A cure would bring me back to the dangerous life of being a mutant.

A man named Jake Truman would provide the safe, normal life of a woman.

I could get my power back, but I would never be safe.

I could stay with Jake, but Eric would never forgive me.

I wouldn't forgive myself.

Obviously, I had a great deal to think about.

"It was just a wrong number, don't worry about it. You shouldn't even be walking around, now go on, go lay down." The lie rolled off my tongue, easier to tell than the truth.

"Are you coming?" he asked, grinning devilishly.

"I don't think that's a good idea. But we'll see each other tomorrow, how's that?"

He was disappointed at my declination, but just nodded. "All right then."

I left Jake's room, and went back to my own suite.

That face was staring back at me from the mirror above the bathroom sink.

The short blonde hair. The fair complexion. The blue eyes.

They were mine, I was born with those features, that was who I was; who I was supposed to be.

I sighed. This was going to be a long night. I needed to sleep on it.

I climbed into bed, and let my mind drift off.

I would make the choice the next day, but whichever life I did choose, I would tell Eric. He deserved to know the truth.

*^*^*^*^*^*

My sleep was restless, and I awoke early. I stood before my window and watched the people walk by on the street below. 'Lucky,' I thought. I was sure that their lives weren't this confusing and complicated.

Confusing, no.

I knew what was wrong, what made the decision so difficult. I still loved Eric very deeply, and I truly did want to go back to him...but I knew what was waiting for me if I did.

More danger and more enemies.

I could die. Eric could die, and I don't want him to leave me again. It was painful enough the first time after the Statue of Liberty. My mutation was purely physical; I can't control anything beyond my body like Eric or John. They could get hurt trying to help me in our next battle. I'm a danger to them. It would be better for all of us if I just left.

The only problem was that I had nowhere to go except to Jake.

He liked me; that much was obvious from last night. So focused on looking his best that he forgot to clean up after himself and almost got himself killed.

I hadn't wanted to sleep with him, but I also didn't want to be alone that night.

The circumstances were a little strange, but I got both wishes.

Oh, well. He'd be okay, maybe I would be too. (Sigh) I wish that I could go back in time to when Eric was just my teacher "Mr. Lehnsherr" and I could ask him what to do. He had always given me the best advice. God, was Eric really my teacher? It seems like a million years ago that I was the new girl at Xavier's and he was my mentor.

What a long way we've come. Together.

'I love you Eric, very much...but I don't want to be the reason that you fail. I don't want you to see me as your weakness.'

Someone was knocking at the door. I went to answer it, a little irritated. Some of us are trying to decide what to do with our lives!

"Oh, Jake, it's you." He was a little more dressed up than usual, dark slacks and a blue sweater. He also was carrying an armful of lilies. God, he wasn't making this decision any easier by being so sweet to me!

"Here. I thought that the flowers would distract you enough so that you would forget my idiocy from last night."

I let him in and put the flowers in a vase. "It wasn't idiocy, you were just a little careless. I assume you learned something from it." I asked, flashing a flirty smile.

"Oh yeah, the whole room is bone dry. Would you like some breakfast?" He was being sweet, and offering food. Of course I couldn't say no to that!

*^*^*^*^*

We went up to the hotel cafe and grabbed a quick bite, then we wandered through the city. The shops, the shows, Jake treated me to them all. He was still trying to make up for the night before, which was fine by me.

Hell, I was getting some new clothes out of the deal, so why not?

Jake liked telling me jokes, he was very funny. I was laughing so hard that my sides hurt for days afterwards. Time sure does fly when you're having fun, one minute you're finishing up breakfast at the hotel, the next minute you're finishing up after dinner cocktails at Suite 16.

I was laughing and having a ball with Jake, until I noticed my watch. "Oh, man! It's late already, how did that happen?"

"What's the matter, Misty? Afraid you'll break curfew?" He didn't even know my real name.

"No, but I have to go."

"Why? I thought we were having a good time here."

"No, Jake, we were, it's just that I made a promise to myself and I can't break it. I have to go now." He frowned, upset that I put a stop to all the fun.

"Do you need me to go back to the hotel with you?"

"No, I'll be fine on my own."

"Are you sure? It's pretty late, I mean it could be dangerous."

"I can handle myself, it's probably better if I'm alone for a while." I kissed him on the cheek. "Good night Jake."

I walked back to the hotel as quickly as I could. There was no more reason to avoid seeing Eric; I had made my decision while I was with Jake.

I stepped out of the trendy club, and started walking.

The hotel came into view, but instead of going into the building, I headed towards the parking garage. Scott's car was still where I had parked it, shattered window and all.

I climbed in, and started the ignition with the wires I had pulled out from under the steering column. The engine purred as I guided the vehicle out of the stacked concrete maze, then roared as I drove out of the city towards Westchester.

Eric deserved to know what I intended to do, whether it be staying as a human or becoming my mutant self again. I had already made my choice, but the long drive gave me plenty of chances to second-guess myself.

The prospect of changing my mind was tempting, but I had already made my decision, and I had to stick by it...if it didn't work out, I could adjust somehow, it would be difficult, but I could still do it.

I'm a survivor.

The mansion stood out from the surrounding forest, especially at night. There were lights in the trees, and on the front gates, making it easy to find in the darkness.

I parked Scott's car in the garage, right where I had found it. Except for the broken window and exposed wires, the car was fine...hopefully he wouldn't be too pissed off at me for stealing-borrowing!- it.

I let myself into the house, it was quiet and dimly lit; since it was past ten I guess it was "lights out" for the students. I took the elevator down to the lower levels of the mansion, and headed towards the medical lab.

'Maybe Eric is down there and we can talk,' I reasoned.

He had no idea that this choice was so hard for me to make; it should be a no- brainer. Should be, but it isn't. I have been stuck as a human woman, in my own body, for over three months. I should have been miserable all that time, but I wasn't.

Jake was not the only man who went out of his way to please me. But it wasn't just the men's reactions to me that made me want to stay human, it was all of the people that I came into contact with. No one shied away from me, no one called me a monster/demon/alien...I was just another human to them.

It felt good to be normal after so many people have painfully pointed out that I wasn't, and never could be.

Eric loved me and I loved him. He's been the best part of every day for years. I longed to see him again; it felt like we were apart for years. I came upon his workstation at one of the lab tables.

He had cleaned it up a lot, no reason to work anymore since he created the cure for me. The laptop computer Charles let him use was off to the side, his test documents were tucked neatly into the proper folders, and right there in the center, between the computer and folder, was a tiny bottle.

I picked it up and read the label. It was in Eric's handwriting, "Negation Serum Antidote".

That's pretty direct.

I took a closer look at the bottle. It was a tiny glass container; the liquid inside was dark green. I stared at the antidote for a long time...inside the bottle was my power, my mutation, and all of the dangers that went along with it.

*^*^*

I left the lab.

The bottle was replaced, right back to where I had found it, and I was still in search of Eric. He wasn't in the medical lab; maybe he'd be in the room we had briefly shared. It was late, and there was no more reason for him to stay up late working...he should be resting, but I still had to talk to him, if only for a few minutes.

It appeared that no one knew I was here; everyone must have still been asleep. I emerged from the elevator, and took the stairs to the bedrooms. I must have been away from the house for longer than I thought, because I couldn't remember which room was ours.

I peeked inside door number one: Cyclops was sleeping by himself, probably dreaming of Jean. Eric wasn't able to save her, because Jean hadn't wanted to be saved. She had wanted an escape from the horrible choice put before her: the mysterious stranger or the long-time love.

Man, could I relate to that!

I closed Scott's door and moved down the hall, I checked door number two: John!

I hadn't seen him for the longest time, not since before I left. We had not bonded the way that he and Eric so obviously had. John looks up to him like the leader of the pack, almost like a father. On the other side, Eric sees a lot of himself in John, and I can too.

I watched him sleep, he looked very peaceful despite the stress that being in this house must cause him. The X-men, the other students and even his two little buddies Bobby and Rogue had treated him more or less like a traitor because he had left with us that day at the lake. It was nice having him around; he was the addition we needed to make our lives the perfect parody of family. The Master of Magnetism, the shape shifter and their son the pyromaniac. I smiled at the thought and watched him for a little longer.

He rolled over in his sleep and I shut the door.

Behind door number three I found the right room, but no Eric. His bed was turned down and rumpled, but he wasn't in it. I stepped into the room, and looked around for clues to his whereabouts. I laid down on the bed where he had been, pleased to find that it was still warm. I hugged his pillow to my chest and smelled it, breathing him in.

He had left the room very recently, maybe to go to the bathroom or to get a midnight snack or something like that. What a surprise it would be if he would just walk in right now and found me here! I entertained the idea for just a little while longer, but my thoughts were interrupted when I heard something moving around behind me.

I turned and saw that the curtains were ruffling in the cool night breeze. I was getting a little chilly, and went over to close the balcony doors. I got closer, and found what I had been looking for.

Eric was on the balcony, looking out across the gardens.

He hadn't noticed me yet, and I used that to my advantage. There was a small mirror on the wall, close to the balcony doors. I stepped up to it and took in my appearance, maybe that face could give me inner strength for once, rather than self loathing.

My hair, my eyes, my skin.

I was born with those features, that was who I was, who I was supposed to be.

Eric had his back to me, and I swallowed. Past the fluttering curtains, I approached him slowly.