Five down, three chapters to go! Hina-chan, I'm doing my best to work on the tenses. ^^ Please bear with your grammatically-challenged author.
Oh yeah, I forgot to plug for the E+T Fanfic/Fanart Contest this coming Sept.9. Check out my profile for details regarding the E+T Anniversary Contest *looks at the calendar* More than a month to go ^^
I'm not in the mood to type my usual long chapter because I'm having a bad case of Hao Asakura hangover, so this chap would be more of a flashback.
-- Syaoran no Hime, no.1 believer of the Hao/Syao foundation – (Kyte, who else would love such fandom but the one involved herself? So stop laughing already! :p)
"You left Japan with such a heavy heart," remarked Kaho as their plane took off.
"I will miss them," he admitted. He laced his fingers together and crossed his legs. He couldn't erase from his mind the visit he received from Daidouji Tomoyo, thanking him for not hurting her best friend in the entire course of her clow mistress trials. She also asked him to write back to them regularly, and that the town of Tomoeda would welcome him with open arms if he would ever decide to come back.
Mizuki Kaho smiled knowingly. "Just to remind you that we're in an airplane, not a bus. You can't just drop down the ground in a parachute when you've realized that you don't want to leave after all."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"No, no," she said, shaking her head. "You don't really need me anymore to make a fool out of yourself."
He sighed. "I'm starting to have second thoughts on inviting you back here to see Sakura and the others again."
"Because you gave me the chance to see how fond are you of Daidouji?"
He glanced at her warily. "Let's not start this again."
"Why can't you be true to yourself for once, Hiiragizawa Eriol?" she asked. "You like her, what's wrong with that?"
"Nonsense," he muttered. "This is not part of Clow Reed's plans."
She touched his hand. "Eriol, when will you understand that you are not Clow Reed anymore? Perhaps, a part of him resides in you, just like in the case of Fujitaka Kinomoto. But look at the professor, he was able to live a happy life as a normal husband and father to Nadeshiko and their offsprings."
"Exactly," he said. "This absurd feeling I have for Daidouji-san is not real. Perhaps, I'm just feeling this way because the other half of my persona fell in love with someone who looks like her."
Kaho smiled. "Did you like the girl because she has raven tresses and large, expressive eyes that can drive any man to his knees?"
He paused. "Among other things," he said quickly. He admired her kindness, her selflessness, her willingness to give up the cherry blossom to the little wolf even if it would mean giving up a happiness of her own. He admired her strength, her vitality, her optimism. He admired her keen perception, her sensitivity, her grace.
"Those 'other things' running in your mind now make Daidouji different from Nadeshiko, so don't you think that's proof enough that Eriol Hiiragizawa is crushing on Daidouji Tomoyo?" she asked, amused.
"Nonsense," he snapped, his conviction lessening. "Check on me five or six years later. I'm sure I would have gotten over this already."
One cold winter afternoon, Eriol arrived in Kaho's apartment worriedly. He found the woman lying on the bed, pale and unmoving. "Kaho?"
She opened her eyes and found his troubled cerulean eyes gazing at her. She forced a smile into her face. "G-Glad you found time to visit me."
"K-Kaho…before I left for Japan…why didn't you tell me that you were sick?" he asked in anguish.
"I-I thought I just wasn't used to the awful England weather." She looked out at the window, where snow was softly falling on the bare branches of the oak tree. "I didn't know it was something worse."
"I want to strangle you right now," he said as he tucked her in. "But for your sake, I'll be more considerate. I'll give you time to get better first, then I'll kill you."
Despite of her weakness, she still burst out laughing. "That's sweet of you." She then grew serious. "So what did Fujitaka-sensei tell you? Why did you have to go to Japan?"
"It's about Daidouji-sama," he explained, running his fingers on his hair. "Fujitaka suspects that the tumor on her breast is malignant."
Kaho stifled a gasp.
"Her daughter doesn't know, and he had come to ask from me a favor…to stay in Japan and look after Daidouji-sama. He wants me to take care of her business and paper works. Also…once Daidouji-san returns to the country…he asks that I marry her."
Silence.
"I'm happy for you," said Kaho, smiling blissfully.
"Why?" he asked. "We're planning to get married ourselves and-"
"It was you doing the planning, not me," she interjected gently. "I know better than to belittle the sanctity of marriage."
"Kaho…"
"I do love you, Eriol. Yes, I do. But I want to love someone who can give his heart willingly to me, with no other woman holding it too. Call me selfish, but that's the truth." Her eyes moistened. "In the entire three years we've been together, you have been my companion, my friend, my love. I'm grateful for that, you know. However, when you look at me with feelings reserved for someone else…it hurts."
"Kaho…"
"I'm not mad at you. I'm even grateful that you've kept me company up to this time," she said. "But I think I owe it to you and to Daidouji to give you two a chance. If you can be happier with her, then by all means, I'll step aside." She laughed and beckoned him to come closer. He obliged.
"Go back to Japan and try to sort your feelings out. You'll find out for yourself the answers you seek regarding your identity," she instructed. She then cupped his face. "I wish you your happiness," she whispered before kissing his cheek. "Your happiness is mine too."
Sonomi Daidouji's face lit up when he appeared in the hospital room.
"Where is Daidouji-san?" he asked politely.
"She's currently finishing her semester in Paris, but she'll be coming home soon." Sonomi rubbed her chin. "Or did she say two years after? I'm not sure myself. She's enjoying her life in Europe, running the extension of our business there."
"I see."
"Would you like to see my daughter – what she looks like? Fujitaka told me that you and Tomoyo were classmates before, but you may be interested to see what she looks like now?" There was a question in the woman's voice.
"It shall be my honor," he said truthfully, his heart starting to race again. It had been quite a while since he last saw her. He never attempted to write back to Tomoyo and the others, hoping to break communication with them already – the day Sakura passed his final test for her, he had already decided that it was over.
But at nights, he could find himself reading Tomoyo's cheery letters about the happenings in Tomoeda. Reading and re-reading. There was something about her warm tone in the letters that was bringing him back in spirit to Tomoeda. A year later though, she stopped writing. Sakura told him that she moved to Europe with her mother already.
His thoughts were interrupted when Sonomi pointed to the can vas covered by a thick red blanket. "Tomoyo sent me this. She told me she had posed for a class of artists while she was sipping tea in the café. She sent me one of the souvenir portraits the artists gave her."
He felt his throat go dry. The familiar exquisite purple eyes, the china-like skin, and her gorgeous raven curls blown carefreely by the wind. Everything about her is like Spring. In some ways, she had matured, but she felt as familiar as she was back in fifth grade. Nostalgia overwhelmed him. He had never really felt that he missed the warm town of Tomoeda, but now that he was gazing at the portrait, he felt like crying. He was home, finally.
Home is where the heart is, Kaho once said. He found her words very true now.
"Just like Nadeshiko, only I think she's prettier than her aunt," said Sonomi, not without the obvious touch of motherly pride in her voice.
Nadeshiko…Of course. There could be no other explanation for his feelings but the deceased woman. Someone a part of him loved. It was absurd for him to fall in love. He was not human. He didn't really exist.
He gazed at the portrait for a few more moments before coming to a decision. "I will marry her."
Sonomi looked at him hard and long before saying, "Of course."
"Of course," he repeated the words under his breath. It sounded so easy, as easy as striking a business deal. How could have he done such thing, commit himself to a girl he had not seen since elementary?
However, his doubts would easily be dismissed whenever he looks at the portrait, kindly lent to him by Daidouji-sama.
"Of course," he said, nodding. He wasn't so sure about his decision, but he felt no regrets. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it seemed.
Because if his decision was wrong, he would end up hurting a lot of people – including Daidouji-sama, Kaho, and Tomoyo herself.
Then he would never forgive himself.
A year later, Nakuru, whom he ordered to stay and look after Kaho, handed him a letter. It was the last letter he would ever receive from her. It simply restated her wish that he would be happy, and that Tomoyo would be happy too.
I will watch over you from here, as my way of saying thanks for your looking after me while I was still there.
He crushed the letter, his insides churning. Kaho, the dear woman who loved him terribly, but whose love he wasn't able to respond to. She was a dear friend to the end, still looking out for his happiness even before journeying to the next life.
He hated himself silently for making her miserable. For not giving her the love she deserves, with the pure, chaste heart she possessed.
What a scum he was!
A week before Tomoyo's return, he had visited a chapel. Kneeling, he turned to the crucifix. "I know that the person you least expect to seek your counsel is a man like me, who had been wrapped up in his pathetic illusion of omnipotence for so long." He laughed bitterly. "I thought I knew everything, but a man can only know so much. I'm tired of knowing everything. This time, I want you to guide me, Lord. I want you to show me the way. Give me a sign, whether what I'm doing is still right, and that you can already forgive me for being selfish all my life." He bowed silently, then looked up again. "Take care of Kaho for me."
----
The sounds of the waves lapping against his bare feet snapped him out of his trance. He looked at Tomoyo, who had fallen asleep in his arms already. He smiled and smoothed her hair, then looked up at the sky.
"Lord, if she is the sign you promised, I thank you with all my heart," he whispered before falling asleep peacefully too.
Tsuzuku
*sniff* too dramatic for dear Syao-chan. I think I didn't make Kaho the villain here because well, I pity her. *merhiel's eyebrow arches* Let's just say, I've been through what she had been through in this chapter. ^^