Wow, I have someone actually reading this. Go figure. ^_^;;;; Ummm...to Snowshoe who's been kind enough to comment all over the place for me, I don't mind in the least if you use this for an audition piece. Let me know how it goes now. ^_~ Also to anyone that is at all lost, I found the link to the full script that I've been using for reference as I write all of this. ( ) That should come in handy for anyone interested in making sense of the mumbo jumbo that I've been writing.

Oh and now onto the intro I'd wrote before noticing that people were commenting.

Welcome back to those of you who are still with us. If you're impatient to see whom everyone else is, then come no further. All but one character will be introduced at this point, and the last one is one of my favorites. But if you don't know the story, I'm not planning on giving anything away. ^_~ As you may have noticed, I've left the character listing at the beginning of every chapter. This is for the off chance that you forget who is who.

Direct any questions or comments to my email box or leave a review and I'll see if I can clear things up ASAP and all that jazz.

The Peer and the Peri
A Play Directed by Rain Ayo
Staring:

THE LORD CHANCELLOR
EARL OF MOUNTARARAT
EARL TOLLOLLER
PRIVATE WILLIS
STREPHON - as played by Ken
QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES - as played by Schuldig
IOLANTHE - as played by Omi
FAIRIES: CELIA, LEILA, FLETA - as played by Manx, Birman, and Aya-chan
PHYLLIS

The stage was excessively silent, as the conductor was waiting for his cue. This was the part that would least likely work. He hadn't even gotten on stage yet, the big chicken. Thankfully, I knew it would be two against one while Omi and Aya-chan pleaded with him. If Omi's big puppy dog eyes didn't work, or even Aya-chan's for that matter, a combined effort on their parts would make him crack.

Just as I was about to go down there myself to make sure it happen, since Strephon was starting to look around like he didn't want to be alone on the stage, the music finally cut in. A light and happy flute drifted around the room. Enter our leading "lady," wearing a short puffy sleeved white blouse with a deep red corset-like vest over it, and a red and white plaid skirt over several layers of crinoline to give it that extra poof. Over his deep cherry red hair sat a cute bonnet decorated with several wildflowers. He opened his mouth to greet his lover with a song.

Good morrow, good lover!
Good lover, good morrow!
I prithee discover,
Steal, purchase, or borrow
Some means of concealing
The care you are feeling,
And join in a measure
Expressive of pleasure,
For we're to be married to-day--to-day!
Yes, we're to be married to-day!

Strephon rushed to his red headed lover's side, taking both his hands in his own, echoing his sentiments happily. "Yes, we're to be married to-day!" He hugged his slightly disgrunted looking lady and spun him around. "My Phyllis! And to-day we are to be happy for ever."

Phyllis didn't looked convinced, and I'm sure it wasn't because of his acting. "Well, we're to be married," he said with a slight shrug.

Strephon's mood couldn't be broken by anything however, he couldn't lose his happy grin. "It's the same thing!"

Perhaps excitement was contagious, but I could have sworn he managed to lighten up just slightly. "I suppose it is," he said, looking down at his lover. "But...Strephon, I tremble at the step I'm taking! I believe it's penal servitude for life to marry a Ward of Court without the Lord Chancellor's consent! I shall be of age in two years. Don't you think you could wait two years?"

"Two years! Have you, my dear, every looked into a mirror?" Strephon asked shocked at such a question. He began digging into one of his pockets.

Phyllis turned away coyly. "Oh...no, never." Trying to look innocent and failing miserably, he just fluffed his hair and glanced back at Strephon.

Finally finding it, he pulled out a small hand mirror. "Now here, look at that," he said handing over the mirror. "Now tell me if you think its rational to expect me to wait two years?"

Phyllis took the offered mirror from Strephon and looked at himself in it. He grinned at himself and preened a bit more. "Oh dear no. You're quite right--it is asking too much. One must be reasonable," he said offering the mirror back.

The mirror was returned to his pocket, as Strephon continued sounding a bit worried. "Besides, who know what will happen in two years? Why, you might fall in love with the Lord Chancellor himself by that time!"

Thinking of her caretaker brought another smile to his face. "Yes. He is a pleasant OLD gentleman." The smile turned into a grin. Something told me the Lord Chancellor wasn't going to like being referred to as an old man. Even if that was in the script.

Strephon began to pace, oblivious to the look on his lovers face and the likelihood of trouble being caused by his words. "As it is, half the House of Lords are falling at you feet like love struck idiots!" he said flinging his arms up in the air.

The grin just kept getting wider as this conversation carried on. "The House of Lords are certainly extremely attentive," Phyllis said.

Spinning back around, Strephon rushed over to Phyllis. "Attentive? I should think they were! Why did all of the Takatori clan show up at your front door step the day you had that insignificant allergy attack? All of them trying to help cure your 'illness.' And why did Kritiker's best men feel it absolutely necessary to carry you around the day that you had stubbed your toe? No, no--delays are dangerous, and if we are to marry, the sooner the better."

The music flittered across the stage again and Phyllis wrapped his lover in his arms. Pulling apart, he grabbed hold of Strephon's hands and thus began the fluffy romantic duet of the first act.

None shall part us from each other,
One in life and death are we:
All in all to one another--
I to thee and thou to me!

Now this would be the cue for all the sparkles and flowery arches around the pair, had this been actually an anime. For the moment I suggest you picture that, simply cause without it, the scene isn't all that interesting. It's just the two of them singing to one another.

Thou the tree and I the flower--
Thou the idol; I the throng--
Thou the day and I the hour--
Thou the singer; I the song!

Strephon took them over to that conveniently placed rock, motioning for Phyllis to sit there. He got down on one knee before resuming the song for his verse.

All in all since that fond meeting
When, in joy, I woke to find
Mine the heart within thee beating,
Mine the love that heart enshrined!

And one more time in chorus with one another surrounded by all those cutesy shojo sparkles.

Thou the stream and I the willow--
Thou the sculptor; I the clay--
Thou the Ocean; I the billow--
Thou the sunrise; I the day!

With that the two happy lovebirds made their exit together looking overly happy and much in love. Thank kami...I was having trouble not keeling over with all of that diabetes inducing fluff.

At their exit the signs of the forest slowly pulled away. Everything was on a pull cord for easy clean ups. The river pulled back off stage and with the bridge. The conveniently placed rock moved behind stage and the background of the pretty forest pulled away to reveal the House of Peers. Those of well to do birth that compose half of England's current Parliamentary system.

The trumpet blared and the last of the set moved into place. A large throne like chair was pulled onto the stage to rest upstage center. A small desk was pulled out by a fairly pleasant looking young man. He was dressed in fairly plain clothing, a dress jacket and pants of a dull grey. As he finishes fixing his desk he winked and tossed a paper airplane into the audience.

I'll add right now that there's a lot of red tape when trying to reviving a dead character, even for a parody.

And now we have the entrance of those of noble birth. They slowly begin to file in as the secretary takes his seat behind his desk. Stage left enters a tall brunette in full regal finery. He wore all earthen brown tones, accented by emerald green embroidery. His face was all hard angles, that would have been more then enough to leave women swooning in his wake if it were not for the absolutely scruffy nature of his beard. He grinned and winked into the audience. He'd certainly been interested when I told him his part in it all. He took to it all very well, which was always good.

Stage right we have a pleasant looking pair, one blonde the other a much more neat looking brunette. The blonde had a certain air to him that made heads turn for a second glance. He was perhaps not the most attractive man alive, but there was a certain beauty to his appearance that reflected deeply in his eyes. He wore all deep blue tones accented by silver embroidery.

As for his walking partner, he was a smiling gentleman. His eyes sparkled happily behind small wire framed glasses. He was by far the more trimmed and proper of the two brunettes. He was the first to bow a greeting as they stopped center stage to meet the other peer. He was elegant even in a simpler version of what his companions wore in deep green.

The final pair came on stage from opposite ends, fitting for two who were always in competition with one another. The tall black haired man stood impassively at center stage, with the others but seemingly separated from them as well. He wore all black with gold embroidery, giving off a villainous air, that I couldn't strip from him. I didn't win the wardrobe war, but I'm still trying to figure out why he'd even agreed to play the part in the first place. Best not to question anything with him.

The other was the shortest member of the group, and most likely the walking angst. His light brown hair sat somewhat mussed on his hair, in a way that simply spoke of age. Even in his youth, he managed to give off a definate air of competence. He wore matching formal wear in a light grey blue accented in deep tones of sapphire.

Their introduction music was quickly coming to a close. They glanced at one another as if collecting agreement from all members. Once the agreement was collected they burst forth with their introduction.

Loudly let the trumpet bray!
Tantantara!
Proudly bang the sounding brasses!
Tzing! Boom!
As upon its lordly way
This unique procession passes,
Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!
Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes!
Bow, bow, ye tradesmen, bow, ye masses!
Blow the trumpets, bang the brasses!
Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!
We are peers of highest station,
Paragons of legislation,
Pillars of the British nation!
Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!

Now normally this number is full of ridiculous dancing, kick lines, and peers walking about like funny looking roosters. Its something that for the effect makes it rather clear to those of us in the audience, that they are complete and total idiots. However in favor of those of you fangirls that are sitting there behind your computers looking for some sort of dirty fanfic about your favorite character, I give you this. No primping and posing, no silly dancing. Just these five men standing on stage looking their finest in clothing that's straight out of Lestat or Louis's wardrobe from Interview with the Vampire, frock cloaks and all. Enjoy it while you can. I won't promise that they will look like idiots later.

The music began anew, this time announcing the presense of the Lord Chancellor of the House. His tall and lanky form was covered in heavy robes of rank and prestige. His normally long blonde hair is covered with an amusingly messy curled white wig, golden strands peaked out from under the wig. He wore an obvious grin, as he strolled onto the stage. The peers already on the stage stepped aside to allow space for their leader. He straightened robes that didn't need any more fixing and thus began his own introductory song.

The Law is the true embodiment
Of everything that's excellent.
It has no kind of fault or flaw,
And I, my Lords, embody the Law.
The constitutional guardian I
Of pretty young Wards in Chancery,
All very agreeable girls--and none
Are under the age of eighteen.
A pleasant occupation for
A rather good-looking Chancellor!

But though the compliment implied
Inflates me with legitimate pride,
It nevertheless can't be denied
That it has its inconvenient side.
For I'm still quite young, and not so plain,
And I'm quite prepared to marry again,
But there'd be hell to pay with the Lords
If I fell in love with one of my Wards!
Which rather tries my temper, for
I'm such a sexy-looking Chancellor!

And every one who'd marry a Ward
Must come to me for my accord,
And in my court I sit all day,
Giving pretty young girls away,
With one for him--and one for he--
And one for you--and one for ye--
And one for thou--and one for thee--
But never, oh, never a one for me!
Which is exasperating for
A highly attractive Chancellor!

The pleased demenor of the Lord Chancellor plumeted as the song went one. Finally he wore a rather dejected look on his face as he turned and went to sit in his throne in the center of the stage. Lord Tolloller ahem-ed drawing the attention to his small form. "If I may my Lords, to the business of the day," he prompted looking very much so ready to get the ball rolling.

"By all means," the Lord Chancellor said waving his hand. If it were possible for him to look anymore dejected, then he did now. "Now Phyllis, who is one of the lovely maidens that I have under my care, has so powerfully affected your Lordships, that you have appealed to me in a body to give her to whichever one of you she may think proper to select, and a noble Lord has just gone to her cottage to request her immediate attendance." He motioned vaguely to a now obviously missing Mountararat.

The Chancellor stood and began a small pace in front of his chair. "It would be idle to deny that I, myself, have the misfortune to be singularly attracted to this vision of red hair and deep amethyst eyes and.." Thoughts of said beauty sent him spiraling into a momentary reverie. It only lasted a moment before he collected himself. "My thoughts of her are beginning to have an effect on my work. Three months ago, I was the the favorite of everyone at the Koneko no Sumie. I need say no more. If I could make it work with my every day playboy routine, I would undoubtably award her to myself, for I can think of no man who is capable of satisfying her. In bed of course." He turned to all of his Lords, grinning like a playboy should. Needless to say the opinion was NOT one that was shared by the other peers, however he is in charge so there were the polite "oh of course" that made him puff his chest a little more.

"However since it is not something that I could concievably make work to suit myself," he began with a sigh and his ego fading, "I wave my claim."

Coughing to draw the attention of the crowd his way, Montararat slid his glasses to their proper resting place at the top of his nose. "My Lord, I wish to announce that I have succeeded in my request for the young person to present herself to this House," he said motioning behind him as he moved back to his previous place on the stage.

The music returned with a flare as Phyllis returned to the stage. He tried to cover his scowl at his continued predicament. Failing that he just moved to the Chancellor's side and feignted his happiness. "My well-loved Lord and guardian dear, you summoned me, and I am here!" he sang taking the Chancellor's hands in his own.

As soon as he'd stepped on the stage, the Peers looked almost ready to burst. Ah, the object of much talk and fantasy finally before them, perhaps even in reach. "Oh, rapture, how beautiful! How gentle--how dutiful!" they sang practically falling all over one another in their pleasure.

Showing more restraint the others were quite easily, Tolloller walked calmly to Phyllis and bowed to him before offering him a hand. Leading the lovely lady to front center stage, he began to sing.

Of all the young ladies I know
This pretty young lady's the fairest;
Her lips have the rosiest show,
Her eyes are the richest and rarest.
Her origin's lowly, it's true,
Of birth and position she needs none;
But she has grammar and spelling for two,
And beauty and behaviour for twenty!
Her origin's lowly, it's true,
But she has grammar and spelling for two;
And beauty and behaviour for twenty!

His fellow peers were quick to echo his sentiments, offering hands of their own to steal him away from Tolloller. They spun him around and left him in the hands of the dark and grinning Mountararat.

Though we of the House have diverged
On every conceivable motion,
All questions of Party are merged
In a frenzy of love and devotion;
If you ask us distinctly to say
What Party we claim to belong to,
We reply, without doubt or delay,
The Party I'm singing this song to!

Mountararat cooed to the redhead, a viscious grin spread across his face. I was almost afraid to ask what would make him that...happy about turning Aya of all people into new shades of red. He most certainly looked gave off the firm vibe of power and control in that moment that was appropriate for someone of blue blood.

Finally the singing peers gave him a moment to breath and he stepped away from them all to collect himself. He stood by his guardian, who at the moment was checking out his pretty behind in that cute skirt, pretending not to notice his stare.

I'm very much pained to refuse,
But I'll stick to my pipes and my tabors;
I can spell all the words that I use,
And my grammar's as good as my neighbours'.
As for birth--I was born like the rest,
My behaviour is rustic but hearty,
And I know where to turn for the best,
When I want a particular Party!

Pleased with his own answer, even if none of the peers appeared to be, he smiled at the Lord Chancellor briefly. Tolloller and Mountararat drew close to him, one on eachside, with a sad sigh. The two peers looked at one another and sang to one another, "Though her station is none of the best, I suppose she was born like the rest; and she knows where to look for her hearty, when she wants a particular Party!"

Phyllis pouted, this wasn't going as he had hoped. He wasn't stupid enough to not notice that he had all of these wealthy men of noble birth practically fall over themselves to get to him, but he had someone already. Strephan was number one in his book and money and power wasn't going to change that for him. "Don't try to sway my mind, I will not be bound by rank; for virtue is only found in those who can live without power," he declared proudly.

Puffing themselves out like ridiculous peacocks, the peers were all indignant over her accusation. Tolloller took Phyllis by the hand once again, leading him to stage front. His fellow peers flanked behind him. They turned to him and to one another saying, "No, no; indeed high rank will never hurt you, the Peerage is not destitute of virtue." Then pausing only a brief moment, to let out a small cough to clear his throat, Tolloller began his solo.

Spurn not the nobly born
With love affected,
Nor treat with virtuous scorn
The well-connected.
High rank involves no shame--
We boast an equal claim
With him of humble name
To be respected!
Blue blood! blue blood!
When virtuous love is sought
Thy power is naught,
Though dating from the Flood,
Blue blood! Ah, blue blood!

What Tolloller lacked in physical presense, his words more then made up for it. He was so small in comparision to the other peers, but he was obviously respected and looked up to. His soft but smooth voice, had even the decided heart of Phyllis wavering with his sincerity.

Spare us the bitter pain
Of stern denials,
Nor with low-born disdain
Augment our trials.
Hearts just as pure and fair
May beat in Belgrave Square
As in the lowly air
Of Seven Dials!
Blue blood! blue blood!
Of what avail art thou
To serve us now?
Though dating from the Flood,
Blue blood! Ah, blue blood!

I must admit, this is probably my favorite male solo in the whole show. Tolloller's voice was perfectly matched to the whole thing, and I think I spotted more then one new fangirl squeal in the audience. When the song came to its final conclusion, he graced the beauty beside him with a small smile full of charm.

Phyllis shook his head and stepped back away from the group of peers. Moving to the Lord Chancellor's side he shook his head once again, before turning to them to sing, "My Lords, it may not be. With grief my heart is torn! You waste your time on me, for my heart is given!"

Such news was not even close to being what they were expecting. Gasps crossed the stage and one of the peers ( the big scruffy one to be exact ) gave a weak faint. "Given?" they cried in disbelief.

Phyllis took on a slightly dreamy look, nodding as he brought his hands together just under his chin. "Yes, given!"

"Oh horror!" The peers erupted with their upset over the loss of the heart they'd all been trying for months to capture.

The Lord Chancellor however was quicker then the rest. He spun Phyllis around to face him, obviously displeased with the whole situtation. This was one of HIS girls, and he felt it necessary to have complete control over them. "And who has dared to brave our high displeasure, and thus defy our definate command?" he asked, waving a fist in his anger.

Trumpets blared the entrance, as he swung himself onto the stage, a la Tarzan ( thankfully minus the battle cry. ) "'Tis I, young Strephon! For this priceless treasure, I will fight against the world to claim her hand," he cried landing himself directly in the center of their group. Phyllis was at his side in an instant, clinging to him happily.

Spinning his love he pronounced his claim on the beautiful ward to all the peers extreme horror. "A shepherd I, of Tokyo. Betrothed are we, and mean to be espoused to-day!" he sang. The peers looked at one another and repeated back what he said.

Pulling Tolloller aside, Mountararat nodded to him and they both turned to the audience with mirrored looks of horror.

'Neath this blow,
Worse than stab of dagger--
Though we mo-
Mentarily stagger,
In each heart
Proud are we innately--
Let's depart,
Dignified and stately!

Both turned at the end of their statement, walking to the back of the stage. The rest of the peers echoed their statements, puffing themselves up with their sudden lack of pride saying, "Let's depart, dignified and stately!" They in turn followed their leaders and the group of them lined across the back of the stage, each to give dirty looks to Strephon.

Though our hearts she's badly bruising,
In another suitor choosing,
Let's pretend it's most amusing.
Ha! ha! ha! Tan-ta-ra!

With that they all proceeded to laugh at the fool that was so obviously beneath them, and made their ways off the stage. The Lord Chancellor pulled the the happy couple apart, practically shoving Phyllis off the stage. He tried to blow Strephon one last happy kiss, but the Lord Chancellor reached out to grab it before it could reach him.

Brushing off his hands, the Chancellor returned to the pouting shepard. He cleared his throat, while collecting his thoughts. "Now, sir, what excuse do you have for disobeying a direct order of the Court of Chancery?" he asked crossing his arms and looking down at Strephon.

Strephon gulped under that stern green glare. Gathering his strength ( and wits while he was at it, ) he turned away from the Chancellor and gazed out over the heads of the audience. "My Lord, I know no Courts of Chancery; I go by Nature's Acts of Parliament. The bees--the breeze--the seas--the rooks--the brooks--the gales--the vales--the fountains and the mountains cry, 'You love this maiden--take her, we command you!' 'Tis writ in heaven by the bright barbed dart that leaps forth into lurid light from each grim thundercloud. The very rain pours forth her sad and sodden sympathy! When chorused Nature bids me take my love, shall I reply, 'Nay, but a certain Chancellor forbids it?' Sir, you are Japan's Lord High Chancellor, but are you Chancellor of birds and trees, King of the winds and Prince of thunderclouds?"

As he speech drew on the Lord Chancellor's expression grew curiouser and curiouser. As it came to its final end, he paused to think on it for a moment. Or maybe he was just trying to figure out where in the world he managed to pull such a pile of bull from. "No. It's a nice point. I don't know that I ever met it before. But my difficulty is that at present there's no evidence before the Court that chorused Nature has interested herself in the matter," he said shaking his head.

"No evidence! You have my word for it. I tell you that she bade me take my love!" Strephon pleaded with the Chancellor. He had to see the truth in his words.

The Chancellor's brow arched in disbelief. Now the little shepard boy was simply grasping for straws. "Ah, but my good sir, you mustn't tell US what she told you--it's not evidence. Now if you had an affidavit from a thunderstorm, or a few words on oath from a heavy shower, THAT would meet with all the attention they deserve," he said, with a dismissing wave of a hand.

Strephon watched with growing annoyance as the Lord Chancellor turned away from him. "And have you the heart to apply the prosaic rules of evidence to a case which bubbles over with poetical emotion?" he asked, trying to draw the attention of the tall man back to himself.

Strephon grabbed hold of his sleeve and the Chancellor pulled it away. "Distinctly," he said straightening his wig for a moment. "I have always kept my duty strictly before my eyes, and it is to that fact that owe my advancement to my present distinguished position." He crossed the stage in front of Strephon, as music sang out its opening notes.

When I went to the Bar as a very young man,
(Said I to myself--said I),
I'll work on a new and original plan,
(Said I to myself--said I),
I'll never assume that a rogue or a thief
Is a gentleman worthy implicit belief,
Because his attorney is a...telepath,
(Said I to myself--said I!).

Strephon chased after him, trying to once again direct the conversation back to his current problem. The Chancellor simply ignored him and moved away once again to continue his story elsewhere.

When I go into court I will read my brief through
(Said I to myself--said I),
And I'll never take work I'm unable to do
(Said I to myself-said I),
My learned profession I'll never disgrace
By taking a bribe with a grin on my face,
When I haven't been there to attend to the case
(Said I to myself--said I!).

Strephon chased after once again. This time however he didn't even manage to get in a single word as he tripped and fell face first at the Lord Chancellor's feet. The singer then proceeded to step on and over him to move again to the opposite corner of the stage.

I'll never string the jury up by their throats
(Said I to myself--said I),
Just to make sure that my story floats
(Said I to myself--said I),
I'll never assume that the witness is a
In Schwarz, Kritker, Esset, or Weiss,
Because they're just running around like headless mice.
(Said I to myself--said I!).

"Just listen to me for a moment!" Strephon called trying to pull himself to his feet. Now he just purposely ignored Strephon, enjoying the sound of his own voice more. He stepped on him again as he made his way back to his original corner.

In other professions in which men engage
(Said I to myself said I),
Assasins, Detectives, Lawyers, and Actors
(Said I to myself--said I),
Professional licence, if carried too far,
Your chance of promotion will certainly mar--
And I fancy the rule might apply to the Bar
(Said I to myself--said I!).

Nodding to himself, he straightened his robe. Strephon came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. The Chancellor simply spun around and waved at him. "Good day," he said and then immediatly left the stage.

And then he was alone and he didn't have his girl anymore. Could his day get any worse? Of course!