I was struck by a sudden inspiration that wouldn't leave until I'd written
it. So, here's the product of my brainstorm. A Dai-centric ficlet that may
or may not be expanded into a series, or more than a one-shot. It contains
a wee little bit of Taito/Yamachi and hints toward Daiken/Kensuke. Enjoy ^^
Disclaimer: I don't own anything as interesting as Digimon. I wish I did. *sighs*
~~~~
Worth
~~~~~
Looking out the nearest window, I'm amazed to realize that the world is an empty place. Sure, there are people, animals, and all sorts of other living things but they're just something to fill the space. To hide how empty it really is.
I sit here in school, friends on every side, and yet I can't help but feel alone. The smile on my face is strained and the words I speak are covered in false cheer. No one seems to notice, though. I think they've long since shut me out anyway. I'm just a distraction from their lives, tuned out when not needed.
There are times when I wonder why I'm here. Why I was chosen to save a world I know no more about than a rock. Sure, I've helped and done my fair share, but there are those days when it seems unimportant. Like if I were to disappear, nothing would change. How much of a difference do I make anyway? I can't remember anything significant that I've done. I'm average at best in school, have only one extracurricular activity and no real defining traits. I bet, while my friends grow up to be world leaders, executives or miracle workers, I'll be picking up trash in the park. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Someone has to look after the little things, why not me?
I'm sure, if you asked, people would say I'm a good guy. I'm kind, I make friends easily and I don't back down from a challenge. I'm even good at soccer when I stop talking enough to play. The thing they wouldn't say, because they don't know, is my heart isn't always there. I make friends to keep the emptiness away. Challenges are my distractions away from myself. And soccer...there are a lot of other guys like me who can play. It just takes practice and all that other stuff. I'm not at all special enough to deserve their praise. It's nice to know I exist though.
~~
Today was just a day like any other. We were all spread out on bleachers watching a championship game between Taichi's team and the other top-ranked group.
It was exciting to say the least.
However, instead of being the loudest cheerer, like usual, I regarded the action with a studied silence. In fact, I wasn't really seeing the game at all. No one noticed, though. I had a lot on my mind and it was more important to me to answer the questions plaguing my thoughts than to watch a bouncing ball be kicked repetitively. If I told anyone that they would've proclaimed me feverish and rushed to get me to a doctor.
I looked over at the reclining form of the former Friendship bearer. His gaze rested firmly on a wild mop of hair darting around the green of the field. Normally I'd be watching just as intently but today, with this sudden gift of insight, I couldn't focus. So, instead I found myself gazing at Yamato, who, with a small smile curving his lips, seemed to be the one holding all the answers. After all, I did have his crest as well as that of Courage. He would understand. I hoped he would understand.
"Hey, uh, Yamato?" I waited while he obviously debated whether to ignore me to continue watching or turn his icy eyes on me and see what I wanted. With a small sigh of disappointment the latter occurred.
"Yes?"
I hedged for a moment, choosing my words carefully. Some bearer of Courage I am, having doubt about a simple question. With a deep breath I plowed on regardless of how strange it may have seemed for me to be so quiet. "Do you ever wonder if you're really here?" The mute shocked expression I was met with wasn't what I'd expected. We sat there, gazes locked, cheers echoing behind us, for a good few minutes before he stood and motioned for me to follow. Once we had left the noisy atmosphere of the soccer game behind, he turned to me, an unknown emotion sitting just beneath the surface.
"Daisuke, may I ask why you asked me that particular question?" His voice was calm and barely filtered over the space between us but his eyes were burning with an intensity I'd never seen.
"I... I don't know. I've just been thinking lately, a lot actually, and that's one of the things that's been bothering me. I feel like I'm just a shadow, you know? Like I don't really belong here, if I'm actually here, that is."
He took a moment to collect his thoughts before sighing and staring into the sky. "I understand." Just those two words took so much weight off of my shoulders. "Back when us older kids were running around the digital world, I felt the same way."
"Really?"
"Really. Tai was always leading us somewhere or other, no matter how many of us tried to talk him out of it. Jyou would make sure we were safe, Sora kept practical sense close at hand, Mimi made sure we remained kids even though we were growing up, and Koushiro always had some sort of data ready to lend us in time of need. Heck, even Takeru was helpful in his own way." He chuckled softly, obviously remembering something from the past. "But me, I didn't really feel like I contributed. I felt like a tag-along. Someone who was just there. Eventually I began to wonder if I was even there." He paused and looked down from the darkening sky, straight into my eyes. "But then I was forced to accept that I was important like everyone else."
"How did that happen?"
"I had some sense beaten into me." He started walking back toward the field and I hurried to catch up. "Daisuke, we're all real. Even if you do nothing but sit in a corner and watch life pass you by, you're alive." I nodded though his words weren't really sinking in. "I bet this isn't getting through," he sighed again. "I never thought I'd ever be the one to answer this sort of question. I guess all I can do is show you." He promptly stopped and turned to face me, mouth set in a determined line. Then, he slapped me.
"What...?" I was too shocked to comprehend much.
"Did you feel that?" I nodded dumbly, holding my enflamed cheek and staring. "Good. As long as you feel, Daisuke, you're truly here. A shadow wouldn't have been phased." He smiled apologetically before continuing to walk. "I know it's hard to understand, and I don't expect you to. You're young after all."
"Not that young."
"No. You've grown up, Daisuke. I'm sorry." That gave me pause for thought. Him sorry? For calling me young? Weird... "You have to find your own meaning. And when you do, would you mind telling me? I'm still searching myself." At that moment I felt closer to Yamato than I ever had before. Before I had a chance to answer, a bouncing brunette blur of energy had joined us and started swinging the blonde around. Watching I noticed how Yamato seemed to light up, eyes sparkling.
"We won, Yama! We won!"
As the others started to join us in congratulation, I stepped a little closer to the one I had been talking to. "I think you're meaning's closer than you think." He turned to look at me with mild confusion. I just smiled and winked. "It takes courage to spread friendship." His cheeks started to tinge pink and I chuckled before turning to my idol and attempted to ruffle his wild hair, grinning wildly. Right now, my smile didn't seem so forced. In fact, as I was whirled around, I think I actually felt real. Then I lost myself to the noise, laughter and light as the night of celebration continued.
~~
"Come on, Yama-chan! Come dance with me!" A loud groan followed as the singer was dragged forcefully from his seat and towards the crowded dance floor. He shot me a half-hearted glare before disappearing from sight. Typical. Jun always managed to find out when I'd be around the object of her fangirldom and tail me until she saw an opening.
"Man, your sister doesn't give up does she?" I turned to look at my mentor who was grinning maniacally and holding back laughter.
"I actually feel sorry for my brother. I'm amazed she hasn't killed him yet, with all that nagging and whining." Takeru shook his head. "You really ought to put a gigantic bell on her or something Daisuke. She's a menace!"
"Aww, come on, he can't help it. Besides, I find it quite amusing."
"Well you would Tai."
"I'm hurt at your cold sarcasm. Come on Dai, I can see when we're not wanted."
"We?" I asked while being tugged up from my seat.
"Just come already." We made our way over to an old jukebox that was, amazingly, still operational. While he started pouring over the song selections, I took a moment to breathe and to think. The chatter and good natured poking fun at each other had been nice on the way over, but now it just seemed stifling. I had to force myself to stay talkative and not lapse into silence. Now, with all that a few feet away, I was left to my thoughts. So, I was real. Yamato had definitely proved that. I rubbed my cheek which still stung a little. But that only opened the flood gate for more questions to pour through. "Would you like to listen to rock? Or maybe country?" He snickered while continuing to flip through songs. I remained silent. "What do you think Dai?.....Dai? Tai to Dai, come in man." I found myself blinking as a pair of fingers snapped in front of my face.
"Huh?"
"You totally zoned out."
"Oh," I said still a bit lost in the haze of my thoughts, "sorry."
"What's the problem?" He stopped paying attention to the jukebox and leaned on it instead.
"Problem? What problem?"
"Daisuke, don't expect me to believe that you lapse into silence while I'm cracking jokes for no reason! Come on, you're like me. Something serious has to be going through that head of yours and I want to know what it is." Tai then crossed his arms to punctuate his point. He certainly can be stubborn at time. With a sigh I looked down at his feet. Maybe Taichi could help me figure something out...
"Are you ever afraid of not making a difference?" He made some sort of choking sound before falling still. I looked up, afraid I'd done something wrong and met the glare of my idol. I instantly froze.
"Get that thought out of your head this instant!" He shoved himself forward and grabbed me by the collar roughly. "Daisuke, there isn't a thing you haven't done that has changed nothing." I was shaken for emphasis. "You have purpose and you influence any number of events and people around you!" Somehow, I managed to find my voice.
"It doesn't seem that way."
"Do I need to spell it out for you?" Taking a deep, calming breath, Taichi set me down and took a step back. "Listen," he ran a hand through the wildness that was his hair, "everyone makes a difference." I just stared at him blankly. "I don't know why you've gotten it in your head that you don't matter, but you should get it out again quickly."
"Even if it's true?"
I suddenly found myself sprawled on the ground, jaw smarting. Taichi just stared down at me. "It isn't true and you know it. You're leader of the 'destined! That's something that leads to change." He offered a hand up.
"T.K. leads more than I do." I took his offered help and was dragged up almost immediately.
"Fine. You can't lead to save your life. But you've got other significant events under your belt, dude."
"Like what?" My self doubt was really starting to get on his nerves, I could see, but I didn't care. I needed answers. I needed to know that life wasn't in vain.
"Like Ken." I was immediately sent flying back into the wall that was reality. Ken. "You're the one that convinced him that forgives applies to everyone. You are the one who made him feel part of the group. If that's not something, I don't know what is." He plunked a few coins into the all but forgotten jukebox and proceeded to steer me back to the others. "Everything works itself out in the end, Dai." I looked up at him to see his grin before I was shoved, head first, into the booth beside a bedraggled Yamato. Jun was firmly attached to his other arm and nattered on about something no one wanted to listen to.
"Save me..." Yamato looked from me to Tai and back again, pleading with every fiber of his being. Tai shrugged helplessly and plunked down in a chair.
"Jun." I surprised myself with my own voice. I hadn't been thinking about her, or saving the blond. I hadn't thought I could. But now, with a sense of clarity, I had an idea.
"What do you want twerp?"
"Leave."
"Ha, fat chance. Not when I've got my precious Yama-chan all to myself." Several pairs of eyes rolled around the table, mine included.
"You don't."
"What?" Even Yamato seemed confused. I stood up and grabbed Tai's arm unceremoniously, causing him to stand with me.
"You don't have him all to yourself. See, 'Yama-chan' was hoping to spend a little quality time with the object of his affections but you interrupted." Tai was silent, mouth open, while Yamato tried to sink into the booth. I just hoped I had guessed right or this would be a disaster.
"What are you getting at twerp?"
"This." I thrust Tai forward into my vacated seat and prayed both would catch on. Not that they hadn't been harboring this little secret for some time anyhow. I hoped.
"Well, that was nice, but-" she cut off as her blonde obsession wrapped his free arm around the back of Tai's neck and drew him into a passionate kiss which was returned. My sister spluttered before rudely shoving her way past Takeru and Hikari, who were sitting next to her, and storming out the door. I grinned smugly.
"Thanks." Yamato's slightly breathless voice brought me back from savoring the victory. I just flashed him a thumbs-up before taking Tai's chair. "Not the way we would have planned it but...it worked."
"What?" I could've laughed at the clueless expressions on most everyone else's faces, especially Takeru when he asked that one little word. Iori and Koushiro were smiling with a sense of knowing. I guess they had figured it out too.
"Well, uh, we're, you see..." The blonde stammered, trying to find the right words.
"We're together." Taichi to the rescue.
"We can all see that. Now, tell us when it happened and how." Hikari and Miyako leaned forward eagerly as the two shared a blush. It was going to be a long night of stories.
~~
Not for the first time was I thankful for days off of school.
I was lying on my back, on a hill, staring up as fluffy clouds drifted lazily overhead. Taichi and Yamato's words bounced around the inside of my skills. Every time I listened to them, I felt more assured they were right. It was a nice feeling, to have the answers to maddening questions. Though, there was still another one left to bother my sanity. I prepared myself for a long stretch of mental debate.
"Daisuke?" Or, perhaps I would do that later. The face of Koushiro descended into my line of view.
"Hey." His head disappeared for a moment and I could hear him settling beside me, already reaching for his laptop. Sure enough, the familiar pattern of his typing began. We sat for half an hour, me mulling over words that began to lose meaning and him computing data of some sort. "Izzy?"
"Yes Daisuke?" His voice was flat and toneless. He must've been in computer mode.
"Are you listening to me?"
"Yes Daisuke." Yep. He was lost to his own thoughts, much like I had been lately.
"Have you ever felt isolated and helpless?" I voice my final question, not at all expecting to receive an answer. It was merely for my own thought process. I figured that hearing the words aloud would help me reach an understanding. So, when I heard his typing stop and the rustle of fabric as he shifted to see me better, I was a bit surprised.
"Yes, I have." I rolled onto my side and found him staring off into space, lost in some thought or other. "I know it sounds preposterous. I'm a part of the 'destined and I've always had my data, so I shouldn't have had to feel that way, but I have." He slipped his computer off of his lap and continued to remember.
"Why?"
"No one can understand me when I speak. I'm constantly reminded that no one thinks in the same way I do. It's always Koushiro on his computer that everyone has to worry about. I'm too often lost in my logic to take care of myself." There was a note of bitterness in his voice. "There are too many variables that lead to my being a pariah."
"But surely not helpless."
He smiled ruefully. "I may be good with computers, Daisuke, but there are many times when that means nothing. Take the days in the digital world, for example. It was more important to be able to fight or flee than to compute data. I envied most everyone else, especially Tai."
"What changed?"
"There was a moment when I realized that everyone contributes in their own manner." He finally looked at me and smiled. "After that, my dialogue impediment and complexity served other uses than explanation. Besides," he chuckled at my bewildered expression, "I never get tired of seeing that look on people's faces."
~~
It was twilight by the time I stopped wandering. I found myself at the school's soccer field, my shadow stretched out before me. At the foot of one set of bleachers sat a ball, obviously forgotten by whoever was last here playing. With a sudden burst of energy I ran and kicked it hard across the vacant field. I had found answers but the world still seemed so empty. I felt grounded, like I was a part of something, and yet did not feel significant.
"I think you lost something." Barely registering the words I turned to the source of the quiet voice and found myself staring into pools of liquid twilight. Ken had stopped the ball and brought it over to where I stood.
"Thanks." Seeing myself reflected in his gaze suddenly freed my soul from its depression. The world in his eyes didn't seem so dark and lonely. I felt myself smiling despite not meaning to. It was returned.
"What were you thinking about?" I shrugged and stole the ball from under his foot, heading toward one of the goals. I could hear his steady running footsteps closing in behind. As he took the ball back, I grabbed his hands and started to twirl.
"Life." He stared silently at me for a moment as the world blurred behind us. And then he picked up the pace.
"Did you come to any interesting conclusions?"
Shaking my head I answered feeling almost like I could walk on air. "Maybe." I let go of his hands and flopped onto the grass. A moment later, he settled next to me. "It's a funny thing. One moment you're riddled with doubt," I stared up into his eyes again. He tilted his head, waiting for me to continue.
"And the next?" I took one of his hands in mine, bouncing it with a grin.
"And the next, everything makes some sort of sense." As I said these words I realized they were true. I may have my faults, my fears, and my doubts, but in the end, I've always got something to remind me of the good, little things. We spent another ten minutes just gazing at each other before standing and heading back toward my apartment in silent agreement.
I had found my real answer. My value was measure in my friends.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything as interesting as Digimon. I wish I did. *sighs*
~~~~
Worth
~~~~~
Looking out the nearest window, I'm amazed to realize that the world is an empty place. Sure, there are people, animals, and all sorts of other living things but they're just something to fill the space. To hide how empty it really is.
I sit here in school, friends on every side, and yet I can't help but feel alone. The smile on my face is strained and the words I speak are covered in false cheer. No one seems to notice, though. I think they've long since shut me out anyway. I'm just a distraction from their lives, tuned out when not needed.
There are times when I wonder why I'm here. Why I was chosen to save a world I know no more about than a rock. Sure, I've helped and done my fair share, but there are those days when it seems unimportant. Like if I were to disappear, nothing would change. How much of a difference do I make anyway? I can't remember anything significant that I've done. I'm average at best in school, have only one extracurricular activity and no real defining traits. I bet, while my friends grow up to be world leaders, executives or miracle workers, I'll be picking up trash in the park. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Someone has to look after the little things, why not me?
I'm sure, if you asked, people would say I'm a good guy. I'm kind, I make friends easily and I don't back down from a challenge. I'm even good at soccer when I stop talking enough to play. The thing they wouldn't say, because they don't know, is my heart isn't always there. I make friends to keep the emptiness away. Challenges are my distractions away from myself. And soccer...there are a lot of other guys like me who can play. It just takes practice and all that other stuff. I'm not at all special enough to deserve their praise. It's nice to know I exist though.
~~
Today was just a day like any other. We were all spread out on bleachers watching a championship game between Taichi's team and the other top-ranked group.
It was exciting to say the least.
However, instead of being the loudest cheerer, like usual, I regarded the action with a studied silence. In fact, I wasn't really seeing the game at all. No one noticed, though. I had a lot on my mind and it was more important to me to answer the questions plaguing my thoughts than to watch a bouncing ball be kicked repetitively. If I told anyone that they would've proclaimed me feverish and rushed to get me to a doctor.
I looked over at the reclining form of the former Friendship bearer. His gaze rested firmly on a wild mop of hair darting around the green of the field. Normally I'd be watching just as intently but today, with this sudden gift of insight, I couldn't focus. So, instead I found myself gazing at Yamato, who, with a small smile curving his lips, seemed to be the one holding all the answers. After all, I did have his crest as well as that of Courage. He would understand. I hoped he would understand.
"Hey, uh, Yamato?" I waited while he obviously debated whether to ignore me to continue watching or turn his icy eyes on me and see what I wanted. With a small sigh of disappointment the latter occurred.
"Yes?"
I hedged for a moment, choosing my words carefully. Some bearer of Courage I am, having doubt about a simple question. With a deep breath I plowed on regardless of how strange it may have seemed for me to be so quiet. "Do you ever wonder if you're really here?" The mute shocked expression I was met with wasn't what I'd expected. We sat there, gazes locked, cheers echoing behind us, for a good few minutes before he stood and motioned for me to follow. Once we had left the noisy atmosphere of the soccer game behind, he turned to me, an unknown emotion sitting just beneath the surface.
"Daisuke, may I ask why you asked me that particular question?" His voice was calm and barely filtered over the space between us but his eyes were burning with an intensity I'd never seen.
"I... I don't know. I've just been thinking lately, a lot actually, and that's one of the things that's been bothering me. I feel like I'm just a shadow, you know? Like I don't really belong here, if I'm actually here, that is."
He took a moment to collect his thoughts before sighing and staring into the sky. "I understand." Just those two words took so much weight off of my shoulders. "Back when us older kids were running around the digital world, I felt the same way."
"Really?"
"Really. Tai was always leading us somewhere or other, no matter how many of us tried to talk him out of it. Jyou would make sure we were safe, Sora kept practical sense close at hand, Mimi made sure we remained kids even though we were growing up, and Koushiro always had some sort of data ready to lend us in time of need. Heck, even Takeru was helpful in his own way." He chuckled softly, obviously remembering something from the past. "But me, I didn't really feel like I contributed. I felt like a tag-along. Someone who was just there. Eventually I began to wonder if I was even there." He paused and looked down from the darkening sky, straight into my eyes. "But then I was forced to accept that I was important like everyone else."
"How did that happen?"
"I had some sense beaten into me." He started walking back toward the field and I hurried to catch up. "Daisuke, we're all real. Even if you do nothing but sit in a corner and watch life pass you by, you're alive." I nodded though his words weren't really sinking in. "I bet this isn't getting through," he sighed again. "I never thought I'd ever be the one to answer this sort of question. I guess all I can do is show you." He promptly stopped and turned to face me, mouth set in a determined line. Then, he slapped me.
"What...?" I was too shocked to comprehend much.
"Did you feel that?" I nodded dumbly, holding my enflamed cheek and staring. "Good. As long as you feel, Daisuke, you're truly here. A shadow wouldn't have been phased." He smiled apologetically before continuing to walk. "I know it's hard to understand, and I don't expect you to. You're young after all."
"Not that young."
"No. You've grown up, Daisuke. I'm sorry." That gave me pause for thought. Him sorry? For calling me young? Weird... "You have to find your own meaning. And when you do, would you mind telling me? I'm still searching myself." At that moment I felt closer to Yamato than I ever had before. Before I had a chance to answer, a bouncing brunette blur of energy had joined us and started swinging the blonde around. Watching I noticed how Yamato seemed to light up, eyes sparkling.
"We won, Yama! We won!"
As the others started to join us in congratulation, I stepped a little closer to the one I had been talking to. "I think you're meaning's closer than you think." He turned to look at me with mild confusion. I just smiled and winked. "It takes courage to spread friendship." His cheeks started to tinge pink and I chuckled before turning to my idol and attempted to ruffle his wild hair, grinning wildly. Right now, my smile didn't seem so forced. In fact, as I was whirled around, I think I actually felt real. Then I lost myself to the noise, laughter and light as the night of celebration continued.
~~
"Come on, Yama-chan! Come dance with me!" A loud groan followed as the singer was dragged forcefully from his seat and towards the crowded dance floor. He shot me a half-hearted glare before disappearing from sight. Typical. Jun always managed to find out when I'd be around the object of her fangirldom and tail me until she saw an opening.
"Man, your sister doesn't give up does she?" I turned to look at my mentor who was grinning maniacally and holding back laughter.
"I actually feel sorry for my brother. I'm amazed she hasn't killed him yet, with all that nagging and whining." Takeru shook his head. "You really ought to put a gigantic bell on her or something Daisuke. She's a menace!"
"Aww, come on, he can't help it. Besides, I find it quite amusing."
"Well you would Tai."
"I'm hurt at your cold sarcasm. Come on Dai, I can see when we're not wanted."
"We?" I asked while being tugged up from my seat.
"Just come already." We made our way over to an old jukebox that was, amazingly, still operational. While he started pouring over the song selections, I took a moment to breathe and to think. The chatter and good natured poking fun at each other had been nice on the way over, but now it just seemed stifling. I had to force myself to stay talkative and not lapse into silence. Now, with all that a few feet away, I was left to my thoughts. So, I was real. Yamato had definitely proved that. I rubbed my cheek which still stung a little. But that only opened the flood gate for more questions to pour through. "Would you like to listen to rock? Or maybe country?" He snickered while continuing to flip through songs. I remained silent. "What do you think Dai?.....Dai? Tai to Dai, come in man." I found myself blinking as a pair of fingers snapped in front of my face.
"Huh?"
"You totally zoned out."
"Oh," I said still a bit lost in the haze of my thoughts, "sorry."
"What's the problem?" He stopped paying attention to the jukebox and leaned on it instead.
"Problem? What problem?"
"Daisuke, don't expect me to believe that you lapse into silence while I'm cracking jokes for no reason! Come on, you're like me. Something serious has to be going through that head of yours and I want to know what it is." Tai then crossed his arms to punctuate his point. He certainly can be stubborn at time. With a sigh I looked down at his feet. Maybe Taichi could help me figure something out...
"Are you ever afraid of not making a difference?" He made some sort of choking sound before falling still. I looked up, afraid I'd done something wrong and met the glare of my idol. I instantly froze.
"Get that thought out of your head this instant!" He shoved himself forward and grabbed me by the collar roughly. "Daisuke, there isn't a thing you haven't done that has changed nothing." I was shaken for emphasis. "You have purpose and you influence any number of events and people around you!" Somehow, I managed to find my voice.
"It doesn't seem that way."
"Do I need to spell it out for you?" Taking a deep, calming breath, Taichi set me down and took a step back. "Listen," he ran a hand through the wildness that was his hair, "everyone makes a difference." I just stared at him blankly. "I don't know why you've gotten it in your head that you don't matter, but you should get it out again quickly."
"Even if it's true?"
I suddenly found myself sprawled on the ground, jaw smarting. Taichi just stared down at me. "It isn't true and you know it. You're leader of the 'destined! That's something that leads to change." He offered a hand up.
"T.K. leads more than I do." I took his offered help and was dragged up almost immediately.
"Fine. You can't lead to save your life. But you've got other significant events under your belt, dude."
"Like what?" My self doubt was really starting to get on his nerves, I could see, but I didn't care. I needed answers. I needed to know that life wasn't in vain.
"Like Ken." I was immediately sent flying back into the wall that was reality. Ken. "You're the one that convinced him that forgives applies to everyone. You are the one who made him feel part of the group. If that's not something, I don't know what is." He plunked a few coins into the all but forgotten jukebox and proceeded to steer me back to the others. "Everything works itself out in the end, Dai." I looked up at him to see his grin before I was shoved, head first, into the booth beside a bedraggled Yamato. Jun was firmly attached to his other arm and nattered on about something no one wanted to listen to.
"Save me..." Yamato looked from me to Tai and back again, pleading with every fiber of his being. Tai shrugged helplessly and plunked down in a chair.
"Jun." I surprised myself with my own voice. I hadn't been thinking about her, or saving the blond. I hadn't thought I could. But now, with a sense of clarity, I had an idea.
"What do you want twerp?"
"Leave."
"Ha, fat chance. Not when I've got my precious Yama-chan all to myself." Several pairs of eyes rolled around the table, mine included.
"You don't."
"What?" Even Yamato seemed confused. I stood up and grabbed Tai's arm unceremoniously, causing him to stand with me.
"You don't have him all to yourself. See, 'Yama-chan' was hoping to spend a little quality time with the object of his affections but you interrupted." Tai was silent, mouth open, while Yamato tried to sink into the booth. I just hoped I had guessed right or this would be a disaster.
"What are you getting at twerp?"
"This." I thrust Tai forward into my vacated seat and prayed both would catch on. Not that they hadn't been harboring this little secret for some time anyhow. I hoped.
"Well, that was nice, but-" she cut off as her blonde obsession wrapped his free arm around the back of Tai's neck and drew him into a passionate kiss which was returned. My sister spluttered before rudely shoving her way past Takeru and Hikari, who were sitting next to her, and storming out the door. I grinned smugly.
"Thanks." Yamato's slightly breathless voice brought me back from savoring the victory. I just flashed him a thumbs-up before taking Tai's chair. "Not the way we would have planned it but...it worked."
"What?" I could've laughed at the clueless expressions on most everyone else's faces, especially Takeru when he asked that one little word. Iori and Koushiro were smiling with a sense of knowing. I guess they had figured it out too.
"Well, uh, we're, you see..." The blonde stammered, trying to find the right words.
"We're together." Taichi to the rescue.
"We can all see that. Now, tell us when it happened and how." Hikari and Miyako leaned forward eagerly as the two shared a blush. It was going to be a long night of stories.
~~
Not for the first time was I thankful for days off of school.
I was lying on my back, on a hill, staring up as fluffy clouds drifted lazily overhead. Taichi and Yamato's words bounced around the inside of my skills. Every time I listened to them, I felt more assured they were right. It was a nice feeling, to have the answers to maddening questions. Though, there was still another one left to bother my sanity. I prepared myself for a long stretch of mental debate.
"Daisuke?" Or, perhaps I would do that later. The face of Koushiro descended into my line of view.
"Hey." His head disappeared for a moment and I could hear him settling beside me, already reaching for his laptop. Sure enough, the familiar pattern of his typing began. We sat for half an hour, me mulling over words that began to lose meaning and him computing data of some sort. "Izzy?"
"Yes Daisuke?" His voice was flat and toneless. He must've been in computer mode.
"Are you listening to me?"
"Yes Daisuke." Yep. He was lost to his own thoughts, much like I had been lately.
"Have you ever felt isolated and helpless?" I voice my final question, not at all expecting to receive an answer. It was merely for my own thought process. I figured that hearing the words aloud would help me reach an understanding. So, when I heard his typing stop and the rustle of fabric as he shifted to see me better, I was a bit surprised.
"Yes, I have." I rolled onto my side and found him staring off into space, lost in some thought or other. "I know it sounds preposterous. I'm a part of the 'destined and I've always had my data, so I shouldn't have had to feel that way, but I have." He slipped his computer off of his lap and continued to remember.
"Why?"
"No one can understand me when I speak. I'm constantly reminded that no one thinks in the same way I do. It's always Koushiro on his computer that everyone has to worry about. I'm too often lost in my logic to take care of myself." There was a note of bitterness in his voice. "There are too many variables that lead to my being a pariah."
"But surely not helpless."
He smiled ruefully. "I may be good with computers, Daisuke, but there are many times when that means nothing. Take the days in the digital world, for example. It was more important to be able to fight or flee than to compute data. I envied most everyone else, especially Tai."
"What changed?"
"There was a moment when I realized that everyone contributes in their own manner." He finally looked at me and smiled. "After that, my dialogue impediment and complexity served other uses than explanation. Besides," he chuckled at my bewildered expression, "I never get tired of seeing that look on people's faces."
~~
It was twilight by the time I stopped wandering. I found myself at the school's soccer field, my shadow stretched out before me. At the foot of one set of bleachers sat a ball, obviously forgotten by whoever was last here playing. With a sudden burst of energy I ran and kicked it hard across the vacant field. I had found answers but the world still seemed so empty. I felt grounded, like I was a part of something, and yet did not feel significant.
"I think you lost something." Barely registering the words I turned to the source of the quiet voice and found myself staring into pools of liquid twilight. Ken had stopped the ball and brought it over to where I stood.
"Thanks." Seeing myself reflected in his gaze suddenly freed my soul from its depression. The world in his eyes didn't seem so dark and lonely. I felt myself smiling despite not meaning to. It was returned.
"What were you thinking about?" I shrugged and stole the ball from under his foot, heading toward one of the goals. I could hear his steady running footsteps closing in behind. As he took the ball back, I grabbed his hands and started to twirl.
"Life." He stared silently at me for a moment as the world blurred behind us. And then he picked up the pace.
"Did you come to any interesting conclusions?"
Shaking my head I answered feeling almost like I could walk on air. "Maybe." I let go of his hands and flopped onto the grass. A moment later, he settled next to me. "It's a funny thing. One moment you're riddled with doubt," I stared up into his eyes again. He tilted his head, waiting for me to continue.
"And the next?" I took one of his hands in mine, bouncing it with a grin.
"And the next, everything makes some sort of sense." As I said these words I realized they were true. I may have my faults, my fears, and my doubts, but in the end, I've always got something to remind me of the good, little things. We spent another ten minutes just gazing at each other before standing and heading back toward my apartment in silent agreement.
I had found my real answer. My value was measure in my friends.