HERMIONE (talking about the dress):

You know, it's really not that bad.

HARRY:

You're clear with everything you read?

HERMIONE:

Yes. I've been up all night rehearsing.

HARRY:

What do you do when Longbottom comes after you?

HERMIONE:

I sit still and look straight ahead. Never look the Wizengamot.

HARRY:

And?

HERMIONE:

And l look modest.

HARRY:

And?

HERMIONE:

And…

HARRY:

And say nothing.

HERMIONE:

That's right.

HARRY:

That's the deal, right?

HERMIONE:

Right.

HARRY:

You ask me back, I do all the talking and stuff.

HERMIONE:

Absolutely, Harry. Whatever you say.

COURT CLERK:

Mr. Potter, the Minister is here.

HARRY:

Thank you. (To Hermione) You ready?

HERMIONE:

Yeah. Harry...I'm scared.

HARRY:

Don't be. I've been around a long time. Believe me, you've got nothing to worry about. It's all a circus; a three-ring circus. The trial, the whole world...is all a show business. Kid, you are going to be a star.

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle

Razzle dazzle 'em

Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it

And the reaction will be passionate

Give 'em the old hocus-pocus

Bead and feather 'em

How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?

What if, in fact, you're just disgusting ?

Razzle dazzle 'em

And they'll never catch wise!

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle

Razzle dazzle 'em

Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous

Row after row will grow vociferous

Give 'em the old flim flam flummox

Fool and fracture 'em

How can they hear the truth above the roar?

Roar, roar, roar.

Throw 'em a fake and a finagle

They'll never know you're just a bagel,

Razzle dazzle 'em

And they'll beg you for more!

HARRY:

I object!

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Sustained.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Minister, l haven't even

asked the question yet.

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle

Razzle dazzle 'em

Back since the days of old Methuselah

Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give 'em the old three ring circus

Stun and stagger 'em

When you're in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder

They let ya get away with a murder

Razzle dazzle 'em

And you've got a romance

HARRY:

Hello, Viktor.

VIKTOR:

Viktor? That's right, Mr. Potter.

HARRY:

Viktor, when did you file for divorce?

VIKTOR:

A month ago.

HARRY:

Was there any reason for filing at this particular time?

VIKTOR:

I'd say, the nevspapers said Herm-own-ninny was expecting a little stranger.

HARRY:

That's hardly a cause for divorce, isn't it?

VIKTOR:

A little too much of a stranger.

HARRY:

You mean you doubted the fraternity of the child.

VIKTOR:

Most sure.

HARRY:

Tell me something, Viktor. Did you share a bed with your wife?

to believe that you slept next to this woman every night without ever exercising your rights as a husband?

VIKTOR:

I could if I vant to.

HARRY:

Oh, but you didn't.

VIKTOR:

No, l did.

HARRY:

Did what?

VIKTOR:

Vant to.

HARRY:

But you didn't.

VIKTOR:

Didn't vhat?

HARRY:

What you wanted.

VIKTOR:

Vait a minute, I'm getting confused here.

HARRY:

Hey, you tell me, Krum. Did you ever question Hermione herself? Did you even bother to ask her if you were the father of the child?

VIKTOR:

No, sir.

HARRY:

No? What if you confirm that you were wrong, you'd be man enough in a minute. You would take her back if Hermione swore that you're the father of the child, which she does.

VIKTOR:

She does?

HARRY:

She does! No more questions! You can step down now. Well done, Vincent…

VIKTOR:

Herm-own-ninny, I'm so sorry.

HARRY:

Give 'em the old

Razzle dazzle

Razzle dazzle 'em

Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are

Long as you keep 'em way off balance

How can they spot you got no talents?

Razzle dazzle 'em

Razzle dazzle 'em

Razzle dazzle 'em

RITA SKEETER:

This is the moment we've been waiting for. Hermione Krum finally takes the stand in her own defense.

HARRY:

And they'll make you a star!

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Order! Order! Proceed, Mr. Potter.

HARRY:

Hermione, I have here a statement that you admitted having illicit relation

with deceased Ron Weasley. Is this statement true or false?

HERMIONE:

I'm afraid that's true.

HARRY:

You're an honest girl, Hermione. When did you first meet Ron Weasley?

HERMIONE:

When he sold Viktor and me our furniture.

HARRY:

In your personal relationship with him, tell the Wizengamot when that began.

HERMIONE:

When I permitted him to escort me home one night. I don't think I would've gone with him if Mr. Krum and me hadn't quarreled that very morning.

HARRY:

Quarreled?

HERMIONE:

Yes, sir.

HARRY:

Well, I supposed it's his fault.

HERMIONE:

Oh, no, sir. It was my fault. I supposed I just couldn't stop pestering him.

HARRY:

Pestering him? With what?

HERMIONE:

I didn't like him practicing those long hours with the team. I wanted him home with me... to darn his socks and iron his shirts. I wanted a real home… and a child.

HARRY:

So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you were unhappy at home.

HERMIONE:

Yes, most unhappy.

HARRY:

Hermione Krum! The country has accused you the murder of Ron Weasley. Are you guilty or not?

HERMIONE:

I'm not guilty... I killed him, I did. But I'm not a criminal. l'm not a criminal...

HARRY:

Hermione... Did you recall the night of June 14th? Could you tell the Wizengamot in your own words the happenings of that night?

HERMIONE:

When Ron came over, I told him the good news.

HARRY:

What was it?

HERMIONE:

That me and Viktor are going to have a baby. And it was all over between us.

HARRY:

What happened then?

HERMIONE:

Then...

HARRY:

Did he threaten you, Hermione?

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Objection, your honor. Counsel is leading the witness.

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Sustained.

HARRY:

What did Weasley say when you told him the news?

HERMIONE:

'I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child!'

HARRY:

Could you tell the audience... the Wizengamot, what happened next?

HERMIONE:

In his passion, he tore off my robe and he threw me on the bed. And Mr. Krum's wand was lying there between us.

HARRY:

And then!

HERMIONE:

And then we both reached for the wand and I got it first. And then he came towards me with this awful look in his eyes. He was angry and wild!

HARRY:

Wild! And did you think that he might kill you?

HERMIONE:

Oh, yes, sir!

HARRY:

So was his life or yours?

HERMIONE:

And I chose mine. I closed my eyes and I fired!

HARRY:

To defend for your life!

HERMIONE:

And to save my husband's innocent unborn child. (Pass out)

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Order!

HERMIONE:

What a bull's eye, huh?

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Order in this court!

VIKTOR:

Herm-own-ninny!

RITA SKEETER:

Here in the courtroom... Mrs. Krum's behavior (camera changes to prison) has been truly extraordinary. Opening her eyes, she fans herself with her attorney's handkerchief.

GINNY:

Handkerchief?

RITA SKEETER:

Poor child has no relief. She looks around now, seeming to want something. It's a glass of water.

GINNY:

Oh, Mama, that was my bid! I told Harry, I wanted to do that at my trial!

RITA SKEETER:

But now her eyes flatter wildly and she... Mrs. Krum has fainted again.

She flumps over, her chiffon dress up around her knees, revealing a glimpse of blue garder with rhinestone buckle.

GINNY:

Oh, Mama, she stole my garder. She stole my garder!

MAMA MCGONAGALL

Don't break my radio!

GINNY:

First she steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer, my trial date, now she stole my garder.

MAMA MCGONAGALL

What do you expect? I mean these days you get a little success and it's good riddance for the people who put you here.

GINNY:

There's no justice in the world. There's nothing you can do about it.

MAMA MCGONAGALL

You think they got you a page just to listen to my radio? People and publicity only interested in things when we think no one's looking. (shows Hermione's diary)

GINNY:

Oh, Mama.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

COURT CLERK:

Call for the witness. Left down on bible, raise your right hand and swear tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, help you God!

GINNY:

And then some!

COURT CLERK

Have a seat.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Would you state your name for the record please.

GINNY:

Ginny Weasley.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Miss Weasley, would you please tell the court the object l'm holding is the one you have come upon in the defendant jail cell

GINNY:

Yes, it is.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

I submit this as appendix. Hermione Krum's diary.

HARRY:

I object! My client never kept a diary. Even if she did, this would be

invasion of privacy and violation of fourth amendment and illegal search without a warrant.

HERMIONE:

Yeah, and she broke the ward.

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Order! Well, that settles that. I'll allow it.

HERMIONE:

What's the big deal? She's the one that did it.

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

If you would read for us, Miss Weasley.

GINNY:

I haven't worked in a while. "What a laugh, killing Ron Weasley. The big baboon had it coming. I'm just sorry I only got to kill him once."

HERMIONE:

I never wrote that. You... Hey, she made that up. She made that up!

THE MINISTER:

Order! Please, Mr. Potter, get control of your client.

HARRY:

I'm sorry, you honor. It won't happen again. Sit down and shut up.

Or else it's going to get worse.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

I have no more questions.

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Your witness, Mr. Potter.

LEE JORDAN

Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance.

HARRY:

Tell me, Miss Weasley, you made a deal with Mr. Longbottom maybe to drop all charges against you if you testify here today?

GINNY:

Oh, sure. I'm not a complete idiot.

HARRY:

Good. Since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr. Longbottom, can you do me the same honour?

GINNY:

I'd be delighted.

HARRY:

Thank you.

GINNY:

"Ron Weasley assured me to get me an audition down at the Owl. And then he reneged on his pledge and that's my motive for attack."

HARRY:

Pretty fancy. What you're saying is if a big fat liar who backed out on a deal I'd kill him.

"Viktor accused me of having an affair. So I told him that the charge was erroneous."

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Objection, your honor. Mr. Potter is twisting the evidence to draw conclusion to the specious and the...

HARRY:

Erroneous?

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Exactly.

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Order! Order!

HARRY:

Miss Weasley, did you know the meaning of the word perjury?

GINNY:

Yes, l do.

HARRY:

You also know that is a crime?

GINNY:

Yes.

HARRY:

And for example if it turns out you knew this diary was a fake, I hate to think you rotting away in prison for the next 10 years especially when you just win your freedom.

GINNY:

All I know is what I was told.

HARRY:

So... you didn't find this diary in Hermione's cell?

GINNY:

No. Mama... Miss McGonagall gave it to me. She said someone sent it to her.

HARRY:

Someone? Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?

GINNY:

No. She didn't know.

HARRY:

All right, let's work this out; someone who writes about reneging on pledges. And... erroneous charges... Call me crazy, does that sound like a lawyer to you? A lawyer, who honestly has a sample of my client's handwriting. Mr.Longbottom, didn't you have Hermione write out a confession to you?

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Yes, but you're not suggesting that I tempered with evidence, are you?

HARRY:

No, let's not be ridiculous. That's absurd… unless you mention it.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Your honor, this is outrageous.

HARRY:

Outrageous? Yes. The prosecutor would make a thief bargain with Ginny Weasley. And then fabricated the very evidence and set her free!

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM:

Your honour-

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

Mr. Potter, hold your contempt.

HARRY:

No, it's not even conceivable. But does it work? Would it be time to say,

Come clean, Mr. Longbottom, come clean... This guy is a corruption I cannot stand.

THE MINISTER OF MAGIC:

That's enough, Mr. Potter!

HARRY:

I agree, your honor. That's enough!

I defend stress.