Deflating
Chapter Eighteen: Double or Nothing
***
Was there really anything to think about?
No, Lily told herself furiously. No, there wasn't a single thing to consider. She would tell him 'no'. There had never been a problem in turning him down before, why should now be any different?
Well, for one, she had come very close to saying 'yes' when he asked. But she had caught herself, reminded herself that nothing good could come out of saying 'yes' to anything that boy suggested. Nothing good.
For another, she had practically asked him. It had been quite entertaining, almost empowering, to watch him stutter and trip all over himself merely because she punctuated a sentence with a smile or a careful, calculated lifting of her eyebrows. That almost made up for how incredibly stupid and awkward she felt doing it.
Lily's attention flicked from the pearly figure of Binns at the front of the room, where he was droning monotonously about the formation of the Wizengamot, to her left, where James and his friends were sitting. James appeared to be playing Tic-Tac-Toe with Peter, and, judging by the frown on his face, he was losing. Peter drew a line on the paper with a flourish and raised his quill to Sirius and Remus. Yes, James had most definitely lost this game. He shrugged, smiled, and reclined in his chair so that it was balancing on two legs. He glanced over at her, realized she was looking back, and grinned wider at her.
Lily's gaze darted back to her desk and she could feel a blush rising to her cheeks.
She had just realized what it was about James's smile that so many girls liked, and she hated herself for it.
***
The bell rang for break, and James was just about to open the door to leave when he looked over his shoulder to see Lily, making rather a meal out of putting her things away.
"You guys go ahead," James told his friends distractedly, his left hand going to the back of his head to dishevel it. "I'll catch you up."
The remaining memebers of the Marauders glanced over James's shoulder, saw Lily, and exchanged looks of understanding.
"Don't press her," Remus began. "And--"
"Stop preaching for once, will you, Moony?" Sirius interjected. "Prongs'll do fine without you, I promise. Now, come on, I want some treacle fudge before Potions." He pulled Remus out of the room by his tie, shooting James an encouraging smile over his shoulder before closing the door neatly behind him.
Binns went through the chalkboard, leaving his two students alone in the classroom, something a professor is generally not supposed to do, but Binns hardly noticed he had students. James was suddenly reminded of the day Lily had fallen asleep in class and muttered his name in her slumber. That brought a smile to his face and encouraged him slightly as he took a step to where Lily was adjusting the straps on her bag.
"Hi," he said awkwardly.
She didn't look up. "Hi."
James suddenly felt very self-conscious, and couldn't for the life of him explain why. "Er, how are you?"
Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but she still didn't look away from her bag. "I'm fine."
He waited, but she didn't ask him how he was. Now he had to think of a new direction for this conversation to go in without sounding pushy..."Looks...looks like it's going to rain," he said lamely, motioning listlessly out the window.
"Kinda does, doesn't it?" Lily replied, still not looking up.
James sighed exasperatedly. "Lily," he said imploringly.
She bit her lip.
He took a seat on the desk beside her, so that he was sitting directly in front of her. Their shoes were two centimeters away from each other. Lily blinked at this, and concentrated intently on his shoelaces.
"Lily," he repeated, practically pleading with her.
"One of your shoelaces is broken," she pointed out quietly, pointing to it.
He shrugged unconcernedly. "How come you won't look at me?"
She stiffened, but didn't reply.
"Okay, if you won't answer that one, will you answer my other question?"
"What question?" Lily asked, clearly stalling for time.
"Will you go out with me?"
She sighed softly, then shook her head. "No."
James had almost been expecting this, but it was still not a welcome response. But...hang on. She still wasn't looking at him. He had a feeling that Lily wasn't a very good liar--girls like her never were--and bad liars generally never looked you in the eye....
Bluffing had worked once. Double or nothing.
Summoning up all of his courage and hoping against hope that she wouldn't hit him, James stood up slowly. He reached out, put his right thumb under her chin, his index finger right beneath her bottom lip, and gently lifted her head to face him. "Tell me 'no' now," he said.
"What?"
"You can turn me down," James told her, "but I want you to look me in the eye when you do it."
"Why?"
"So I know you mean it."
Lily made a strangled noise. "W-why wouldn't I mean it?"
"If you mean it, you'll say it."
A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. "It."
James had a short temper, and Lily seemed to enjoy provoking it at every possible turn. "Lily," he repeated, trying to keep his voice even and cool.
Lily didn't say anything for quite a long time, before she finally said softly, "Your hand is all sweaty."
"What?"
"Your hand," she said, reaching up and putting her own hand on top of his, where it was still holding her chin, though his grip on it had slackened a while ago. Surprising even himself, James turned his hand over under hers and intertwined his fingers with hers. "It's...it's all sweaty," Lily repeated faintly.
"Yours is too," James pointed out.
She almost smiled. "How can you tell if yours is sweaty too?"
"I--I don't know. I just felt like I needed to say...say something."
"Oh."
Her bangs were in her face, and James, without even really realizing he was doing it, reached up and pushed them behind her ears with the hand that wasn't holding hers. His hand brushed against her face, and he kept it there.
He was coming closer, and Lily didn't even realize it until he was a few centimeters away from her. She didn't take her eyes off of his, but now his eyelashes were becoming more and more defined...she could've counted them...they were unusually long for a boy's; thin and numerous, they reminded her of spiders for some reason and...were those freckles? Yes, a few tiny, light brown freckles dotted the skin right beneath his eyes...she could hear him breathing...when had it gotten so quiet? His eyes were closed now...move away, Lily, just move away and avoid the trouble!
Too late, he was kissing her now. She released her hold on his hand in surprise, and he moved that hand into her hair now. Lily grabbed his forearm to keep from falling over, as she had suddenly lost all feeling in her legs. Her other hand held fast to the desk behind her, gripped it so tightly she was a little afraid that she would break a piece off and have to explain to Dumbledore why...what are you thinking; you're a witch, you would fix that with magic...
James pulled away first, his hands still in her hair, looking down at her as though he'd never seen her before. "I..." he began, but found he didn't know the end to that sentence. "I..." he tried again, feeling that he really should say something, say anything.
Lily looked like she was going to cry. Oh, please don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry. She opened her mouth to say something, but the bell rang, shattering the tense silence that filled the room.
James swallowed. His mouth felt really dry all of a sudden. "Potions," he said lamely.
She nodded, reached for her bag, and started to walk out of the room. He followed, making sure to stay a few steps behind her, lest she lash out at him or start crying.
They entered the room more or less at the same time, Lily heading straight for those twin friends of hers and James making a beeline for Sirius, Peter, and Remus. He sat down next to Remus, threw his bag onto his desk, and scowled.
"Oh, no," Remus said in a low, strangled voice. "You kissed her, didn't you?"
James turned accusingly to his friend. "How d'you know that?"
Remus groaned and put his head in his hands. "I was hoping you just found some on the ground and got curious."
"What are you on about?"
"You've got her lipstick all over you," Peter told him finally, grinning.
James hastily swiped at his mouth with his robes, flushing.
"Why'd you do that?" Sirius asked. "Pink really brings out the color of your eyes, mate."
"Sod off," James muttered.
Sirius smiled sympathetically. "Didn't go so well?"
"Does it ever?"
"Well, not when you kiss her," Remus pointed out. "So maybe you just shouldn't do that anymore."
***
A/N: I broke 1,000! I broke 1,000!!!! I'm just so thrilled, I can't even begin to tell you. Thanks so, so much to everyone who reviews, it's so awesome to finally get to go onto the internet (it's two weeks today, you guys ::sob::) and see, like, a hundred more reviews than when I last got on.
And so, I will respond to those reviews (not all of them, of course, just ones that asked questions or what have you):
First off, wow, I didn't know people actually read my bio, but I did put in there that this is coming to a close. I think I can extend it to a round 20, maybe 25 chapters, but don't quote me on that. I don't really keep to things like that, and I don't even know how this is definitely going to end (nope, do not have a plotline for this, I just write as I go along....that made no sense, but you know what I mean, right?). So your guess is as good as mine as to how many more chapters, but it is almost over.
To people who are concerned about my sanity without my internet: thank you. Yes, I am incredibly bored--all the time. But I have gotten awesome at Solitaire. And I write, so all is not lost. :)
Katy: Do not waste time with me! Explore Scotland for all of us who cannot be there!
lena-jade: Actually, I have never tried ketchup-and-eggs sandwiches (I am not a big egg person). That was just a something that popped into my mind...by the way, it's much easier to be funny late, late at night, because at that time, everything is funny.
The Spatula Chick: I'm glad you think I'm good at writing boys :) I do try.
I'm sorry the last one was so short, I was pressed for time (that last chapter was written in an hour, so it wasn't nearly as good as I wanted it to be. I wrote this one at home before bringing it here, so hopefully, it's better. ::crosses fingers::).
And Cassie? Are you going to call me all the time now and tell me to update? I might need you to. :)
And, since that was entirely too long, I will leave you with my new catchphrase, which I stole from someone 'cept I don't remember who it was...
Sirius rocks my socks.
Thank you, and review. :)
Chapter Eighteen: Double or Nothing
***
Was there really anything to think about?
No, Lily told herself furiously. No, there wasn't a single thing to consider. She would tell him 'no'. There had never been a problem in turning him down before, why should now be any different?
Well, for one, she had come very close to saying 'yes' when he asked. But she had caught herself, reminded herself that nothing good could come out of saying 'yes' to anything that boy suggested. Nothing good.
For another, she had practically asked him. It had been quite entertaining, almost empowering, to watch him stutter and trip all over himself merely because she punctuated a sentence with a smile or a careful, calculated lifting of her eyebrows. That almost made up for how incredibly stupid and awkward she felt doing it.
Lily's attention flicked from the pearly figure of Binns at the front of the room, where he was droning monotonously about the formation of the Wizengamot, to her left, where James and his friends were sitting. James appeared to be playing Tic-Tac-Toe with Peter, and, judging by the frown on his face, he was losing. Peter drew a line on the paper with a flourish and raised his quill to Sirius and Remus. Yes, James had most definitely lost this game. He shrugged, smiled, and reclined in his chair so that it was balancing on two legs. He glanced over at her, realized she was looking back, and grinned wider at her.
Lily's gaze darted back to her desk and she could feel a blush rising to her cheeks.
She had just realized what it was about James's smile that so many girls liked, and she hated herself for it.
***
The bell rang for break, and James was just about to open the door to leave when he looked over his shoulder to see Lily, making rather a meal out of putting her things away.
"You guys go ahead," James told his friends distractedly, his left hand going to the back of his head to dishevel it. "I'll catch you up."
The remaining memebers of the Marauders glanced over James's shoulder, saw Lily, and exchanged looks of understanding.
"Don't press her," Remus began. "And--"
"Stop preaching for once, will you, Moony?" Sirius interjected. "Prongs'll do fine without you, I promise. Now, come on, I want some treacle fudge before Potions." He pulled Remus out of the room by his tie, shooting James an encouraging smile over his shoulder before closing the door neatly behind him.
Binns went through the chalkboard, leaving his two students alone in the classroom, something a professor is generally not supposed to do, but Binns hardly noticed he had students. James was suddenly reminded of the day Lily had fallen asleep in class and muttered his name in her slumber. That brought a smile to his face and encouraged him slightly as he took a step to where Lily was adjusting the straps on her bag.
"Hi," he said awkwardly.
She didn't look up. "Hi."
James suddenly felt very self-conscious, and couldn't for the life of him explain why. "Er, how are you?"
Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but she still didn't look away from her bag. "I'm fine."
He waited, but she didn't ask him how he was. Now he had to think of a new direction for this conversation to go in without sounding pushy..."Looks...looks like it's going to rain," he said lamely, motioning listlessly out the window.
"Kinda does, doesn't it?" Lily replied, still not looking up.
James sighed exasperatedly. "Lily," he said imploringly.
She bit her lip.
He took a seat on the desk beside her, so that he was sitting directly in front of her. Their shoes were two centimeters away from each other. Lily blinked at this, and concentrated intently on his shoelaces.
"Lily," he repeated, practically pleading with her.
"One of your shoelaces is broken," she pointed out quietly, pointing to it.
He shrugged unconcernedly. "How come you won't look at me?"
She stiffened, but didn't reply.
"Okay, if you won't answer that one, will you answer my other question?"
"What question?" Lily asked, clearly stalling for time.
"Will you go out with me?"
She sighed softly, then shook her head. "No."
James had almost been expecting this, but it was still not a welcome response. But...hang on. She still wasn't looking at him. He had a feeling that Lily wasn't a very good liar--girls like her never were--and bad liars generally never looked you in the eye....
Bluffing had worked once. Double or nothing.
Summoning up all of his courage and hoping against hope that she wouldn't hit him, James stood up slowly. He reached out, put his right thumb under her chin, his index finger right beneath her bottom lip, and gently lifted her head to face him. "Tell me 'no' now," he said.
"What?"
"You can turn me down," James told her, "but I want you to look me in the eye when you do it."
"Why?"
"So I know you mean it."
Lily made a strangled noise. "W-why wouldn't I mean it?"
"If you mean it, you'll say it."
A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. "It."
James had a short temper, and Lily seemed to enjoy provoking it at every possible turn. "Lily," he repeated, trying to keep his voice even and cool.
Lily didn't say anything for quite a long time, before she finally said softly, "Your hand is all sweaty."
"What?"
"Your hand," she said, reaching up and putting her own hand on top of his, where it was still holding her chin, though his grip on it had slackened a while ago. Surprising even himself, James turned his hand over under hers and intertwined his fingers with hers. "It's...it's all sweaty," Lily repeated faintly.
"Yours is too," James pointed out.
She almost smiled. "How can you tell if yours is sweaty too?"
"I--I don't know. I just felt like I needed to say...say something."
"Oh."
Her bangs were in her face, and James, without even really realizing he was doing it, reached up and pushed them behind her ears with the hand that wasn't holding hers. His hand brushed against her face, and he kept it there.
He was coming closer, and Lily didn't even realize it until he was a few centimeters away from her. She didn't take her eyes off of his, but now his eyelashes were becoming more and more defined...she could've counted them...they were unusually long for a boy's; thin and numerous, they reminded her of spiders for some reason and...were those freckles? Yes, a few tiny, light brown freckles dotted the skin right beneath his eyes...she could hear him breathing...when had it gotten so quiet? His eyes were closed now...move away, Lily, just move away and avoid the trouble!
Too late, he was kissing her now. She released her hold on his hand in surprise, and he moved that hand into her hair now. Lily grabbed his forearm to keep from falling over, as she had suddenly lost all feeling in her legs. Her other hand held fast to the desk behind her, gripped it so tightly she was a little afraid that she would break a piece off and have to explain to Dumbledore why...what are you thinking; you're a witch, you would fix that with magic...
James pulled away first, his hands still in her hair, looking down at her as though he'd never seen her before. "I..." he began, but found he didn't know the end to that sentence. "I..." he tried again, feeling that he really should say something, say anything.
Lily looked like she was going to cry. Oh, please don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry. She opened her mouth to say something, but the bell rang, shattering the tense silence that filled the room.
James swallowed. His mouth felt really dry all of a sudden. "Potions," he said lamely.
She nodded, reached for her bag, and started to walk out of the room. He followed, making sure to stay a few steps behind her, lest she lash out at him or start crying.
They entered the room more or less at the same time, Lily heading straight for those twin friends of hers and James making a beeline for Sirius, Peter, and Remus. He sat down next to Remus, threw his bag onto his desk, and scowled.
"Oh, no," Remus said in a low, strangled voice. "You kissed her, didn't you?"
James turned accusingly to his friend. "How d'you know that?"
Remus groaned and put his head in his hands. "I was hoping you just found some on the ground and got curious."
"What are you on about?"
"You've got her lipstick all over you," Peter told him finally, grinning.
James hastily swiped at his mouth with his robes, flushing.
"Why'd you do that?" Sirius asked. "Pink really brings out the color of your eyes, mate."
"Sod off," James muttered.
Sirius smiled sympathetically. "Didn't go so well?"
"Does it ever?"
"Well, not when you kiss her," Remus pointed out. "So maybe you just shouldn't do that anymore."
***
A/N: I broke 1,000! I broke 1,000!!!! I'm just so thrilled, I can't even begin to tell you. Thanks so, so much to everyone who reviews, it's so awesome to finally get to go onto the internet (it's two weeks today, you guys ::sob::) and see, like, a hundred more reviews than when I last got on.
And so, I will respond to those reviews (not all of them, of course, just ones that asked questions or what have you):
First off, wow, I didn't know people actually read my bio, but I did put in there that this is coming to a close. I think I can extend it to a round 20, maybe 25 chapters, but don't quote me on that. I don't really keep to things like that, and I don't even know how this is definitely going to end (nope, do not have a plotline for this, I just write as I go along....that made no sense, but you know what I mean, right?). So your guess is as good as mine as to how many more chapters, but it is almost over.
To people who are concerned about my sanity without my internet: thank you. Yes, I am incredibly bored--all the time. But I have gotten awesome at Solitaire. And I write, so all is not lost. :)
Katy: Do not waste time with me! Explore Scotland for all of us who cannot be there!
lena-jade: Actually, I have never tried ketchup-and-eggs sandwiches (I am not a big egg person). That was just a something that popped into my mind...by the way, it's much easier to be funny late, late at night, because at that time, everything is funny.
The Spatula Chick: I'm glad you think I'm good at writing boys :) I do try.
I'm sorry the last one was so short, I was pressed for time (that last chapter was written in an hour, so it wasn't nearly as good as I wanted it to be. I wrote this one at home before bringing it here, so hopefully, it's better. ::crosses fingers::).
And Cassie? Are you going to call me all the time now and tell me to update? I might need you to. :)
And, since that was entirely too long, I will leave you with my new catchphrase, which I stole from someone 'cept I don't remember who it was...
Sirius rocks my socks.
Thank you, and review. :)