Chapter Three
"Doko da ne bakayarou! Baka! Baka! Baka! Doko da…" mumbled a pale youth, pacing around the small double-bed room. He ran an exasperated hand through his raven hair as a beaming 16 year old slammed the door. Sukunami Taka whirled around, jaw dropping as he stared at his legendary shiftless partner obliviously munching upon a putchaiko treat. Keichirou Hideiki halted, catching sight of the flushed teenager before him and proceeded to smile even more widely while offering the hand-held dessert to Taka. Bile started to form at the back of the usually quiet Taka's throat and his entire stance quivered, "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN??!! YOU STUPID KANGAROO!!!???!!!"
"Wha…." Pouted Kei, a little hurt at the sudden outburst.
"YOU BLASTED INCOMPETENT NOT-A-CARE-IN-YOUR-BONE TOTALLY-SELFISH-TO-YOUR-UTMOST-THOUGHTLESS-CORE OAF!!! YOU GO OFF GALLIVANTING BY YOURSELF AT GOD FORBIDDEN HOURS WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE, NAMELY ME!!! YOUR PARTNER!! YOUR EXTREMELY WORRIED FEAR-CHOKED-HEART THINKING-YOU-HAD-AN-ACCIDENT PARTNER WHO IS HERE NEARLY-GOING-TO-DIE-FROM-ANXIETY WHILE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE, SOMEPLACE PROBABLY TEEMING FULL OF LOWLIFES, HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE WITHOUT ANY CONSIDERATION TO ANYONE, YOU CHARCOAL BROILED-BRAIN TANUKI!!!!"
"Hey! I did so tell…um…. I left a note! And what do you mean gallivanting? You always use such darn complicated words that aren't even in the dictionary anymore….. See? The note….um….. I'm sure it's here somewhere….ah…. I think I wrote a note…. I'm sure…hehe….hehehe….um…since when did you start calling me a racoon?" chided Kei, haplessly trying to defend himself but Taka was worked up to his limit.
"DO NOT CHANGE THE SUBJECT! YOU MORONIC UNDERLING!!! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME!!!! YOU FREAK ME OUT AT ABYSMAL HOURS BY DISAPPEARING SUDDENLY!!! AND YOU DON'T CALL!!!! AND YOU ALWAYS GET INTO TROUBLE! YOU JUST DON'T CARE, DO YOU???? WHILE I'M HERE, THINKING THAT SOMEONE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF BUTCHERING YOU UP, YOU ARE EATING!!!! Eating!!!!"
The dark brown eyes welled up with tears as his lower lip trembled ever so slightly. Twirling his fingers in little circles, those watery eyes glanced up, "Go-me-ne Ta-ka-kun….hon-tor-ni go-me-ne….."
For a while, the furious dreamer, right in the process of an all-out rant, stumbled, body taut with words of abuse swimming in his rather ravishing head, "You….you….silly sausage*! I see before me the silliest sausage in all of Ancient China!"
(the above * has been taken from Asterix All At Sea)
Now sitting on the bed and swinging his legs to and fro, Kei frowned, "Silly sausage? Has the renowned Taka-kun of the Gaiden Ohaiyo series been reduced to such simplistic swear words?" cheekily staring up with innocence shining like the mid-day sun, it caused Taka to lose what little momentum he had left. He huffed and plopped onto the adjoining bed, his back turned to his companion, which in turn caused Kei to pout even more. They sat there in gargoyle-like silence, both angry for reasons better not known to us. Then, as Kei is not used to not talking to his beloved (not that loved, thankyou very much) tomodachi even though Taka is famed for the silence treatment, the always naively amiable glutton sidled over and gently nudge the blue-eyed student…
"Ne….. gomen……hontorni, no fingers crossed….."
"You crossed you fingers just now??!!"
"Hehehehe…NO!! Iya ne……hehehe……."
"Che…."
"Ne……. Ta-ka-kun…….."
"Nani??!!"
"Ta-ka-kun…….." mimicking what had happened earlier that day, the atrocious fiend of a friend pressed closer to the now stricken Taka, and snickered…… "Ta-ka-kun….dai-jou-bu-des-su-ne?" he crooned and batted his lashes in mock provocation as he attempted to copy the mysterious girl that had fussed over his dear companion.
A growl emanated from Taka and he snarled, rather like a wolf pup, "Yamete………baka……"
All of a sudden, several hard knocks came pounding on the door, jolting the two. They looked up blankly and the knocks became more insistent, hinges clanging and little pieces of wood flying apart. The long-time friends clamped onto one another, fear creeping into them for no apparent reason. Taka sweatdropped while Kei stammered a 'shush' , beckoning the other to wait silently. The knocks stopped and wriggling off the clinging arms, Kei slowly got up and crept towards the door, listening intently. Jumping as a piece of paper slid through the crack beneath the door, the youth sighed, thankful that it was not something else. He picked it up and read:
Stand back!
Huh?
*BRACK* *BOOM*
A crash of splinters and wood blew Kei back, tumbling him in a heap as his hand caught onto the blankets and it all rolled onto him. The door was smashed down into pieces….
"Kuso…." Grumbled Kei, rubbing his sore backside. He leapt up, peering through the smoke, "Oi! What's the meaning of….ar…" he floundered in mid-scold, mainly due to the extremely sharp, extremely-dangerous-in-his-eyes weapon that was waving in his now mouth-gaping face. A certain grinning red-head and a rather forlorn boy stood behind that weapon, while an utterly confounded Taka, who is wondering why he was encountering so many life-threatening objects on this day, gently tugged his partner away from the stern looking glaive.
Sha Gojyo laughed, a booming guffaw of a snickering that he had practiced along the way, whereas Son Goku just peeped timidly from behind him, eyes round at seeing his 'rival'. The philanderer leaned against his weapon, pushing Goku forward, "Yosh…so who's Sockoloby Taker?"
Silence…..
Then Goku prodded Gojyo, whispering, "SUKUNAMI TAKA…"
"Eh?"
"it's Sukunami Taka, not….."
"Oh, hehehe…"
Disgruntled blank stares registered on Taka and Kei's faces, before the younger one rolled his eyes, "What the heck do you think you are doing!?"
Gojyo grinned, "Getting rid of baka saru's love rival…"
"I AM NOT A BAKA SARU!!!!" yelled back Goku.
"Ho, kono saru!!!"
"Erro kapel!!!"
"Gaki yarou!!!!"
Immaculate eyebrows lifted from the watching duo and Kei nudged Taka, "Oi……since when did you become a 'love rival'?"
Taka merely shrugged, but they didn't have to wait for long before Gojyo slammed Goku down and turned back to Taka, "Oi! O genki da?"
"Eh?"
"Daijoubu deska?"
"Uh, hai! Dai jou bu!" replied the continuously flummoxed Taka.
"Yosh, because you won't feel so well after this!"
"HEH?!!"
Marching up to the brunette, Gojyo boxed his head, sending the usually suave Taka sprawling on the floor. Shocked Kei burst out laughing and a second later, he joined Taka as his partner kicked him in the shins.
"You idiotic kangaroo!!! What are you laughing for!!!???"
"What??!! It was funny!! You over-serious mop face!!!"
"Oi,oi…" Gojyo tapped his feet impatiently, "Your fight is with me, not each other!!"
"YOU DID THE SAME THING WITH THE BAKA SARU!!" shouted the two in unison.
"I AM NOT A SARU!!!" lunged Goku, straight at Taka. They scrambled about while Gojyo and Kei faced off. Both grinned, the same self-assured smug look that Taka and Goku hates but can't do anything about, then Kei coolly swept his hair back with one hand, a move which he plagiarized from his partner who is currently absorbed in grappling with a little boy who is choking him.
"Get out, you hauntingly gorgeous** akagae ,um…youkai!!"
(the above ** refers to Kei's often evident though rather-masked yaoi tendencies and his fascination with red hair….
"I AM NOT A HENTAI!!!" screamed Kei from amidst the scrabble.
"I never said you were, you tone deaf lizard!!!" shot back Taka)
A hand reached out, and grabbed the brown-haired youth, throwing him up several metres into the air and onto the bed. *BAM* and with a large *CRACK* the bed split into two and collapsed. Gojyo snickered, slapping his hands together, as Goku yanked onto the soft raven hair and Taka jabbed his fingers into the amber eyes. A leg stuck out, causing Gojyo to trip while Kei, having recovered his fighting spirit, brandished a pole and leapt into the struggle of legs flailing, and arms punching, and vile curses filling the air…
Atlast, Gojyo freed himself and snorted at the heap of squabbling males. He picked up his weapon and aimed carefully, looking for the familiar raven head. Taka was pushed off and his head lifted for just a moment, enough for Gojyo to throw his weapon in a spear-like fashion. Taka collided with the brick wall, his neck pinned with the razor-sharp crescent-shaped blade. Chuckling, the blasphemous youkai bent over the struggling writer, his damask eyes narrowed, "I'll show you what heaven and hell can be…."
The evanescent azure eyes widened in horror…..
A clearing of a throat, and four pairs of eyes looked up expectantly. Cho Hakkai waved beside an arms folded Genjo Sanzo.
"Eh? Sanzo! Nani yo…." Called out Gojyo, thumping one hand upon Taka's head while the oh-so-kawaiee-when-he-is-angry writer scowled back in return. The blond monk sighed, blowing a strand of hair away from his achingly beautiful face as a sinking feeling of forbiddance crept into him, "Hakkai…"
The always-cheery human-turned-demon started from his smile, "Oh? Hai! Um……which of you is Sukunami san?"
Raising his hand tentatively, Taka tried to bite Gojyo's annoying arm away, which is still patting rather hard on the brunette's head. The dangerous violet eyes became almost snake-like, reduced to slits. Sanzo glanced to the other side, on Goku and another small brown-head in a well, rather….um….different position…..with the stranger's arm hooked around Goku's head and Goku's leg crammed around…and the staff in between….well, just in a none-too-comfortable place that Sanzo doesn't want to think about. The rogue priest sat down, taking out his lighter, "Goku, hurry up and get rid of your lover boy, and Gojyo….unhand that individual…"
The two demons looked at each other and shrugged. Goku untangled from Kei and Gojyo yanked back the weapon, "he's all yours…" the red head said. Taking a deep breath, the boy nodded and took a flying leap, staff erect to whack downwards upon the brunette head…………
Several shots fired out, causing the heretical boy to twist around in mid-air and drop down in surprise. He stared at his idolized savior and the gun in the slender calm hand, tears watering in his amber eyes but only met the icy ones of Sanzo's lavenders. The monk rose, walking over to the two and collapsing beside Taka. He faced his small charge squarely and in a dead voice, "What the hell do you think you are doing?"
The taboo eyes welled up even more, and stuttering, "You said to get rid of him fast……San….Sanzo…….."
A trim blond eyebrow curved upwards, "Yes….your lover boy, over there," he pointed the gun towards a fast-taking-cover Kei and then lifted the chin of Taka, "and this one is to be left alone…..in case you are blind, saru, you are going in the opposite direction……."
Confusion reigned in the dubbed monkey's brain, then he lighted up, "Iya ne…….. Naesha was with him…!!" he grabbed Taka's shirt, lugging him forcibly nearer to him. Sanzo took a long stare between Kei and Taka, and if possible, his eyes narrowed even more, "Your stupid lover boy is HIM?"
"Hai, hai!!"
Silence…..
"Ne, Sanzo…..can I get rid of him now?"
"Hakkai, are you sure this is the right room?"
"Um…..hai…."
"And he's the right man?"
"Ah, eto…..hai, Sanzo…..kun……"
Silence……
"Damn the stupid worthless shit of a kami……….."
"hehe……Sanzo, you shouldn't curse….him…..like that….."
"Eeehhhh…….can you let go now…??"
"Shut up, you pampered kid…….."
"Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa….."
"URUSAI GA KURRUKESEU!!!! You miniscule mussel!!!!!!!"
"What did I do!!???"………………….. "I'll shut up now…."
"Ne, Sanzo, what are we gonna do?"
"Unless you can perform a necromancy spell or find me another stupid tenkai coveted writer, shut up…."
Hakkai sighed……..
"Well…..we have to do something……we can't just sit here…"
"Want to watch me?"
"Ne, Sanzo…..I want to…."
"baka saru….."
"Moh, Sanzo……hang ah eta……can we kill him and go ea….."
"IF YOU TOUCH ONE HAIR ON HIS HEAD I'LL FEED YOU YOUR INTESTINES!!!!!!!!!!"
A taken aback Taka is quite appreciative of the sudden protection, if not for the innate fear of a sudden crazed gun-wielding monk……..who is supposedly protecting him……….
"NANDE YO!? SANZO!?"
"URUSAI YO YOU SAPPY NO GOOD GAKI WITH A PUPPY CRUSH!!!"
"PU….PUPPY…WAHAHAHAHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA……!!!!"
"GOKU! Dai jou bu des…shush….ok, ok….ne,Sanzo…that's wasn't nice…"
"Does it look like I CARE????!!!"
"Che, why are we wasting time here….San….."
"DON'T YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF URUSAI?!? YOU TOTALLY GAY GIRL-WANNABE!!"
"NANI!!??"
"What? You can't hear? Must be the red like woman's blood hair on your no brain head!!"
"Why you….you….you miserly obsequious scream-like-a-girl if-you-entered-a-contest-to-be-the-worst-Sanzo-ever-you-would-win-even-begore-you-are-in egg tart!!"
"Gojyo, that wasn't….."
"Yeah, tell off your under-cover-bed-mate-till-the-jeep-shook-with-your-making-out you pasty faced four legged snake!!"
Hakkai turned bright red, a flush that slowly spread from his cheeks to the back of his neck, "Sanzo…. I would appreciate it if you don't make any more accusations or presumptions about my sexuality.." he said quietly.
"Or you would kiss me??!!"
"I…. I…."
"Wait a minute….did you just call me his bed mate??!!"
Sounds of gagging ensued from the background, namely from Gojyo.
"no duh.." Sanzo retorted, as Hakkai's shoulders trembled.
"Sanzo…..you ingrate of an underachieving beserk stingy perpetually disingenuous tyrant of a mandroid!!!"
"HAKKAI, DON'T YOU TRY….."
"YOU FILIAL INDECENT TAWDRY DECEITFUL TOTALLY-ECCENTRIC MOOR MIRE OF A PHLEGM-ENCASED MOTORIZED OHASHI!!!!! YOU THINK YOU DON'T HAVE A KOI YOURSELF??!! YOU COFFIN INVITING WATER DRIFTING LARVA!!!"
"La….you….kisama karasu!!!"
"Doa'ho kokuban!!!"
"Arre…..didn't someone else use doa'ho before? Isn't that another anime?" mused Goku.
"URUSAI!!" spat the other three.
Taka and Kei sighed, looking at each other dolefully, half resigned…
* the next twenty minutes are spent with the sanzo ikkou springing on one another, nails and teeth ready to tear at skin and yank on anything that was connected to skin…believe me, the sight is not pretty….*
After a hearty 'omae o kurrukeseu' and 'ono rae jiji baka!!', they collapsed from each other, panting diligently.
Goku ventured up a , "Ne, Sanzo….."
"U……ru……..sai……"
The boy sank back down, pulling at his cloak. Gojyo stepped up..
"Oi, Sanzo……why are we not killing this ….."
"TOUCH HIM AND YOU WILL SO NOT BE ALIVE…….UNDERSTAND???!!!!"
"Hai, hai………" the red head nodded furiously…..
After several hours……long ones……the ones that seem like eternity………we come back to the four….no, wait……six figures sitting on the dust filled floor, not a word being spoken. The dawn was already breaking, such a beautiful morning it was too…….and Sanzo was getting more than just cranky….
"Kono baka rae no karasu….." this being said in his signature death filled voice, and just at that moment, a whistling girl walked in. Amber eyes immediately lighted up and Goku rushed to her side, hovering like a little Labrador puppy, "Naesha chan!"
Nataku Taishi (in disguise of course) stopped (in surprise), "Goku! Why are you here?"
Downcast with large puppy dog eyes shyly looking at her, "Um….."
The other pair of golden eyes turned stern, "Goku. What have you done?"
"Um……"
Sanzo got up, brushing his robe free of any dirt and waltzed past the god, "Never again, you hell sent devil……"
"same to you, old jiji…." Replied the radiant pink lips.
Halting at the door, Sanzo looked back, "Ikou sus…." And disappeared.
Gojyo followed suit with a bowing Hakkai dragging the lovelorn Goku away. Naesha glanced at the dismayed and utterly bewildered duo left and grinned, "So, still alive? Ja then!"
She giggled and vanished in a whirl of smoke.
Kei pouted at Taka, "Ne, what was that about?"
A head scratching Taka shrugged, "I don't know……….let's just don't mention this again….."
"ok…….."
"ok……"
Writer's note: so the awaiting conclusion is finally here……hehe……what did everyone think? Anyway, just in case you didn't notice, there was a pun in the title of this fic, so ……….for the first person who sent in the correct pun, you would earn…..let's see……a prize….um……ok….
A chance to co-write with yours truly! Yep!…
Ok, ok……so I am looking for another co-writer……….if anyone is interested, write to me, ok? Just see what a good job me and Nataku did on one of the previous Ohaiyo…………..
We can just write a new Ohaiyo or Onegai…or something completely different….anyway, also sent in any requests for any new Ohaiyo or Onegai and I'll see what I can do….
Ja ne, miinasan!