The overheard lights glared. It smelled sterile and fearful. Stretchers and wheelchairs and outdated magazines were littered about randomly.
This was the Alexandria Emergency Room. And I was there because my older brother took it upon himself to decide that life sucked.
Glancing around, fazed, I tried to make sense of it all. Alan whispered something gently to me, and ushered me to the waiting room, where I saw Summer, Gerry, Uncle Bill, Sheryl and Coach Boone sitting together and not talking. Uncle Bill looked up and got to his feet, jogging over to me and sweeping me up into a bear hug.
He felt like a father.
I burst into tears.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Alan walk over to sit down with the others, followed by Ronnie and Petey. I buried my face into the lapel of my uncle's jacket. "He's okay, isn't he?"
"I don't know, kiddo," he muttered.
"Why?" I asked. "Why did he do it? What the hell is his problem?"
"He just got too sad, Lyric," he said quietly. "This withdrawal he's going through--he probably just thought that that was what he'd be feeling from now on. He probably figured he couldn't win either way--when he was high or when he was coming down."
"But he's the one that hates Mom for killing herself!" I cried. "He friggen hates her! Why would he want to be like her? Where the hell does he get off being so selfish?"
"Okay, okay, just come sit down." Uncle Bill held me by the hand and walked me across the waiting room. Growing up, I had never had a father to hold my hand crossing the street, walking through a park…I had never had a father.
I had gained a father. And I was losing my brother. Just like I had found the boy that meant the world to me, and lost my mother. This just wasn't fair; why couldn't anything just come without strings? Why couldn't God just let me be happy?
I sank in to the seat next to Alan.
Here I was thinking about God not letting me be happy, when my brother had just attempted suicide.
"God…" I leaned forward, covering my face.
Alan rubbed my back, not saying anything. I said a silent prayer of thanks for letting him be there for me.
I turned my head to where Summer and Gerry were. A sad smile crossed my face like an eclipse when I saw that Gerry was holding her hand in both of his.
"Hey," I said quietly. They both looked at me. "How's your date?"
A tender, raw, broken look fell over Summer. She shook her head, and tears spilled down her cheeks silently. I nodded, understandingly, and she gratefully looked away.
Alan handed me a Highlights magazine. He smirked gently. He whispered, "I love you."
I looked at him, my eyes filling up with tears again. I tried to say it back, but couldn't. But he seemed to understand as he brought his arms around me, letting me lean into him so that I could cry.
A tall, white-haired doctor entered the waiting room.
All nine of us looked up.
Uncle Bill rose to his feet dutifully.
I imagined the worst.
Sky killed himself. That's all I could think of, was that Sky had killed himself. The image of him lying in his room, alone, completely alone, just wishing he would hurry up and die.
The doctor put his hand reassuringly on my uncle's arm. Uncle Bill nodded several times, and I tried to read their facial expressions and body language, but I couldn't.
I just wanted to know.
But in my heart, I felt I already did know. My childhood accomplice, the one that had helped me sneak cookies when Mom wasn't looking, the one who bandaged my skinned knee after he had pushed me down…He was dead. He had killed himself. He was gone.
The room became very still. I felt like I was going to throw up.
The doctor smiled gently, patted Uncle Bill on the shoulder and then went back down the hallway he had just come down.
Was there going to be another funeral?
My uncle stood for a long moment with his back to us. Finally, he turned around, moving slowly. He knew the question we were all dying to ask, but he couldn't seem to find the words as he let his arms drop at his sides, shrugging weakly. He smiled. But it was sad.
[Author's Note: Mwahahahaha and that's where I'm leaving you!!! I'm leaving for two weeks to stay with my sister, so you're just going to have to wait to find out how Sky is :)]