One time, probably about two years earlier when I was a freshman, I had a huge crush on this sophomore named Derek Martin, but he didn't know I existed. I spent hours just pining over him, imagining myself as Mrs. Lyric Martin and other retarded crap girls with crushes do.
Then, out of the blue, he asked me to go to a movie with him. My friends were amazed, but not as amazed as Summer was, who had been his lab partner in Chemistry. She claimed he always flirted with her. But I was overjoyed. The only person who didn't seem to care was Sky.
Friday after school, date night, Sky made me a banana split. Of course, I was like "Sweet deal, what the hell?" I gratefully devoured it as he sat beside me, watching silently.
"What?" I had demanded suspiciously.
"I'm going to tell you something, and no matter what, you are not allowed to cause me bodily harm in any way, all right?"
"No."
"Derek asked you out so he could get into Summer's good books," he told me, and I remember the forlorn look of remorse in his eyes. "He's in my gym class. He was bragging about it in the locker room."
I stared at him incredulously. "I can't believe you, Sky."
"It's the truth! I'm sorry, but it's true!"
I dropped my spoon into my dish, the melting ice cream splattering my blouse as well as the oak tabletop. "Can't you just let me be someone besides Mom's other daughter; Summer's tagalong; your kid sister? Why are you telling me all this?"
The remorse had been replaced by frustration. "Because you're my kid sister, Lyric."
It turned out that he wasn't lying.
I took his word for it and cancelled the date, and I'm glad I did. We stayed home that night and played Monopoly with Mom.
Sky could be abrasive and insensitive sometimes, but he was my big brother, and he'd always looked out for me. He'd eve chewed Alan out when we first started dating. And where had I been when he needed someone? I had been at the movies with my boyfriend, his twin sister, and his best friend. It hadn't even crossed my mind to invite him.
Had I crossed his mind when he was wondering if he could kill himself? Even if I had…it hadn't been enough.
But I needed him. I needed him. He couldn't be dead. I still need my brother and I wasn't ready for him to be gone.
Was he or wasn't he?
Goodbye? Or thank God you're alive?
"He's stable," my uncle told us quietly.
I smiled, sobbing, as I looked over to Summer, who was just shaking her head in mute shock.
"When can we see him?" Sheryl asked, tears glistening like diamonds in sapphires. It was the first time I had seen such an occurrence.
"Anytime," he replied. "But he's still unconscious."
With his head turned into the pillow like a little boy taking a nap, Sky looked peaceful for the first time in months. His wrists were bandaged and he was hooked up to an IV, but he looked the same…only, not quite. The fearful angry hatred towards everything had vanished. Had he managed to kill that part of himself?