Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean…wish I did. But just a note. This is not meant to be accurate, it is meant to be amusing, so please no reviews on how Jack wouldn't know about such and such *coughgravitycough* it's just meant to be funny. Thanks
Chapter 3: Toenail clippings, Conserving Water, and Coconuts.
*Will walks in all covered in mud, Jack behind him not muddy, smirking*
Elizabeth: Will what on Earth happened? You filthy!
Will: Captain Jack Sparrow here decided I needed a mud bath.
Jack: What? He loved it.
Elizabeth: I'll go run the bath.
Jack: Elizabeth, I can throw you in the mud too.
Elizabeth: I beg your pardon.
Jack: Yeah. See that way you'll be dirty too, so you can bathe together. Saves water.
Will: Jack come on, don't be daft.
Jack: No but think about it. If everyone took baths together, there would be so much more water out there, to drink, and to mop up spilled drinks with.
Will: Jack don't be ridiculous.
Jack: I tell you, I'm going to be famous for this idea one day. Well I technically am famous right now. Hmmmm well I'll be famous all over the world. Not just in the Caribbean. Well, actually, ok everyone will say "you know Captain Jack Sparrow came up with that idea." And it'll be brilliant.
Elizabeth: Jack what business is it of yours if Will and I bathe together… absolutely none!
Jack: Ahh so you want to. You just admitted it. There's not getting around this one Lizzy. Muhahahhaha, so you want a mud bath too eh? Then you and Mr. Turner can go and "save water."
Will: Jack, enough. Please just go.
Jack: Alright fine, I'll leave you two to it then. (he winks, starts walking out and notices some coconuts) What in the bloody hell do you have coconuts in here for?
Will: To eat. What else.
Jack: I hate coconuts. Blasted things are out to get me. They hate me I'm telling ya.
Will: (rolls eyes) Why are coconuts out to get captain Jack Sparrow?
Jack: Because when I was on the island for the first time, I drank a lot of rum.. I mean a lot lot lot of rum, I sort of….well i
Elizabeth: yes…
Jack: Well one hit me in the head, so I was yelling at them. But they deserved it I'm telling ya, they started with me. I did nothing at all to have the one little guy hit me in the head.
Will: You know coconuts are not alive, and have no brains, right Jack.
Jack: Like Hell they don't. All coconuts should be banned from… from the world! Oh Will, when you go up to take your bath, make sure you clip your toenails. I kind of noticed they were abnormally long.
Will: Right Jack, will do.
Jack: But just don't leave the clippings everywhere. That is so nasty.
Will: You've killed hundreds of men, and you can't stand toenail clippings.
Jack: It's so nasty. I mean the little buggers just stay there, for a really long time, until someone finally picks them up or something. But who would want to touch those things yuck! So I'm just telling ya Will, pick em up, if not for me, for the lady.
Elizabeth: And what if "the lady" doesn't mind?
Jack: I knew you were weird. I always knew there was something weird about you Lizzy, that's nasty, eew gross. Toenails blach!
Will: Jack, will you just leave please?
Jack: Oh right, go you two little love birds, frolick in each others dirt. But it's worth it in a way. Saves water after all!