Disclaimer: I don't own any of Mercedes Lackey's books or content. No
suing, please!
Me: Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to my Interview of Companions.set loose.
Audience member: Horses? You're interviewing horses??
Companion screeching from the back: :WE ARE NOT HORSES FOR THE STAR-EYED'S SAKE!!!!!!:
Audience member: Sure, whatever.
Companion mentally snarling: :Idiotic humans.:
Me: HELLO? MY SHOW PEOPLE!!
Audience member: yeah, yeah, we hear ya.
Me: SECURITY!!!
(Guards march out and throw the offender out with a lolly)
Me sighing: Whoa boy. Anyway, let's bring out the first of the Companions; Gwena, trot right out for us, would you?
Gwena trotting out: :You make it sound like I'm some sort of meal.:
Me: Uh.
Audience member: A horse? You made me pay 20 bucks to see a frigging horse?!?!
Gwena: :A horse, am I? Well horse this, you jackass!:
(Gwena leaps off the stage and proceeds to pummel the audience member to a bloody pulp, then to a smear on the ground. She then gets back on the stage and snorts derisively)
Gwena: :Anybody ELSE care to call me a horse?:
Me: Uh that will be enough of that, Gwena. Anyway, if you would be so kind to as answer a few questions for me?
Gwena: :That was one.:
Me: Okay. First off, why are Companions white?
Gwena: :The correct term is actually 'grey', but you humans can't be expected to know that. We are 'white' because we rolled in snow-banks. Yes. During the middle of summer, we roll in snow-banks. Why the hell do you THINK that we're 'white'?:
SideShowBobby: 'Cause somebody threw WHITE PAINT ON YOU!
Gwena: :You freaking moron. How old are you mentally, 1?:
SSB: Why you freaking horse, you think just because you have a fancy-dancy name you can prance all over me? I'll show you!
(Side Show Bobby lunges at Gwena with hands outstretched)
Gwena sidestepping and kicking the crap out of him: :I've been on the borders of Karse so bug off little creep.:
(SSB is now unconscious)
Me: Okay, can we please.scratch that. BACK TO THE POINT OR I'LL CALL OUT SECURITY!!!
(Drunk singing from behind scenes)
Me: Or not.
Gwena smirking: :I wonder where the beer came from.:
Me confused: Uh, but.YOU DON'T HAVE HANDS.
(Silence.)
Me: Right, anyway, can we bring out Rolan?
Rolan: :I don't know, can you?:
Me: Uh, if you'd be so kind.
Rolan: :To do what?:
Me: Just get your BUTT OUT HERE!
Rolan suddenly blurting out as he walks out: :sometimes monkey's die...:
Me: Uh.and.how does this have relevance?
Rolan: :It doesn't, I just like to mess with you human's heads.:
Me: Um.right.anyway, I'm going to ask you a few questions.
Rolan and Gwena chiming together: :Why are Companions white, Mommy?:
Audience Member: AAAH! THEY HAVE TELEPATHY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
(Screaming member runs out and hits streetlight then faints.)
Me dryly: Anybody else who is scared of the 'telepathic horses' get out now.
(Nobody leaves)
Rolan: :I. Am. Not. A. Horse.:
Me: SARCASM YOU BIG WHITE BLOB, SARCASM!
Rolan and Gwena advancing: :YOU DARE CALL US WHITE BLOBS? DIE INFERIOR HUMAN!:
Me: Uh.I'm sorry?
Rolan and Gwena cheerily: :Okay!:
Me wiping sweat off my forehead: Okay then, on with the show! Now, Rolan, what is it like to be the Queen's Own's Companion?
Rolan: :Uh...hazardous?:
Audience member: zzzzzzzzzzzz
(Rolan snarls and leaps off before kicking Britney Spears through the window and eating Bill Clinton)
Me: Uh.
Gwena: :GO ROLAN! GO ROLAN! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!:
Me: Okay, next, we have a COMMERCIAL BREAK!
(elevator music and 409 commercials)
Me: Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to my Interview of Companions.set loose.
Audience member: Horses? You're interviewing horses??
Companion screeching from the back: :WE ARE NOT HORSES FOR THE STAR-EYED'S SAKE!!!!!!:
Audience member: Sure, whatever.
Companion mentally snarling: :Idiotic humans.:
Me: HELLO? MY SHOW PEOPLE!!
Audience member: yeah, yeah, we hear ya.
Me: SECURITY!!!
(Guards march out and throw the offender out with a lolly)
Me sighing: Whoa boy. Anyway, let's bring out the first of the Companions; Gwena, trot right out for us, would you?
Gwena trotting out: :You make it sound like I'm some sort of meal.:
Me: Uh.
Audience member: A horse? You made me pay 20 bucks to see a frigging horse?!?!
Gwena: :A horse, am I? Well horse this, you jackass!:
(Gwena leaps off the stage and proceeds to pummel the audience member to a bloody pulp, then to a smear on the ground. She then gets back on the stage and snorts derisively)
Gwena: :Anybody ELSE care to call me a horse?:
Me: Uh that will be enough of that, Gwena. Anyway, if you would be so kind to as answer a few questions for me?
Gwena: :That was one.:
Me: Okay. First off, why are Companions white?
Gwena: :The correct term is actually 'grey', but you humans can't be expected to know that. We are 'white' because we rolled in snow-banks. Yes. During the middle of summer, we roll in snow-banks. Why the hell do you THINK that we're 'white'?:
SideShowBobby: 'Cause somebody threw WHITE PAINT ON YOU!
Gwena: :You freaking moron. How old are you mentally, 1?:
SSB: Why you freaking horse, you think just because you have a fancy-dancy name you can prance all over me? I'll show you!
(Side Show Bobby lunges at Gwena with hands outstretched)
Gwena sidestepping and kicking the crap out of him: :I've been on the borders of Karse so bug off little creep.:
(SSB is now unconscious)
Me: Okay, can we please.scratch that. BACK TO THE POINT OR I'LL CALL OUT SECURITY!!!
(Drunk singing from behind scenes)
Me: Or not.
Gwena smirking: :I wonder where the beer came from.:
Me confused: Uh, but.YOU DON'T HAVE HANDS.
(Silence.)
Me: Right, anyway, can we bring out Rolan?
Rolan: :I don't know, can you?:
Me: Uh, if you'd be so kind.
Rolan: :To do what?:
Me: Just get your BUTT OUT HERE!
Rolan suddenly blurting out as he walks out: :sometimes monkey's die...:
Me: Uh.and.how does this have relevance?
Rolan: :It doesn't, I just like to mess with you human's heads.:
Me: Um.right.anyway, I'm going to ask you a few questions.
Rolan and Gwena chiming together: :Why are Companions white, Mommy?:
Audience Member: AAAH! THEY HAVE TELEPATHY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
(Screaming member runs out and hits streetlight then faints.)
Me dryly: Anybody else who is scared of the 'telepathic horses' get out now.
(Nobody leaves)
Rolan: :I. Am. Not. A. Horse.:
Me: SARCASM YOU BIG WHITE BLOB, SARCASM!
Rolan and Gwena advancing: :YOU DARE CALL US WHITE BLOBS? DIE INFERIOR HUMAN!:
Me: Uh.I'm sorry?
Rolan and Gwena cheerily: :Okay!:
Me wiping sweat off my forehead: Okay then, on with the show! Now, Rolan, what is it like to be the Queen's Own's Companion?
Rolan: :Uh...hazardous?:
Audience member: zzzzzzzzzzzz
(Rolan snarls and leaps off before kicking Britney Spears through the window and eating Bill Clinton)
Me: Uh.
Gwena: :GO ROLAN! GO ROLAN! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!:
Me: Okay, next, we have a COMMERCIAL BREAK!
(elevator music and 409 commercials)