For a brief period of my life, I was very much on my way to becoming a Mary
Sue. I even had chapter one all written out - our, that is: Legolas and I,
love was so pure. Thankfully I befriended People, who has the sense to
knock me senseless and then give me a brain transplant.
So this is my tribute to the Mary Sue that never was. May she writhe forever in the pits of agony that she and her kind have caused me in the months of MSTs.
Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings and all its connected works belong to J. R. R. Tolkien, Eru, as far as I'm concerned. The movie, Fellowship of the Ring, on which this shall be loosely based, belongs to New Line, though I give a hearty thanks to Peter Jackson and his crew. The Hitch hiker's Guide to the Galaxy belongs to Douglas Adams. Huzzah for humour.
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Susan was sulking. Susan was Pissed Off. Susan had just been called a pretentious, overweight, ignorant moron, and though she hadn't (and still didn't) really understood what most of those words meant, she had (and still did) understood 'overweight'.
Susan sulked some more and sucked in her rather flabby belly. So she was a little on the chubby side. Who cared? Certainly not Legolas, the elf who visited her in her dreams and loved her for who she really was. Susan looked up and caught sight of the banner proclaiming the release of the Two Towers extended DVD as she did every day returning home from school. Legolas stared back at her. His eyes, so deep, so meaningful. Why, it was only two nights ago that he had sung to her in the voice of Justin Timberlake, and she had returned the favour in a voice not unlike Britney Spears'. Who cared that they had broken up? They would get back together. Their love was so pure.
Just like the love Susan shared with Legsy...
Susan was so caught up with her thoughts that she barely noticed the fact that a temporal time-reality warp had opened in front of her until she stepped right into it and found that her feet missed the ground.
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about the subject of flying.
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
And Susan was falling. Well, not falling. More like plunging while shrieking in unearthly horror. The ground, which wanted very muchly to keep its appointment with her feet, was rushing up towards her. Any moment now, she was going to splatter on the ground, a disgusting mess of girl goop.
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also has this to say about flying:
You have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
As the ground got closer, Susan realised people were sitting on it. Well, not on it, but rather on chairs on it. And some other people were standing on, yes, it, looking very important and very solemn.
Susan had a thought, but it vanished into the annals of Things Which Happen Once And Never Happen Again when her eyes met a certain pair of blue ones.
"What the?" She said.
"What the?" The eyes seemed to reply.
Susan was about to faint when she realised she had missed the ground again. She was floating a few feet from it, looking very surprised.
"You're Legolas." She said the the blue eyes.
"You're flying. I can't believe you're flying. Susans do NOT fly." Her brain, which was still touchy about being forced to ingest some twenty Laws of Physics three days ago, told her.
Susan found that she could not believe that she was flying either, and, as a result, grazed her bum quite badly against the ground.
The fact that she was in the Council of Elrond, the fact that she was in Rivendell and the fact that she was in Middle-earth all failed to pass through her mind as Gimli's axe found its way to the side of her head.
::Insert whiny Author's Note about Reading and Reviewing here::
::Then proceed to Read and Review::
So this is my tribute to the Mary Sue that never was. May she writhe forever in the pits of agony that she and her kind have caused me in the months of MSTs.
Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings and all its connected works belong to J. R. R. Tolkien, Eru, as far as I'm concerned. The movie, Fellowship of the Ring, on which this shall be loosely based, belongs to New Line, though I give a hearty thanks to Peter Jackson and his crew. The Hitch hiker's Guide to the Galaxy belongs to Douglas Adams. Huzzah for humour.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------
Susan was sulking. Susan was Pissed Off. Susan had just been called a pretentious, overweight, ignorant moron, and though she hadn't (and still didn't) really understood what most of those words meant, she had (and still did) understood 'overweight'.
Susan sulked some more and sucked in her rather flabby belly. So she was a little on the chubby side. Who cared? Certainly not Legolas, the elf who visited her in her dreams and loved her for who she really was. Susan looked up and caught sight of the banner proclaiming the release of the Two Towers extended DVD as she did every day returning home from school. Legolas stared back at her. His eyes, so deep, so meaningful. Why, it was only two nights ago that he had sung to her in the voice of Justin Timberlake, and she had returned the favour in a voice not unlike Britney Spears'. Who cared that they had broken up? They would get back together. Their love was so pure.
Just like the love Susan shared with Legsy...
Susan was so caught up with her thoughts that she barely noticed the fact that a temporal time-reality warp had opened in front of her until she stepped right into it and found that her feet missed the ground.
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about the subject of flying.
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
And Susan was falling. Well, not falling. More like plunging while shrieking in unearthly horror. The ground, which wanted very muchly to keep its appointment with her feet, was rushing up towards her. Any moment now, she was going to splatter on the ground, a disgusting mess of girl goop.
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also has this to say about flying:
You have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
As the ground got closer, Susan realised people were sitting on it. Well, not on it, but rather on chairs on it. And some other people were standing on, yes, it, looking very important and very solemn.
Susan had a thought, but it vanished into the annals of Things Which Happen Once And Never Happen Again when her eyes met a certain pair of blue ones.
"What the?" She said.
"What the?" The eyes seemed to reply.
Susan was about to faint when she realised she had missed the ground again. She was floating a few feet from it, looking very surprised.
"You're Legolas." She said the the blue eyes.
"You're flying. I can't believe you're flying. Susans do NOT fly." Her brain, which was still touchy about being forced to ingest some twenty Laws of Physics three days ago, told her.
Susan found that she could not believe that she was flying either, and, as a result, grazed her bum quite badly against the ground.
The fact that she was in the Council of Elrond, the fact that she was in Rivendell and the fact that she was in Middle-earth all failed to pass through her mind as Gimli's axe found its way to the side of her head.
::Insert whiny Author's Note about Reading and Reviewing here::
::Then proceed to Read and Review::