Little Lost Rabbit by Ikuko
Part 2
G to PG
I still do not own Sailor Moon.
Usagi's narrative
_________________________________________________
Travel is a great way
to expand the horizons
and meet new people.
Genghis Khan
They blame me... they have all the rights to do so. I rejected them,
and did not even have guts to honestly tell them about it. Who will ever be
able to forgive such a thing...
Why, why does it hurt so much...? I can not be her... They should not
love me for her! They have no right to love me! I am not she! She would never
do that, never embarrass them like this. She could never be such a fool, such
a klutz, crybaby... never. Princess is trapped inside me. I am her prison, her
undeserved punishment. This is really cruel to her, to get stuck inside such a
pathetic idiot like me. What was I doing today! I disgraced her, and myself, in
every possible way. She must really, really hate me. It hurts... it hurts so
much. Almost as much as it should. I am surprised I can still bear it. Normally
my empty head will get me distracted in some way or another, and I will hit
another low, blabbing and laughing and covering myself with more shame, as if
it was possible. And they, they will stand around, embarrassed, pretending that
all this is very cute. Why, what else they can do, they are so-o-o loyal to their
princess. What a silly idea, to be loyal to me for her sake. I am the wrong one
to be loyal to. How in the world am I going to tell it to them? They think that
their entire existence has only one goal: to protect their princess. That this
makes them worthy and special. And I know how important it is for them. No, I
can not tell them that their life has no purpose. I know it has. World needs
to be protected, even if I have no right to claim their loyalty.
They do not even know that they have no obligations toward me any more.
I renounced them as my subjects almost immediately after I found that I am a
princess. I had to... to save them from myself and from the power of Silver
Crystal. But I will never tell it to them... Shame... I was stealing, all this
time. That all belonged to her: the respect, the loyalty... The love... She
loved him, goodness, she died for him. And I stole it from her, and got all the
credit. He will hate me so when he will find out... I loved him too, but how can
one even compare that to a love of a princess... It never belonged to me, but I
took it, I was not strong enough to refuse. Like I did not know who I was, what
I was, and what I deserve and what I do not. When I've got her memories, when I
remembered their love... I wanted to take her place in his arms, wanted for
myself what belonged to her and only to her. To fool him, fool them that they
are with one they love, when it was only me all alone... And I did THAT to them!
They loved her, He loved her! I remember how it feels, to be loved, how SHE
felt that she was loved. Such warmth, such joy... She was bathed in the love.
His love caressed her, their love supported her... not me. I had never felt it
for myself. Hell, he did not even like me before he knew that the princess is
hidden in me. No one of them did. Well, may be Mako, she is a kind soul... Even
when they found her in me, I never felt the same love that she did. Not that
I cared much. I was always selfish, my own feelings were number one for me. I
did love him, them, and if they accepted my love it was all I asked and more
than I hoped for. Shame, disgrace...
She said "When one can not live with honor, one should die with honor"
and killed herself! And all her fault was that she had lost to Beryl! It is
laughable... How much she demanded from herself and how little I do. I lived
through losing him! Not once, but three times! With the entire world crumbling
around me, I lived! When my friends died protecting me, died because I was not
good enough, I lived! Shame... I keep clinging to my miserable, worthless life
when anyone with the tiniest spark of honor on my place will rid the world from
herself. How could anybody mistake me for her... She is so proud, so noble...
Shame... I would like to die, I honestly would, I am not afraid any more. God,
I did it before, many times. It is not so bad...
But she is still in me! She does not deserve it! She must be free. I
have to get rid of myself so she will be her own person again. Lord, I pray she
will live down all the shame I brought upon her... I am sure when she will
tell them that now she is back, she is herself again, no one will blame her
for what I have done while in her body. They never had anything against those
who were possessed by evil forces, why should they blame her for being
possessed by me? That's an idea. Actually, it is a great idea. I can do it, I
think. I have the Silver Crystal, there is nothing to it. Someone is laughing?
I will never have to face them again, no more shame, no more pain. Who is
laughing here? no one will even notice that I am gone. Another short dry laugh...
it is coming from my own throat! am I hysterical? stop it... No that low I
will not fall. No hysterics. It's a business, and I have to be in my right mind
to do it right. True, I am upset, but I knew for a long time that sooner or
later I will have to give way to her. The decision is not made because I am
upset. I will have enough control to concentrate, this one last time.
I will call upon the power that was lent to me by mistake, to correct that
mistake.
Silver Crystal! Right here, in my hand. No, not my, it is her hand.
Nothing of this body belongs to me, it is all hers. Then let it be! Chibi-Usa
tried to use it to become lady-like! But she did not know how to use it. I do,
I can use it to rid the princess of myself... She will be free! They all will
be happier, even my parents... As for me... I am she, sort of, am I not? I
should be happy too, for her... "Moon Cosmic Power! Hear my plea! Free the
princess! Remove everything that differs her from the Moon Princess she used
to be! Everything that interferes with her duty, all the cowardliness,
foolishness, klutzeness... Free the princess!"
Light! So bright... So cold... Where am I? I see someone down here...
White dress, like a princess... A princess! She is free! I made it! But what is
wrong? she is on the floor, unconscious! Is she OK? Yes, I can hear her breath,
she is asleep, and free... Still, where am I? Who am I? Am I dead? A ghost?
Flying higher, higher... I do not feel my body... Or anything for that matter.
She is just a little white speck far down. She is calling me in her sleep?
Nah.. do not look back... The huge black sky... to be dissolved in its eternal
coldness... to forget... to be free... to be free again... no pain, no physical
boundaries of the body. I am everywhere, stretching through the space, thinly,
mindlessly, almost to non-existence... I have no eyes, but I can sense...
sense every living thing out there, as a part of me, a little denser parts of
me... I sense the princess in her troubled sleep, Them, Him, every soul in the
palace, in the space, on Earth, so many, so different, so familiar...
Something is not right. This one is not like others. A voice? How
can I hear it? It is calling my name... Old, forgotten name... I can not quite
make it out, but I know it is mine...Not Serenity, but the little shred of
conciousness that is I, myself... Who is pleading so desperately for me? It
is not the Princess, she is still on the Moon... Such an old, faint, loving
voice... It pulls me back, faster and faster. Like a rubber band, stretched
to the limit. Wrenching me out of the space, out of the souls, out of eternity,
steadily, painfully. The Earth is approaching with the terrifying speed.
Through the clouds, through the cool night air... How can I feel it without
my body? Patches of fields and rivers, glistening like steel swords on the
dark velvet. Lights of the city, swirling as a huge fair wheel... Earth is
so close... Where am I going? Branches... Roughness of the bark... Gentle arms
around me... How can they touch me? Wait, they are as bodiless as I am.
Another ghost is welcoming me to the club? For a moment, it does not matter.
The comforting embrace, the soothing voice, the gentle hands. To cry, to cry
out all the pain, all the shame. Slowly, the heavy guilt is washed from my
soul with gallons of tears. What was done is done. She is free, but I am free
now too.
Finally, the weird situation hits me. Where am I? It is like... like
when Queen visited me in my mind when I was knocked unconscious for my own
stupidity... Here she is... a little different... hair, her hair seems to be
of a wrong shade, but what can be said for sure in this eerie light. Her eyes...
same ageless queen, but her eyes are so old... Why is she looking at me like
that? I am not a princess, she has nothing to do with me, has she?
"Welcome, pure one. I was waiting for you long." Her voice is soft, gentle.
"Queen?" I have to adjust myself to the situation
"Oh, no. I used to be, but I had abdicated long ago, more then two thousand
years already, as a matter of fact"
"You mean you are not my... Serenity's mother?"
"No, I am... well, you can say I am her grandmother" curiousier and curiousier,
as Alice would say
"Am I dead?"
"No, no, heaven forbid, you are not dead. It is temporary, it will be all
right. You just have to stay here with me for sometime, if you will agree to
keep the old lady company"
"Sure, why not. It is not like anybody will miss me"
"They will"
"Oh, I do not know. Were are we?" Geography was never my strong point.
"Spiritually, we are now in the shared plane of our minds. Physically, we are
on the Earth, in Tokyo, on the Hikawa Shrine grounds, to be exact." Weird,
but OK, I guess, at least close to home. Not that I have any, really.
And I was sure I was going straight to hell. But who am I to complain.
So we are at Rei's temple. That is something, I mean, some meaningful
information in all the nonsense I found myself in. Let's try it again:
"The temple? Why? What are we doing here?"
"I live there since the Negaverse attack on Silver Millennium, as an old
cherry tree" now I know that the old lady had flipped.
"The old cherry? the one that has almost no leaves and never blooms?
The one that Rei'e gramps will not let her cut down?"
"The same. The old priest is very kind to me."
"Does he know about you?"
"No, I do not think so... No one is supposed to know! But there is a tradition
in this temple to consider this tree as a sacred one"
"How did you know?"
"Well, you see... I had established it"
"Established the tradition?"
"Yes... And the temple, too"
"You?!"
"I was the first priestess of the temple, years before Negaverse attack. When
Beryl concurred the Earth, I had to hide. If she would get her hands on me,
she would have a hostage of great value for my daughter. I could not let it
happen. So I assumed the form of a tree, hoping that the evil queen will never
recognize the moon royalty in this insignificant shape. My first acolytes knew
my secret, and established a tradition that protected me."
"Why did not you come out when Beryl was sealed away?"
"There was no one to wait for me out there. My daughter was no more, and the
princess was sent thousand years in the future. It was better to stay like this,
thinking, remembering, and waiting for my loved ones to return."
"For thousand years?" I do not mean to be skeptical with the queer old ladies,
but I think I have an excuse.
"I had to wait here for you"
"Umm, let me see if I've got it right. You were waiting here, sitting on the
tree, for a thousand years, and all this for me? Crybaby Usagi? If you are
under a false impression that I am a princess, I have to inform you that I
am no such thing, yep, just plain ol' me. No good, no hero, why, I just love
being me. And you are telling me that you need a mere teenager like me for
something?"
"No, I am here only to help. And you were never a child, you were created as
an adult. There is more to you than you realize, oh pure one"
"Oh, no. Do not go there. You mean that there is someone else in me? That I
have to be strong and brave, and to save somebody? Been there, done that. What
do you think I am, a Russian Matreshka doll or something? Open Usagi, there is
Sailor Moon, open her and there is a princess, and so on? Forget it. This time
there is I and only I, all alone. No hidden superheroes, no forgotten
personalities. And I do not have to do anything anymore"
"Yes"
"What?" I might have heard things. It is not what I thought she said, is it?
"Yes, you are right. All you have to do is to rest, and calm down, and be
yourself. You do not owe anything to anybody. We owe a lot to you."
"I did not do anything for you"
"Not directly to me. But I was promised to be able to serve you one day.
Please, do not deny me that"
She looked like she was ready to cry. And they say I was weird. Ooookay.
So here we go again. Someone drops into my life, all right, this time I drop
in someone's, and here is a prophecy, or duty, or something else... Are you
getting the same deja vu feeling I get?
"And why would retired queen want to serve a girl like me? I do not wish to
be disrespecting to elders, but..."
"Do not trouble yourself. You are older than I"
"I what?! I said, no forgotten personalities, or at least tell me who do you
expect me to be."
"You will remember when you will be ready, but believe me, there is no other
personality, you just do not remember everything and it is not for me to tell
you. Please, oh, pure one, do not be uneasy"
"Why do you call me "pure one"?"
"You are a pure one. Would you rather have me call you Usagi?"
"Why do you ask if you already know. What is your name?"
"Serenity, of course. Every Moon queen bears this name. Serenity V"
"Isn't it a bit confusing?"
"A little. People used to call me Selene when I first came here to the Earth"
"Selene is nice. I will call you that. But isn't it the name of the goddess
of the Moon?"
"Yes, they had built temples for me. It was long ago."
"You mean you WERE the goddess?" This will take some time to digest...
"So first you were a queen, then a goddess, and then you came here and became
a mere priestess? Some career...Isn't a priestess a lower rank or something?"
"I did a great wrong by coming to the Earth, and the rest of my time here I
spent trying to make amends for it. But Lord's wisdom saw to that, and my very
sin served in the end to fulfill the destiny. Usagi?" her voice is unsure
"What?"
"Will you accept my service?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"If my service is not to your wish, I can not force myself upon you. You can
be free, or you can choose to stay with me. There is nothing I can offer you
but my love, and the old body of mine. You need a physical shell to stay with
us. Without a body you will be dissolved in the infinite space, and who knows
when you will come to us again. Time has no power over you, but it has over
those who need you. I plea in the name of those dear to you do not desert
them completely, give them another chance" Old, pained eyes upon the young
face look so desperately at me, with the mix of the hope and fear, like my
answer holds life and death to her.
"I did not mean to upset you. I am sorry, I was so rude. I've hurt enough
people already. I will accept it if this is what you wish, but why would you
want it is beyond me"
"Thank you. I will be your vessel as long as you will need me, and thus,
serving you faithfully will deserve my peace"
"Whatever you say. To deserve peace! I would like it myself very much. But
you have to tell me more. Why you? I mean, why it has to be your body?
Isn't it unpleasant, like being possessed?"
"Unpleasant? Oh, dear. Look, look at you/us! do you see it?" Oh, my. I do
see branches of an old cherry, and they are all covered with bright pink
buds, ready to open. And they are mine! like my skin, my fingers were mine!
Wait a minute. It is the middle of the fall. What buds?
"Your life energy is so great, you can make a stone bloom. But you can not
be in stone, or in anything else for that matter. Only the body of Serenity
can contain you. We all were created for that purpose, but only Serenity VII
and I were ever blessed with this honor. That is why I had to wait for you.
If young Princess would fail in her service to you, I had to be here."
"This all is terribly flattering, but you do realize, I hope, that at some
point you will have to explain what it is so special about me."
"I can not. You see, sooner or later you are destined to truly merge with
Serenity, with all of us. We are not really a dynasty of the queens,
we are merely the same body replicated over and over again to be able to accept
you one day. When time comes, the older ones release their mind into Silver
Crystal, and when younger ones are ready, they receive all the combined memory
and united mind of all the previous ones. Then the princess becomes a true
queen of the Moon and starts a new cycle. The prophecy told us that the seventh
cycle will have a chance for your return. But it is not carved in stone. We
might loose you again, and millenniums might pass before we will have another
chance. The problem is, the merge that will make us whole is so delicate and
complicated process, it can be done only in certain conditions. First, there
should be all seven of us, the young princess and all six queens in her
Crystal. But more important, you yourself should be ready to accept us. And
you will know when you will be ready. You have to realize, on your own, who
you are, and accept it. If someone will try to tell you, try to remind you what
you have forgotten, everything will be lost. You will not truly believe it,
and the merge will be aborted before it will even start. I already take a great
chance telling you all this, but I see no other way to convince you to stay.
Believe me, you did not hurt the Princess, and she did not want to get rid of
you. You had to leave her, it was a necessary stage of your memory coming back.
From now, we will wait for the destiny to unfold."
I can do that. Nice tree, nice company, nice view from the hill. Whatever
Selene tells, she apparently believes it. I guess a thousand years in the tree
could do it to a woman. Why should I upset her and tell that it is all rubbish?
She wants me to stay with her - OK. Not that I had anywhere else to go. If it
makes her happy, sure, I will stay. If only I will figure out what is this
slight discomfort I feel... Oh, my. Would you believe it... In the mental
plain, without a body, I am... hungry. I know that nice fast food place right
across the road from Rei's temple, but I am not sure they will let me in.
However democratic their dress code is, I do not think they will permit
customers with no clothes on. Heck, I do not even have any body on! I wonder
if they have a line of credit for ghosts. Or am I a driad or something?
How did Selene survive here for so long? Well, my old trusted strategy in the
cases like this is to ask a stupid question, then everybody will tackle you
with explanations and will enlighten you in no time flat:
"By the way, about the food..."
"Oh, dear. We share the tree now. Come here, I'll show you how to catch the
sunshine. You/we have very few leaves on now, but there will be more as the
blossom will crest "
"Sunshine? that's it?"
"It is energy too, you know. And the only one the tree spirit can get. But
there is always some water in soil..." We definitely have to do something
about the menu here. I have nothing against sunshine, but it'd never beat good
solid three-course dinner. Or donuts. Or ice-cream. Well, I guess I can not
be too picky now. Actually, it is not quite so bad. You can even taste it.
Fresh, minty light of the dawn barely caresses my leaves, but rich hearty
sunshine of the midday fills them till they feel heavy on the branches and
lazily whisper, basking in the sweet ruddy rays of the late afternoon. And
the moonlight! Substanceless, elusive moonlight! Like a young wine, it
sings in the blood, making head light and dreams pleasant, and the body
tingly.
My body... my new body. How familiar it is! It obeys me better than
the one I thought my own. Longer arms move just as I want them to, longer
legs step so sure and do not get tangled all the time. I do not think I will
ever be a picture of grace, but being able to walk without falling is an
achievement on it's own. Selene will not unite her mind with me, she says it
is not time yet, but she gave me complete control over the body. I can dance!
Dance in the moonlight, all alone. No one will ever see me from the world.
All I have to do is stay so that my 3-d projection will look like a tree
swaying on the wind, so simple. I understand now, it was never a real
transformation. We always stayed the same, only projected different side of
us to the world. Reach into dimensional pocket, pull out a henshin pen, and
you have a momentum in the direction that is perpendicular to all three.
Just a little, but enough to turn a different side of you to the world.
Magic, ha. It does help to see with ones spirit, not eyes. I can see myself
in all the complexity of multi-dimensional shape, in all forms at ones. The
strangest thing is, there is still Eternal Sailor Moon and Messiah forms to
me! How come? They should have stayed with the princess... Will she be able
to fight without them? Too bad they do not teach topology in high school, I
could use some to figure it all out. Or I can just ask Selene, she looks like
a smart lady.
Moon is so peaceful, but it looks a little different somehow. I can
not see the face on the moon any longer... It looks like a flat, featureless
silver disk, but still beautiful. Soon it will disappear behind the roofs,
the dawn is near. Moon... not home, only a place to hide for a while and wait.
It is beautiful, but I am from here, and here I belong.
Dew on my leaves, on my flowers. I can not help it. It is no
time for a cherry to bloom, but I/we stand in the fool splendor of the fragile
petals that look silver in the October moonlight. Poor old priest, Rei's
Grandpa, comes every evening to pray under my branches. Well, many come here
lately to wonder on the cherry tree that blooms in the fall. But he comes
when no one will see him, and his face is so gentle and defenseless, like one
of a child. It is so strange to see him like this. Often he hangs a small
piece of paper with a poem on the branch, and always removes it in the
morning, so that nobody will see it. They are strange poems: always about
the tree, about the hopeless love and fallen petals. Sometime I think he
knows more about the tree than he is supposed to.
This night there is another poem on the brunch, much higher than old
priest had ever reached. It will not be removed in the morning, but no one
will see it either, I am hiding it in my yet bare branches. Strong hand had
caressed my rough gray bark, sending shivers to every petal, blue eyes searched
for something among my flowers. Oh, why did he come! It still hurts to see him
so... He has his princess, she is perfect, she loves him, what else does he
want! Such a torture to see him, it is like giving him up again and again. The
poem! I know it is for her, but I will keep it. I had left her my love, my
friends, my locker. This one I will keep, this will be the last thing I've
stole from her. He had brought it here, hang it on my branch... It is the only
thing I have from him. Forgive me, Princess. You already have to forgive me so
much, this little piece of paper is nothing compare to it. He wrote this poem
for you, but the paper he had covered in classical elegant characters is mine.
Lone moon in the sky;
But shimmer in drops of dew
Countless tiny moons.
Fill my soul with your gentle light,
Beautiful Lunar maiden
Of course, it is for her... How glad he must be that I no longer make her trip
over her own feet... I hope they will get the Council see their way, I am sure,
they love each other so. No one will ever be able to come between them, and I
the least of all. "Beautiful Lunar maiden"... be happy, for both of us. Make
him happy.
___________________________________________________
End of part 2
Feedback is appreciated
Only constructive criticism will be accepted.
Ikuko.
Part 2
G to PG
I still do not own Sailor Moon.
Usagi's narrative
_________________________________________________
Travel is a great way
to expand the horizons
and meet new people.
Genghis Khan
They blame me... they have all the rights to do so. I rejected them,
and did not even have guts to honestly tell them about it. Who will ever be
able to forgive such a thing...
Why, why does it hurt so much...? I can not be her... They should not
love me for her! They have no right to love me! I am not she! She would never
do that, never embarrass them like this. She could never be such a fool, such
a klutz, crybaby... never. Princess is trapped inside me. I am her prison, her
undeserved punishment. This is really cruel to her, to get stuck inside such a
pathetic idiot like me. What was I doing today! I disgraced her, and myself, in
every possible way. She must really, really hate me. It hurts... it hurts so
much. Almost as much as it should. I am surprised I can still bear it. Normally
my empty head will get me distracted in some way or another, and I will hit
another low, blabbing and laughing and covering myself with more shame, as if
it was possible. And they, they will stand around, embarrassed, pretending that
all this is very cute. Why, what else they can do, they are so-o-o loyal to their
princess. What a silly idea, to be loyal to me for her sake. I am the wrong one
to be loyal to. How in the world am I going to tell it to them? They think that
their entire existence has only one goal: to protect their princess. That this
makes them worthy and special. And I know how important it is for them. No, I
can not tell them that their life has no purpose. I know it has. World needs
to be protected, even if I have no right to claim their loyalty.
They do not even know that they have no obligations toward me any more.
I renounced them as my subjects almost immediately after I found that I am a
princess. I had to... to save them from myself and from the power of Silver
Crystal. But I will never tell it to them... Shame... I was stealing, all this
time. That all belonged to her: the respect, the loyalty... The love... She
loved him, goodness, she died for him. And I stole it from her, and got all the
credit. He will hate me so when he will find out... I loved him too, but how can
one even compare that to a love of a princess... It never belonged to me, but I
took it, I was not strong enough to refuse. Like I did not know who I was, what
I was, and what I deserve and what I do not. When I've got her memories, when I
remembered their love... I wanted to take her place in his arms, wanted for
myself what belonged to her and only to her. To fool him, fool them that they
are with one they love, when it was only me all alone... And I did THAT to them!
They loved her, He loved her! I remember how it feels, to be loved, how SHE
felt that she was loved. Such warmth, such joy... She was bathed in the love.
His love caressed her, their love supported her... not me. I had never felt it
for myself. Hell, he did not even like me before he knew that the princess is
hidden in me. No one of them did. Well, may be Mako, she is a kind soul... Even
when they found her in me, I never felt the same love that she did. Not that
I cared much. I was always selfish, my own feelings were number one for me. I
did love him, them, and if they accepted my love it was all I asked and more
than I hoped for. Shame, disgrace...
She said "When one can not live with honor, one should die with honor"
and killed herself! And all her fault was that she had lost to Beryl! It is
laughable... How much she demanded from herself and how little I do. I lived
through losing him! Not once, but three times! With the entire world crumbling
around me, I lived! When my friends died protecting me, died because I was not
good enough, I lived! Shame... I keep clinging to my miserable, worthless life
when anyone with the tiniest spark of honor on my place will rid the world from
herself. How could anybody mistake me for her... She is so proud, so noble...
Shame... I would like to die, I honestly would, I am not afraid any more. God,
I did it before, many times. It is not so bad...
But she is still in me! She does not deserve it! She must be free. I
have to get rid of myself so she will be her own person again. Lord, I pray she
will live down all the shame I brought upon her... I am sure when she will
tell them that now she is back, she is herself again, no one will blame her
for what I have done while in her body. They never had anything against those
who were possessed by evil forces, why should they blame her for being
possessed by me? That's an idea. Actually, it is a great idea. I can do it, I
think. I have the Silver Crystal, there is nothing to it. Someone is laughing?
I will never have to face them again, no more shame, no more pain. Who is
laughing here? no one will even notice that I am gone. Another short dry laugh...
it is coming from my own throat! am I hysterical? stop it... No that low I
will not fall. No hysterics. It's a business, and I have to be in my right mind
to do it right. True, I am upset, but I knew for a long time that sooner or
later I will have to give way to her. The decision is not made because I am
upset. I will have enough control to concentrate, this one last time.
I will call upon the power that was lent to me by mistake, to correct that
mistake.
Silver Crystal! Right here, in my hand. No, not my, it is her hand.
Nothing of this body belongs to me, it is all hers. Then let it be! Chibi-Usa
tried to use it to become lady-like! But she did not know how to use it. I do,
I can use it to rid the princess of myself... She will be free! They all will
be happier, even my parents... As for me... I am she, sort of, am I not? I
should be happy too, for her... "Moon Cosmic Power! Hear my plea! Free the
princess! Remove everything that differs her from the Moon Princess she used
to be! Everything that interferes with her duty, all the cowardliness,
foolishness, klutzeness... Free the princess!"
Light! So bright... So cold... Where am I? I see someone down here...
White dress, like a princess... A princess! She is free! I made it! But what is
wrong? she is on the floor, unconscious! Is she OK? Yes, I can hear her breath,
she is asleep, and free... Still, where am I? Who am I? Am I dead? A ghost?
Flying higher, higher... I do not feel my body... Or anything for that matter.
She is just a little white speck far down. She is calling me in her sleep?
Nah.. do not look back... The huge black sky... to be dissolved in its eternal
coldness... to forget... to be free... to be free again... no pain, no physical
boundaries of the body. I am everywhere, stretching through the space, thinly,
mindlessly, almost to non-existence... I have no eyes, but I can sense...
sense every living thing out there, as a part of me, a little denser parts of
me... I sense the princess in her troubled sleep, Them, Him, every soul in the
palace, in the space, on Earth, so many, so different, so familiar...
Something is not right. This one is not like others. A voice? How
can I hear it? It is calling my name... Old, forgotten name... I can not quite
make it out, but I know it is mine...Not Serenity, but the little shred of
conciousness that is I, myself... Who is pleading so desperately for me? It
is not the Princess, she is still on the Moon... Such an old, faint, loving
voice... It pulls me back, faster and faster. Like a rubber band, stretched
to the limit. Wrenching me out of the space, out of the souls, out of eternity,
steadily, painfully. The Earth is approaching with the terrifying speed.
Through the clouds, through the cool night air... How can I feel it without
my body? Patches of fields and rivers, glistening like steel swords on the
dark velvet. Lights of the city, swirling as a huge fair wheel... Earth is
so close... Where am I going? Branches... Roughness of the bark... Gentle arms
around me... How can they touch me? Wait, they are as bodiless as I am.
Another ghost is welcoming me to the club? For a moment, it does not matter.
The comforting embrace, the soothing voice, the gentle hands. To cry, to cry
out all the pain, all the shame. Slowly, the heavy guilt is washed from my
soul with gallons of tears. What was done is done. She is free, but I am free
now too.
Finally, the weird situation hits me. Where am I? It is like... like
when Queen visited me in my mind when I was knocked unconscious for my own
stupidity... Here she is... a little different... hair, her hair seems to be
of a wrong shade, but what can be said for sure in this eerie light. Her eyes...
same ageless queen, but her eyes are so old... Why is she looking at me like
that? I am not a princess, she has nothing to do with me, has she?
"Welcome, pure one. I was waiting for you long." Her voice is soft, gentle.
"Queen?" I have to adjust myself to the situation
"Oh, no. I used to be, but I had abdicated long ago, more then two thousand
years already, as a matter of fact"
"You mean you are not my... Serenity's mother?"
"No, I am... well, you can say I am her grandmother" curiousier and curiousier,
as Alice would say
"Am I dead?"
"No, no, heaven forbid, you are not dead. It is temporary, it will be all
right. You just have to stay here with me for sometime, if you will agree to
keep the old lady company"
"Sure, why not. It is not like anybody will miss me"
"They will"
"Oh, I do not know. Were are we?" Geography was never my strong point.
"Spiritually, we are now in the shared plane of our minds. Physically, we are
on the Earth, in Tokyo, on the Hikawa Shrine grounds, to be exact." Weird,
but OK, I guess, at least close to home. Not that I have any, really.
And I was sure I was going straight to hell. But who am I to complain.
So we are at Rei's temple. That is something, I mean, some meaningful
information in all the nonsense I found myself in. Let's try it again:
"The temple? Why? What are we doing here?"
"I live there since the Negaverse attack on Silver Millennium, as an old
cherry tree" now I know that the old lady had flipped.
"The old cherry? the one that has almost no leaves and never blooms?
The one that Rei'e gramps will not let her cut down?"
"The same. The old priest is very kind to me."
"Does he know about you?"
"No, I do not think so... No one is supposed to know! But there is a tradition
in this temple to consider this tree as a sacred one"
"How did you know?"
"Well, you see... I had established it"
"Established the tradition?"
"Yes... And the temple, too"
"You?!"
"I was the first priestess of the temple, years before Negaverse attack. When
Beryl concurred the Earth, I had to hide. If she would get her hands on me,
she would have a hostage of great value for my daughter. I could not let it
happen. So I assumed the form of a tree, hoping that the evil queen will never
recognize the moon royalty in this insignificant shape. My first acolytes knew
my secret, and established a tradition that protected me."
"Why did not you come out when Beryl was sealed away?"
"There was no one to wait for me out there. My daughter was no more, and the
princess was sent thousand years in the future. It was better to stay like this,
thinking, remembering, and waiting for my loved ones to return."
"For thousand years?" I do not mean to be skeptical with the queer old ladies,
but I think I have an excuse.
"I had to wait here for you"
"Umm, let me see if I've got it right. You were waiting here, sitting on the
tree, for a thousand years, and all this for me? Crybaby Usagi? If you are
under a false impression that I am a princess, I have to inform you that I
am no such thing, yep, just plain ol' me. No good, no hero, why, I just love
being me. And you are telling me that you need a mere teenager like me for
something?"
"No, I am here only to help. And you were never a child, you were created as
an adult. There is more to you than you realize, oh pure one"
"Oh, no. Do not go there. You mean that there is someone else in me? That I
have to be strong and brave, and to save somebody? Been there, done that. What
do you think I am, a Russian Matreshka doll or something? Open Usagi, there is
Sailor Moon, open her and there is a princess, and so on? Forget it. This time
there is I and only I, all alone. No hidden superheroes, no forgotten
personalities. And I do not have to do anything anymore"
"Yes"
"What?" I might have heard things. It is not what I thought she said, is it?
"Yes, you are right. All you have to do is to rest, and calm down, and be
yourself. You do not owe anything to anybody. We owe a lot to you."
"I did not do anything for you"
"Not directly to me. But I was promised to be able to serve you one day.
Please, do not deny me that"
She looked like she was ready to cry. And they say I was weird. Ooookay.
So here we go again. Someone drops into my life, all right, this time I drop
in someone's, and here is a prophecy, or duty, or something else... Are you
getting the same deja vu feeling I get?
"And why would retired queen want to serve a girl like me? I do not wish to
be disrespecting to elders, but..."
"Do not trouble yourself. You are older than I"
"I what?! I said, no forgotten personalities, or at least tell me who do you
expect me to be."
"You will remember when you will be ready, but believe me, there is no other
personality, you just do not remember everything and it is not for me to tell
you. Please, oh, pure one, do not be uneasy"
"Why do you call me "pure one"?"
"You are a pure one. Would you rather have me call you Usagi?"
"Why do you ask if you already know. What is your name?"
"Serenity, of course. Every Moon queen bears this name. Serenity V"
"Isn't it a bit confusing?"
"A little. People used to call me Selene when I first came here to the Earth"
"Selene is nice. I will call you that. But isn't it the name of the goddess
of the Moon?"
"Yes, they had built temples for me. It was long ago."
"You mean you WERE the goddess?" This will take some time to digest...
"So first you were a queen, then a goddess, and then you came here and became
a mere priestess? Some career...Isn't a priestess a lower rank or something?"
"I did a great wrong by coming to the Earth, and the rest of my time here I
spent trying to make amends for it. But Lord's wisdom saw to that, and my very
sin served in the end to fulfill the destiny. Usagi?" her voice is unsure
"What?"
"Will you accept my service?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"If my service is not to your wish, I can not force myself upon you. You can
be free, or you can choose to stay with me. There is nothing I can offer you
but my love, and the old body of mine. You need a physical shell to stay with
us. Without a body you will be dissolved in the infinite space, and who knows
when you will come to us again. Time has no power over you, but it has over
those who need you. I plea in the name of those dear to you do not desert
them completely, give them another chance" Old, pained eyes upon the young
face look so desperately at me, with the mix of the hope and fear, like my
answer holds life and death to her.
"I did not mean to upset you. I am sorry, I was so rude. I've hurt enough
people already. I will accept it if this is what you wish, but why would you
want it is beyond me"
"Thank you. I will be your vessel as long as you will need me, and thus,
serving you faithfully will deserve my peace"
"Whatever you say. To deserve peace! I would like it myself very much. But
you have to tell me more. Why you? I mean, why it has to be your body?
Isn't it unpleasant, like being possessed?"
"Unpleasant? Oh, dear. Look, look at you/us! do you see it?" Oh, my. I do
see branches of an old cherry, and they are all covered with bright pink
buds, ready to open. And they are mine! like my skin, my fingers were mine!
Wait a minute. It is the middle of the fall. What buds?
"Your life energy is so great, you can make a stone bloom. But you can not
be in stone, or in anything else for that matter. Only the body of Serenity
can contain you. We all were created for that purpose, but only Serenity VII
and I were ever blessed with this honor. That is why I had to wait for you.
If young Princess would fail in her service to you, I had to be here."
"This all is terribly flattering, but you do realize, I hope, that at some
point you will have to explain what it is so special about me."
"I can not. You see, sooner or later you are destined to truly merge with
Serenity, with all of us. We are not really a dynasty of the queens,
we are merely the same body replicated over and over again to be able to accept
you one day. When time comes, the older ones release their mind into Silver
Crystal, and when younger ones are ready, they receive all the combined memory
and united mind of all the previous ones. Then the princess becomes a true
queen of the Moon and starts a new cycle. The prophecy told us that the seventh
cycle will have a chance for your return. But it is not carved in stone. We
might loose you again, and millenniums might pass before we will have another
chance. The problem is, the merge that will make us whole is so delicate and
complicated process, it can be done only in certain conditions. First, there
should be all seven of us, the young princess and all six queens in her
Crystal. But more important, you yourself should be ready to accept us. And
you will know when you will be ready. You have to realize, on your own, who
you are, and accept it. If someone will try to tell you, try to remind you what
you have forgotten, everything will be lost. You will not truly believe it,
and the merge will be aborted before it will even start. I already take a great
chance telling you all this, but I see no other way to convince you to stay.
Believe me, you did not hurt the Princess, and she did not want to get rid of
you. You had to leave her, it was a necessary stage of your memory coming back.
From now, we will wait for the destiny to unfold."
I can do that. Nice tree, nice company, nice view from the hill. Whatever
Selene tells, she apparently believes it. I guess a thousand years in the tree
could do it to a woman. Why should I upset her and tell that it is all rubbish?
She wants me to stay with her - OK. Not that I had anywhere else to go. If it
makes her happy, sure, I will stay. If only I will figure out what is this
slight discomfort I feel... Oh, my. Would you believe it... In the mental
plain, without a body, I am... hungry. I know that nice fast food place right
across the road from Rei's temple, but I am not sure they will let me in.
However democratic their dress code is, I do not think they will permit
customers with no clothes on. Heck, I do not even have any body on! I wonder
if they have a line of credit for ghosts. Or am I a driad or something?
How did Selene survive here for so long? Well, my old trusted strategy in the
cases like this is to ask a stupid question, then everybody will tackle you
with explanations and will enlighten you in no time flat:
"By the way, about the food..."
"Oh, dear. We share the tree now. Come here, I'll show you how to catch the
sunshine. You/we have very few leaves on now, but there will be more as the
blossom will crest "
"Sunshine? that's it?"
"It is energy too, you know. And the only one the tree spirit can get. But
there is always some water in soil..." We definitely have to do something
about the menu here. I have nothing against sunshine, but it'd never beat good
solid three-course dinner. Or donuts. Or ice-cream. Well, I guess I can not
be too picky now. Actually, it is not quite so bad. You can even taste it.
Fresh, minty light of the dawn barely caresses my leaves, but rich hearty
sunshine of the midday fills them till they feel heavy on the branches and
lazily whisper, basking in the sweet ruddy rays of the late afternoon. And
the moonlight! Substanceless, elusive moonlight! Like a young wine, it
sings in the blood, making head light and dreams pleasant, and the body
tingly.
My body... my new body. How familiar it is! It obeys me better than
the one I thought my own. Longer arms move just as I want them to, longer
legs step so sure and do not get tangled all the time. I do not think I will
ever be a picture of grace, but being able to walk without falling is an
achievement on it's own. Selene will not unite her mind with me, she says it
is not time yet, but she gave me complete control over the body. I can dance!
Dance in the moonlight, all alone. No one will ever see me from the world.
All I have to do is stay so that my 3-d projection will look like a tree
swaying on the wind, so simple. I understand now, it was never a real
transformation. We always stayed the same, only projected different side of
us to the world. Reach into dimensional pocket, pull out a henshin pen, and
you have a momentum in the direction that is perpendicular to all three.
Just a little, but enough to turn a different side of you to the world.
Magic, ha. It does help to see with ones spirit, not eyes. I can see myself
in all the complexity of multi-dimensional shape, in all forms at ones. The
strangest thing is, there is still Eternal Sailor Moon and Messiah forms to
me! How come? They should have stayed with the princess... Will she be able
to fight without them? Too bad they do not teach topology in high school, I
could use some to figure it all out. Or I can just ask Selene, she looks like
a smart lady.
Moon is so peaceful, but it looks a little different somehow. I can
not see the face on the moon any longer... It looks like a flat, featureless
silver disk, but still beautiful. Soon it will disappear behind the roofs,
the dawn is near. Moon... not home, only a place to hide for a while and wait.
It is beautiful, but I am from here, and here I belong.
Dew on my leaves, on my flowers. I can not help it. It is no
time for a cherry to bloom, but I/we stand in the fool splendor of the fragile
petals that look silver in the October moonlight. Poor old priest, Rei's
Grandpa, comes every evening to pray under my branches. Well, many come here
lately to wonder on the cherry tree that blooms in the fall. But he comes
when no one will see him, and his face is so gentle and defenseless, like one
of a child. It is so strange to see him like this. Often he hangs a small
piece of paper with a poem on the branch, and always removes it in the
morning, so that nobody will see it. They are strange poems: always about
the tree, about the hopeless love and fallen petals. Sometime I think he
knows more about the tree than he is supposed to.
This night there is another poem on the brunch, much higher than old
priest had ever reached. It will not be removed in the morning, but no one
will see it either, I am hiding it in my yet bare branches. Strong hand had
caressed my rough gray bark, sending shivers to every petal, blue eyes searched
for something among my flowers. Oh, why did he come! It still hurts to see him
so... He has his princess, she is perfect, she loves him, what else does he
want! Such a torture to see him, it is like giving him up again and again. The
poem! I know it is for her, but I will keep it. I had left her my love, my
friends, my locker. This one I will keep, this will be the last thing I've
stole from her. He had brought it here, hang it on my branch... It is the only
thing I have from him. Forgive me, Princess. You already have to forgive me so
much, this little piece of paper is nothing compare to it. He wrote this poem
for you, but the paper he had covered in classical elegant characters is mine.
Lone moon in the sky;
But shimmer in drops of dew
Countless tiny moons.
Fill my soul with your gentle light,
Beautiful Lunar maiden
Of course, it is for her... How glad he must be that I no longer make her trip
over her own feet... I hope they will get the Council see their way, I am sure,
they love each other so. No one will ever be able to come between them, and I
the least of all. "Beautiful Lunar maiden"... be happy, for both of us. Make
him happy.
___________________________________________________
End of part 2
Feedback is appreciated
Only constructive criticism will be accepted.
Ikuko.