HERMIONE:
Say it again, Ron.
RON:
Jesus.
HERMIONE:
Hey, why is the hurry? Viktor ain't gonna be home until midnight. Ronnie? Ron? Hey, you know, I don't like you to feel like I'm nagging or anything. But don't you think it's about time for me to meet your friend down at the Owl? It's been a month since you told him about me. I know. Cause that was the night they met Weasley, plus her husband and her sister. You know, they said you found them in a kit together. Guess from where it from. Viktor opened it to somebody else. I'd throw him a party. - a big ol' going away party. You aren't leaving already?
RON:
- It's getting late.
HERMIONE:
I've been thinking a lot about my act. Whenever I get a really good idea, I write it down in my diary before it puts off in my head. And you know what came to me? The other day, that all the really knock-out acts have something more different going on, you know? Like, a signature. And I thought my thing could be a loaf. Give them just enough to feel hungry but always leave them wantingmore. Once I get a name for myself, maybe we can open up a club in, you know? You could run it, and I could be the headliner.
RON:
- Get off.
HERMIONE:
- What's the idea?
RON:
Wake up, kiddo, you aren't never going to have an act.
HERMIONE:
Says who?
RON:
- Face it, Hermione. You're two big towers with skinny legs. And l'm just a furniture salesman.
HERMIONE:
But you got connections. You know, that guy down at the club...
RON:
There's no guy.
HERMIONE:
Yeah, that night...
RON:
It's the first time I set foot in that joint. I was collecting on a bet from the
trombone player.
HERMIONE:
So you never told anyone about me?
RON:
Sugar, you're hot stuff. I would say anything to get a piece of that.
HERMIONE:
Stay then. Now?
RON:
It has some laughs. Let's just leave it like that.
HERMIONE:
Ron... You can't do this to me.
RON:
You get off! You touch me again, I'll put your lights out.
HERMIONE:
- Wait...
RON:
- Your husband will be home soon, why don't you watch yourself.
HERMIONE:
- You're a liar, Ron.
RON:
- Oh, yeah, so what?
HERMIONE:
You lied to me...
RON:
That's right, sweetheart. That's right.
HERMIONE:
You son of a bitch. (shoots w/ wand) YOU SON OF A BITCH! Son of a bitch!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
COLIN CREEVEY:
Why you bothering, Den? This one's all wrapped up. I hear it's a new city record. From killing to confession, in an hour for that.
SERGEANT FINNIGAN:
Why did you get a murder weapon?
VIKTOR:
I keep a vand in the undervear drawer. Just in case of trouble, you know.
SERGEANT FINNIGAN:
That's just fine. Sign right here, Mr.Krum.
VIKTOR:
For you, gladly. Really & gladly.
SERGEANT FINNIGAN
And mind that you don't say we beat you up when you at the witness stand.
VIKTOR:
No, I giff myself up. Surrender at my own free vill.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM::
lf indeed you're the murderer.
HERMIONE:
Shooting a burglar ain't murder. Just last week the Wizengamot thanked a man.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
I'm always grateful if the citizens know the law. Get him there. You too. Sit down. Okay, from the top.
VIKTOR:
A man has got the right to protect his home and his loved one, right?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Of course he has.
VIKTOR:
Vell, I come home from practice, I see him climbing through the vindow.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Ah!
VIKTOR:
With my wife Herm-own-ninny lying there, sleeping like an angel.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
ls that true, Mrs. Krum?
VIKTOR:
I'm telling you, that's the truth. My vife has nothing to do with it. She von't hurt a vorm. Not even a vorm. Until I fired the first shot, then she opened her eyes. She's one heavy sleeper. I always said she could sleep through the World Cup. When I think of vhat vould happened if I went off for a butterbeer with the guys instead of coming straight home, it makes me sick even think about it...
LEE JORDAN:
For her first number, Ms. Hermione Krum would like to sing a song of Love and Devotion, dedicated to her dear husband, Viktor.
HERMIONE:
Sometimes I'm right
Sometimes I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Sometimes I'm down
Sometimes I'm up
But he follows 'round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
VIKTOR:
Like I said, even though I shot at him, he kept coming at me. So I had to curse him again.
HERMIONE:
He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique,
And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts
Oh but look at that soul
I tell you the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why he'd be right there
Taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny sunny honey
Hubby of mine
VIKTOR:
And supposed if... just supposed if he violated her or something. You know what I mean, violated?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
l know what you mean.
VIKTOR:
Or something. Think how terrible it'd have been. It's good thing I got home from vork on time. - I'm telling you that.
HERMIONE:
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
VIKTOR:
- I say I'm telling you that.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
The name of deceased is Ron Weasley.
VIKTOR:
Ron Weasley? How could he be a burglar? My vife knows him. He sold us our furniture. He gafe us 10% off.
HERMIONE:
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
You told me he was the burglar? - You mean he was dead when you got home?
VIKTOR:
I'm covering for her. She was telling me some cock and bull story story about this burglar. And I'd say I did it because I was sure to get off. 'Help me, Viktor.' she said, 'lt's my goddamn hour-need.'
HERMIONE:
Now he shot off his trap
I can't stand that sap
VIKTOR:
And I believed that cheap little tramp. She's too smart on me, huh? And I protected her... I'm on a broom on my butt 14 hours a day. And she's now promoted to a bon-bon? And traveling around like some goddamn slut! She thought she could fool the world by that I wasn't fooled yet. I tell you that something that I can take. But this time she pushed me too far. I didn't kill him. Fool, what a sap I was
HERMIONE:
You double-crosser! You big bluffer mouth! You promised you'd stay...
VIKTOR:
What're you talking about? You've been setting me up, Herm-own-ninny!
HERMIONE:
Damn it!
VIKTOR:
You told me he was a burglar! The whole time you've been sleeping...
HERMIONE:
You are a disloyal husband! Look, it's true. l killed him. But it was
self-defense. He was trying to burgle me.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
From what l hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the last month. So what do you say, Mrs.?
UMBRIDGE:
- That's him, all right.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
- Thank you. Your story doesn't work, Mrs. Krum. So try this. Ron Weasley was a good time on the side but goofy here is a meal ticket.
HERMIONE:
Meal ticket? He couldn't buy my liquor.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
And Ron Weasley could? With a wife and five little Weasleys? Or he forgot to mention them.
HERMIONE:
What?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Oh, yes.
HERMIONE:
That bastard! Yes, I killed him. I would kill him again!
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Once was enough. Take her downtown. Come on.
COLIN CREEVEY:
Take off! This way, honey. Oh, come on. lt's a shame to hide such a beautiful face. Why you shoot him, honey? Why don't you give a profile, a little smile like the girl in the toothpaste ad?
LONGBOTTOM:
Take while you can. The case is down. Minister of Magic says this is kissing case.
HERMIONE:
Kissing?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
- I'm ready to go to the Wizengamot tomorrow.
HERMIONE:
Wait a minute, what do you mean kissing?
Say it again, Ron.
RON:
Jesus.
HERMIONE:
Hey, why is the hurry? Viktor ain't gonna be home until midnight. Ronnie? Ron? Hey, you know, I don't like you to feel like I'm nagging or anything. But don't you think it's about time for me to meet your friend down at the Owl? It's been a month since you told him about me. I know. Cause that was the night they met Weasley, plus her husband and her sister. You know, they said you found them in a kit together. Guess from where it from. Viktor opened it to somebody else. I'd throw him a party. - a big ol' going away party. You aren't leaving already?
RON:
- It's getting late.
HERMIONE:
I've been thinking a lot about my act. Whenever I get a really good idea, I write it down in my diary before it puts off in my head. And you know what came to me? The other day, that all the really knock-out acts have something more different going on, you know? Like, a signature. And I thought my thing could be a loaf. Give them just enough to feel hungry but always leave them wantingmore. Once I get a name for myself, maybe we can open up a club in, you know? You could run it, and I could be the headliner.
RON:
- Get off.
HERMIONE:
- What's the idea?
RON:
Wake up, kiddo, you aren't never going to have an act.
HERMIONE:
Says who?
RON:
- Face it, Hermione. You're two big towers with skinny legs. And l'm just a furniture salesman.
HERMIONE:
But you got connections. You know, that guy down at the club...
RON:
There's no guy.
HERMIONE:
Yeah, that night...
RON:
It's the first time I set foot in that joint. I was collecting on a bet from the
trombone player.
HERMIONE:
So you never told anyone about me?
RON:
Sugar, you're hot stuff. I would say anything to get a piece of that.
HERMIONE:
Stay then. Now?
RON:
It has some laughs. Let's just leave it like that.
HERMIONE:
Ron... You can't do this to me.
RON:
You get off! You touch me again, I'll put your lights out.
HERMIONE:
- Wait...
RON:
- Your husband will be home soon, why don't you watch yourself.
HERMIONE:
- You're a liar, Ron.
RON:
- Oh, yeah, so what?
HERMIONE:
You lied to me...
RON:
That's right, sweetheart. That's right.
HERMIONE:
You son of a bitch. (shoots w/ wand) YOU SON OF A BITCH! Son of a bitch!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
COLIN CREEVEY:
Why you bothering, Den? This one's all wrapped up. I hear it's a new city record. From killing to confession, in an hour for that.
SERGEANT FINNIGAN:
Why did you get a murder weapon?
VIKTOR:
I keep a vand in the undervear drawer. Just in case of trouble, you know.
SERGEANT FINNIGAN:
That's just fine. Sign right here, Mr.Krum.
VIKTOR:
For you, gladly. Really & gladly.
SERGEANT FINNIGAN
And mind that you don't say we beat you up when you at the witness stand.
VIKTOR:
No, I giff myself up. Surrender at my own free vill.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM::
lf indeed you're the murderer.
HERMIONE:
Shooting a burglar ain't murder. Just last week the Wizengamot thanked a man.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
I'm always grateful if the citizens know the law. Get him there. You too. Sit down. Okay, from the top.
VIKTOR:
A man has got the right to protect his home and his loved one, right?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Of course he has.
VIKTOR:
Vell, I come home from practice, I see him climbing through the vindow.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Ah!
VIKTOR:
With my wife Herm-own-ninny lying there, sleeping like an angel.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
ls that true, Mrs. Krum?
VIKTOR:
I'm telling you, that's the truth. My vife has nothing to do with it. She von't hurt a vorm. Not even a vorm. Until I fired the first shot, then she opened her eyes. She's one heavy sleeper. I always said she could sleep through the World Cup. When I think of vhat vould happened if I went off for a butterbeer with the guys instead of coming straight home, it makes me sick even think about it...
LEE JORDAN:
For her first number, Ms. Hermione Krum would like to sing a song of Love and Devotion, dedicated to her dear husband, Viktor.
HERMIONE:
Sometimes I'm right
Sometimes I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Sometimes I'm down
Sometimes I'm up
But he follows 'round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
VIKTOR:
Like I said, even though I shot at him, he kept coming at me. So I had to curse him again.
HERMIONE:
He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique,
And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts
Oh but look at that soul
I tell you the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why he'd be right there
Taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny sunny honey
Hubby of mine
VIKTOR:
And supposed if... just supposed if he violated her or something. You know what I mean, violated?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
l know what you mean.
VIKTOR:
Or something. Think how terrible it'd have been. It's good thing I got home from vork on time. - I'm telling you that.
HERMIONE:
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
VIKTOR:
- I say I'm telling you that.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
The name of deceased is Ron Weasley.
VIKTOR:
Ron Weasley? How could he be a burglar? My vife knows him. He sold us our furniture. He gafe us 10% off.
HERMIONE:
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
You told me he was the burglar? - You mean he was dead when you got home?
VIKTOR:
I'm covering for her. She was telling me some cock and bull story story about this burglar. And I'd say I did it because I was sure to get off. 'Help me, Viktor.' she said, 'lt's my goddamn hour-need.'
HERMIONE:
Now he shot off his trap
I can't stand that sap
VIKTOR:
And I believed that cheap little tramp. She's too smart on me, huh? And I protected her... I'm on a broom on my butt 14 hours a day. And she's now promoted to a bon-bon? And traveling around like some goddamn slut! She thought she could fool the world by that I wasn't fooled yet. I tell you that something that I can take. But this time she pushed me too far. I didn't kill him. Fool, what a sap I was
HERMIONE:
You double-crosser! You big bluffer mouth! You promised you'd stay...
VIKTOR:
What're you talking about? You've been setting me up, Herm-own-ninny!
HERMIONE:
Damn it!
VIKTOR:
You told me he was a burglar! The whole time you've been sleeping...
HERMIONE:
You are a disloyal husband! Look, it's true. l killed him. But it was
self-defense. He was trying to burgle me.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
From what l hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the last month. So what do you say, Mrs.?
UMBRIDGE:
- That's him, all right.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
- Thank you. Your story doesn't work, Mrs. Krum. So try this. Ron Weasley was a good time on the side but goofy here is a meal ticket.
HERMIONE:
Meal ticket? He couldn't buy my liquor.
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
And Ron Weasley could? With a wife and five little Weasleys? Or he forgot to mention them.
HERMIONE:
What?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Oh, yes.
HERMIONE:
That bastard! Yes, I killed him. I would kill him again!
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
Once was enough. Take her downtown. Come on.
COLIN CREEVEY:
Take off! This way, honey. Oh, come on. lt's a shame to hide such a beautiful face. Why you shoot him, honey? Why don't you give a profile, a little smile like the girl in the toothpaste ad?
LONGBOTTOM:
Take while you can. The case is down. Minister of Magic says this is kissing case.
HERMIONE:
Kissing?
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:
- I'm ready to go to the Wizengamot tomorrow.
HERMIONE:
Wait a minute, what do you mean kissing?