Disclaimer: All hail, the great Minekura Kazuya... *authoress prostates herself beside the path the revered creator walked on*
A/N: IIIIIII'MMMMMMM BACK!!!! First of all, I would like to thank all the reviewers... You make me happy. It's always good to know what others think about your work.. If it's good, it's good. If it's bad... Well, I'll work on that. ^____^ Thanks again! Secondly, I'm sooooooooorrrrrryyyy!!! I'm so sorry that the spacing was too wide... I swear it wasn't like that when I uploaded it! Oh well... I'm too lazy to replace it, so there! =P Anyway, here's the next chappie. Done in Kubo-chan's POV. {Readers: duh.} *authoress laughs sheepishly* Enjoy!
~~~~~~~
Chapter 2: Masked Confessions
Hn.
It's so boring, save for a few scuffles here and there courtesy of Ookita and his gang. Ch'. Nothing but a bunch of good-for-nothing trouble makers. A big waste of time. But I've got a lot to waste anyway, so it doesn't really matter. And besides, the EC wouldn't exist without that particular sort of students. Maybe we should even be thankful...
Nah.
Back in my first year I was already a member of the Shitsukoubu, fulfilling my duties with a great sense of justice and all that crap. But that's just it. Grab a bully and bully it back. There was nothing really special about that job. It's all the same to me, but now....
Now there's a difference. There's some sort of new light to everything. It's like I was reborn and now I'm seeing the world for the very first time. There's renewed fervor in my work, and it's not so black and white anymore. There's fire, passion, meaning.
There's Tokitou.
I don't understand it, either. He makes me feel things I never even thought I would... ever again. It confused me to no end, which led me to play those cute little games with him.
Sure, I get kicks out of the others' reactions, but it held a different and meaningful significance for me. It's my own way of telling him that I want him, saying and doing suggestive things.
To seduce without being taken seriously.
Through those games, I tell him that I need him when I sling my arms over his shoulders, sometimes for his support, other times for mine.
To show affection without being taken seriously.
And it's those games that enable me to relay to him that I love him... by ending it all as a joke.
To confess my love without being taken seriously.
Why wouldn't anyone want to be taken seriously by their loved one? Each has his own reason. Most, if not all, has to do with some kind of fear. I'm not a coward, it's a known fact. Nothing in this world could make me feel that emotion, as far as I'm concerned. However, change is inevitable. Chaos is the only permanent thing, after all. Tokitou messed up my life, but he also made it more interesting.
Finally, a reason to live.
But I can never let him know... Simply because I'm afraid; not of rejection, but of him fearing me... It was ingrained in my mind... the fear that I saw in his eyes the first time I tried to confess.... He was like a frightened little kitten, trapped by a ferocious monster... I may be one to others, but I don't want him to see me as such. To protect him from myself, I took the initiative and became the first to roll the dice.
And the games began.
It's not likely he'll feel the same way.. I'm not even sure if he'll accept me. I know it's bad that I'm sort of lying to him, but almost everything already is, anyway. It wouldn't make that much of a difference if you add just a tiny little one.
But then I'm also lying to myself.
I just like to pretend that there's an *us* in the romantic sense of the word. We spend lots of time together. Heck, you'll almost never see us apart. The fan girls in school always gush out that we're '*the* cutest couple ever', so to speak. They assume that we are indeed an item.
How I wish it were so.
I love to make-believe that the flicker of emotion in his eyes after every game is sadness... One that is evoked from pain. Pain that is caused by the realization that those few moments of intense closeness was just a lie. Pain that said he wished it were real.
I wish it were true.
I want to think that the sudden flash in his eyes when someone else tries to get close to me is something akin to anger that of course, leads to jealousy. I'd like to imagine that the sheer rush of adrenaline in his veins as his rage takes him on by waves is an animalistic possessiveness, arousing me with its ferocity.
I wish it was real.
I know I'm just kidding myself, but...
It feels good.
The mere thought of it gets me on a high. Tokitou's like a drug. Just a whiff of his essence is enough to push me over the edge. I'd be willing to bet my life his taste is more than addicting. But I can only speculate and wonder about that...
Because something's holding me back.
And until I overcome this fear, this feeling of foreboding everytime I get the urge to finally tell him.. Everything I want to say, everything that's in my heart, will be disguised... Every single game will be a masked confession until that time comes....
And I hope it does.
TBC
~~~~~~~
A/N: Phew! More angst. A bit short, but what the heck. The major plot line still hasn't surfaced, but it will begin to show itself in the next chapter... Just watch out for it, ok? Oh, and while you're at it, please review. ^____^
A/N: IIIIIII'MMMMMMM BACK!!!! First of all, I would like to thank all the reviewers... You make me happy. It's always good to know what others think about your work.. If it's good, it's good. If it's bad... Well, I'll work on that. ^____^ Thanks again! Secondly, I'm sooooooooorrrrrryyyy!!! I'm so sorry that the spacing was too wide... I swear it wasn't like that when I uploaded it! Oh well... I'm too lazy to replace it, so there! =P Anyway, here's the next chappie. Done in Kubo-chan's POV. {Readers: duh.} *authoress laughs sheepishly* Enjoy!
~~~~~~~
Chapter 2: Masked Confessions
Hn.
It's so boring, save for a few scuffles here and there courtesy of Ookita and his gang. Ch'. Nothing but a bunch of good-for-nothing trouble makers. A big waste of time. But I've got a lot to waste anyway, so it doesn't really matter. And besides, the EC wouldn't exist without that particular sort of students. Maybe we should even be thankful...
Nah.
Back in my first year I was already a member of the Shitsukoubu, fulfilling my duties with a great sense of justice and all that crap. But that's just it. Grab a bully and bully it back. There was nothing really special about that job. It's all the same to me, but now....
Now there's a difference. There's some sort of new light to everything. It's like I was reborn and now I'm seeing the world for the very first time. There's renewed fervor in my work, and it's not so black and white anymore. There's fire, passion, meaning.
There's Tokitou.
I don't understand it, either. He makes me feel things I never even thought I would... ever again. It confused me to no end, which led me to play those cute little games with him.
Sure, I get kicks out of the others' reactions, but it held a different and meaningful significance for me. It's my own way of telling him that I want him, saying and doing suggestive things.
To seduce without being taken seriously.
Through those games, I tell him that I need him when I sling my arms over his shoulders, sometimes for his support, other times for mine.
To show affection without being taken seriously.
And it's those games that enable me to relay to him that I love him... by ending it all as a joke.
To confess my love without being taken seriously.
Why wouldn't anyone want to be taken seriously by their loved one? Each has his own reason. Most, if not all, has to do with some kind of fear. I'm not a coward, it's a known fact. Nothing in this world could make me feel that emotion, as far as I'm concerned. However, change is inevitable. Chaos is the only permanent thing, after all. Tokitou messed up my life, but he also made it more interesting.
Finally, a reason to live.
But I can never let him know... Simply because I'm afraid; not of rejection, but of him fearing me... It was ingrained in my mind... the fear that I saw in his eyes the first time I tried to confess.... He was like a frightened little kitten, trapped by a ferocious monster... I may be one to others, but I don't want him to see me as such. To protect him from myself, I took the initiative and became the first to roll the dice.
And the games began.
It's not likely he'll feel the same way.. I'm not even sure if he'll accept me. I know it's bad that I'm sort of lying to him, but almost everything already is, anyway. It wouldn't make that much of a difference if you add just a tiny little one.
But then I'm also lying to myself.
I just like to pretend that there's an *us* in the romantic sense of the word. We spend lots of time together. Heck, you'll almost never see us apart. The fan girls in school always gush out that we're '*the* cutest couple ever', so to speak. They assume that we are indeed an item.
How I wish it were so.
I love to make-believe that the flicker of emotion in his eyes after every game is sadness... One that is evoked from pain. Pain that is caused by the realization that those few moments of intense closeness was just a lie. Pain that said he wished it were real.
I wish it were true.
I want to think that the sudden flash in his eyes when someone else tries to get close to me is something akin to anger that of course, leads to jealousy. I'd like to imagine that the sheer rush of adrenaline in his veins as his rage takes him on by waves is an animalistic possessiveness, arousing me with its ferocity.
I wish it was real.
I know I'm just kidding myself, but...
It feels good.
The mere thought of it gets me on a high. Tokitou's like a drug. Just a whiff of his essence is enough to push me over the edge. I'd be willing to bet my life his taste is more than addicting. But I can only speculate and wonder about that...
Because something's holding me back.
And until I overcome this fear, this feeling of foreboding everytime I get the urge to finally tell him.. Everything I want to say, everything that's in my heart, will be disguised... Every single game will be a masked confession until that time comes....
And I hope it does.
TBC
~~~~~~~
A/N: Phew! More angst. A bit short, but what the heck. The major plot line still hasn't surfaced, but it will begin to show itself in the next chapter... Just watch out for it, ok? Oh, and while you're at it, please review. ^____^