Disclaimer: None of the Harry Potter characters belong to me, they belong to J K Rowling, but you knew that already. As for the story, I can't really claim it to be entirely original either because it's pretty much what happened.

Hermione came running down the corridor. 'Harry! Harry! You have to see this!'

Harry turned around. 'What?' he snarled. (NB he was going through PMS at the time which is why he was so bad-tempered.)

'Look! It's a book about you!'

He blinked. 'About me?'

'Well, about me as well. And Ron, and Dumbledore, and everyone else at Hogwarts.'

Pushing his glasses up, he leaned forward eagerly. 'What does it say?'

'Oh, it's truly dreadful stuff. But the Muggles have been lapping it up.'

'Muggles?'

'Well, you see my Muggle friend, Joanne Rowling, knows about wizards, and apparently when she was hard up she wrote it all in this book. It made her loads of money.'

'She can't do that!' Harry was enraged.

'I know, I was shocked! She betrayed my trust in her! I wouldn't mind so much if it was a good book, but it's just terrible!'

'I'm going to kill her! What a bitch!'

'There are five books,' Hermione explained. 'One for each year we've had at school so far, and they suck. But at least they're better than the films.'

'Films?'

'You're being thick today, Harry,' she complained. 'Not that that makes today any different from any other. How long have you lived with Muggles for? Those moving pictures across a screen.'

'I know what they are, you stupid cow,' he hissed. 'What I mean is, they've made a film about me?'

'I just told you they did,' she said irritably. Whereupon Harry turned around and murdered her, and subsequently got expelled.

And there was much rejoicing.

The End. (Thank God.)