Zelgadis gasped for air, sweat running down his face as he struggled to regain consciousness.

"Oh good, you're awake … I was beginning to think I had lost you."

Gathering together what little saliva he had left in his mouth, Zel spat in Phibrizo's face.

Phibrizo wiped it off. "Ewww…" he protested. "Ugh. Mortals are so gross."

"Don't you think you've tortured me enough? You can't kill me off; I'm a main character … so let me go."

"Umm … no."

Zelgadis growled. "Just how much more of this do you expect me to take?!" He looked up at his pitiful body, covered with painful burns from not only the cigarettes, but the lighter and matches as well. Rivers of dried blood ran down his legs from where the manacles holding him to the ceiling were cutting into his ankles. And all the blood was rushing to his head, a sensation which he hated.

"I'm not sure. Maybe you should ask Ne -- er, Eve."

Zelgadis sighed. "O Eve, great writer of Slayers fics, when in hell are you gonna let me go and return me to the regularly scheduled fic?!"

EVE-- *blushes and giggles* "Why thank you Zelgadis … and you can leave here when I think Phibrizo's tortured you long enough. Don't worry, shouldn't be -- oh, is that a switchblade?! Um … could be a while yet. But don't worry; I had Xellos fill in for you in the fic while you're gone, but if you like you can replace him when you get back."

Zelgadis frowned. "Is it a good fic?"

EVE-- "Well … I think that you would like it. And although it may be hazardous to your health, I can't say that you wouldn't enjoy it!"

"Oh, well that sounds -- wait a minute, did you say you have Xellos filling in for me?!!"

EVE-- "Yep!" ^_^

"Are you insane?! That stupid fruitcake is gonna mess up my whole life! I mean, this is Xellos we're talking about … why would you replace me with him, huh?! We're completely different people. Oh, now you've done it, you've completely ruined this fic of yours … if it wasn't ruined already, of course…"

EVE-- "Hey, watch what you say about my fic! It's a good fic. And Xellos is doing way better at this than you ever could."

"What do you mean?! I was the originally intended character. I mean, he's evil for godsakes!"

EVE-- "Well, duh. I mean, that's really the whole point, isn't it??"

"Huh?!"

EVE-- *sighs* "Being evil isn't necessarily a bad thing … all my favorite characters are evil, at least to some extent … and who are you to say what evil really is, any way?! The happy, nice ones always get boring … or, more likely, excruciatingly nauseating. I like the ones with a dark side to them … like Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And Dilandau-sama from Escaflowne…" *sighs dreamily* "Oh Dilandau-sama, why couldn't you be real? And why did you have to end up being a girl in that awful TV series? …"

Phibrizo loudly cleared his thoat. "Um, excuse me? …"

EVE-- *growls* "What?!!"

"Um, I don't mean to bother you, but … you've all been ignoring me for the past five minutes, and I'm really, really bored. And I've never heard of Dilandau, or … whatever it was you said. So if you don't mind? …"

EVE-- *laughs nervously* "Uh … right. You just go right ahead, then."

"Thank you." He replied politely.

Zelgadis cleared his throat. "HEEEEEEEEELLLP!!!!"

Phibrizo laughed. "I'm not sure where we are, but I don't think anybody will be able to hear us. So will you pleeaaase stop that?!! It's really hard on the ears…"

"All I ever wanted was to be human again. Well, I mean that's all I ever wanted after being turned into a chimera, which actually resulted from my previous life-long dream: to be strong. And now all I want to do is get out of this stupid cave! Oh, why does life always have to have these stupid lessons and morals? It's like -- what's the term for it … a cruel irony??

EVE-- "Uhh … sorta. I think what you're trying to say here is, dreams can come true. It's just the outcome will probably be crappier than your previous predicament."

"Exactly. My life sucks. Where is the justice?!!"

EVE-- >_;;

Phibrizo stabbed Zelgadis in the arm. "Shut up. You're scaring Eve."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He replied sarcastically. "I'll just -- wait, did you just stab me with a pencil?!"

"Uh, yes, it looks like I did." Phibrizo sweatdropped, looking in confusion at the tiny yellow object in his hand that was covered with blood.

EVE-- "A #2 pencil."

They stared.

EVE-- "And now, back to the main fic!!!"