What's Meant To Be Will Be 4
JAG HQ Next Day
He'd done as she asked and not contacted her, though it took all his will power to do so. The knowledge that the woman he loved was at home hurting so much, because of him was unbearable. It hadn't been until the wee hours of the morning that he acknowledged the fact that he had to stay with Renee. He wished that it was different, that he wasn't the man he was today, that he would leave Renee and continue life with Mac as though nothing happened. But he couldn't, even if he did leave Renee, he doubted that he could be with Mac simply because Mac loved the man he was and if he left Renee he would be setting aside everything he stood for. Either way he couldn't have Mac and that hurt more than anything had ever hurt him in his life. Even when his father Went MIA it didn't hurt as much as giving up the woman he loved.
As he entered the bullpen his eyes darted around searching for Mac, she wasn't there. He walked towards his office, his eyes lingering a little too long on her office.
"Sir, the Colonel called in sick today."
"Oh okay thanks Harriet."
He walked into his office and shut the door behind him with a loud bang. He knew everyone in the bullpen was looking in the direction of his office but he didn't care. She was avoiding him, she wasn't anymore sick that he was though he felt it sometimes. He looked up at the noise of someone knocking at his door.
"Enter"
"No need to ask why you're in such a good mood."
"Look Sturgis, I don't really want to talk about this right now."
"Okay but I can figure out what happened, the Colonel isn't sick today, and your not in such a good mood because your still together so.."
"Ok, ok, ok, I talked to Mac yesterday and she told me to think about what kind of man I was, what I stood for and what I believed in."
"Sounds like good advice to any normal person but it's not is it."
"No because then she followed it up with 'I think I already know what your decision will be because I know you, so don't try and contact me I'll call you."
"Ouch."
"I can see where she's coming from though about not calling her, I have hurt her so much and it's killing me."
"So you chose to stay with Renee."
"I don't know about chose more like had no other option."
"Fair enough."
"She'll come around in her time you know."
"I don't think I can expect her too, I hurt her more than anyone else in ever has, besides I don't know if I can cope with seeing her, not without going away and shooting myself in the head."
"Well it would solve your problems!"
"Don't make me seriously consider it Sturgis"
"Okay I'm here if you need me."
"Thanks buddy."
MAC'S APARTMENT Later That Night
Mac had been sitting on the couch for 4 hours, 53 minutes and 27 second. With a tub of Ben & Jerry's mint choc chic ice cream, the apartment was warm and the day outside was bleak and dreary, just like she felt.
"Why did this happen to me?" She yelled in to the empty apartment. The tears flowed freely now, not bothering to stop them she walked over the bookshelf, put down her tub of ice cream and pulled out one of the photo albums. Sitting on the couch she opened to the first page, a picture of Harm and her laughing at one of the Jag Christmas parties, she continued to look through the album, the tears still flowing freely staining the pages below.
"I never thought letting you go would hurt this much Harm." She whispered quietly
I can't go back to work tomorrow, I just can't, I'll have to ring the Admiral and ask for a few days leave. Maybe I'll go up to Red Rock Mesa, for a week or so, away from civilization. away from Harm.
******************** HARM'S APARTMENT Week Later
A week passed and there was still no sign of Mac around the Jag office, Harriet had made it a habit to ask him every few hour if he had heard anything, unbeknown to her, Harm was the last person Mac was going to talk to at this point in time.
God, he didn't know love could hurt so much. Life had thrown him some pretty low blows but this tops them all. He was finding it hard to look forward to having his own child, a son maybe or a little girl, he didn't care, maybe something good will come out of this in the end. That's what he had to do, when things got too much, he had to remember that he was doing this for his child, a better life for his child who wouldn't grow up without their father around.
Harm spent the most part of the weekend with Renee, which seemed to drag on forever, The baby was due in mid January and Renee tried to talk about names but it was too hard, he just sat there and nodded at everything she said, which probably wasn't a good idea because now the baby may end up with a name like Hugo or Cleopatra! Renee had brought up the topic of moving in together which he dismissed by saying that he was still dealing with the whole baby thing and wasn't ready to deal with moving in together yet, the truth was he didn't want to move in with her, he needed his own space, his own space to think about Mac.
JAG HQ Two weeks later
Harm arrived at Jag early that morning; he wanted to lock himself in his office so he could avoid answering questions about the Mac, she had been gone 3 week and people were beginning to ask more frequently about her, the Admiral had told the staff that she had taken a much needed vacation and would be back soon.
When he arrived in the bullpen however the was a light on, it was coming from Mac's office, his heart leaped up into his throat. He went into his office and put his things down, he had to go and talk to her. A envelope on his desk caught his eye, he picked it up and read it
Harm
I know what will run through your head the moment you realise I'm back but please don't come and see me, things are too painful to deal with and I'm not sure I can cope with it all at work, I'm sorry I didn't call you but I didn't have the right words to say. I went out to Red Rock Mesa for a while then to the coast for a week, I thought I had dealt with it all but this morning when I arrived here it all came flooding back. Give me time Harm. please. You don't have to ignore me completely but let's just stick to work related topics. I know you'll understand, that's one of the things I love. anyway, see you later.
Mac
Harm clenched his fists, why did she know him so well? He looked down at the tear stained letter, He would have to wait until other people were here to see her. He's already hurt her enough.
******************** JAG HQ Week Later
The week passed with minimal contact between the two of them, thankfully they didn't have to face each other in court and somehow he believed the Admiral had something to do with that, though he was sure Mac hadn't said anything to him, and he definitely hadn't. Mac hadn't been herself lately, she had looked tired and drained. She had also had the flu or something because she had been sick for the last week and a half, but then again she wouldn't tell him what's going on because they weren't exactly talking anymore.
MAC'S OFFICE Same time
"Are you okay ma'am?" Harriet asked when she walked in and saw Mac hunched over and her desk.
"Yeah I'm fine Harriet, just got the flu I think, seems as though everyone around the office had it."
"I know ma'am, AJ had it and so has Bud but it's only been a 48 hour thing. How long have you had it?"
"About a week and a half, I'm sure I'm just tired." "Maybe you should go to a doctor they usually give you something to help fight it off if it's been going on this long."
"Actually Harriet I might do that, then I can get back on top of things, my cases just seem to be piling up."
"Well ma'am why don't you go this afternoon, you have the afternoon free."
"I was going too catch up on some of the cases but maybe I should go, get it over with."
"Would you like me to make an appointment for you?"
"That would be great Harriet, sometime after 1400 if you could."
"I can do that ma'am."
"Thanks again Harriet."
"My pleasure ma'am."
BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL 1430
"Colonel MacKenzie, I'm Lt. McAllen if you'd like to come this way."
"Thank you"
"So what can I do for you?"
"I think I have had the flu for the last week or so and I just can't seem to fight it off."
"Okay, what are your symptoms?"
"Uhhh unsettled stomach, vomiting, nausea, little bit of dizziness when I move to quickly, generally tired most of the time."
"Okay well I'd like to do a few tests just to make sure it's not anything else."
"Yeah sure."
Mac sat on the hospital bed for 24 minutes until the doctor came back.
"Colonel we have found out what is making you ill."
"Please just tell me it will get better soon or there is something you can give me."
"Well the morning sickness should go away soon."
"I'm sorry did you say morning sickness?"
"Yes, your pregnant...."
To Be Continued.
JAG HQ Next Day
He'd done as she asked and not contacted her, though it took all his will power to do so. The knowledge that the woman he loved was at home hurting so much, because of him was unbearable. It hadn't been until the wee hours of the morning that he acknowledged the fact that he had to stay with Renee. He wished that it was different, that he wasn't the man he was today, that he would leave Renee and continue life with Mac as though nothing happened. But he couldn't, even if he did leave Renee, he doubted that he could be with Mac simply because Mac loved the man he was and if he left Renee he would be setting aside everything he stood for. Either way he couldn't have Mac and that hurt more than anything had ever hurt him in his life. Even when his father Went MIA it didn't hurt as much as giving up the woman he loved.
As he entered the bullpen his eyes darted around searching for Mac, she wasn't there. He walked towards his office, his eyes lingering a little too long on her office.
"Sir, the Colonel called in sick today."
"Oh okay thanks Harriet."
He walked into his office and shut the door behind him with a loud bang. He knew everyone in the bullpen was looking in the direction of his office but he didn't care. She was avoiding him, she wasn't anymore sick that he was though he felt it sometimes. He looked up at the noise of someone knocking at his door.
"Enter"
"No need to ask why you're in such a good mood."
"Look Sturgis, I don't really want to talk about this right now."
"Okay but I can figure out what happened, the Colonel isn't sick today, and your not in such a good mood because your still together so.."
"Ok, ok, ok, I talked to Mac yesterday and she told me to think about what kind of man I was, what I stood for and what I believed in."
"Sounds like good advice to any normal person but it's not is it."
"No because then she followed it up with 'I think I already know what your decision will be because I know you, so don't try and contact me I'll call you."
"Ouch."
"I can see where she's coming from though about not calling her, I have hurt her so much and it's killing me."
"So you chose to stay with Renee."
"I don't know about chose more like had no other option."
"Fair enough."
"She'll come around in her time you know."
"I don't think I can expect her too, I hurt her more than anyone else in ever has, besides I don't know if I can cope with seeing her, not without going away and shooting myself in the head."
"Well it would solve your problems!"
"Don't make me seriously consider it Sturgis"
"Okay I'm here if you need me."
"Thanks buddy."
MAC'S APARTMENT Later That Night
Mac had been sitting on the couch for 4 hours, 53 minutes and 27 second. With a tub of Ben & Jerry's mint choc chic ice cream, the apartment was warm and the day outside was bleak and dreary, just like she felt.
"Why did this happen to me?" She yelled in to the empty apartment. The tears flowed freely now, not bothering to stop them she walked over the bookshelf, put down her tub of ice cream and pulled out one of the photo albums. Sitting on the couch she opened to the first page, a picture of Harm and her laughing at one of the Jag Christmas parties, she continued to look through the album, the tears still flowing freely staining the pages below.
"I never thought letting you go would hurt this much Harm." She whispered quietly
I can't go back to work tomorrow, I just can't, I'll have to ring the Admiral and ask for a few days leave. Maybe I'll go up to Red Rock Mesa, for a week or so, away from civilization. away from Harm.
******************** HARM'S APARTMENT Week Later
A week passed and there was still no sign of Mac around the Jag office, Harriet had made it a habit to ask him every few hour if he had heard anything, unbeknown to her, Harm was the last person Mac was going to talk to at this point in time.
God, he didn't know love could hurt so much. Life had thrown him some pretty low blows but this tops them all. He was finding it hard to look forward to having his own child, a son maybe or a little girl, he didn't care, maybe something good will come out of this in the end. That's what he had to do, when things got too much, he had to remember that he was doing this for his child, a better life for his child who wouldn't grow up without their father around.
Harm spent the most part of the weekend with Renee, which seemed to drag on forever, The baby was due in mid January and Renee tried to talk about names but it was too hard, he just sat there and nodded at everything she said, which probably wasn't a good idea because now the baby may end up with a name like Hugo or Cleopatra! Renee had brought up the topic of moving in together which he dismissed by saying that he was still dealing with the whole baby thing and wasn't ready to deal with moving in together yet, the truth was he didn't want to move in with her, he needed his own space, his own space to think about Mac.
JAG HQ Two weeks later
Harm arrived at Jag early that morning; he wanted to lock himself in his office so he could avoid answering questions about the Mac, she had been gone 3 week and people were beginning to ask more frequently about her, the Admiral had told the staff that she had taken a much needed vacation and would be back soon.
When he arrived in the bullpen however the was a light on, it was coming from Mac's office, his heart leaped up into his throat. He went into his office and put his things down, he had to go and talk to her. A envelope on his desk caught his eye, he picked it up and read it
Harm
I know what will run through your head the moment you realise I'm back but please don't come and see me, things are too painful to deal with and I'm not sure I can cope with it all at work, I'm sorry I didn't call you but I didn't have the right words to say. I went out to Red Rock Mesa for a while then to the coast for a week, I thought I had dealt with it all but this morning when I arrived here it all came flooding back. Give me time Harm. please. You don't have to ignore me completely but let's just stick to work related topics. I know you'll understand, that's one of the things I love. anyway, see you later.
Mac
Harm clenched his fists, why did she know him so well? He looked down at the tear stained letter, He would have to wait until other people were here to see her. He's already hurt her enough.
******************** JAG HQ Week Later
The week passed with minimal contact between the two of them, thankfully they didn't have to face each other in court and somehow he believed the Admiral had something to do with that, though he was sure Mac hadn't said anything to him, and he definitely hadn't. Mac hadn't been herself lately, she had looked tired and drained. She had also had the flu or something because she had been sick for the last week and a half, but then again she wouldn't tell him what's going on because they weren't exactly talking anymore.
MAC'S OFFICE Same time
"Are you okay ma'am?" Harriet asked when she walked in and saw Mac hunched over and her desk.
"Yeah I'm fine Harriet, just got the flu I think, seems as though everyone around the office had it."
"I know ma'am, AJ had it and so has Bud but it's only been a 48 hour thing. How long have you had it?"
"About a week and a half, I'm sure I'm just tired." "Maybe you should go to a doctor they usually give you something to help fight it off if it's been going on this long."
"Actually Harriet I might do that, then I can get back on top of things, my cases just seem to be piling up."
"Well ma'am why don't you go this afternoon, you have the afternoon free."
"I was going too catch up on some of the cases but maybe I should go, get it over with."
"Would you like me to make an appointment for you?"
"That would be great Harriet, sometime after 1400 if you could."
"I can do that ma'am."
"Thanks again Harriet."
"My pleasure ma'am."
BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL 1430
"Colonel MacKenzie, I'm Lt. McAllen if you'd like to come this way."
"Thank you"
"So what can I do for you?"
"I think I have had the flu for the last week or so and I just can't seem to fight it off."
"Okay, what are your symptoms?"
"Uhhh unsettled stomach, vomiting, nausea, little bit of dizziness when I move to quickly, generally tired most of the time."
"Okay well I'd like to do a few tests just to make sure it's not anything else."
"Yeah sure."
Mac sat on the hospital bed for 24 minutes until the doctor came back.
"Colonel we have found out what is making you ill."
"Please just tell me it will get better soon or there is something you can give me."
"Well the morning sickness should go away soon."
"I'm sorry did you say morning sickness?"
"Yes, your pregnant...."
To Be Continued.