How to Bag a Potions Master

Author: Sarsa

E-mail: sassycat_2000@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with HP, I'm only borrowing and stuff, this story is only for entertainment and not for profit. It's rather a hair ball idea that I'm writing while I'm bored to tears.

Sarsa's Notes: I don't like repeating myself in every chapter, so everything above is there, and it applies to every chapter I write.

"Blahblah" = character speaking

//hmmmmmmmuh// = Hermione's thoughts

~ooooohhhhhhhbaby~ = Anyone else's thoughts

Step One: Find Help From and Old Friend

Hermione Granger sat nervously in the staff room at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, as the other Professors at the school entered. Many of them just smiled at her as they sat down, all save the cold-hearted potions master, who just sneered at her than sat down in the corner of the room. // What else could I have expected, he's wanted the DADA position for years. // When the head master, Albus Dumbledore, entered the room the meeting commenced.

"I would like to welcome you all back for another year of teaching. Of course the term does not begin for another two weeks, but I sense you all need the time to prepare for your classes." Dumbledore cleared his throat. " I would also like to introduce you to our new defense against the dark arts teacher, Ms. Granger. After four years she has finally returned. Now lets go over the schedules."

Hermione looked around the room, not paying any attention to what the other professors were discussing. She gazed about the room. Four long years she was away and now she was back. Hardly anything had changed. Professor McGonagall was still teaching Transfigurations, Albus was still around, and Snape was well Snape. //Handsome devil he is. Oh gods Hermione get it together, you have to work with the guy, get over the school girl crush. You're almost twenty-two years old for goodness sakes and who knows how old he is. //

After what seemed to be hours, Dumbledore cleared his throat yet again. "Now that everything is settled, I'll let you all start your preparation for your classes. Have fun" The old wizard stood up and left with a huge smile on his face. The others followed; all save Professor Snape who was just sauntering his way across the room.

"Hullo Snape, still your own miserable self aren't you?" She said getting up to greet him. //Oh great 'mione, real great way to impress him. Insert foot in mouth now. //

Snape didn't answer, just mumbled as he brushed passed. Left in the staff room all by herself, she stared at the door that the man of her dreams walked out of. // Yeah right some dreams, more like the man of my nightmares. How can I like the guy who tortured me for seven years? Oy! //

Hermione sighed then walked out of the room and headed towards her classrooms. Interesting enough she was rather glad that she was the new DADA professor, even though all of the DADA teachers before her only lasted a year each. She had been determined to break the unlucky jinx that the position offered, After all she was apart of the 'Harry Potter trio' that help bring Voldemort to his knees, teaching should be a breeze compared to that.

* * *

When the sun started the set and Hermione's tummy began to rumble, she decided that I was time for dinner. With yet another sigh she left her logs and lesson plans then started heading for the Great Hall. When she got there she found Albus and Minerva were sitting together while eating they're meal.

"Oh I'm sorry to interrupt," Hermione said when she noticed the pair of them holding hands.

"Nonsense my dear girl, come and join us. You must notice, most of the other teachers eat alone in their rooms and care not to be in here. Its rather disappointing that they only dine together when school is in. You can eat in your rooms as well if you please; all you have to do is call the kitchens. Although I must admit we'll miss your company," Albus said as he conjured up another chair and plate. Instantly the play was filled with Yorkshire pudding (1), roast beef, mashed potatoes and carrots.

"Oh that's lovely," she said as she sat down and began to devour her meal.

"I trust you know your way around the school, but how do your rooms fair?" the old man asked.

" They are lovely, very nicely done as well. Thank you very much Professor Dumbledore"

Dumbledore smiled again." Please child call me Albus, we are after all now colleagues."

"We thought you would like it," McGonagall finally entered the conversation. " I do have a question for you though, would you care to be a sub head of house?"

"What is that?" Hermione asked and looked up from her meal.

"Well, sometimes the heads of house fall ill, and we need other professors to help fill in whilst they are ill. And if any openings for head of house come available than, you'll get the position my dear. I need to find one to look temporarily after the Gryffindors when I leave for my sister's after Halloween."

"I think I'll like that when do I start?"

"Excuse me ladies, but I think this old wizard needs to take his nap, I'll leave you two now to continue with your girl chat." Albus raised up from his seat and then left the room.

"Well, I can start training you next week and it will continue throughout the month. You'll learn house's routine and point system."

"Yeah I get to deduct points again, I forgot. I guess it's been awhile since I was Head Girl here and was able to take off points, but they were only minor points. Will I be able to give detentions out too?"

"Why of course dear." Minerva took a sip of wine from her glass.

"Oh Minerva, I wanted to ask you something." When McGonagall nodded she continued," Well I was just wondering if uh, Professor Snape is dating someone or is married?"

Minerva sprayed out her wine and burst into laughter. "Why on earth would you want to know that? Severus Snape have a girlfriend? Although I don't usually talk ill about my colleagues I must say the chances of that are one in about a trillion. He's been even more irritable and cranky ever since the war with Voldemort was over." Hermione blushed and looked back down at her plate. "You fancy him don't you?" Minerva continued when Hermione turned even redder than before. " Well my dear I must say, best of luck to you. If you can bag that crotchety old bat into liking you I'm sure everyone on campus would appreciate it. Maybe his grouchiness will go away."

"He is quite mean and such. I must admit I have liked him for ages, but I don't think I can do it, he's well, he's Snape. The most meanest and cruelest thing alive."

"What if I helped you?"

Now it was Hermione's turn to choke on something. "I beg your pardon?"

McGonagall straightened up from her chair. " Well, I must admit, if it wasn't for Harry Potter, I fear Albus and I would have never hooked up. Now I believe I'll help you bag your very own potions master."

"I can't believe we're going to plot against him." Hermione mutter, all of a sudden losing her appetite.

"All is fair in love and war Hermione. Now, come with me to my chambers, we can discuss more of this there. Some of the paintings in here can't be trusted, and you never know who could be listening."

The two female professors left their seats and headed up the stairs towards the Gryffindor tower, laughing and catching up on the time that they had been apart. Then they at last reached Professors McGonagall's rooms.

"Care for a spot of tea Ms. Granger?" McGonagall offered as she sat down on one of two chairs placed by the fire.

"Not really, thanks though any way." Hermione sat opposed to her. The chairs were big and conformable, much like the ones in her chambers. // I wonder if every teacher's chambers have these chairs, what if Snape has them…. //

"Now let's get down to business. You fancy Snape, first thing you have to do is flirt with him, and flirt a lot."

" I can't believe I'm getting love advice from my old head of house." Hermione groaned out.

"Nonsense child, I'm your friend now, not just your old head of house." Hermione smiled when McGonagall stated this. " I have his schedules and lesson plans. As you know, I get to approve of the lessons taught here."

"So, I flirt and come on like a drunken twit, right I can see where this is going. He'll lock me up and throw away the key."

"No oh no, and who says they being locked up is such a bad thing?" the two laughed. " Now the first thing you can do is break into his classroom, see if you can find any thing like a journal or a pensive, he's bound to have one. Then you…" Minerva's voice trailed into a whisper, as the two women continued scheming there plan to bag the potions master.

TBC

* * *

Yorkshire pudding is an English dish that you get from the drippings off of roast beef. It's to die fore and it's not really a pudding more like bread. Try it some time.

*~*~*Sarsa*~*~*