(John Carpenter runs the babies over to the movie theater to watch--and understand--HalloweeN and Michael Myers.)
INT. MOVIE THEATER, 7:30 P.M.:
TOMMY: We shot the first three scenes before Oscar Myers came and ruined everything.
JOHN: And remember: I AM LOCKING THE DOOR!! Do not even bother trying to escape until HE is captured and sent to a maximum security facility.
(John leaves and calls the polive to report that HE is somewhere out there in Haddonfield.)
GRANDPA'S DRESSING ROOM: Grandpa Lou is reading over his lines for the next scene when there's a knock at the door.
GRANDPA: What in tarnation!! Who is it?
(No response.)
GRANDPA: (Yelling) Didn't ya hear me, ya asshole!!???
(No response. Cue scary music.)
GRANDPA: Don't make me open that door!!!
(No response. Grandpa opens up the door to find......)
GRANDPA: YOU! Where did YOU come from??? What's with the mask?? Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating??? And what's with that knife, ya jackass!!???
(HE grabs his knife and stabs Grandpa sixty-six times and kills him, then runs off.)
MOVIE THEATER: The original Halloween movie is playing on the screen. The theme song is scaring the crap out of the babies.
CHUCKIE: (Whispering) What is this? An R-rated movie??
TOMMY: (Whispering) Yeah. This is some frightening shit.
(The POV pulls out a knife on the screen.)
LIL: (Whispering) He must be Oscar Myers.
(POV is killing the sister with the knife in the movie. Babies gasp.)
GRANDPA'S DRESSING ROOM, AN HOUR LATER: John Carpenter runs in and discovers Grandpa laying dead on the floor.
JOHN: Shit.......HE killed Grandpa........
(John runs to get everybody who is still alive and in the studio to run into the janitor's closet.)
MOVIE THEATER: The babies are watching Laurie Strode hide in the closet until Michael finds her.
CHUCKIE: (Whipsering) Oh, shit, I'm so scared, Tommy!! I mean, HE could be doing that to Spike, Grandpa, your dad, my dad, Phil and Lil's mom and dad,.....or worse....
TOMMY: (Whispering) But what if HE kills John Carpetstain? We'd be locked in this theater forever!!
(The babies cry.)
STUDIO: The only people left for John to find are Chaz Finster, and Didi & Stu & Drew Pickles. Everyone else is in the closet. John runs out of the closet, but HE is standing right in front of him.
JOHN: What have you done with the actors who play the parents on Rugrats???!!
(No response.)
JOHN: Oh yeah, YOU can't talk. I should know. I created you Michael. In a way, I am your father. --Oops!
(HE takes the last thing John Carpenter said a little too literally and attempts to kill John, but misses as if he's nearsighted.)
JOHN: (With a good grip on Michael) Now let's see who's behind this mask......
INT. MOVIE THEATER, 7:30 P.M.:
TOMMY: We shot the first three scenes before Oscar Myers came and ruined everything.
JOHN: And remember: I AM LOCKING THE DOOR!! Do not even bother trying to escape until HE is captured and sent to a maximum security facility.
(John leaves and calls the polive to report that HE is somewhere out there in Haddonfield.)
GRANDPA'S DRESSING ROOM: Grandpa Lou is reading over his lines for the next scene when there's a knock at the door.
GRANDPA: What in tarnation!! Who is it?
(No response.)
GRANDPA: (Yelling) Didn't ya hear me, ya asshole!!???
(No response. Cue scary music.)
GRANDPA: Don't make me open that door!!!
(No response. Grandpa opens up the door to find......)
GRANDPA: YOU! Where did YOU come from??? What's with the mask?? Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating??? And what's with that knife, ya jackass!!???
(HE grabs his knife and stabs Grandpa sixty-six times and kills him, then runs off.)
MOVIE THEATER: The original Halloween movie is playing on the screen. The theme song is scaring the crap out of the babies.
CHUCKIE: (Whispering) What is this? An R-rated movie??
TOMMY: (Whispering) Yeah. This is some frightening shit.
(The POV pulls out a knife on the screen.)
LIL: (Whispering) He must be Oscar Myers.
(POV is killing the sister with the knife in the movie. Babies gasp.)
GRANDPA'S DRESSING ROOM, AN HOUR LATER: John Carpenter runs in and discovers Grandpa laying dead on the floor.
JOHN: Shit.......HE killed Grandpa........
(John runs to get everybody who is still alive and in the studio to run into the janitor's closet.)
MOVIE THEATER: The babies are watching Laurie Strode hide in the closet until Michael finds her.
CHUCKIE: (Whipsering) Oh, shit, I'm so scared, Tommy!! I mean, HE could be doing that to Spike, Grandpa, your dad, my dad, Phil and Lil's mom and dad,.....or worse....
TOMMY: (Whispering) But what if HE kills John Carpetstain? We'd be locked in this theater forever!!
(The babies cry.)
STUDIO: The only people left for John to find are Chaz Finster, and Didi & Stu & Drew Pickles. Everyone else is in the closet. John runs out of the closet, but HE is standing right in front of him.
JOHN: What have you done with the actors who play the parents on Rugrats???!!
(No response.)
JOHN: Oh yeah, YOU can't talk. I should know. I created you Michael. In a way, I am your father. --Oops!
(HE takes the last thing John Carpenter said a little too literally and attempts to kill John, but misses as if he's nearsighted.)
JOHN: (With a good grip on Michael) Now let's see who's behind this mask......