Chapter 38: To Tell Or Not To Tell.

My relationship with Marianna wasn't going as well as I would have liked. She always thought I was hiding something from her. Which I was actually, but not anything bad. Just the small unimportant fact that I was a wizard and an assassin.  She never liked it when I made excuses for being late or not showing up at all.

One morning after a partially rough night, three targets and one raid in which I'd  had my arm fell on and broken, I came into the living room to see Marianna sitting there.

" Mari, what are you doing here?"

" What am I doing here? Our date, Sirius."

"Date?"

"Yes, last night."

" Oh, our, I am so sorry. Mari, I completely forgot. Ya see, we had this emergency at work and everything was just so hectic. I just couldn't get away."

" Sirius, you're up." Addi came into the room. " Marianna, hi." She nodded, but frowned. I was grateful for the distraction.

" It's good that you're up. I was about to sent Remus in there and he is in a grumpy mood."

" No wonder, running around the country all night, the dog."

" Sirius! If you don't behave, I'll have to give you some of Madam Pomfrey's painkiller.

" No! Anything but that!" Mari smiled a bit, and I grinned at her.

" Threatened with Pomfrey's pain killer, huh, Padfoot? " Remus asked. He came out of the kitchen and in the sunlight, he looked extremely pale and tired, a nasty looking cut running across his forehead.

"Souvenir of last night." He grinned. " James went to check up early he says we owe him for last night."

" That we do, Moony, my friend. Say where's Wormtail?"

" Not a clue haven't seen him since yesterday. He was here when I" he trailed off when he saw Marianna.

" What happened to you guys last night?" She asked eyeing my sling and Remus's cut.

No one said anything. Everyone just looked at me.

" What? Why do I always get the hard ones?"

Just then the flames in the fireplace exploded and turned green as James came home.

" Hallo." He looked beat. Lily was right behind him. She looked tired but as beautiful as ever. Mari ,on the other, hand looked terrified.

"Mari?"

" Oh my God, Sirius. Did they just?"

" Yes."

"How?" she stuttered.

"Floo powder. " James said." We don't have much money right now and it's one of the easiest ways to get around."

" Floo what?"

" or you could just apperate."

" Prongs, you're not helping."

" Sorry Padfoot. Any way I'm supposed to tell you that we managed to capture five Death Eaters last night. At least seven got away. But we got the names of three of them." I groaned. More work for me, then.

" Great, so all we need are the last four." Addi said. Yeah, and who will be the one to bring them down? Me. I thought.

" Oh we need  a lot more that that. But it's a start." James smiled. " The OOP's in chaos right now. Dumbledore thinks some one set us up."

' What do you mean?" Remus asked

" Well, those Death Eaters knew exactly when and where we were coming. They knew how many and they knew we had new members out."

" So who?"

" No idea. The ministry wants it quiet though, They had to perform memory charms on several muggles who were nearby. "

" I hate it when they do that. Why couldn't Dumbledore be minister of magic." Addi said.

" M, magic?" Mari stammered. It seems we had forgotten that she was still in the room. No one said anything.

" I'm going to go now." She got up and ran out the door before anyone could say anything.

Remus and James dragged me into the hall

" Sirius, you told me you were going to tell her." Remus glared at me.

" I am."

" But you haven't yet." James said.

" I know. I just can't. Every time I open my mouth to, the words just get stuck. And I can't get them out. I couldn't stand it if she hated me. I just couldn't."

" So go tell her. Lily needs a third bridesmaid."

" What?"

" We're getting married in two weeks."

" Really? It's about time." Remus said getting a punch on the shoulder from James.

" GO!"

I hurried out the door, but I didn't go to Mari's.  I went for a ride. 

Why couldn't I tell her? It had been almost  two years and I still hadn't told her. Why not? I franticly  searched for the answer. It came quickly. I was scared. I was scared of loosing her, of having her leave me forever, of having my heart broken again.

So why didn't I tell her now?

I arrived at her house an hour later on my bike. I knocked on her door. She opened it cautiously.

" Sirius? I don't really want to talk to you right now."

" Mari, I need to tell you something. Please." She thought for a minute then opened the door. She walked out and we started walking

"Mari. I have been wanting to tell you this for a long time . I just didn't want you to hate me. My whole life, people have been hating  me for it on both sides. And I just couldn't take it if you did too. "

We stopped at the docks.

"Sirius, just tell me." I looked out over the water. Why was this so hard to get out, I wondered. I'm a trained assassin.  I don't think twice about  doing my duty. I just do it.  I bring down my target, that's what  I do.  Why is this suddenly so much harder than that ever was?  but I forced myself to say the words.

" Mari, I'm a wizard." Her face didn't change.

"What?"

" A wizard. You know, magic, wands, broomstick, dragons, it's all real."

"Real?" Her eyes narrowed and she frowned.

" Yes. All of it. James, Lily, Remus, Peter. We're all magic."

" What about Addi?"

" Oh, she's a muggle. Like you."

" A muggle?"

" It just means you don't have any magic. It's nothing bad. I'm half muggle." I told her, not wanting her to think I was insulting her.  She took a deep breath.

"Tell me."

I told her everything. About my parents, school, Remus, becoming animagus. All but exactly what I did for a living. That I begged her to leave alone. She agreed.  And to my delight , she accepted everything. She didn't even think twice about Remus. She thought us becoming animagus to be with him was very brave. But I had one more thing to ask.

"Mari. There's one more thing I have to ask you. " I took a deep breath. " Will you marry me?"

She didn't say anything and I thought she hadn't heard me. The she looked up at me and her eyes were shining. She threw her arms around me, laughing.

"Is that a yes?" I asked, my voice muffle by her hair.

" Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!"

" So you're saying yes?"

" Ooooo you." She kissed me and we stood there for a long time and watched the sun go down. I hadn't felt this safe since before I started school. I never would again.

Chapter 39: Weddings and kids and parents, oh my.

The next day, I was reclining on my  favorite chair,  extremely proud of myself. 

" Hey Padfoot. How you doing?" I opened my eyes to see James  sitting across from me. I  gave him a lazy contented smile.

" I'm good. You?"

' Good." He didn't say anything more but picked up a sheet of paper. He glanced at it, then off to the side, twisting it as if he were too preoccupied to pay attention to what his hands were doing.

" Did you want something?"

"Yeah, I wanted to ask you something, Sirius." I sat up.

" Uh oh. Something's up. You called me Sirius."

"Shut up and listen. I want you to be my best man." I  stared at him.

" What?"

" Are you deaf?"

" Me?"

" Yes, you."

I shook my head. " Why me?"

" Come on, Padfoot." He grinned. " You're my best friend. I want you to be my best man. Will you?"

" Of course, Prongs." As if I'd ever say no.

" Great. I see things worked out with Mari, then." He said, leaving me to bask in my glory once again. He was as good as his word. In two months, it was the big day.

" James are you ready, man? They're all waiting."

" Padfoot. I don't know. I can't do this." He said as he paced the length of the dressing room.

"Relax, Prongs. You look worse than you did when we got sorted."

"I wish it was that easy."

"Me too. I'm going through it in a month, remember?"

"Padfoot, why am I this scared? I've never been this scared in my whole life. And I've done a lot."

" I don't know. Just get out there and say what you're supposed to say."

" Oh God. What I supposed to say?"

" Oh God is right." I pulled him out and we walked up to the front. I looked out and saw all our old school friends. I saw Remus and Peter and Mari in the front row. Addi was her maid of honor. Remus mouthed how is he? I made a scared face, then shrugged. Remus smiled. Dumbledore and all our teachers were there. Then the music began to play.

Lily walked down the isle on her fathers arm. Expect for Mari at our wedding, I have never seen anything so beautiful. She was absolutely glowing. Lily seemed to light up the room. James took her hand and they turned to say their vows. When they said I do, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even I had to blink back tears.

At the reception there was dancing and I made the announcement about my own wedding. Everyone clapped and James teased me relentlessly.

"If it wasn't your wedding day, I would dump wine on you." I replied.  He just grinned. When the photographer tried to take their picture, I jumped in and waved. They never did get a picture without me in it, though it wasn't for lack of trying. Thankfully Lily and James were in too good a mood to really get mad at me.

There was no time for a honeymoon, not with Voldemort growing more and more powerful. Mari had joined the all night waiting, along with Addi and most of the time Lily, who had announced her pregnancy a year after the wedding and all of us instantly became overprotective. She was one of my best friends and my friends took delight in calling me a mother hen.

My wedding was a much simpler affair than James's had been. I only had a few friends and family there. James gave me a similar pep talk and had to drag me out to the altar. Mari came out on Dumbledore's arm, he being the closest thing to a parent I had left.

When Mari came up the isle, I never saw anything more beautiful. Her long red hair was swept up in a bun and the white dress she wore was enchanted to sparkle like the sun. She smiled nervously as I took her hand but when she looked into my eyes, all our doubts vanished.

Some might say we were rushing things a bit. We had known each other almost two years. In my mind we had waited too long. I had just been so scared to ask her. I had lost so many people. That was part of the reason I think I waited so long to ask her. I was afraid if she found out the truth she would run. I lost Erin, I couldn't lose Mari.

I was so happy. I had a lovely young wife, my best friends were all safe, a steady job, not to mention fuel for my revenge. Though we  all agreed children were not a good option at the moment. It was simply too dangerous to bring a child into a world like ours.  Life for us was good. But Voldemort shadow was creeping over all of us. Mari and I had moved out of the apartment and we now lived in a little town outside London. Lily and James had moved to a small town called Godric's Hollow. Odd because muggles lived there too.

One day in May, almost a year after our marriage, Mari had a little surprise for me. I was going over my latest target that was proving a bit tricky to find.

" Sirius, I'm pregnant."

" Yep, that's great."

" Sirius, did you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah sure."

She turned to go when the words sunk in.

"You're what?!"

"Pregnant, silly. Two months. That's why I've been so sick lately." I jumped up and swung her around we laughed and I owled James and Remus instantly. They wrote back and congratulated me. Remus and Addi had decided to wait for a little while until thing cooled down. Though it wasn't planned, and to be honest, made me a bit more nervous, I was grateful.  I tried to be home more now, but instead I was home even less.

Sometime in late April, James stopped by the house.

"Padfoot, I want to ask you something tonight. Come by the house later tonight,"

"Okay, Prongs."

That night, I was over at their house.

"Come on in, Padfoot." I walked across the doorway. Lily was sitting in her favorite chair by the fire, hand lightly resting on her swollen belly, watching the fire snack and crackle as she did so much now, as if she could see something in the dancing flames we couldn't.

James put his arm around her and she smiled up at him That will always be one of my favorite memories of them. They were so happy. They loved each other so much, you couldn't help but feel good in this house. I smiled as I settled down in my customary chair.

"What are you laughing at?" James teased.

"You two. You're like the perfect family. You just both look so happy. "

" Well I don't feel very happy. Padfoot, the reason we wanted to talk to you was," He paused to glance at Lily. " We know right now, things are really bad. Voldemort is attacking people right and left. It's not a very safe time to live. And so far we've been lucky."

"But we know this luck cannot last." Lily continued. " And in case something happens to us. We wanted to be sure Harry will be safe."

"Harry?"

"That's what we're naming him. After his grandfather." Lily smiled up at James.

" Harry. I like it. Harry Potter."

" Good, because he's your godson." Those were not the words I was expecting from James

"What? Me?"

"Yes, Sirius. We want you to be Harry's godfather."

" But why me?" I asked. I could barley talk. James seemed to enjoy making me feel so confused.

"I would trust others with my life. But I would only trust you with my child's life."

" Prongs, James, Lily. I , I would be honored." James grinned and grabbed me in a huge bear hug.

" Er, Prongs. Air is good. And I'm not getting any."

When I left I didn't feel like apperating. I rode my bike. Yes, it was a good twenty miles. But I didn't even notice. I was too busy thinking. Lily and James trusted me this much. I didn't know anyone trusted me that much. I felt a huge loyalty to me friends.

 I told you that. I would die for any of them at the drop of hat. Loyalty to my friends was one thing I valued most. Betrayal was the ultimate sin. The one thing I would never do was betray even the smallest thing. People at school said I could never keep my mouth shut, so people who didn't really know me thought that that meant I couldn't keep a secret. Just the opposite. If you told me something, I would never bring it up unless you did. I would never ever tell a secret. But as much as I valued friendship and loyalty, as many times as I had said I would die for them, it never dawned on me that my friends would die for me. Erin had.

Time and time again I was shocked by their trust in me. They were my only family. James, Lily, Remus, Addi, Mari. I just couldn't believe my friends were trusting me with something this big. Wasn't it James who always said he would never trust me to be alone with small children as I might traumatize them for life? Now here he was asking me to be godfather to his unborn son. I smiled as a light rain began to fall.