tegan. His frown showed that wasn't too happy about her getting into the chair without his guidance and help. "Breakfast is on the table, Michael," he stated, then called: "Amy! Breakfast! You have to leave for school."
Tegan nearly laughed at the domestic tone in his voice and wheeled herself toward the kitchen door. He shook her head as she went past him. "Tegan" he warned.
"I wanted to get up, Doc. And I can't have you always there; I'm fine," she reassured.
"You heard what your doctors said, Tegan," he replied. "You don't have complete sensory input abilities in your feet, yet."
"I can feel when they are cold, hot or when I'm brushing against something, Doc."
"But not pain," he frowned. "You could step on glass and not feel it."
"Yes," she drew out, pulling the chair up to the table. "I remember" she gave Michael a grin and watched as her son reached for a piece of toast. "I wish you would let me help in here. And you double checked the results of my tests in thein your house. And when do I have glass on my floor?"
The Doctor frowned. Amy went passed him to the counter and put down a small piece of paper on the table as she went. "Tegan, we've discussed the cooking. Your range is higher than would be safe or comfortable for you."
"There is the sink and washing vegetables and the like, Doc," Tegan argued. "Honestly. You aren't going to be here forever"
The Doctor's frown deepened.
She shook her head slowly at him. "I wouldn't be me if I didn't try and get things done myself, now would I?"
He opened his mouth to answer and gave up with a grin. "True, Tegan. Very true. Now" he put his toast down picked up the piece of paper Amy had handed to him. "What have we here? HmmmI seemed to have misplaced my glasses."
Tegan held out her hand and he gave her the paper. The coffee cup went down as her eyes perused the sheet. "Tonight, Amy?"
"Yes, Momma," Amy agreed. "The teacher asked you to be there at five."
Tegan frowned. "Has she said what she wants to talk to me about?"
Amy shook her head no, her dark locks dancing merrily about her face. "I haven't been bad, Momma."
"I know, honey," Tegan said quietly. The Doctor was staring at her so she explained the contents of the note. "Amy's teacher wants to have a meeting with me today at five, but the note doesn't say why."
"I'll have to get you there," he replied. "You have one teacher, Amy?"
"Yes, Doctor" Amy answered, confused. "Am I supposed to have more than one?"
"No," Tegan stated forcefully as the Doctor frowned at the piece of paper on the table. "I'll call my mother, Doc and see if she can come down a little early today. Maybe she can drive me"
The Doctor lifted an eyebrow. "I would like to come along, Tegan."
She reached under the table and hit his knee to keep him quiet. As Amy finished up her breakfast and Mrs. Smythe knocked on the door to pick her up for school, Tegan kept the Doctor under a stern glare. Michael put his plate in the sink and ran out to the sitting room to watch his favorite cartoon. When both children had left the room, Tegan wheeled herself back from the table and towards the sink.
"Tegan?"
"Doc, they are my children. I can still be their motherin a wheelchair or not. I don't need you to go to this meeting. I could have Mum drive me instead"
She turned the wheelchair around and backed it into the counter, steadying it before she reached around to turn on the faucet. The Doctor leaned back from the table and crossed his arms over his chest. With a raised eyebrow, he asked: "Can you reach?"
"Perfectly, for the moment," she muttered. "Really, Docyou don't have to go"
"I know I don't have to go. That isn't the issue here, is it? The issue is that you don't want me to go."
"Well," Tegan muttered, reaching into the basin as best she could. He winced as he watched her lever on her one arm to grasp a plate with the other hand. "I don't know, Doc" she said absent-mindedly as she concentrated on getting the plate under the water with soap.
"Are you nervous about the meeting?" he pressed.
"Well, she's only just in public school. It's my first conference" Tegan began. Then with a frown, she began to wash the dishes as best she could without looking into her sink. "Why do you want to go?"
"I'm curious," he replied as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"About Amy? Or about the English Public School system?" she pressed.
"Well, I'm always curious about the English Public School system," he joked in return. He sighed as he shifted and rose to grab the towel to dry. "I don't know why I am curious, Tegan. Have you ever known me to have a reason for curiosity? This is something that I would never do, normally."
"Rather this is something normal that you might never do," she corrected him. "Doc, it's for parents."
He nodded. He didn't quite understand why he was as interested as he was about the conference that Tegan had, but he had been the one that had helped Amy in the beginning of her school year with reading and maths. He had been sending the child off in the morning when Tegan was unable or had still been in the hospital. He had watched her chew her pencil end as she mulled over the answer to question. It wasn't that Tegan wasn't being a parent. She was, but in the evenings she tired easy and he tried to take up the slack. The Doctor felt a part of Amy's life as he felt a part of Michael's. "I understand that, Tegan. I can't quite tell you why I wish to accompany you, but"
She finished up on the last plate and glanced at him. He swore he saw a light of understanding bloom in her gaze, and he worried because he didn't have the same understanding. "All right," she said carefully, quietly.
**
The Doctor put his glasses on the end of his nose and frowned at the various drawings on display outside Amy's classroom. They were outlines of leaves and hands. When he reached Amy's, he felt a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth. She had drawn an elm tree and had an elm leaf lying next to it. Even the color was proper. He remembered the evening that Amy had asked him for help. It was before Tegan and Mike had come home from the hospital. She had run out to him with her paper. Although child-like, she had produced the tree outside the apartment perfectly. He had taken her outside and together they had found the proper leaf for the tree. Proudly, she had taken the leaf back up and at the kitchen table, she had traced and colored the leaf. When he had tucked her in that night, she had given him a kiss on his cheek.
The next day he had removed the time element from the TARDIS.
The teacher walked out into the hallway and to Tegan, introducing herself. Tegan, in turn, introduced the Doctor as a close family friend and caretaker while she recovered. He was accepted without question.
**
"I knew you were turning them into intellectuals, Doc," Tegan laughed. "I would have thought I would have been called into school because Amy was talking out of turn quicker than to find out that they want her to attend a special maths class."
"You're pleased, I take it," he pressed, glancing at her.
"Well, yes," she sighed. "You've been working with her, haven't you?"
"While you are reading to Michael, yes," he responded. He smiled and returned his eyes to the road. "What I have been going over with her, however, isn't out of the range of second grade, Tegan."
"She's in first."
"Well, it never hurts to understand a little bit more," he replied, his voice lower as he defended his position. "She likes maths, Tegan."
"And you wonder how she is my child," Tegan stifled a smile and glanced out the window of the car. "Tom was excellent in maths. She obviously has his ability. I love her, but I know she will be above me in that department if she takes after him."
He opened his mouth, but Tegan reached over to his leg to quiet him. "Thank you. You're giving her an opportunity I would have never been able to. And it would have been something she would have possibly gotten from Tom, if hewas still here."
He cleared his throat and smiled in response.
**
"Can you feel that?"
Tegan withdrew her foot from the Doctor's grip slowly. "Yes. It's the same reaction that I had with the doctors today. I can feel it, yes."
He kept her gaze as he gently pricked her right foot with a pin. She shrugged and shook her head. "I can't feel that," she whispered. "I mean I can feel the pressure and know that it should hurt, but"
The Doctor frowned and slowly held out his hands for her to place her feet against. She obliged and pushed as hard as she was able against his hands. He shook his head slowly. "Tomorrow"
"Is the first of the physical rehabilitation sessions," she said with a sigh, allowing her legs to drop to the couch. He caught her feet before they hit the cushions.
He hummed as he carefully laid her legs flat on the couch. As she reached behind her to take her wine glass from the table, he snagged his. "I suppose you'll want to go alone," he stated, holding up his glass to hers. "To having your casts off," he toasted.
Tegan smiled and sipped her wine. "Thank god and good riddance to bad rubbish," she raised her glass again. "And," she said as she set the glass back down. "If you really want to know, I want you to come along tomorrow morning. That is, if you want to come along. They told me to bring someone I trusted"
He nodded. "Are you sure you want me and not your father?" he asked.
"Why?" she asked as he took her glass and his.
He shrugged and glanced at the closed bedroom doors. Then put down the glasses in the kitchen and returned. She gave him a confused look when he moved the couch back against the wall, the legs silently moving along the hard wood of the floor. Then he reached down and lifted her with the gentleness and strength she was accustomed to and then he slowly lowered her feet to the ground. It was strange to feel the ground under her feet and the weeks of nonuse of her legs had her knees buckling.
"Do you remember the exercises they told you to do daily?" he asked.
Tegan nodded. "But what does that have to do with it being you or my father that goes with me tomorrow? All the exercises are, Doc, are walking a set distance," she gulped and sighed as he grasped her arms and backed away from her.
"But your muscles are weak and you are going to feel pain," he stated. With that, he eased up on his grip and took two large steps back. She was just within reach. "Now, Tegan. Stand there"
"You sound like you did with Mike"
"This is a similar to that, Tegan." He frowned as she tried to support her weight and she gasped in pain. She stood there for three minutes until he gently moved his hands up to her upper arms.
"Three minutes and counting," he said happily. But when she lifted her eyes to him, he saw that she was crying.
"Lift me?" she asked, almost begged.
"Stand for a little while longer, Tegan," he urged. "You have to build up the strength." He helped her by supporting her under her shoulders with his arms.
Her legs shook as she stood there until, when it appeared that her legs were going to fail her, he turned her and lifted her back into his arms.
"Oh thank God," she whimpered. When he adjusted her and held her to walk to the couch, she silently clutched him. "I'll have to do that tomorrow?"
He nodded, sympathetically. "And eventually he'll start to have you walk a length. It's only the nonuse of your muscles, Tegan that causes the pain. Really. The quicker you increase their strength, the sooner the pain will disappear."
She sighed and nodded, clearly warn. The freedom of having her casts off had mixed with the pain of this exercise to make her weak. "And when the pain is gone in the muscles, Doc. And we see if I can sense painful contact in my foot; you can be on your way."
The words were said quietly and passionately. He knew she felt guilty about him being there as long as he had. But later that night, when he had stared out the window for hours and the sun was peeking over the horizon making the world bright and new, he shook his head. "Oh, Tegan. You'll have your freedom back. But I think I've willingly given mine up."
**
Tegan was confused when her mother quickly issued her out the door with the Doctor several evenings later. The Doctor nearly laughed at her surprise when he lowered her into the chair on the sidewalk and began to push her back in the direction of the TARDIS. She was in a better mood and smiling this time, when he eased her through the door and into the dim console room.
Then he stopped the chair and she glanced up at him.
"All right," she said, continuing their conversation they had been having since they left her flat. "I'll bite, Doc. Why are we here?"
"Dinner. Oh, and I thought you might like a few things from the TARDISfrom your old room. Your dress from the Cranleigh'sthe gifts you and Nyssa exchanged. The gifts you and I exchanged."
"Dinner, is it?" she asked, some of her bravado disappearing. "You and Michael"
"Yes, we did stop by the kitchen and program a few things into the food dispenser. Yes, I know it was sneaky as you put it. But coming here does allow you get out of the house without trying to navigate in a public restaurant. And I must admit, I don't quite feel at ease in public situations"
"Too right. I remember that," she laughed. "And it gives you time off from all of us." Her smile lessened. "You could have come herealone."
"Yes," he said with a nod and that was all. He turned the chair around and walked through the corridor door. As they walked down the dim hall, he hummed under his breath. When they walked into the small sitting area that bordered the kitchen, Tegan gave a small sigh and a quiet giggle.
"Doc?"
"It's not that bad, surely"
Tegan shrugged and continued to laugh. The Doctor smiled widely. His attempt had been successful. The table was as it often had been when she had traveled with him: filled with books, papers, his old hat, and where there was a little bit of room, the food. Next to the table was the small shelf that held the crystal orb he had bought her on Mindas, and the small collection of Keats poetry he had given her the last Christmas they were together. He knew when she saw her two gifts: her laugh quieted and she covered her mouth with her fingers.
"You expressed delight in them, Tegan, when you received them. And you leftso quickly" he wheeled the chair towards the table and stopped it. Then before he continued to talk, he bent and helped her up, and stood back as she manuvered with increased strength to the padded chair next to the table. "You left without them. I thought you would like them"
"Of course, I would. Lord, I had almost forgotten them. I read that book twice" she fingered the crystal orb. "Cripesoh, Doc"
"Yes, well" he muttered, suddenly unsure. With a sigh, he turned and slipped his hands into his pockets and retreated to the sideboard. "I'd ask if you wanted wine, butwith your medication"
"None, Doc. Just water. I wish you had let me"
"You'll cook for me again, Tegan. Guaranteed, that."
"Oho, lad. I think you've decided to come back againwhen I'm in one piece."
"Yes, yes, I have."
Tegan sobered quickly at his tone and squinted as he walked back to the table with two mugs of water. He met her suspicious look with uneasy eyes. "I have, Tegan."
"That sounded serious," she replied.
"Slightly, yes, I suppose, you could say that," he nodded. "Talluraian Chicken?"
"Oh no"
"Tegan," he warned. "You ate Talluraian after a stomach ailment. Your inability to eat it was not the food's fault" He gave her a smile and returned from the food dispensor with the food and vegetables.
She shrugged and served him and herself food from the plate while he dithered looking for cutting utensils. But before he could comfortably sit at the table, she sighed and he stopped his movement and gave her his 'young man caught with his hands in the cookie jar look'. "Tegan?"
She gave him the look that he warmed to as it reminded him of the times he had acted irresponsibly when she had traveled with him. After an eternity of holding his gaze, she shrugged and served the meat to her plate. "You want to come back?" she asked. The forced tone in her voice made him immediately realize that Tegan was trying hard to be nonchalant. And failed in his estimation.
He had learned, in his almost five month stint with Tegan in 'her world', that studied nonchalance could be his best friend. With a slight pursing of his lips and an attempt to look uninterested, he nodded. "Well, yes"
She frowned and set down her cutlery. "You can't carry that off, Doc, you know. You're too honest and you've thought about whatever it is too much. And the way you said that"
He set down his cutlery as well. "I'm that transparent to you?"
"You've always been," Tegan stated. "I just had to get used to you again to fall back into the knowledge again."
He lifted an eyebrow. "I'm not sure that's reassuring."
"Hell's Teeth, Doc" she sighed and gave a smile. "Out with it. What are you thinking? I thought that as soon as I was better you'd be on your way and I'd be hard pressed to see you any time in the near future. You know"
"Yes, yes," he stated with agitation. "You said that before, Tegan. I rather think freedom is more in the ability to do as one chooses instead of actually out on the run." He sighed and lowered his head. "I've been with your family on and off for the better part of a year now, if you combine Christmastime and the last five months together."
"Yes-"
He frowned and pushed the plate away so that he could get up from the table. She pushed her plate aside as well. He could tell from her mannerisms that she had expected something other than dinner when he had brought her out. Before he could start to talk to her, she spoke up. "Doc, you've given up-"
"What?" he asked, quietly, some of his agitation bleeding away. "What have I given up, Tegan? Traveling about the Universe? Freedom?"
"Well, yes."
He sighed and glanced at the ceiling. "I have a young girl asking me to help her with her maths and who gives me a kiss when I turn her in at night. I have a young boy that cheerfully clambers onto my lap at night and has asked me not go away."
"Michael said-" Tegan appeared shocked. "Oh Doc, I-"
He turned and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Don't apologize, Tegan, please. It isn't something to apologize foryour children are just quite free in showing theiraffection."
"They do like you, Doc. Very much. Michael is besotted with you and Amy, well" she smiled and pushed her plate further away from her. "Young girls have a need for acceptance from their caretaker menits natural."
He nodded and with a swallow, continued. "You warned me years ago that being with you and your family might lead to them feeling for me. They have. And you know? I have affection for them too. I'll miss them when I leave above and beyond what I thought I would."
"Oh Doc."
He frowned and returned to his seat with a sigh. "I need to do a few things, Tegan. I'll need to return Peri to her own time. I'll have to see about prolonged grounding of a Type 40."
Tegan started at what he was saying and shook her head. Dinner had been forgotten by the both of them. The Doctor saw her reaction and continued to speak. "Tegan" he began and then rose to move his chair closer to her. The papers and books on the table slid to the other side as if pushed by a force. "Tegan, hear me out."
"Why would you even consider coming back for a prolonged stay, Doc? It's not good for you; it's not good for the children." Her voice had a slightly disbelieving and slightly panicky tone.
He rubbed his neck and spoke with his voice slightly raised. "And you?"
"What about me?" she asked quickly. He could see her anger rising.
"Remember our time at the amusement park? Remember our conversation that night? You mentioned that you did want to have a male to act as a role model. And I mentioned that close contact would prolong your life; it would lower your stress." He saw her open her mouth again and he reached out to grab her wrist. "Please, Tegan. Hear me out. I've seen what it's like for you. If you had been alone, if anything had happened to you, if you hadwhat would have happened to the children? Yes, yes, I knowyour parents, but Tegan"
She sighed and his hand tightened on her wrist. "Tegan. It's rewarding. Dealing with children, watching them grow: it's rewarding."
Her eyes were wide and somewhat disbelieving when she looked at him. "And you want to what, Doc? You want to be here to see them grow?" she joked.
"Yes."
He said it with more conviction than she had ever heard in his voice. It made her recoil slightly.
"Yes, Tegan. I'm beginning to need the interaction with them."
"No," she bit out, shaking her head. "They might need interaction with you, Doc. And you might need it with them, but they need love."
"Define love," he returned, releasing her wrist and leaning forward on the table with his elbows. "Hmm? Define love, Tegan."
"Doctor-" she warned.
"To hold in great affection, to put above oneself, an emotion earmarked by profound protection, and minimal possession," he stated. "I do care about them a great deal, Tegan. I want what's best for them. You know that I do."
She nodded dumbly. "Hell's Teeth, of course I know you do. You don't have to convince me of that. But caring about them and staying here to Docyou don't understand"
The Doctor blinked and settled his gaze on her. Tegan's sigh was loaded with many emotions and he could almost taste them. She was confused. "Explain to me, Tegan," he replied gently.
"Doc, this isn't a hobby. These are my children's' lives we are talking about here. This isn't a joke. Cripes, I thought you were kinder than that."
"Talk to me, Tegan," he pressured.
She nearly growled out the first question. "All right. Fine. You want to discuss this. Then: are you saying that you want to be here indefinitely? That you want to help me raise my children? I can't believe you are saying this. I can't believe this has actually crossed your mind."
He knew she was asking yes or no questions requiring just that answer from him. She was feeling out the situation. And maybe, he thought, the clarification of issues will help me as well. "Yes," he nodded decisively. "It isn't all that long for me," he tried to feign nonchalance again.
She rolled her eyes. "I don't know where this is coming from," she muttered. "And you'll stay here? You'll not off around the universe for long periods?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Because if I did, I might not come back as I left and you would mourn a second father figure for the children. No, I would stay."
"Has it slipped your mind that you hate being at any one place for any long period of time?"
"No. But being around your children is like learning something new everyday, Tegan. I've never been cared for so freely."
Tegan nodded. He gave an inward sigh.
"And then after they are grown, you'll justleave?"
He frowned at the catch he heard at the end of the sentence. With a raised eyebrow, he lowered his gaze. Now the questions were getting very personal to her. "Tegan"
"So I could hope for a solid person to be there for the children for the next approximately twenty years. As you said: it isn't a long time for a Time Lord, is it? And then you'd be off. You'll be back to gallavanting about the Universe in this lovable but not reliable crate of yours," Tegan sighed and nodded. "Of course. I should have known. You haven't changed at all. Whatever suits your purpose best. You want to do this because it is something new and something that you want to know about, but Hell's Teeth, as soon as it's good for you, you'll be off."
"That's not fair, Tegan," he muttered and then met her stare full on with one of his own. "I might travel occassionally after the children are grown. I hadn't much thought that far."
"Of course you hadn't. You haven't much thought this through at all. There's something that you haven't thought about in the least" she began heatedly and then lowered her gaze. He was intrigued.
"Yes?" he pressed.
"Rabbits, I wish I could walk."
"So you could walk out on this topic of conversation?"
"This is ludicrous, Doc. And a dream. It could never be reality."
He sighed and lowered his gaze. "Pray continue, Tegan. Tell me why."
"What did I tell you in the fun park, Doc? I don't think my memory has that much left me. I told you that I didn't need a man; I wanted a man."
"Ah," he nodded. The questions had been getting personal.
"It's not possible, Doc. I wanted a man that I could love" she frowned widely and shook her head. She decided to slay the dragon head on. "Damn it, Doc. I want a man that I could love and who would love me in return. I want a man to be with me and not just my children. You would do wonderfully by the children. I know you would. But one day they will be grown and then you'll be on your way. And I'll be alone. Again." Before he could answer that charge, she continued. "Doc, I want a husband, not a friend. I know that we get along wonderfully, now, but"
He rolled his eyes. "Why do humans put so much emphasis on sex?" he asked no one.
She gaped at him and he reached out to touch her cheek again as he had weeks before. "That's what this is about, Tegan," he pressed. "Close constant human contact. Do you think I'm suggesting this just for the children?"
"You can't be-"
"Hmm?" he asked.
"But it still remains," she said, clearly falling into shock. "That you don't love me, Doc. You love my children. Is it wrong-"
"To expect a man to love both you and your children, no. I can't say that I love you, Tegan, but I do care about you a great deal. I don't think that any Time Lord can love. But affection, caring, protectionTegan, you've had that for a long time."
She shook her head, holding up her hands in her 'ward off the evils of the universe pose' and took a deep breath. He swallowed hard when he saw tears forming in her eyes. She was acting much like she had when she had left him. "This isn't your responsibility," she bit out.
"True," he said quietly, but his next words held some anger. "And when I come back to visit you again and you have a man as the children's father? Hmm?"
Tegan closed her eyes with a squeeze of pain.
"You don't think that will affect me?" he asked, heatedly.
She rolled her head back and stared at the ceiling while she searched it for answers. "It would, Doc, I know. Butit's the children"
He released a vicious sigh and rose to walk away from the table. Silence descended between them as he paced. Then viciously, he stopped and rubbed at the back of his neck. She shook her head and with a theatrical frown, she threw her arms wide.
"I know it's selfish, Doc. I know it's not as self-sacrificial as I should be, but"
The Doctor turned around and shook his head. She could see a small smile on his lips. "Would any man treat you like I do, Tegan? Would any man be able to take you to Paris or Australia or America without jet lag and with ready made accommodations? Would any man know you as well as I do?" He neared her and bent a little at the waist to glance at her. "I know Thomas was a wonderful husband to you. He fathered two beautiful children. But did he know you as well as I do? Did he know that you love the Charleston? Did he know that you have problems sleeping when it rains? Would any other man know that? Would they know that you would walk through fire for me and I would do the same for you?"
Her face crunched as she fought back tears. It was all or none for her now. He could sense that. "Thomas never had to know that, Doctor. We lived a normal life."
"I can live a 'normal' life as you put it," he grumbled. "I have been for five months."
"No," she nearly shouted. "All right? No other man would treat me like you do. But"
"But" he prodded, quiet falling over his mannerism again.
Tegan bit her lip and the Doctor regained his seat across from her. "Go on, Tegan. You want to say that you've thought of this. You've thought of me in this situation and not only since we've reacquainted, but also when we traveled. That you cared for me, perhaps even loved me"
"Very egotistical of you," Tegan barked.
"It isn't egocentricism, Tegan. I knew."
"Good heavens above," she moaned. He wouldn't allow her to close her eyes and reached out to catch her chin in his hand. She looked mournful. "I knew then it wouldn't work and just became your friend. Hell, you wouldn't even look at me. That helps, you know, when you are trying to dull an attraction. But that's old news," she continued, meeting his gaze. "I'm past it. I was past it when I left you."
"No," he corrected gently. "You let infatuation die and let true caring and affection rise. You weren't past it as you put it, Tegan. You had simply let it mature," he said haughtily.
"And now?" she asked. "Doc"
Her lip trembled. He found himself resisting the urge to soothe it with a gentle touch. "You'd stay with me, with the children."
"Yes."
She appeared to blush slightly at his answer. "This is silly, you know. We're discussing and arguing and yelling about an impossibility."
"We can say we'll attempt it and see if we can work out the problems."
"But" she interrupted. "Docyou're talking years. You're also talking about living with me and the children. There'll be shouting matches when they get older, family thingsyou just want to be their caretaker, Doc, but there is so much more"
"I realize that," he replied softly. "But I would like to give it a try, for you, for the children." For me, he thought, with a small amount of surprise.
"But why are you so keen, Doc?" she asked, unable to stop herself.
"Because I've thought about it," he sighed. "And found the thought of staying appetizing. Very much so."
"Problems, Doc?" she laughed, trying to wipe her tears away. "It's a disaster waiting to happen."
He frowned in response and wiped at two of her tears with his thumb.
**
Michael clutched Bear in his arms and sniffled as he looked at the Doctor over the top of his covers. Tegan hobbled by the door, Christmas carols filling the air and he sensed her rather than saw her lean against the doorjam. "Doctor?"
"Yes?" he answered quietly, making sure the blanket and sheet were securely tucked around the boy's small frame. When he finished, he sat down on the edge of the bed. "What is it, Mike?"
"You're leaving?"
"Just for a little while, Mike. Maybe two days," he nearly cooed. "I'll be back to fly your kite by the weekend. I promise."
"I don't want you to go away," Mike whispered, rubbing at Bear's head.
The Doctor smiled gently. Michael's blond brown tresses were growing long and feathered across the boy's forehead and his brown eyes were large and, if the Doctor looked closely, he could see that they were close to tears. He laid his palm against the boy's head and then cupped his cheek. "I know, Mike. I want to stay too, but some things can't be helped. I'll be back very very soon. I'll need you to be your mother's knight until I get back. Can you do that for me?"
Michael nodded mournfully and then sniffed. "Knights ride horses."
"Yes, yes they do. And someday soon, I'll teach you to ride one," the Doctor whispered confidentially.
With a sigh, the boy peeled back the blankets and sat up, pushing everything but Bear aside. Then he climbed into the Doctor's lap and embraced his neck as hard as his little arms could. The kiss he gave the Time Lord was on his cheek and was suitably child-like and sweetly messy. "I love you," he whispered.
With a sigh, the Time Lord encircled the boy with his arms and wistfully rubbed the back of the toddler's head. "I love you too, Mike. Sleep peacefully and I'll see you before your sister is back in school, all right?"
The boy nodded and the Doctor tucked him and his Bear back into the blankets. He rose and gave the boy a kiss on his brow. And then, to the dying chords of Silent Night, the Doctor quietly closed the bedroom door.
**
"I can't believe you're serious about this," she muttered.
"I will be back within 48 hours or so, Tegan. Maybe tomorrow," the Doctor responded. He finished putting on his cricket clothes with a flourish.
She hobbled to the door with him and leaned against the doorjam. "Are you sure?"
"Are you sure?" he retorted, lifting an eyebrow.
Tegan bit her lip and gave a sigh. "I do care about you and the children love you, Doc. And I did say yes to at least thinking about this."
With a smile he nodded. "I'll be back soon, Tegan. Before you even get used to me being gone," he joked. "And when I return, we can begin to decide if this is manageable."
She gave him a sad smile and adjusted her weight on her feet. "Come back in one piece," she warned.
He lifted one eyebrow and hummed, turning for the door. She whispered his name before he could walk out the portal into the mid winter morning, past the pile of Christmas wrapping awaiting garbage pick up. He turned and she came to him, reaching out to steady on the doorjam. "Rabbits."
"What?" he asked.
He wasn't surprised when Tegan came close to embrace him. His arms, he thought, had corporeal memories of carrying her, holding her and supporting her for the last six months. He was used to the feeling of her small, petite arms encircling his neck. And his arms found their usual spot around her waist. But a certain level of shock and surprise entered his mind when he felt her warm lips touch the corner of his mouth, on his cheek.
She stepped back, nearly tumbling as her still gaining strength legs struggled to hold her weight. He knew she was shy, surprisingly, about what she had just done. "It just" she answered his unasked question. "It just seemed appropriate." But even with her words, she didn't meet his gaze. "Have an adventure," she urged, turning from him, but his hand kept her from going far.
"I thought surviving a second Christmas with the Jones family was an adventure," he smiled. He cleared his throat and gave a nod. He lifted her hand and gave the back of her knuckles a kiss and then repeated it again. "I'll be back, Tegan. Look for me in two days."
Tegan nodded, almost wistfully and remained as she was as he walked down the hallway. As he entered the stairs, he gave her a small wave and turned, leaving.