Zelgadis stared at the box, digesting Eve's words with the outmost precision.

"Please tell me that you're not intending to do to me what it sounds like you're going to do to me."

EVE-- "Why not?"

Zelgadis sweatdropped. "Uhh…"

Phibrizo rooted through the contents of the container, a smirk prominent on his childish face. "So what was this fic rated again?"

EVE-- "I haven't decided yet."

The smirk widened fractionally.

"So, where should I start?"

EVE-- "Um … maybe with tying him to the ceiling."

"But how am I supposed to -- ah." Phibrizo pulled out some cable, and levitated to tie it onto a hook on the roof of the little cave.

"Now, Zelgadis, if you wouldn't mind just extending your arms for a second … or better yet, your feet."

"Uh-uh. No way. I am not going to be tortured by an eight-year-old."

"I look ten! And I'm really nine-hundred thousand, four-hundred sixty-one."

"I don't care. You're not touching me."

"Hah! You really think you can stop me, puny mortal? You're not even a chimera anymore!"

"You're calling me puny?! And why does everybody always assume that all my magic comes from being a hunk of rock?!"

"Because most of it does."

"Does not!"

"Prove it, then."

"Very well…" He started mumbling something under his breath.

"Uh, what are you doing? …." Asked Phibrizo looking slightly nervous.

"RA TILT!!!"

A tiny stream of bright power flowed out of him, gently nudging at Phibrizo before disappearing.

Phibrizo looked at him sceptically.

"Oh crap…"

"My turn."

EVE-- "'My turn'? Can you be any lamer?"

"Hey -- I don't make fun of what you say in your fics, so don't make fun of what I say in your fics."

EVE-- "What are you talking about?! You always -- ooh, that had to hurt."

Zelgadis opened his eyes seconds later with a tiny moan, having just blacked out momentarly from being bashed into the wall.

EVE-- "You should work on better control with your tractor beams."

"They're not tractor beams; they're bolts of power being used as rope." He said indignantly. "And my control is perfect; he was struggling and I didn't want him to impale himself on the hook. At least, not yet…"

"Can't you just let me go? I think I was supposed to be doing something else in this fic before I fell through that hole; what's this one supposed to be about?" Asked Zelgadis.

EVE-- "Oh, you can find out when I'm finished with you. Besides, you're not supposed to be in this one anymore … I had someone else fill in for you, so don't worry about it. Maybe you can get a new role in it when you find your way out of here."

"You never let me have a good role in your fics…." He muttered.

EVE-- "Sure I do. What about 'Chimera Crush'?"

"I fell off a building and had too be revived by Xellos," he spat. "And that was a really short one, anyway."

EVE-- *frowns* "Phibrizo, take out the cigarettes."

"Aye-aye, captain!" He snickered.

Phibrizo slid one of the smokes out of its package a flicked on the lighter. Taking a long drag, he started to cough violently.

EVE-- "Hmmm … aren't you a bit young for smoking?"

"No. I. Am. Not. And the only reason I'm coughing is that cigarettes don't exist in the Slayers world, and I've never tried them before."

EVE-- "Sure they do -- they have cigars, don't they?"

"Uhh…"

"Hey," protested Zel, "why is everybody ignoring me? I'm actually getting kind of bored. And all the blood is rushing to my head. And why are you torturing me? I mean, Lina is the one who was chiefly responsible for Phibrizos death, wasn't she?"

"Lina's busy right now, and I'm not aloud. Besides, since I'm here right now I'm not supposed to know that." He pressed the tip of the cancer stick into the center of Zelgadis' forehead. "Got it?"

Zelgadis screamed.

"See? This is why it can be better to be made of rock!"

"You little -- I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!!!" He spat.

"Tsk-tsk … hasn't anyone ever taught you not speak out of turn?" He pressed the cigarette into the thin skin of Zelgadis' neck, then moved on to the wrists and armpits.

Zelgadis hung there limply, low whimpers painfully emerging from his blackened throat.

Phibrizo decided to see how long it would take for the embers to burn through the sole of the ex-chimera's foot, where the skin was thicker but a bit more sensitive.

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"