Secrets
We returned to school in our second year excited and thrilled to be back. The first night in our dorm felt like coming home. Of course, being the huge Quiddich fans that we were, James, Lily, and I tried out for Quiddich the first week.
My dad, true to his word, had bought me a broom when we got my school supplies. A Comet. Not too expensive, but a very excellent model, the owner assured us. I gave it a test run and fell in love with my broom. I loved annoying Dad and Addi to no end by zipping everywhere on it. I loved it so much and often flew long after the sun had gone down.
Finally, the day for the tryouts had come. The day was long and hard. They had several mock games going. When we stepped onto the pitch, a tall sixth year paced around us.
"Let's see, you're tall, but light. Chaser." And he handed James the quaffle.
Then it was my turn, "Very tall, nice arms. Strong, Beater." And he handed me a bat. Then he looked at Lily. "Hm, short and light. Try seeker."
Then he told us to get up there. James and I grinned at Remus, Erin, and Peter, who were on the ground. They all had their own reasons for not trying out.
We played with all our hearts. To my surprise, Lily was good, very good, at seeker. She caught the snitch so many times I lost count. James was grinning from the moment he was off the ground. The quaffle was tucked safely under his arm as he dashed from one end of the pitch to the other. And me? I was having the time of my life. I put power behind every hit. I attacked the bludgers, pretending they all had Snape's face. When the captain blew the whistle, none of us wanted to stop.
The list was posted about a week after the tryouts. We approached it carefully.
Black, Sirius - beater.
Willams, Lois- beater
Moran, Stephanie- Chaser
Mullet, Natalie-Chaser
Potter, James- Chaser
Botts, Lorina-keeper
Evans, Lily-seeker
I stared at my name on the list. I was a Gryffindor beater?
"Sirius! You got beater! I got chaser! Lil got seeker!" James was jumping up and down so fast he was a blur. He grabbed my robe and yanked me over to our table and proceeded to tell the entire house we had made the team. Lily just laughed as we hugged her. Then Remus and Erin joined in on the fun and we ended up in a giant laughing pile on the common room floor. Everything eventually returned to normal, including Remus's disappearances.
I don't know if we thought it was only going to happen first year, but I did not expect it to keep happening, neither did James. We talked about it and finally, the first night Remus vanished that year, as the full moon rose over the castle and shone into our bedroom, James and I swore we would find out just what was happening to our best friend every month.
This was no easy task, mind you. But James and I went over everything that could even remotely be wrong, from neurotic parents to lycanthropy. The latter seemed so unlikely that when James suggested it, I simply laughed. How could our quiet little Remus be a howling monster with a craving for human flesh? It wasn't possible in our minds. However, our minds are not the determining factor for our fates. If they were, I would not be were I am now.
We calculated exactly one month from that day and prepared our trap, if you will. But we hadn't needed to. Circumstances seemed to be with us that night, or against us. It depends on which way you look at it. Peter called us brave, Lily called us idiots, McGonagall called us fools, Remus called us friends. And well, you can judge for yourselves.
It just so happened that we were all in the dorm room that night, working on various projects. James was helping Peter on his charms in which we had an exam of the next day, while I was seated on the windowsill writing home to Dad. Remus, however, was seated on his bed, curled up among various books and papers, and fast asleep.
He'd fallen asleep on his Transfigurations book about an hour before the events we set in motion took place. We let him sleep. The week had been very tiring for all of us, James and I especially. We had loads of homework on top of practice, which Remus always came out to watch, no matter what the weather. We often wondered why, but he said he enjoyed it and so we let it alone.
I glanced up from my letter to dip my quill back into the ink pot and to smile at James's doomed attempts to show Peter a stunning charm. It was lucky that he knew them or none of us would have survived that coming night. I glanced at the setting sun and sighed. It had just reached the horizon and made everything glow golden with its last rays.
I replenished my supply of ink just as Remus groaned and woke up. He stretched and glanced around.
"What happened? What time is it?" James glanced at his watch.
"About seven." Remus was off the bed in a flash, sending his books and papers flying.
"Why didn't you wake me?" he cried, looking more distressed then I'd ever seen him. He hurried to the window and looked past me, seemingly horrified at the sight of the sun almost hidden behind the horizon.
"You were tired." I tried to calm him down, "We thought sleeping might be good."
Remus shook his head. "No time," he mumbled, "No time!" In a flash he was at the door.
"Get out!" the three of us stared at him, not sure whether to be amused or horrified.
"We're not going anywhere, Remus. It's our bedroom too." He stared at us, his face now pleading.
"Please, you don't understand! You have to leave! Now! I'll, I'm, just go! It's safer if you go!" But I got off the sill and planted my feet firmly on the ground.
"I told you Remus, I'm not leaving. Not until you tell me why. Tell us what's wrong."
"Then you will die tonight, Sirius." The words were spoken in his calm clear voice. It was as if he was simply telling me something from a lesson, but the words, the words shook me. James and Peter were staring open mouthed at him. I suppose I was too, I really don't remember. What happened next remains very clear however.
Remus moved towards the window, the setting sun hidden behind him. He looked strange, unnatural. Not at all like the twelve-year-old boy I'd come to call my friend.
He closed his eyes and suddenly he cried out, as if struck by a heavy blow. He doubled over. James and I were at his side in an instant. With surprising strength, he grabbed my arm and threw me off to the side, forcing me over the bed. He did the same thing to James. He cried out again, this time falling to his knees. I was both shocked and horrified to see hair beginning to grow on his hands. His hair grew longer and I felt as if I was watching it in the cinema, but it was far too real. He looked up, straight into my eyes and I heard him whisper.
"Get out, now. Go while you still can." Then he cried out again, this time ending the cry of pain with a howl, making the change completely from human to wolf.
James did the first thing that came to mind and he slammed the door shut, locking it behind him. Remus lifted his head and stared at me, straight into my eyes. They were yellow, blank, with none of my friend inside. I backed slowly off the bed as it turned towards me and began to stalk closer.
"Sirius!" James yelled as he pounced. I dove under the bed and the wolf missed completely, skidding on the carpet as it tried to stop and circle around for another go. He attacked under the bed, reaching with his huge hairy paws, fighting to get me. I crawled out and hurried, jumping over James's bed, landing in a corner.
The wolf bounded over the bed and dove at me. I could see him running, but mid leap, he stopped. He seemed to be sniffing and turned away from me, drool ripping from his huge teeth.
"Peter!" James cried and I saw what had caught the wolf's attention. Peter was standing in plain view in the middle of the room, seemingly petrified. The wolf approached him cautiously, sniffing, all the time that hungry grin on his face. I looked around. James was safe. He'd climbed onto a ledge above the door. He would be all right. But Peter, Peter wasn't, couldn't move.
"Peter! Get out of there!" I yelled. He only stared in horror at the wolf. "God, you idiot!" I moaned before relinquishing my hiding place at leaping at the wolf that was just about to pounce.
I landed on his back and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hanging on for dear life. The wolf was distracted by this sudden attack and was thrown off balance, tumbling on its side, scratching and pawing at the nuisance on it's back. I saw James leap down from his hiding place and drag Peter to safety. But I didn't get a good look as I was suddenly swung around as the wolf tossed its head. It's huge paw reached up and swiped at me. I felt something cold and hard brush against my back, then a fiery pain. It dimmed in a moment, and so I ignored it. But the wolf tried again. This time the paw caught me on the side of the head and sent me flying off. I landed on the floor, my head making a sickening crack as it hit the bedpost, and for a moment, I couldn't move. I lay there, slightly dazed, feeling something wet drip down my neck.
"Sirius!" dimly, I could hear James's voice. It echoed and I could make out a huge dark shape lumbering over me. I stared up and gazed into large gaping jaws. The wolf roared its triumph before leaning down to snap my throat. I could feel it's hot breath on my neck, I closed my eyes, waiting for the end, but it didn't come.
"Stupefy!" Something large, bulky and heavy landed on my leg and I winced. Luckily the pain jerked me back from reality. I shook my head just as James grabbed my shirt and pulled me to my feet. I looked up and saw the wolf, lying limp on his side, but still breathing.
"Wha, what happened? What did you do?" I asked, my chest heaving.
"Stunning charm. Should keep him out for a bit until we decide what to do." James said. I'll give him this, James was a natural leader. He always took charge of a situation and managed to work everything out so it worked. I could see the gears turning in his head as he gazed at the monster that had once been our friend.
"If we could transfigure something," he muttered, " into some kind of cage…"
I pointed to my desk. "It'll work." we pointed out winds at it together and in an instant it was a large metal cage.
James and I worked hard to pull the large sedated wolf into the cage while Peter stood by, wand ready. When the door had been shut and magically locked, we collapsed onto the bed, allowing ourselves a few moments of peace before the wolf woke up.
Let me just say that morning could not have come slower for me that night. We kept the wolf stunned, but as dawn approached our energy was wearing thin. I felt my back, arm, and neck burn slightly and ignored it as the wolf began to whimper in pain.
In a matter of moments, Remus lay in the cage, curled up small and terrified. His eyes were closed and he was still whimpering. James unlocked the cage and we gently placed Remus on the bed. After a bit he opened his eyes and saw us. His first reaction was one of relief, the second of horror. He didn't say a word as James and I slipped an arm under his and lifted him to his feet.
Surprisingly, Remus could hardly stand and we more dragged him than helped him. James undid the spell locking the door and we made our way cautiously outside, Peter in the lead. There was no one about. I was sure someone must have heard us but it would seem no one did. We made it to the infirmary in one piece, avoiding Peeves on the second floor landing.
Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse, was there, already up. I wondered why then I realized. She must be waiting for Remus, but she was not alone.
McGonagall was with her, the pair of them looking worried. Madam Pomfrey gave a small shriek when she saw us come in the door, Remus draped over our shoulders, and in my and Peter's case, with blood staining our clothes.
"Mr. Lupin where on earth have you been?" she asked, furiously.
"Miss, please," I spoke up, " we've all had a hard night. Don't be too rough on Remus. It wasn't his fault."
She humphed and glared at us. In an instant she'd pulled Remus away from us and hurriedly got him into bed where he closed his eyes instantly. Then she turned to us. McGonagall did not look pleased as Madam Pomfrey took care of Remus. She placed her hand on my shoulder and I winced.
Startled she took it off, but not before giving me a long hard look.
"Tell me this instant, where have you been?"
"Our dorm room." James said honestly, "we haven't left all night."
"And Mr. Lupin?"
"He fell asleep." I told her." Woke up just as the sun set. He tried to warn us, tried to tell us but it was too late." I was determined that they were not going to pin this on Remus. As amazing and horrifying as this all was, he was still my friend.
"Foolish boys." She murmured. Madam Pomfrey nodded and took Peter aside. Quietly she dabbed at Peter's arm as James and I explained everything.
I'd just explained how James had saved Peter when Madam Pomfrey pulled me aside.
"Just look at you. Where did he get you?" She sighed.
"What?" I frowned, confused. I'd forgotten he'd even scratched me until she ran a cold cloth over my arm. She brushed back my hair to reveal a nasty wound that even James hissed at. It stung as she washed away the blood, damping my hair in the process and cleaned the cuts, then lastly applying bandages.
"That will heal in a day or so, my dear." She said. I nodded then winced. The recent treatment had made my neck and arm sore. James finished explaining the situation to McGonagall and she looked either ready to give us detention for life or award us fifty house points.
"You boys did a very foolish thing last night. It was dangerous and poorly planned. Someone could have gotten killed." Her voice was sharp and shrill. I had been right, she was furious. She glared at us over her spectacles. James and I winced and glanced at each other.
But then her face softened. She sighed. "But you did do the right thing in keeping him there. Heaven help us if he had gotten into the halls. And you're doing an even better thing now by standing by him. You proved yourselves to be true Gryffindors last night, showing bravery and loyalty. A bit fool hardy perhaps. But still, it was the right thing to do. Twenty points each." Peter looked like someone had just told him he'd been named Head Boy. He'd never won so much as a point. And as for James and I, twenty points was the most we'd ever won in one go. And all for doing something that came naturally.
But Remus did not take it as well. He did not return to classes for several days, longer than it had ever taken him before and he did not return to the dorm room for a week.
When he did, we were all there. He looked at us as if he'd rather we hadn't been there, but sighed and began gathering up his things.
"Remus?" I asked, " What are you doing?"
"What does it look like, Sirius?" he replied, his voice sad.
"It looks like you're cleaning, but I could be wrong." I tried to make him smile but it didn't work.
"I'm getting my things. I've asked McGonagall to move me. You don't have to deal with me anymore." James and I stared at each other. We'd been waiting a week to talk to Remus and now he was leaving us?
"What makes you think we don't want you?" I asked, truly curious.
Remus looked around ready to cry. "Why do you think? You know now!" he shouted furiously, " I know that no one wants to be friends with a, a monster!"
"Oh I dunno," I said, " I think it might fun." James gave me a look that said stop cracking jokes.
"It's what everyone else did! The moment they found out they ran! And you'll run too!"
"Do you see us running?" I told him. We were not, but Remus was. He was in the bathroom and had slammed the door closed before any of us could do a thing. James and I cautiously approached the door.
"Remus?" We called, but got no answer.
"Remus, please come out."
"Remy, what's wrong?"
"How can you ask me that?" he shouted. James and I glanced at each other.
"Remy, mate. Come on. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. Please, come out. We need to talk." When that didn't work, I had an idea.
"James, do you have any pins or anything like that?" James nodded and went over to his trunk. He pulled out a muggle shirt and pulled a pin out of the sleeve.
"It was too long. Mum fixed it. She said it was the last time she goes shopping for muggle clothes." I smiled.
"It's not that hard if you know where to look." Then I bent down in front of the door. Using the pin, I picked the lock easily. It was a skill that I had and would serve me very well in the times to come.
Slowly the door opened. Remus was standing, his head under the faucet.
"Remus!" I ran over and pulled him away. He collapsed, and fell to the floor, coughing and mumbled something.
It sounded like, "No, it was almost over." But I wasn't sure. I stared at him, confused.
I had a good idea of what he was trying to do, but I didn't want to believe it, didn't want to admit it.
"Remus, what the hell were you thinking?! Were you trying to kill yourself? No, don't even answer that." I shook my head. Remus stared at me with glazed eyes. He was still coughing.
"Mates, why don't we go back in the room?" James asked from the doorway. Remus shrugged off my offer to help, and stumbled back into the room, still coughing. He said nothing, but walked over to his bed and began to gather his things off of my bed.
"It's okay. I'll go. You won't have to see me or talk to me ever. I won't talk to you and I'll work alone. You won't have to go near me."
James looked at him in sympathy but I laughed. To this day I don't know why. I was angry and sad and hurt all at the same time. James glared at me but I couldn't stop.
" It's not funny, Sirius."
" Yes it is. You think that because of that we'll just start hating you?"
"Why not? That's what all my other friends did when they found out." Remus said bitterly.
"You're Remus. My friend. I wouldn't care if you had a hippogriff living on your head. You're my friend. I know you. And I don't care."
"I don't care either. You are Remus. Yes you are something else one night a month but that's not who you are or who my friend is. And I don't care what anyone says. We're not abandoning you. Although I'm not sure about the hippogriff. I think he may have to sleep in the girls room." We both sat on the bed.
"Really? You mean it?"
"Of course, we mean it." I said. Then Remus burst into tears and flung his arms around our necks.
"I thought that was supposed to be a good thing." I said to James as I awkwardly patted Remus on the back.
"I'm sorry. It's just that, well, when all my other friends found out they dropped me quicker than Snape on a broomstick." We all laughed.
"You guys are serious?"
"No." They both looked at me James frowning and Remus like he was going to cry again.
" He's James. I'm Sirius." They both laughed. Then that night we made a pact. That no matter what we would be friends. That as long as we lived we would be friends forever.
"We'll even be friends if Sirius finally cracks and end up in Azakaban." James said. Funny. Now look where I am.
We told Peter. He accepted it with less enthusiasm as us but he accepted it. After he told us, Remus seemed happier, like a huge weight had been lifted of his shoulders. We swore not to tell of course. But just seeing Remus that happy made me feel good.