My fourth year was rather dull except for the fact that Lily and James finally admitted that they liked each other and then started seeing each other. Erin and I made the step too. Remus refused to let us fix him up. He said he didn't trust us. Although I caught him looking at Addi a few times during breaks and vise versa. So we fixed them up. Secretly of course.
We had our first Yule Ball. Needless to say, James went with Lily, and I went with Erin. Remus wanted to go with Addi, but there was no way we could have asked her to come. So he got stuck with an irratating girl named, oh, I forget, Julia something. She did nothing but complain all night. James and I took it upon ourselves to make her as miserable as she was making Remus, but soon Lily and Erin put a stop to that. Peter went with someone, I really don't remember who. She was some girl Lily and Erin had fixed him up with.
At the end of the night though, Remus had had enough and completely told off his date! I'd never seen him so mad. We thought it was the best entertainment all night.
You know, after all that I was going through at home, you'd probably think my friends were fools for not asking me about it. Well, they did. Several times.
I remember once, it was just after fourth year began. It was one for those few and far between calm evenings, where we were planning nothing and actually working on homework. James was sitting at his desk, and Remus had taken the window. I was sitting on my bed, trying desperately to write an essay one handed, because my other arm was in a sling. I'd gone up to Madam Pomfrey the day before and she had begun healing it already. In those days, it took a day or two to heal an broken bone. Not like now where you can in an instant.
"Dam quill!" I muttered.
"Padfoot?" I glanced up. For a second, I thought Remus was going to scold me for swearing again. But the look in his eyes was strange. Like he was steeling himself for something he did not want to do.
"Yeah?" he glanced at James, who nodded.
"Can we talk?" I frowned. I wasn't sure I liked that tone, but I nodded.
"Sure." He slipped off the window and came to sit on my bed. James turned his chair around so it was facing us. Remus and James kept looking at each other.
"What's up?" I asked, liking this less and less.
"Well, we needed to talk about something." James said. "Something that's been bothering us for a while." I waited.
"Siri, you're our friend, that's the most important thing. And we don't want anything bad to happen to you." I nodded. Remus took a deep breath. "Sirius, now, listen before you say anything. We're worried about you living with your grandfather."
Oh, God, I thought, they knew! But I did my best to hide my terror, and instead looked confused.
"Why?"
"Well, because," Remus started. But he glanced at James for help.
"Because every time you leave that place, you're hurt in some way."
"I told you I fell down the stairs." I said, my voice calm for now.
"I know you said that, but, well, frankly, it's getting to be a bit much." James said. He got up and began to pace.
Remus nodded. "Look, if you fell all the time here, it might be different. But it's strange how you only fall during breaks. And you and Addi never seem to want to talk about what you did then. You never have half your work done, and the part you do have done, you do on the train."
"So?"
"So why don't you do it during the summer?" James asked.
"Because I don't feel like it." I was starting to get angry.
"Sirius, really," By this time, they could usually go without saying serious, "if anyone's hurting you, we want to know. And we have a right to know." I shook my head.
"Is your grandfather hitting you?" James asked, his face stern.
"No." It was a lie, a downright lie. But it was out of my mouth before I could even think about it. Neither looked like they believed me. I didn't blame them. But I just couldn't say the truth.
"Really, Sirius?" Remus asked.
"No!" I insisted. I got off the bed, too fast. My arm slipped out of its sling and knocked against the edge of the bed. I swore, clutching my arm in pain. Remus started to get up, but James pushed him back down.
"Sirius, you need to tell us the truth."
"I am!" I swore again as fresh pain swept through my arm. It hurt almost as much as when he'd thrown me down those steps.
"Sirius, I know he's slapped you. I've seen him do it." James said. I set my jaw, gritting against the pain as I slid my arm carefully back into the sling.
"When?"
"Last summer. When we came to pick you up, remember? He didn't know we were there yet and he was yelling at you. He dragged you into the hall and when you said something, he slapped you!"
"Once, only once. It's never happened again!" I tried to tell them. But they weren't convinced.
"Friends don't keep secrets from each other, Sirius." Remus said.
"Don't you talk to me about keeping secrets!" I was glaring at my friends. "Cause you bloody well know how to do it!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked, leaping to Remus's defense.
"It means get the hell off my back!" I was yelling now, not caring who heard me. Then I yanked open the door and stomped down the stairs. I ignored Lily and Erin, who called to me, but simply climbed out to the portrait hole. I needed somewhere to go, now.
There was only one place I could think of. There was an entrance to Hogsmeade through a statue of a one eyed witch. I tapped her back, whispered the magic words and slipped inside. I made my way along the passage, before the sob came. I don't know why, I wasn't expecting to cry, but it came anyway. I sank to the ground, curled up in a little ball, crying. And it was a long time, even after the tears stopped, that I managed to get up and go back. When I returned, I just told them I'd been to see Madam Pomfrey. They didn't believe me, but they let it go.
James and Remus visit Hell.
About a week before the end of our fourth year, James and Remus decided that they wanted to visit me at my home. They brought it up one night at dinner.
"You know, Sirius," James said. I glanced at him. "It's been a while since we've done something at your house. Remus and I were thinking that maybe we could come visit you this summer."
I choked on my Shepard pie. After Remus slapped me on the back several times, I managed to ask, "What?"
" We could come visit you this summer." He repeated. Franticly, I shook my head.
"No, no, not a chance."
"Why not?" Remus asked, his eyes getting that shrewd wolf look in them. " What are you afraid of?"
"Nothing." I said it too quickly. James and Remus exchanged a look. I suddenly found myself no longer hungry and I got up from the table.
"Where are you going?" Erin called after me. I ignored her and kept walking.
Somehow, I found myself outside. I made my way down to the Quiddich pitch and pulled my broom out from the broom shed. Kicking off from the ground, I began to fly over the grounds. I went at a slower pace so I could think.
Well, why not, a voice asked in the back of my head. Why can't they come?
For one thing, I answered it, grandfather would never allow it. For another, they'd see how he treats me.
And why don't you tell them? I was beginning to hate that voice. I didn't have an answer to that one.
"Padfoot!" James's voice. I glanced down and saw Remus on the ground. He never did like flying much. I glanced behind me and saw James was right on my tail. I did a small loop-deloop and ended up right next to James. He pulled his broom to a stop and we sat there, hovering over Remus, I stared at my broom instead of James.
"What's wrong, Siri? Why can't we come?" I said nothing. James put his hand on my shoulder.
"Come on, Sirius. You can tell me." I glared furiously at my broom. Didn't he understand? I couldn't tell him! Even if I wanted to, the words would never come. I heard him sigh.
"Come on back down then. I'm sorry we brought it up." He took a hold of my broom handle and gently guided us back down. Remus was waiting for us, but said nothing as James and I put our brooms back.
Later that night, I couldn't sleep. I kept wondering what if they did come? Finally, I decided it couldn't hurt to ask, so I crept out of bed, stole James's cloak and crept up to the owlery. There I found Ernie. He nipped my fingers affectionately as I stoked his back. I quickly scribbled down my letter and tied it to his leg.
"Drop this in the mail slot. You know how he gets about owls coming in the window." Ernie nipped my hand again, hooted slowly, and took off into the night.
Then I pulled the cloak around me once again and slipped back down to bed.
It was two days before I got a reply. I was expecting it to take much longer and so was surprised when Ernie appeared during breakfast, alighted on my shoulder and dropped a letter into my milk.
James and Remus smiled, Remus leaned over to see whom it was from.
"Addi?" I shook my head.
"Grandfather." They all got strange looks on their faces.
"Why would he be writing to you?" Erin asked.
"Because I wrote to him." I ripped open the letter.
"Read it." James asked. I pretended not to have heard him as I read.
Dear Sirius,
I received your request to have several friends over to this house next summer. As much as I dislike the idea, your sister has pleaded your case. Under the circumstances that you behave yourself until then, keep your friends and yourself out from under my feet, and none of that abnormality is to be preformed under my roof. If you obey all these requirements, then you may bring your friends.
Taurus Black.
I looked up. I had not expected him to say yes. But he had, and I smiled.
"Jamie, Remy, you can come." James and Remus stared at me, then at each other. Then they smiled.
When school ended, we took the train to London as usual. I was very nervous the whole way and almost missed the barrier back into King's Cross.
We met Addi who seemed surprised that James and Remus were with me, but her joy at seeing Remus overshadowed her doubt. He swept her up into his arms and gave her a long kiss. I felt slightly nauseous and so dragged James away to say goodbye to Lily and Erin. Peter seemed let down that he wasn't able to come, but his mother had refused to let him. Lily and Erin had both wished to come, but were also not allowed by their parents. Erin's did not trust my grandfather, she told me, after the summer I had spent at her house. Lily's were taking her on a surprise trip to France to visit relatives.
When we had said our goodbyes, Remus and Addi had stopped slobbering over each other and were simply smiling. I led James and Remus onto our train and we spent the next hour having fun with the muggle conductor while Addi laughed.
At the train station, we gathered up our things and looked round. There was a long black limo parked in the parking lot, with Mr. Mason standing beside it. He glared at me, and did not help and James, Remus, and I struggled to get all four trunks into the boot.
"I thought butlers were supposed to wait on you." Remus panted.
"He hates me." I replied. James shook his head and we all crawled into the back seat. It was Remus's first time in a limo and he grinned widely as we sped down the road. We past the town and drove about two miles into the country. I swallowed hard as the huge black marble house came into view. James and Remus stared, open mouthed, as we pulled up.
Strangely, Mr. Mason did take our trunks up to the house. I slipped my hand into Addi's as we pushed the front door open. I could hear voices and laughter from the sitting room. I wondered if it was possible to sneak past it. I waved to James and Remus and we headed towards the stairs.
"Well, it's about time." I spun around. My grandfather was standing in the hall, a glass of brandy in his hand, and strangely enough, he was smiling. I glanced behind him. Two more people, a man and a woman, along with my grandmother had come out. They were also grinning.
" Sir Thomas, Lady Marie, I'd like you to meet my grandchildren, Sirius, and Adhara." The man, Sir Thomas shook my hand.
"Delighted to meet you, young man. You'd be Orion's children, wouldn't you?" I nodded.
"Yes, sir."
"How is dear Orion?" The lady asked, "Oh, it's been so long since we last met. The last I'd heard he'd gotten married."
Grandfather nodded. "Yes, sadly, my son is no longer with us. He died two years ago this Christmas." She looked genuinely saddened by this news.
" And we heard nothing? How horrible! You must have been devastated."
"Yes," he said, glancing at my friends.
"And just who are these gentlemen?" Sir Thomas asked.
"Oh," I said, suddenly remembering James and Remus, " These are my friends, Remus Lupin and James Potter."
"Potter, you wouldn't be Harry's son, now would you?" Lady Marie asked. James nodded.
"I am." He smiled.
"I know your father. Great man. A bit odd, but still…" he shook James's hand. Grandfather did not seem to like this exchange. I thought perhaps his pleasant factor was wearing thin and I decided it was time to head up to our rooms.
"Mason, take the boy's trunks up to the guestrooms on the second floor." The butler looked as if it was the last thing he wanted to do. But he said not a word and James, Remus, Addi and I hurried upstairs. We rushed into Addi's room and locked the door, just behind Mason. Remus looked about him in wonder.
"This is your room?" Addi nodded and blushed a bit. I noticed her pushing something, a small book, under her bed. I could guess what it was and why she wouldn't want Remus to see it. I flopped down on her bed and closed my eyes, only to have James and Remus both leap on top of me seconds later. Addi was giggling by the time the three of us fell off the bed and joined us in a laughing, rolling tangle on the floor.
We stayed there for most of the day, talking about school, and life. Addi was most anxious to hear about Lily and Erin and Peter since she had seen very little of them recently. Remus had his arm around her the whole time and I teased them relentlessly.
Later, when we were called down for dinner, my grandfather's guests had left and there was a strange air of tension around the table. James and Remus did the smart thing and did not speak throughout the entire meal. The only hitch came when we had finished and Remus picked up his plate to take into the kitchen. I franticly shook my head, but not before my grandfather's sharp eye caught it.
"Just where do you think you're going with that, boy? Trying to steal it, are you?" Remus shook his head.
"No sir, I was just taking it to the kitchen." He tried to explain.
"That's servants work. are you a servant, boy?" again Remus shook his head.
"I didn't think so." Remus put the plate down and we retreated. As we climbed the stairs, I noticed Remus was pale and his hands were shaking.
"What's wrong?" Remus shook his head.
"That look he gave me," he stammered, " he looked like he was ready to jump out of his chair and kill me right then and there." I bit my lip. I knew that look well.
"Don't worry. He's too scared of us to really do us any damage." I told him, giving him a grin, feeling horrible as I lied to my friend. He was hardly frightened of me, and knew he could hurt me all too well.
I showed James and Remus where they would be sleeping, and bid them goodnight before taking the steps up to my own room. I sighed as I opened my door. There was a time when I would have found my room aired and cleaned, with fresh sheets and a small vase of flowers by my bed. Instead, the room had a stuffy feel, which was only relieved when I opened my window and crawled out into the night air. There I curled up and watched as the half moon rose over the trees.
I was awaked by something landing on me. I groaned and opened my eyes to an all too awake James.
"Go away James." I moaned, dragging the covers over my head.
"Wake up, sleepy head! Remus and Addi have been up for hours. They want to take us on a walk through the garden."
"Oh bloody hell," I moaned and dragged myself out of bed. As I dressed, James looked around my room.
"This is your room then?" I nodded.
"It's small, but I like it." I finished dressing and we hurried down to the kitchen where I greeted the cook, the one person who had a fondness for me, and she gave us a bit of breakfast, Addi and Remus having already left. Then we hurried out onto the lawn.
My family estate is a large one. Black Manor was built centuries ago and is a perfect example of an old English manor house. We have a large extensive garden, which has over the years fallen into some decay as the staff my grandfather had dwindled to only the butler, housekeeper, cook, a gardener or two, and two housemaids.
The gardens are quite expansive and one could spend hours wandering the paths and lanes long forgotten by man and growing wild. It was in this place that we spent the next few days, climbing over walls and trees, eating picnic lunches, having footraces with James while Addi and Remus watched as they snuggled together under the trees. Those days were truly the fondest memories I have of that house. Of course, it couldn't last. In fact, this was to only increase James and Remus's idea that I was being abused, a fact, which I hid from them.
This bliss was not to last. I was a fool to think it would and so the events of the next day can fully be placed on my shoulders. James and I spent most of our days in the back gardens where an old gardener had agreed to hide my bike. We spent all our time back there, tinkering, and enchanting. Remus seemed to enjoy the private time he got to spend with Addi and so I left them alone.
One day, James and I were messing around with the bike as usual when we heard a scream. My heart leapt in my throat, knowing it could be only one thing. I rushed towards the house, forgetting James behind me.
As I neared the house, my worst feared were founded. Remus knelt beside Addi who was nursing a wounded cheek and glaring at my grandfather. The man's face was red and his eyes blazing. He raised his hand to strike again and I threw myself at him, not thinking.
He tossed me to the ground with careless ease and went for my sister again. She cried out as I attacked again, this time being thrown against a cement fountain. My head spun and I could hardly stand as I dimly heard my grandfather order James and Remus from the house, and seize the back of my shirt. He dragged me upstairs to my room and threw me inside, not bothering to listen to my outbursts or protests.
From my locked window, I watched as Mr. Potter pulled up and gathered both my friends. He argued for a moment with my grandfather, then left, with a glance at my window.
I found out later that he had overheard Remus and Addi talking about a future together and became outraged. The next few days, I saw none of my sister, locked in my room and fed only by my grandfather who threw a piece of bread or a small bowl of soup at me, his walking stick in his hands.
But he couldn't keep me locked away forever. September came and we left, grateful for another year of school. James and Remus were anxious, of course, but I lied to them, claiming everything was fine. I know they didn't believe me, but at the time it didn't matter. I was home and that was all I wanted.