Chapter 30: Bonding.
We spent the first few weeks of August with Remus, again, trying to comfort him and distract him. Then it was time to go home.
"I feel awful keeping you kids here taking care of us," she told us "You've got families too, and I'm sure they want you home. I'm not keeping you here any longer."
"Mrs. Lupin," I said, " I have my family. Right here." I motioned to my friends, all crowed around that kitchen table. Remus looked like he was about to burst into tears at this and Addi laid her head on his shoulder.
His mother insisted on driving us the whole way, about a five-hour drive. While we insisted that we were almost 17, old enough to take the train, she wouldn't listen. We pulled up to James's house and got out.
Neither James, Remus, or Mrs. Lupin saw it at first, but I did. A huge green skull flouted above his house, casting an eerie green light on us all. I knew what we would find inside. They tell me it was hanging above my own home then night the aurors came to find my mother laying sprawled in front of my crib, my father, too weak to move, reaching out to her cooling hand. James laughed behind me and I felt some one bump into me, but I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't tear my eyes away from the horrible green that mocked my life. Remus noticed it then and his mother too.
James was the last to see it, but when he did, he stood as if some one had preformed the full body bind on him. Then he ran toward the house. I followed close behind. The scene we found will stay burned into my mind forever along with James's own death.
His parents lay side by side. His dad in front like he tried to protect his mum. They both had looks of shock and terror on their faces. I could only stare at the people who had been like parents to me. Mrs. Potter had been the only mother figure I had ever known. And Mr. Potter was so much like my own father they could have been brothers. For a while no one said anything, we only stared. James fell to his knees, unable to respond, even as the Ministry wizards came pouring into the house, asking questions and arguing with each other. The Minister's murder would surely be on the front of the Daily Prophet the next morning, but James and I didn't care. We only watched as an auror covered Mrs. Potter with a sheet and they carried the bodies out the door, the second set of parents I had lost.
There was nowhere else for the two of us to go, but the Lupins. I had no other living relatives, besides my grandparents, and there was no way I was going back there. James, it seemed, was in the same situation. I had always assumed he had cousins or aunts or uncles, but it seemed they were all either dead or in Australia. So we moved into the Lupin's spare bedroom.
James was heartbroken. It was obvious. Though I'd taken it hard too, James was in constant pain. I'd already lost my own parents; he'd never so much as had a pet die. He cried at night and refused to eat. He barely talked. We became so concerned, we phoned Lily and begged her to come. She did come as soon as she could. Lily's arrival soothed something in James, pulled him out of his misery, something only the presence of the fiery red hair and emerald green eyes could do. And little by little, James inched out of his shell.
A few weeks after the attack, James was beginning to feel better. Though it was obvious he was still hurting, James began to talk more, to smile even. Lily felt he was good enough for her to return home, but ordered us to call her the instant James shifted.
Then an official came and asked him to sort through his things at his home. He promised to get the few items Addi and I had left there, and left, smiling. We waited for him to return all that day and late into the night. I awoke from where I'd been dozing on the couch when flames roared out of the fireplace. Addi raised her head from it's comfortable position on Remus's shoulder just in time to see James step out, lugging a heavy suitcase. He was pale and I noticed his hands were shaking violently. He didn't respond to our questions. He just ignored us and made his way up too our room.
After that, James didn't speak. He fell back into the habit of not eating and never speaking. He spent hours staring off into space, not hearing us. It was only a few days till school and so Lily was not able to come. Not even Diagon Alley was enough to help pull him out. We worried and did the best we could, but James refused to respond, or even tell us what had happened. Remus believed it was simply seeing his old house and realizing his parents were dead. I wasn't so sure. There was something else. I noticed a few times, James's gaze would turn on me and he'd stare at me for the amount for time I was in the room. If I looked at him, he'd glanced at me, but turn away. And I'd see a glimpse of tears in his eyes, though he didn't cry either. That was the biggest difference. He never cried.
I spent more time alone, outside in the forest, or just sitting on the porch. Addi and Remus cold comfort each other enough and James wasn't responding to me. I was alone, and I hated that feeling. One night I was outside alone, when Mrs. Lupin came out
"Sirius, why don't you come on back inside? It's cold and there are werewolves in these woods."
"So? They don't scare me." She sat down next to me.
" Are you alright? " She asked. I didn't answer. I just looked at the moon. Another two days and it would be full.
"Isn't the moon beautiful? " I asked.
"Frankly I never thought so. The moon has brought nothing but pain and fear to this family." She said with a cold eye on the beautiful moon.
"Really? It's been a turning point in my life. " We were quiet for a while.
"I'm sorry about the Potters." She said. They were empty words, but she couldn't help saying them. There was nothing else to say.
"Me too." I glanced at her. "James is hurting more though. They were his parents."
"A great loss to the community, and to him." she sighed. "But it always helps to talk, to let your feelings out."
" So what, is this therapy?" She smiled.
"Something like that." She leaned over and put her arm around my shoulders, something Mrs. Potter used to do, something a mother would do. "You know Sirius, I wanted to thank you."
"For what?"
"For being Remus's friend."
"Mrs. Lupin, Remus is my friend. Nothing can ever change that. I would die for him. I would die if it meant he would be okay for the rest of his life. In a heartbeat."
" That's what his friends in primary school said too. But they changed their minds."
"Why?" She didn't answer right away.
"Because Remus is different."
"What, just because he's a werewolf, he doesn't deserve to have friends who would do anything for him?" I exploded. Mrs. Lupin stared at me. I realized Remus had never told his parents we knew about him. He obviously had never told them about our little 'adventures' every full moon. In fact the only grown up who knew was Mr. Potter. James had told him after the fact, of course
I grinned at him " Mrs. Lupin, we figured it out our second year. We would never do anything to hurt him."
She smiled. " You don't know how happy that makes me." He sighed and stared up at the moon. "Remus was never as happy as he is with you."
"We try."
"To tell you the truth, I would rather he ran around playing tricks on every single person he met with his friends, than spending all the time by himself, even if he was a genius."
"He's pretty smart anyway. Who do you think is the voice of caution in our group? Who do you think fine tunes all our plan and makes us study even when we don't want to? Who's the one you can talk to no matter what? Remus."
Mrs. Lupin smiled. We watched the moon come up together.. From then on, Mrs. Lupin and I had a special bond. She had been there for me the summer before and she acted like the mother I'd never had, the mother I'd lost so recently, Mrs. Potter.
She dropped us off on September first for our seventh and final year at Hogwarts. James slept through the entire ride, his head on Lily's shoulder.
Once we reached the school, I was taken aside by Professor McGonagall. "Sirius, I heard about what happened this summer." I nodded. "And if you receive anything from your grandparents, be it a note or a package, whatever, bring it straight to my office, do you understand?" Again, I nodded. I saw her eye the slight bruise that still remained on my neck. She seemed to want to say something else, but then turned and shooed me off.
Chapter 31: The Time is Now
To add an interesting twist to the sorrow that filled each passing day, Dumbledore mad an announcement at the Feast, presenting our greatest trial yet.
Dumbledore stood up to make his customary speech, "I would like to announce that we have a new student with us this year. He is a seventh year from the states and I expect you to treat him as you would any other student." He gave the three of us meaningful looks.
Oddly though, none of us made any comments. James still wasn't talking and I felt to tired, to bored to attempt a stab at humor tonight. Besides, my biggest fan would never laugh.
"May I present Mr. Gilderoy Lockhart."
A boy, tall, with a head full of golden curls strode onto the stage. He flashed the school a grin, showing off a set of full white teeth. Then he yanked the hat over his head and sat down, still grinning. The hat waited a few minutes before calling out, "Gryffindor."
I inwardly groaned as he slid in beside Peter. He grinned at us. James eyed him and Remus gave him a smile. I raised my eyebrow at him. As the noise rose and we dug into, he turned his charms on.
"Hello, my name's Gilderoy Lockhart. And who, may I ask, are you?" he asked Erin, giving her the full effect of his smile. I growled, and slipped my arm around Erin's shoulders. She glanced up at me, but let me.
"I'm Erin White." She said, politely.
"And you, lovely lady?" he asked Lily.
"Lily Evans." She said. "And this is my boyfriend, James Potter." She stressed the word boyfriend and motioned to James who was staring at the newcomer with suspicion.
"Oh, a pleasure to meet you." James did not look as if it were a pleasure in the slightest. In fact, he looked like he had trod on something slimy and was debating whether or not to scrape it off the bottom of his shoe. Lockhart did get the message, I suppose, and spent the next few minutes trying to chat up, Liliane Connelly, a sixth year and one of the chasers on the Quidditich team.
"Sirius, would you pass the bread?" Lily asked. I handed her the basket and as she took it, our hands touched. For some reason a jolt of static electricity shot through my hand to hers. We jumped back, shocked and then smiled. James hadn't noticed, he was listening to Remus about something I couldn't hear.
Lockhart grinned. "If I were you, James, I'd keep a close eye on your girl." James turned back and glanced at Lily. She shrugged.
"What are you talking about, Lockhart?" she asked. James cocked his head.
"Well, there seems to be a bit of electricity between your girl and her friend." He pointed to Lily and me. Lily and I, stared at him, then each other, then back at him. Then we burst out laughing.
"Lily and me?" I gasped, "Come on! Never!"
"Sirius is James's best friend! He'd never do that! Besides, he's already got Erin!" Lily told him. Lockhart only smiled.
"I can see the electricity between you. It's only a matter of time." Erin shook her head and pulled me closer.
I growled at Lockhart. But soon, I was ignoring him and discussing Quidditich moves and trying to explain them to Remus. I was in the middle of a detailed description of the Bludger Backbeat, a move where the beater sends the bludger in a backhand, sending it behind them, when Lockhart spoke again.
"Are you on the house team?"
I nodded.
"Beater. He's a chaser." I pointed to James.
"I was a seeker in my old school. I dare say they'll want me on my house team here. I was rather good. Never lost a match." He told me, as if it were a secret.
"We have a seeker." I said, pointing to Lily. "And she's the best we've had so far." Lockhart smiled.
"Well, as much as you don't want to hurt your friends, it would be better for the team if you made the right decision."
"It's not mine to make. James's the captain." Lockhart turned to talk to James who pointedly ignored him.
When it was time to go to bed, we wished the girls goodnight, then climbed the stairs to our room. To our horror, Lockhart was just setting up a full-length mirror by the fifth bed that had been added.
"Oh wonderful, just what I always wanted, some pretty prat prancing about my dormroom!" I muttered. James gave me a small smile and Remus nudged me.
"Hello, old chaps. Just getting set up." He straightened and checked his reflection. "How did you manage to survive six years without a mirror?" he asked.
"We have a mirror." Peter said, pointing to the mirror hanging on the wall about Remus's bedside table.
"That? That is no mirror." Lockhart looked as if we'd just told him we'd never heard of Quidditich.
"It suits us." Which was true. All Remus and Peter ever needed was a quick brush and they looked fine. I sometimes used it to tame my long hair into some sort of braid or tail. And James spent several minutes every morning trying to force his hair to lay flat. It never worked, but he still tried.
Lockhart shook his head. We all went to our beds and began to get dressed. I pulled my shirt over my head and winced as the still healing ribs reminded me they were still quite sensitive.
"Good God! What happened to you?" Lockhart gasped. I turned to see him eyeing my bruised shoulders and back with wide eyes.
"I got it a fight." I told him. I decided to have a bit of fun with him and grinned evilly.
"Really? What about?"
"He tried to hit on Erin." I said. I noticed James and Remus watching our of the corner of my eye. They were trying not to laugh. Well, James was trying not to laugh out loud as he clutched his sides, and Remus had that look where he wanted to laugh, but was fighting it. I was glad. I'd have gone through the whole thing again if I could make James laugh again.
"What happened to him?' Lockhart asked.
"Oh, he's still in the hospital. They need to find a wheelchair that'll fit him before he leaves." I left it at that and climbed into bed, pulling my shirt over my head. When I was younger, I usually only slept in boxers. But as the years went by and I had to cover up more and more bruises, I took to wearing a shirt too. The others climbed into their beds. For the first time in many years, James did not wish us all goodnight. It seemed a bad omen. Remus must have felt the same way because he called out softly.
"Night Padfoot."
"Night Moony."
"Night Wormtail."
"Night Moony.
"Night Prongs."
"Night Moony." I was relieved to hear James whisper a goodnight. At least he could still talk. I rolled over.
"Goodnight!" Lockhart sang. I muffled my groan with my pillow.
From then on, Gilderoy Lockhart lived in our dorm. He'd gotten it into his head that we were the most popular kids at school and made his life goal to be our best friend. Personally, I was beginning to hate him almost as much as Snape. But Lockhart soon learned the reason we were the most popular. And the reason why to leave us alone when we were obviously plotting. He was obsessed with his damn mirror, obsessed! He looked in it every goddamn day, grinning that sickening happy grin and he'd say it like it was right out of a fairy tale.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whose the fairest of us all?" and everyday, the mirror would reply in a tired monotone,
"You are," That is, until we decided we'd had enough.
As time went by James began to come out of his shell. But it wasn't until one day when he vanished for over three hours, made us both late for practice, and then refused to tell us where he'd been. But after that he was the old James. He laughed and talked and played pranks with me again. But he would not say what made him act so strange. Whenever the subject was brought up, he'd pretend not to have heard it or would change the subject. Once, he distracted me with the perfect scheme to destroy Lockhart's mirror obsession.
The next morning, when he repeated his request, I was still sitting on my bed, looking at Remus's mirror, and losing a struggling battle with my hair. James was flopped on my bed, next to me, muttering to himself while Remus quizzed Peter on that test we had in Potions. Peter looked as if he were about to cry.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whose the fairest of us all?" Lockhart asked, grinning. Then the mirror replied, in a gossiping tone,
"Oh well, isn't it obvious? That dark haired boy on the bed over there, the one laying down?" James sat up, a "who me" look on his face.
"What? Me?"
"Of course, darling." The mirror replied. James grinned and Lockhart looked horrified. Remus and I laughed until we both fell off the bed. From then on, whoever was in the room with Lockhart was the fairest of us all. If there was no one else, the mirror wouldn't reply. Lockhart became our new favorite target. We even let up on Snape a bit. Of course, when we realized we were doing this, we attacked him with full force and Snape and Lockhart both learned to check around the corners before they went.
To the casual observer, his parent's deaths hadn't made much of a dent in James's life. He seemed to have moved on. Still playing on the same team we had been on for six years now, still making good grades. It was a joke around school that to pick between the two of us for head boy Dumbledore had to draw names out of the sorting hat. But I thought he deserved it. It had been the last thing he had told his parents and they were very proud of him. We still pulled endless and more insane pranks on students and teachers alike. Snape had gone back to tormenting us. But we made sure he was paid back well every time. Yes, James fooled the teachers, the students, everyone. But he didn't fool me.
I knew he was hurting. I could see it in his eyes. James was never one for hating. He didn't share the fire that burned in my heart. He only wanted Voldemort gone. I wanted to be the one to kill him and I wanted it to hurt a lot+.
One night I came up to our room to get one of my books and found James sitting on his bed. He turned away from me but not before I saw he was crying.
" Prongs, are you okay?"
" I miss them." He said softly. I sighed. I knew just what he was going through. And it hurt.
" I know." He looked at me, his eyes red and bloodshot.
" Does it ever stop? Does the pain ever go away?"
" You want me to tell you what you want to hear, or the truth?"
" The truth."
"No. It never stops. It gets better, easier to deal with. But no, it never goes away entirely."
"That's what I was afraid of."
" Aw, come on, Prongs. You can't spend the rest of your life sitting around crying. You have to fulfill your destiny," I said in a deep dramatic voice.
" And what destiny is that?"
" Why, marry Lily and have nine kids so I can win that bet with Peter."
" What"
" He said you two wouldn't get married. He's giving it until graduation. He also now has an F in Transfigurations because I refused to help him for the rest of term."
James laughed. " You always know just what to say to make us all feel better, don't you Padfoot."
" Well, I do my best." We laughed. Then Remus came in and told us off for not studying for our test the next day. We grinned evilly.
" I'm telling you guys, if you don't pass this test, what are you doing? Stop looking at me like that. NO! Stop it! Leave me alone! You'll never take me alive!" He shouted as we chased him around the dorm room, down the stairs and all around the common room with dungbombs.