Deflating

Chapter Nine: About Time

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~For Mirrutsma, my 100th favorites' lister and fellow "I Love the '80s" fan…guess you and I will be watching the same thing today!~

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Yes, that was a logical solution, Lily thought as she splashed cold water on her face. This was another thing that she could pin on him. Because she certainly hadn't…oh, she didn't even want to think it…fallen for him on her own accord. No, he'd done it. It was his fault that he'd come back from Christmas break all charming and nice and…stop it, Lily…. That made sense, that made perfect sense. She was fine, perfectly fine as long as she could blame it on him…

Oh, God, she was falling apart.

Lily groped for a towel and patted her face dry with it and squinted at her reflection in the mirror. Her skin was blotchy from the water and from the stupidly shocked crying she'd done earlier. Her nose was very red, and she caught sight of a blemish coming near her right temple.

And this was the girl James Potter claimed to like.

What was wrong with him?

"Lily?" there was a small knock at the door and Charlotte's voice was calling to her softly. "Lily, are you all right?"

"Chipper," Lily replied darkly.

She opened the door and walked dazedly out into the dormitory.

"We heard you crying," Emily volunteered cautiously from her bed where she was rummaging through her bag for something.

Lily stiffened. "Oh," she said. "That--that was nothing. I'm fine, really." She emitted a small, false chuckle and fumbled around in her trunk, looking for…anything.

"Oh, no," Emily said, laughing. "Don't think we'll let you get away with that. What's wrong? Seriously, Lily," she added, eyes softening.

"Nothing's wrong," Lily insisted, giving a small smile. "I just…found something out today that--that I have to deal with."

Yes, Lily thought to herself as she reached numbly for a tie. That's all. I just have to deal with it.

And terminate it as soon as humanly possible.

***

James munched contentedly on piece of toast at the breakfast table, watching Lily out of the corner of his eye and chatting with Sirius.

"D'you really think she's interested?" James asked, inclining his head a little--after much debate on the subject, James had recently decided that his left side was the most appealing to look at and he wanted to make sure that Lily got the full blast of it in case she was interested. "Is she watching me?" he added out of the corner of his mouth so that Lily wouldn't hear him.

"As a matter of fact," Sirius said, turning his head to face Lily and flashing her a smile, "she is."

James grinned. "Good," he said satisfactorily, reaching for another piece of toast. "Think it's safe to acknowledge her?"

"Reckon so," Sirius replied, turning back to his friend. "What are you going to do today? Wave? Smile? Blow kisses? Mouth sweet nothings across the hall?"

"Go over and say hello," James decided, cramming the last of his toast in his mouth and standing up and striding along the length of the table until he reached where Lily was sitting alone, sipping some orange juice and reading one of the romance novels.

"Good morning," he greeted her pleasantly, taking the seat next to her.

She didn't look up at him, but buried her face further in the book. "Go away," she said.

James was surprised. He thought things had been going well as of late, and if Lily was interested (that was a big 'if' lately; he thought about it constantly) she sure had a funny way of showing it. "No," he replied firmly. "I don't have to go anywhere." He reached for still another piece of toast as if to finalize the matter.

"Fine," Lily said pointedly, rising. "I'll go."

James stood up as well. "I'll go with you."

She glared at him. "James, I'm very serious: you are the last person I want to see right now."

"Why?" James wanted to know, trailing her as she made to leave the Great Hall.

Lily stopped walking, turned to him and began, "Because--"

She cut herself off, shook her head, and started walking again at a quicker pace. James followed.
"Because what, Lily?" James asked, careful to stay two steps behind her lest she lash out at him. "What is so repulsive about me that you can't stand to be in my company for more than ten minutes?"

"Why do you care?" Lily fired back, her voice rising. "Tell me, why do you care?"

"I asked first."

"Don't be childish."

"Okay, Lily," James said, grabbing her arm and thus stopping her. "Okay. I'll play along and answer your question. Why do I care? I care because I lo--"

"If you dare say you love me, you will regret it," Lily hissed. "I promise you James."

"I care because I love you," James finished, ignoring her. He stared down at her, challenging her with his eyes. "Go on, Lily," he said, his voice deadly quiet, "go on. Take your best shot. I'll let you."

She made no move to hit him, draw out her wand, or stalk off. She stood rigid in front of him, his hand still firmly on her arm. "You don't love me," Lily declared. "You wouldn't know how to love me--"

"You would be surprised at how much I do, Lily. When I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you, and when I am with you, I'm thinking about how much I think about you, and I'm beginning to think that it's a little unhealthy," James said, his voice still low. "Now, since we're having this happy little sharing time, I suggest you answer my question before I kiss you."

"I don't have to answer anything," Lily said, her own voice shaking.

"Then I guess I'll have to kiss you."

"You kiss me, I'll hex you."

"It's against the rules to use magic in the hallways," James pointed out, smiling for the first time since they'd begun this heated exchange. "Come off it, Lily, you're Head Girl, you should know that by now. Answer my question; it's not even a hard one: what do you hate about me?"

"I don't hate you," Lily said.

"Really? Are you sure?"

"James, I can honestly and truly tell you that I do not hate you under any circumstances," she said, meeting his eyes again.

"So why can't you stand me?"

"I only said I'd answer that one question, and I did, so leave me alone." Lily pulled on her arm in an attempt to walk away, but James, being a Quidditch player and about fifty pounds heavier than she was, resisted.

"What is wrong with you?" James asked, his voice marveling and soft. "You're acting…strange."

"No, I'm not," Lily replied, and she was growing slightly hysterical. "Please, James, let me go--"

"No," James said, and in a swift, single instant, leaned down and kissed her.

Her whole body went slack as soon as his mouth touched hers, he felt her. There was a split second when he thought that she just might kiss him back, but then she pulled away, tears streaming down her face.

"James," Lily said, slowly and evenly. "You are a prick."

"I know," he replied, watching her as she stalked off.

***

"You what?" Remus asked incredulously as the Marauders walked toward the Transfiguration classroom.

"Kissed her," James replied flatly. "I don't know what I was thinking…I just did it."

"And she cried?" Peter said, sniggering. "Did you bite her?"

Sirius and Peter snickered at that, but James scowled as Remus shot his comrades a disapproving glare.

"No," he snapped. "It was a closed mouth kiss, and it only lasted for about three seconds."

"Was she mad?" Remus inquired as the four ducked into the classroom, seating themselves in the back row.

"Oh, I don't think she'll ever speak to me again," James replied sullenly. "I'm lucky she didn't slap me."

"Well, to be fair," Sirius began, "you did tell her you loved her when she told you not to, held onto her when she told you not to, and kissed her when she told you not to. You really weren't listening very well."

***

Lily scurried into Transfiguration just as the bell rang, slipping in the door as Professor McGonagall went to shut it and apologizing under her breath. Lily surveyed the room, noting that the only available seat was--next to James. Fabulous. He had probably threatened to hex anyone who tried to sit there.

I wonder if Professor McGonagall would let me sit on the floor, Lily thought before the aforementioned professor cleared her throat and said gently, "Miss Evans, there is a seat open next to Mr. Potter."

Sighing, Lily made her way towards the seat next to James, threw her bag onto the desk, crossed her arms over her chest, and as Professor McGonagall began the lesson, snapped, "I am not talking to you, so don't even--"

"You don't have to talk back," James interrupted, without taking his eyes off of their professor. "I just need to talk."

Lily, true to her word, didn't reply to this.

Still not facing her, James leaned into Lily so that their shoulders were touching and muttered, "I am sorry I kissed you, okay? I'm sorry I said all those things, and I'm sorry I made you cry. I would have gone after you--you know I would've, I'm persistent--but you were crying, and I can't handle crying girls. Want to throw me in with a boggart? Yeah, it's a crying girl. It'll probably be you crying now, actually, and--"

"Mr. Potter, is there something you would like to share with the class?" Professor McGonagall asked from the front of the room, raising her eyebrows.

Under her breath, so that even McGonagall couldn't tell, Lily murmured, "If you say anything stupid, I really won't ever talk to you again."

James smiled. "I was just telling Lily that my boggart is--"

"A Puffskein," Lily interrupted, fully realizing where he was going and shooting a glare at him.

There were snickers at this, but James didn't even look fazed. "They're nasty little blighters, aren't they?" he commented cheerfully. "Lily was just telling me how much she hates them, too."

"I detest them," Lily agreed. She had her eyes locked on James's, staring at him angrily, while James was holding her gaze with a smile on his face.

"Well, while I am thrilled to see that Mr. Potter and Miss Evans are connecting," Professor McGonagall began icily, and at these words, Lily's glare became even angrier and James's smile grew even wider, "this classroom is not a social arena and should not be treated that way. As I was saying, human transformations are…"

With the Professor's attention averted, James continued quietly, "Lily, I never meant to make you cry, I really didn't, but I just want you to know that I do mean all those things I said--"

"I don't believe you," Lily interrupted as she wrote down main points about what Professor McGonagall was saying.

James was surprised. "I--you don't believe me?"

"No," she replied simply. "I do not believe you."

"Well," James said, flabbergasted. "Well, it's not really a question of whether or not you believe me; I just want you to--"

"To what, James?" Lily asked exasperatedly. "What do you want from me?"

"What I want," said Professor McGonagall's voice, "is for the two of you to stop talking and pay attention! If I have to warn you again, it will be five points!"

"Sorry, Professor," James said, the jovial tone his voice had held earlier completely gone, "we'll try to keep it down."

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A/N: Yeah, I totally realize that this was entirely too fluffy and soap-opera-ish and that there hasn't been a Stalking-Lily-Evans journal entry in two chapters. Well, there will be one next chapter: Sirius, Remus, and Peter providing commentary for the above events.

Oh, look--it's midnight. Happy fourth of July to all of my fellow Americans. ::salute::