DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki is not mine. And now we know exactly HOW Gojyo came to disappear into the night...
Speaking of which, it took me about a month to realise something horrible--I NEVER MENTIONED WHAT GOJYO'S NIGHTMARE WAS! Silly me! This has now been rectified.
SPELLBIND
Jubaku
The sun was setting by the time Gojyo awakened. Jien's face was the first that came into view as his crimson eyes struggled open, and it was Jien who wordlessly passed him a still-hot cup of green tea. Accepting it without any questions, Gojyo took small, bird-like sips; it was very strong indeed. After a while, he looked up at Jien again. The older youth was watching him intently, with a look hard to describe with mere words. "I guess we're both in trouble with kaasan, aren't we, aniki?" he said with a small, nervous smile.
"Only partly right." Jien's voice was like sand rustled by the wind. "Kaasan is...no more. She will hurt you no longer," he continued, not looking at his stepbrother. _Soon Jien will be no more and will hurt you no longer too_
"Aniki? She...what are you saying?!" He almost flung himself at Jien, the way he lurched forwards. "Uso darou?"
"No lie, Gojyo. I buried her out in the garden under the big tree." He got up from the bed and began shoving things together into a bundle, much to Gojyo's confusion. He kept his voice flat, emotionless. "This is what you will tell anyone you should meet. A wild boar broke into the house and savaged both me and ofukuro. You buried us in the garden." _Keep telling 'em that and maybe you'll forget yourself_
"Aniki?"
"I have to go, Gojyo..."
"Go?! But where?!"
"I don't know, but I can't stay here." He sat down on the bed again, next to Gojyo, and ruffled his hair gently. "Ofukuro's death can't be kept quiet for long. They will hunt both of us down to be punished, and I'm not letting that happen. Both of us have to leave, and the sooner the better." He sat down on the bed and tied his bundle together on an old broomstick.
"No!" All the fear, all the pain reawakened and he clung tightly to Jien's shoulder, sobs racking him. "Why can't I go with you, aniki?! Onegai! Don't leave me alone here! Please, please don't leave me alone!"
Jien took the boy in his strong, lean arms and ran his fingers through the crimson locks soothingly. "Ssh. Don't cry. I can't do that--it would put you in a lot of danger. Should we be seen together, our alibis will fall apart. I will head towards the west. You must go east. Run, Gojyo. Run, little bro, and don't look back. Don't ever come back to Minghu, not until this is forgotten and you are strong enough to fight on your own, you get me?" He gave the thin shoulders a sharp shake.
"How do I become strong...?"
"Somehow. I don't know how. Try. There is one thing I can give you to protect you until then, though." He stood up and rummaged in his pocket before producing a blue bandanna from it, which he tied around the boy's forehead. It was printed with a single kanji: 'Ki'. Joy. "This is an omamori (talisman) that father gave me once, before you were born. Take good care of it, all right? Here, lemme tie it on for you...there! Don't you look cute!"
"I don't wanna be cute!" snapped Gojyo petulantly, the old spirit springing back.
"You'd be surprised," Jien remarked dryly before his voice became soft and gentle. "Goodbye, Sha Gojyo," he said softly, tilting the boy's chin up and touching the plaster on his left cheek, "and remember that there is someone who will always, ALWAYS love you. We will surely meet again someday."
With those words, Jien was out the door, leaving Gojyo staring at the shadow of his back, outlined by a setting sun.
*
He picked Lang Ying's body up off the floor and walked out without a word, in the rain, five kilometres back to Feiyan. Gojyo was dripping wet when he finally arrived back. He refused all other attention, just got out of his wet clothes and changed silently.
They buried him in a simple ceremony that night itself. Sanzo read a sutra: not the same one he had recited at the cleanly burnt-out spot where there should have been a Hundred-Eyed Demon's castle, but powerful in its message all the same. Sheng Wei couldn't stop crying. Hong Wu, too. Zhen Ji bore it all wordlessly, although the tears flowed down his face like they would never stop.
Rest in peace, Lang Ying. Ah, he was a good youth, an innocent one whose greatest sin was existence. I couldn't help but feel angry at the society he was born into, one that put the fear of a legend unproven over the decency to give just a little compassion, and somehow, there was a spark of dark, forbidden satisfaction at seeing what we dealt them. It is a part of Cho Gonou that he thought long gone. It's very worrying.
Still, perhaps the soldiers that remained might be able to bring some order back to the town. Aseki was a resident of Minghu; perhaps he could bring it back to what it used to be. His soldiers would help him, at least most of them would for sure. The residents would probably not forget today. I can only hope they see it as a reason to change, not an excuse to continue their prejudice. It would be a shame if they did.
Midnight came and midnight went, and I began to worry for Gojyo too. He still hadn't spoken, not even to me. I hoped he wasn't about to do anything rash.
++++++++++
I had another nightmare that night. No, scratch that--I had the same one.
I heard, once again, the soft and haunting music as I walked through the old yet familiar hallways of my Minghu home. The same door lay open to me, and I pushed it open to find the source of the music. The same young child sat at the piano--our piano, my piano--playing the song over and over--he was crimson-haired like myself.
"Oi, kid, what are you doing here?" I asked him. He turned. Blood was running down his face and mixing with his tears.
"Oniichan, I live here," he hissed softly, as if in pain.
It was then I realises I was looking at my younger self, the Gojyo with the broken eyes and the bruised, scarred features. I found myself unable to move as my child-self approached.
"Oniichan, you are a murderer!" he continued in that same controlled tone. "Because of you, okaasan died! Jien-oniichan is gone, and I'm all alone! I have no one! I HAVE NOTHING!" His voice was trembling as he screamed out the last words. I felt myself breaking apart as his gaze locked with mine.
"You should have died, oniisan. You should have died...I should have died! Why didn't I die?!" he yelled out with pure hatred enough for the two of us.
It is always when he is about to throttle me, just about the time I'm going to let him, I awaken. This time, there is no denying that a hoarse cry escaped my throat and shattered the silence. Thankfully, we were roomed separately tonight. My cries went unheard.
As they always do.
I just saw a tragic crime committed against one of my kind today and could do nothing to stop it. My kind. Hanyou. Half-demon. The words felt sharp, bittersweet, almost poetic on my tongue as I tried them out, staring up at the ceiling. I had never felt this raw, this much cut open as the day kaasan died. I knew I should rein it in, I knew I should pull myself together, but I couldn't. And don't think I didn't try.
Lord Buddha knows why the hell I got so cut up over a single death when I've killed demons in the scores of scores, when so many have died in front of me before.
It was then I felt the heavy sting of tears at the corner of my eyes. Damn! Now I'm crying! They wouldn't stop coming, damn things, even though I was practically chewing off my lip trying to hold them back. The taste of blood filled my mouth, a sickening sensation. It got me calmed down somewhat, though, and I buried my head in the thin pillow. F--- everything. I was beyond caring, caring for Hakkai, the saru or the bouzu, caring for the mission we still had to accomplish.
Now I can finally see why all this is happening...and why it has to be us...
Not any more I don't.
I needed out, right there and then. I didn't know where I would go, or for how long, but I could never stay there. Not after that day. I grabbed my shirt off the back of a chair and set out into the night. It felt like the Kami-sama incidents all over again...only this time, I didn't think I could count on the others to track me down. This was a question of personal values.
I started off quickly, the rain drenching me once more. I had a five kilometre walk in the puddles ahead of me.
++++++++++
The sun was just beginning to rise on another day. Wisps of cloud streaked the golden sky with creamy white. Birds were singing outside my window, bringing promise of another clear summer day. Disgustingly perfect. Hard to believe that yesterday, a bloodbath had risen in Weishan.
I got out of bed and refastened my robe slowly, thinking of all the happenings of yesterday. The fool. Those who are dead can no longer return. Why must he behave this way? The only way we're going to survive this is to develop no attachment, and this is not the first time he has made this mistake.
Oshishou-sama
I think I'm hearing things. Better clean my ears out some time.
Hong Wu and Sheng Wei insisted we stay the night, and they asked if I would recite the scriptures for the burial. I agreed, to keep things quiet, and ended up chanting Sanskrit until midnight. Although I was still struggling to keep my eyelids open, I intended on leaving as soon as possible. Must call the other three to be on their way.
It was then Hakkai flung open my door, looking ever-so-slightly ruffled. His voice betrayed a thin edge of concern.
"Sorry to bother you so early in the morning, Sanzo, but...Gojyo's gone."
...Admittedly, I'd expected that.
++++++++++
Sanzo got me out of bed at seven in the morning and barked at me to put on my clothes. He seemed sort of distracted. Why, we didn't even have breakfast, the meanie! I started asking Sanzo for food, but he did the most amazing thing. Without even a swish of the harisen or a click of the shoureijuu, he just raised one hand and asked that I keep quiet just this once. Gojyo had gone missing.
Whoa. So he DOES care after all, our Sanzo.
Hakkai piled us all into the jeep and we drove to Weishan. Hakkai wouldn't tell me how he knew Gojyo would be there. He just did. They stopped Hakuryuu outside the gates and Sanzo turned to me.
..."Saru, go call Gojyo. Tell him we're leaving right now."
"Demo, Sanzo..." (But Sanzo...)
"Ii kara sassa to yonde ike!" (Go and call him right now, because I say so!) came the yelled reply.
Eesh! How can he be so heartless? That was COLD, Sanzo. I jumped out of Hakuryuu anyway after making Hakkai promise not to leave without me. I looked everywhere for the stupid erogappa but I didn't find a trace of him. The streets were empty, but I knew there were people inside the houses.
No guts whatsoever. They're all so scared I'd go berserkers on them. Are we really so fierce, demons? Hakkai is so pleasant, and even Gojyo can have the touch of a butterfly while he's bandaging wounds. Yeah, even erogappa...
"You freakin' idiot, what are you doing out here? Where's that music coming from?!"
Nuts! Could he be there?
I was running so fast and looking so hard I didn't see Seiko in front of me, and I crashed straight into her. She was out of that dumb, frilly wedding dress and had changed into a plain coarse cotton slip. Sanzo told me later that day that it was a sign of mourning.
"Goku-kun!"
"Seiko-neesan! Have you seen Gojyo?"
"Go...jyo?" She shook her head. "Iie. I haven't seen him."
"Oh no...I'd better keep looking. Sankyu!"
"Goku-kun!"
"Aa?"
"If you find him...when you find him...tell him that I send him my thanks." A dry breeze disturbed her fringe. "At least now, I am free."
Seiko, you're nice. I'll smile for you. "I'll do that! You take care!"
I had to follow my hunch on this one. Off I ran to the church and threw the doors open. I yelled out Gojyo's name twice, even three times before I realised that he was there, but wasn't answering me. It was as if sitting at the piano and playing made you deaf.
"Gojyo...?"
His head was bowed over the piano like the time he was looking into Ying's eyes before he died. His hands were moving slowly across the keyboard, playing that same sad piece I had heard and loved on Hakuryuu's radio once before. Gojyo, in a fit of unusual kindness, had taught me the lyrics. Of course, this was with a sneaky, back-handed comment that it might be of no use because my monkey-brain (argh!) was like a sieve and everything he said would leak right out. I surprised him then! I got it all down pat in an hour!
But...
Gee...it never sounded this sad before in my mind. It never felt so...meaningful. The song, I swear, was written for people like us.
A time for us some day there'll be
When chains are torn by courage born of a love that's free
A time when dreams so long denied can flourish
as we unveil the love we now must hide
A time for us at last to see
A life worthwhile for you and me
And with our love through tears and thorns
We will endure as we pass surely through every storm
A time for us someday there'll be a new world
A world of shining hope for you and me
"Gojyo?" I repeated his name again, striding up to him. He still didn't stop playing, not until he had reached the end of the piece. And then, that stupid fella began playing all over again!
Eeeerrrrggh! Can't...stand it...must...whack...the...erogappa!
++++++++++
Again, the piano was spotted by chance, a fleeting glimpse squirreled away into the back of my mind as I pummeled You Jouji to a pulp. And so, I came back to it, in a hope to calm myself. I have no idea what made me start playing the song over again that morning. I could HEAR the saru yelling my name, but my fingers didn't want to stop. They gave me a sense of comfort, that the hands that kill can be the hands that create, that this song was a requiem to the young man who lost his life here for love much like I almost did not too far away from here, not too far back in time. I was falling apart, and only the song was holding my sanity together.
They say that 'A time for us someday there'll be'...but yet, times never change. My hair is still red. I am still a half-demon. We are still shunned.
I am still alive, though Ying is not. And it's not bloody fair.
I think the saru gave a strangled scream just about then, though I'm not too sure now. It's a bit funny, the way the brain tends to either shut out the most painful of experiences or keep on replaying them for your viewing (dis)pleasure.
"O-I! SA-GO-JO-U-'-TE-BA-!!!" the monkey hollered in my ear, enunciating every syllable clearly, rattling me back and forth like a damn rag doll. I stopped, but I didn't look up.
"Naiteru no?!" I heard him add softly. I was appalled to see, albeit blurrily, a perfect drop of liquid resting like a pearl on an ebony key. I shook my head fiercely and smacked his hand away, feeling suddenly angry.
"What happened to the rest of them?" I asked.
"Them?"
"Weishan villagers."
"Half have fled. They think it's not safe here. Half have stayed behind to rebuild the place."
"Yaku Seiko?"
"Doing fine."
"Hong Lang Ying?"
Goku blinked twice. "Gojyo, we took his body back to Feiyan last evening, remember?"
"Ah yes." I took my hands off the keyboard and let them fall to my sides.
"Look, Gojyo, I don't know what's still getting you down, but..." Goku's voice was soft and coaxing. "You aren't alone."
Not alone, am I? Voices suddenly came crowding into my head, jostling for position.
"...Just like the blood that woman shed!"
"Run, Gojyo. Run, little bro, and don't look back."
"If I look at it closely, your hair is such a lovely wine-red..."
"Your crimson hair and eyes are like a prohibition to me."
"We did it before, this living-together-in-harmony thing, so why can't we do it now?"
"Do you know you are the first, iya, the only human who could see past these crimson eyes, this crimson hair? You treat me like I'm normal..."
"They don't change, do they, Gojyo-han?"
No they don't, Ying. They certainly don't.
++++++++++
"I...am...not...alone, you say?" Gojyo's voice had suddenly acquired a sharpness to it that I didn't like. It was like a fiercer part, the demonic part of Gojyo had been fully unlocked. He practically jumped up off the piano stool, sending it tipping over with a dull thud, and grabbed me round the shoulders so hard it hurt. I hissed in pain. He didn't seem to notice.
"Yeah, sure, I'm not alone," Gojyo shouted, voice rising in volume and fury, "and my kaasan's still alive and Dokugaku's on our side and Lang Ying is gonna come walking through that damn church door in a suit with Seiko at his side to get married! Hot damn, Goku, we are ALL alone in this f---ing unfair old world! You, me, Hakkai, bouzu, everybody!" He slammed his fist down on the keyboard, making a clash and clatter of notes.
"Gojyo!"
"Get out of here, saru, before I break every bone in your body. Just leave." he snarled, breathing rapid and angry. He sounded like he meant it this time. But hey, I'm Son Goku, and being as stubborn as I am, I had to find a way to get him out of the funk...
"Iya da. Teach me how to play the piano."
"I said GET OUT...what?!"
(Where'd THAT come from?! Well, here goes.)
"Teach me. How. To. Play. The. Piano. Y'see...I sorta figured...that if you teach me how, I can play with you and you won't be alone again...ah heck! Just teach me, all right?" I shouted, the words tumbling over one another. "Didn't Ying say 'no one should ever be alone, not even the likes of us'?!"
(Now how'd that get out of my mouth?)
Gojyo blinked, looking like his jaw would hit the floor any minute. Finally he heaved a deep sigh, rummaged around in his pocket and brought out a carton of Hi-Lites. He took his time lighting it and blew a single smoke ring into the air.
"Well? Let's go. But you walk in front."
"Why?"
"Cause that bullet from Sanzo is going through YOU first."
"OIII!!!"
He shoved down on my head, chuckling bitterly. "I'll teach you some other time, saru, if your monkey brain doesn't forget it!"
"It will NOT! I'm going to pester you and pester you and pester you and pester you and pester you and pester you and pester you and pester you until you do! So there!"
I think as we ran off I saw Ah Ying sitting there, near the podium-thingie, legs crossed and looking curiously at us. His fringe was short and the evil, ugly scar was gone. As we raced out through the door (towards almost certain death from Sanzo), he flipped us a salute and grinned.
_Yoroshikatta._
Pleased to have met you.
I think Gojyo saw him too, because he flipped a salute back.
This will be great blackmail fodder in the years to come!
++++++++++
Let's keep my side of the story short and say I pointed Hakuryuu westwards after Sanzo spent about a case of bullets trying to shoot holes in both Gojyo and Goku, shall we?
Somehow, I think Gojyo will be all right with time. He was already sitting in the back, lecturing Goku importantly on the notes of a musical scale.
++++++++++
Itsuka wa sono toki
ga kuru yo kusari ga ai de saitara
Kotowarareta yume ga saku yo
Kakushita ai o misete
sono toki ga miseta
Kuraseru toki no da
Namida to toge ni mo
Arashi mo nukereru kono ai de
Itsuka wa sono toki ga kuru yo
Kagayaku kibou ga kuru yo
And with our love through tears and thorns
We will endure as we pass surely through every storm
A time for us someday there'll be a new world
A world of shining hope for you and me
A world of shining hope for you and me...
++++++++++
And for the last time, review thanks for A.T.F.U.:
ayie@hairi -- Serves You right, indeed. Don't worry, Ying didn't die in vain--through him, they saw just how twisted our dear You Jouji was. Seiko will always have her nice memories of him, too, so don't cry...you know Gojyo doesn't like to see women cry...
real-circus -- I don't think Sanzo would've wanted to contaminate his hands with the blood. Besides, I wanted to give Gojyo a full go at that (censored).
Ashura Akuma -- I thought it would only be fitting to scar Jouji for
life. Or what's left of it! Nyahahahaha!!!
You: I am so not LOVED...*wail*
Gojyo: Awww, there there...we don't HATE you, Jouji! :(
You: Really? *sniffle*
Sanzo: Really. We LOATHE you. *second round of bashing for real-circus-san*
r-c: YESSS!!! GO SANZO!
That concludes A Time For Us. Thank you for reading! You may now leave, or proceed to the epilogue or the Background Info Section.